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Lost a friend today

jordyonbass

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Dec 6, 2014
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To mental illness; he suffered in silence and never reached out to any of us.

Please, if you ever notice changes in the people you love then reach out to them. Things like 'R U OK?' day are great but there's another 364 days per year. I'm just gutted that I didn't pick up on it :(sad
 

asscherisme

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Mar 6, 2006
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I'm so sorry. I lost my dad the same way. Its not your fault you didn't pick up on it. We had NO idea he was even depressed until it was too late. Please don't blame yourself.
 

momhappy

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I'm sorry for your loss. Sometimes, even when you do pick up on it, there's nothing you can do to save them. We lost a friend about 5 years ago (depression) and we tried to help him, but there was little anyone could do. The disease was stronger than all of us.
 

OreoRosies86

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I'm so sorry.
 
Q

Queenie60

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I am so sorry for your loss. My son suffers from mental illness and it's a daily battle to keep him safe. May your friend now have peace.
 

Calliecake

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I'm so sorry Jordy for your loss. Unfortunately what everyone has said above is so true. If you need to talk about this more in depth we are all here for you.
 

kenny

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So sorry to hear this Jordy.

So many suffer in silence.
PS is a pretty well-informed community but out there, unfortunately, there is still stigma about seeking mental health help.

I got my butt into therapy, and it helped immensely.
When the chance arrises I like to tell people I got therapy to do my part to shine light on this.
 

yennyfire

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I'm so sorry for your loss Jordy. Sending virtual hugs your way and wishing you peace....
 

chrono

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Very sorry, Jordy. Depression and mental illness are still viewed with a side-eye so very few people feel comfortable discussing it.
 

tyty333

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I'm so sorry Jordy.
 

iluvshinythings

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I'm sorry for your loss.
 

december-fire

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My sincere condolences, Jordy.

Not only a terrible loss, but also a horrible shock to learn that a friend was suffering in silence.

What others have stated is true; mental health issues are not accepted the way that society understands a broken limb or other health issue. People dealing with mental health issues often try to hide it from their family and friends; remind yourself of that and don't judge yourself harshly for not seeing any signs. Sometimes the person in the room suffering from depression is the one with the biggest smile and the seemingly perfect life.
 

jordyonbass

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Thanks for the kind words all. I think what makes this so hard for me is that they aren't the first person I've lost to it. As morbid as this sounds, I've lost my cousin and now 3 friends to it and it makes me wonder how many people I know that are still yet to be taken by it. I'm not blaming myself but I feel that I should have put 2 and 2 together when I noticed he was becoming more withdrawn. The exact same thing happened the previous 3 times and I failed to recognize it...again. I feel like I really dropped the ball :(sad
 

chemgirl

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Sep 16, 2009
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So sorry for your loss.

Please remember that in hindsight you can see a pattern, it's much harder to recognize at the time. People can do a very good job at hiding mental health issues. It's hard to differentiate between withdrawing and just being busy. Please don't blame yourself.
 

Kaleigh

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Nov 18, 2004
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Very sorry for your loss Jordy.

I have been in your spot a few times. What I have learned is that I cannot control the outcome. Don't blame yourself please...

Hugs...
 

Tacori E-ring

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I am so sorry for your loss. I have a different view on suicide than most. I hope he found the peace he could not find on earth. They have support groups for survivors of suicide. Maybe you could find support there.
 

JaneSmith

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Jun 11, 2012
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Hindsight is not just 20/20 vision, it is super vision that lets us put the 'clues' together so much easier because we already have the answer. We humans are very good at finding patterns and answers, even when they are not there.
You could not have saved any of these friends from suicide any more than you could have saved them from a heart attack or stroke. Would you be beating yourself up so much if your friend had suffered a sudden massive heart attack? No. It is not your fault.
Even healthcare professionals can miss the signs of depression, a person can easily put on a damn convincing show.

I'm terribly sorry your friend felt so bad that this was their only way out. Miss them, grieve them, but do not feel blame.
If you can, find yourself a therapist, even for only a couple of times. It helps.
 

VRBeauty

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Jordy - I'm very sorry for your loss.

Depression is insidious and very, very tricky. It can catch even people who are used to dealing with it, first-hand, by surprise.
 

jordyonbass

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Thanks again everyone, and hindsight being 20/20 is spot on. We always recognize what we should have seen initially after the fact, chemgirl and JaneSmith are absolutely correct.

His favourite hard rock bar is having a tribute this weekend to him, everyone who knew him will be doing a Jager bomb in his honour. It's probably the best way to see him off as the place was virtually his second home. I may even get up on the stage with an old hard rock band that I played in, we split up years ago but I think the guys might be interested in a 2 or 3 song reunion set in his honour as he loved the songs we used to play and would come watch us all the time. There will be a sea of black shirts, long hair and long beards in his honour I am guessing, just the thought of that brings me happiness in what is a pretty sad time.
 

Rockinruby

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Dec 27, 2013
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Jotdy, I'm so sorry for your loss. I really think it's hard to recognize or pinpoint signs in some situations. Please don't be too hard on yourself. It is mpossible to fully understand what is happening sometimes. I am sure you had great times together and know you were a good friend. Hugs. :wavey:
 

MarionC

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Dec 9, 2013
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I am so sorry for your loss!
I lost my husband this way and only looking back did I realize that his last words to me were his way of saying goodbye.
Even if you had been able to see what was happening most of the time there is little you can do, and really, it only looks obvious after the fact.
Please love yourself for being a great friend.
 

missy

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Jordy, I am so sorry.
 

LLJsmom

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Oct 24, 2012
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Jordy, I am so sorry. I think you are right. It is out there, and some people are very good at hiding it. It's hard not to beat yourself up. I think there just needs to be a lot more education about it, and training all people of all ages to learn to be aware of it, in others and themselves. I hope you and all his friends can toast to the guy you all knew.
 

rainydaze

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I'm so sorry Jordy.

I hope his tribute this weekend offers you a comforting connection to his spirit, which lives on because friends like you cared about him.
 

House Cat

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Feb 22, 2009
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Jordy, I am so sorry for your loss. Please be gentle with yourself.
 
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