Lurker LIW needing to vent

[southhorizon]

I have only posted once before but have been lurking on the site for a couple of months. Thanks to those who responded so helpfully to my last post.

In a nutshell, I was worried that having told SO that he needed to choose the ring himself, I no longer had any say in the timeline and that SO might have a longer time frame in mind than me.

I think it is clear from subsequent conversations with SO that he is intending to propose at some stage "soon" (I would guess by the end of the year athough hopeuflly before then). He calls me Mrs SO and has talked about where, and when, he wants to go on our honeymoon (which happens to coincide with when I had thought we would get married and go on honeymoon even though we haven''t discussed a wedding date because I am superstitutious about doing this before we are engaged).

So that is all good but at the same time he is trying to throw me off by saying things like "my family are pressuring me about when I will propose and I told them I''m not ready yet" and indicating that he is still shopping for the ring (which may well be the case). I''m sure he is delilberately messing with me so it will be a surprise. And he has now taken to organising "surprise" dates so I naturally get a bit excited and then nothing happens and he wonders why I am cranky. It is bad because he is doing all these lovely things for me and I am not appreciating them as much as I should because I am expecting the big question.

Anyway, just needed to vent. Why do boys mess with us like this??!

 

[jaylex]

Date: 7/29/2009 1:20:49 AM
Author:southhorizon

Anyway, just needed to vent. Why do boys mess with us like this??!

Rather you vent here than take it out on your friends and family!lol. And i have NO IDEA why they do that! But my bf has been doing similar things.. in our case, we designed the ring together.. and I''ve actually seen it and wore it on my pinky once lol... no ring finger until he proposes.. i''m a lil superstitious too i guess.
Long story short, I had it in my head that he was going to propose in December (around our 4 year anniv.) but when I told him I thought I knew his timeline, he said "well, nothing fun happens in jan, feb or march.. so I may do it then... but I have a few dates worked out.". Ahhh!! I have to wait until 2010 now? lol.
Well now we have decided to move out together in November and we''d like to be engaged before that (to appease the parents).. Soo... it may be sooner.. but he won''t give me any hints.. he just keeps saying "I have all these dates in my head... it could be next week, it could be next year... and you won''t know until it happens!".
And after I told him about being on the LIW list, he said "well maybe I should make you wait until you get to number 1

!"

So see, you''re not alone. Our bfs are sweet enough to want us to be surprised. And I''m sure you''re as thankful to yours as I am to mine for that, but I could see why "surprise dates" would be rather unnerving.. I''d prolly get a lil cranky too.. but if that is the only way he can keep you guessing, maybe just roll with the punches...
But if you think that too many "surprise dates" (that actually turn out to be nothing) are being planned and that it may affect the way you react when it actually is a proposal (i.e. you don''t believe him lol, or you''re so tired of being let down that you aren''t even excited for your "dates" anymore, but maybe even a little resentful towards him when he says "I have a *surprise* date planned for us this Sat!"..) I would have a talk with him.

Explain to him that you can''t handle all of the "flip flopping" and mixed messages and that you''d rather him not bring it up either way (not "it''s gonna happen soon!" OR "i won''t be ready till later"). But only do that if you''re seriously ready to surrender the control and let him have his timeline without cluing you in.

Sorry for such a long reply lol. I just want you to know that you aren''t alone. And think of it this way, I''m number #20 on the LIW list and I know that there are probably 100 other LIWs that would love to be in my position (have talked about engagement, know he wants to propose, know he has the ring, just w.a.i.t.i.n.g.... for him to pop the question).. From what you''re saying it sounds like you may be in the same boat. If you think of it that way, we''re lucky to know that the proposal is getting close... whether it happens one month or 6 months from now!

Welcome to PS, btw!

 

[southhorizon]

Thanks Jaylex. I think you have summed up perfectly how I feel.

I would rather he stopped talking about it until he is ready to do it so i can just enjoy being us for now and enjoy the engagement when it happens. I have said as much to him (I think I used the words "talk is cheap"

) but I don''t think it has sunk in. This morning he was talking about our wedding song

.

