Maid Of Honor problem

[Autumnovember]

So I have one sister and I was the maid of honor in her wedding. She has two sons (3 and a 9 month old) and works a full time job. She is a really busy person. I asked her to be one of my maid of honors. I also asked my very very very best friend to be a maid of honor as well. We have been beyond close since 3rd grade and I always knew she would be a maid of honor in my wedding and vice versa. Right now, since my sister is really busy living the married life with kids we are not nearly as close as my best friend and I are. My sister has done a lot for me over the years (we have an 8 yr age difference) so although we aren't really that close as of right now she has been there for me time and time again. Today, my mom was telling me about a conversation that they had. My sister told my mom that maybe it would be best if she was just a bridesmaid instead of a maid of honor because of her extremely busy schedule and the fact that everyone in my own family, along with anyone I'm friends with knows how close me and my best friend are. She told my mom it wouldn't hurt her feelings at all and just because we are sisters doesn't mean we're best friends. My mom told her that when my sister was having her own wedding, she often wondered why I was the maid of honor instead of her best friend. My sister told her that she really didn't know much about wedding etiquette and because all of her friends who had weddings before her made their sisters their MOH, so naturally she thought it was the right thing to do.

I don't know how I feel. I know my sister is really busy and so am I so it makes it really difficult for us to be close for the time being but if I choose to have her as just a bridesmaid, I don't want to regret it down the road. I'm just so confused and sad.

 

[slg47]

Autumn-perhaps she can be a maid (or matron) of honor in title but not be expected to perform additional duties?

 

[lucyandroger]

Autumn-perhaps she can be a maid (or matron) of honor in title but not be expected to perform additional duties?

That's what I was thinking as well. Why not just tell her that you understand she is busy and cannot perform all of the duties of an MOH but because she is your sister, you would still like her to be an MOH.

 

[Haven]

Do you want her to be a MOH in your wedding? If so, don't make a change. If not, ask her to be a bridesmaid.

Asking someone to be your MOH is giving them an honorary role in your wedding, NOT giving them a job as a wedding co-planner. If you want to honor your sister with that role, do it. She does not have to do a lot of things to help you plan your wedding in order to earn her place as the MOH in your wedding, and it sounds like your best friend can help you with things you need help with.

Would it be out of the question to call her and talk to her about it? This sounds like something that you should be talking about with your sister. I know my sister and I never let our mom be the intermediate between us, because everything gets twisted and feelings get hurt that way. A heartfelt discussion is probably what you need right now.

 

[sillyberry]

Do you want her to be a MOH in your wedding? If so, don't make a change. If not, ask her to be a bridesmaid.

Asking someone to be your MOH is giving them an honorary role in your wedding, NOT giving them a job as a wedding co-planner. If you want to honor your sister with that role, do it. She does not have to do a lot of things to help you plan your wedding in order to earn her place as the MOH in your wedding, and it sounds like your best friend can help you with things you need help with.

Would it be out of the question to call her and talk to her about it? This sounds like something that you should be talking about with your sister. I know my sister and I never let our mom be the intermediate between us, because everything gets twisted and feelings get hurt that way. A heartfelt discussion is probably what you need right now.

I wouldn't worry too much about the labels, MOH versus Bridesmaid as having some huge distinction of significance, and think more of the idea that these are the people standing up with you when you say your vows and marry your man. Have them up there because they mean something to you emotionally.

I agree with the others, too - you can also call her your Matron of Honor, if that helps at all in your head.

 

[Autumnovember]

Thank you guys! I'm going to take the advice.

Notice how many problems I've been having?

 

[slg47]

yeah autumn this wedding stuff is crazy! *dust* to you in figuring everything out!

 

[Autumnovember]

yeah autumn this wedding stuff is crazy! *dust* to you in figuring everything out!

I know This is the exact reason I wanted to keep it at 30 people and thats it....sigh.

 

[Iowa Lizzy]

Nothing wrong with her being a bridesmaid and not MOH if you're both okay with it. I have an older sister (4 years) and a younger sister (8 years) but I chose to have my best friend of 22 years as my MOH. Not a single person questioned me about that choice. If anyone thought it was strange, they never mentioned it to me.

I realize that being MOH is nothing more than a title and they're not expected to do anything, but considering my bff was my sounding board throughout the year I was planning the wedding, I'm so glad I chose her.

 

[Autumnovember]

Nothing wrong with her being a bridesmaid and not MOH if you're both okay with it. I have an older sister (4 years) and a younger sister (8 years) but I chose to have my best friend of 22 years as my MOH. Not a single person questioned me about that choice. If anyone thought it was strange, they never mentioned it to me.

I realize that being MOH is nothing more than a title and they're not expected to do anything, but considering my bff was my sounding board throughout the year I was planning the wedding, I'm so glad I chose her.

Totally understand

I want my sister to be my sounding board too, her opinions are really really important to me. I think I'm going to keep her as a MOH...I didn't even think twice about not having her be my MOH before it was brought up today.

 

[kelpie]

Personally, I think it is refreshing she laid it out on the table, and I think if you analyze it you'll find you are sis are on the same page.

 

[Haven]

Thank you guys! I'm going to take the advice.

Notice how many problems I've been having?

Awww, I'm sorry Autumn.

Focus on the fact that you're going through all these issues because you are planning to marry your FI, AND your loved ones are all going to be there to celebrate with you. Your wedding is going to be beautiful and filled with joy, and so is your marriage. Once you're there you won't even remember any of these things that are causing you grief right now. I promise!

 

[Autumnovember]

Thank you guys! I'm going to take the advice.

Notice how many problems I've been having?

Awww, I'm sorry Autumn.

Focus on the fact that you're going through all these issues because you are planning to marry your FI, AND your loved ones are all going to be there to celebrate with you. Your wedding is going to be beautiful and filled with joy, and so is your marriage. Once you're there you won't even remember any of these things that are causing you grief right now. I promise!

Thanks, Haven. You always know exactly the right things to say

 

[Iowa Lizzy]

Yeah, Haven is like the PS guru. I don't ever remember a time reading her advice and disagreeing. Don't ever leave us, Haven!

 

[Haven]

Awwwww, you guys are so sweet.
Thank you, you made my night!