I am a little worried that, after all the toing and froing, I will be a little underwhelmed when it happens because I will just be thinking "finally". And I don''t want this to happen because I know he wants it to be special. You are right that I should be grateful that I know it will happen soon and just be patient. And maybe I should stop reading this site

 

[vip0802]

welcome to LIW!

it''s feels good to vent it out doesn''t it? this place is my haven.

yes, boys are silly like that aren''t they? gotta love them though.

i completely understand what you''re going through! our family and friends are constantly bugging him about it too and he just says, "it might be tomorrow, it might be in 6 months, it might be a year from now. don''t worry, it''ll happen! besides, we already feel like we''re married don''t we snokkums?" and starts giggling.

i swear he says it to grate on my nerves, but i know that it''s so i don''t expect it.

we''ve been together for 3+ years now, but we had been friends for 6 years before we started dating. so sometimes i feel like it''s been FOREVER and i''m like "can''t i just have my sparkly already?!". i do get a bit disappointed on special days like my b-day, our anniversary, x-mas and valentine''s day but, i really try not to let it bother me. i don''t want to seem like those pushy whiny girls you know? i guess all i can say is to hang in there and that it''ll be so worth it in the end. besides, we''ve got the rest of our lives to be married so we should enjoy this time period while it lasts.

 

[jaylex]

Date: 7/29/2009 8:07:26 PM
Author: southhorizon
Thanks Jaylex. I think you have summed up perfectly how I feel.

I would rather he stopped talking about it until he is ready to do it so i can just enjoy being us for now and enjoy the engagement when it happens. I have said as much to him (I think I used the words ''talk is cheap''

) but I don''t think it has sunk in. This morning he was talking about our wedding song

.

I am a little worried that, after all the toing and froing, I will be a little underwhelmed when it happens because I will just be thinking ''finally''. And I don''t want this to happen because I know he wants it to be special. You are right that I should be grateful that I know it will happen soon and just be patient. And maybe I should stop reading this site

Have you told him that part? Boys don''t always get things the first time you tell them lol. Maybe if you tell him the way you just told us, he''ll get it a lil better... especially if he realizes you''re serious.

Men are so complicated, aren''t they? It would be nice if they just said what they meant and meant what they said...

 

[ckrickett]

Date: 7/31/2009 1:20:49 AM
Author: jaylex

Date: 7/29/2009 8:07:26 PM

Author: southhorizon

Thanks Jaylex. I think you have summed up perfectly how I feel.


I would rather he stopped talking about it until he is ready to do it so i can just enjoy being us for now and enjoy the engagement when it happens. I have said as much to him (I think I used the words ''talk is cheap''

) but I don''t think it has sunk in. This morning he was talking about our wedding song

.



I am a little worried that, after all the toing and froing, I will be a little underwhelmed when it happens because I will just be thinking ''finally''. And I don''t want this to happen because I know he wants it to be special. You are right that I should be grateful that I know it will happen soon and just be patient. And maybe I should stop reading this site

Have you told him that part? Boys don''t always get things the first time you tell them lol. Maybe if you tell him the way you just told us, he''ll get it a lil better... especially if he realizes you''re serious.


Men are so complicated, aren''t they? It would be nice if they just said what they meant and meant what they said...

and they think we are complicated.


But yeah vent away the LIWs here all understand.

my SO likes to string me along by actually proposing to me, and then doing the whole JUST kidding thing, the first time was cute, now its frustrating.... effin boys

 

[southhorizon]

Thanks ladies. I don''t know whether to feel better or worse at some of the naughty things these boys do or how long they can string out the process.

ckrickett, if my SO did that to me I would kill him!

SO has now started making comments in front of my mother. He''d better be careful because she might not be so patient with someone messing around with her little girl

 

[ckrickett]

see he does it ALL the time.
He wrote it on the fridge once in magnet letters which I was thinking OMG how cute I love this, then he messes it up and walks away giggling.

 

[packrat]

Date: 8/2/2009 11:19:51 PM
Author: ckrickett
see he does it ALL the time.

He wrote it on the fridge once in magnet letters which I was thinking OMG how cute I love this, then he messes it up and walks away giggling.

That''s not funny, that''s mean. I wonder what his reaction would be if when he did propose for real, you said "Oh yes yes I''m so excited!! Bwahahahha just kiddin!" and walked away?

It''s not fair to toy with people that you love, and that''s what these guys are doing w/fake proposals and "ooo lookee a surprise!" things.

 

[Dreamgirl]

Yeah. I don''t really know why they mess with us other than they think it''s all fun and games. Perhaps by teasing us, they think they are building up the anticipation on our ends. My FF always says "I gotta keep you guessing"