firebirdgold
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Nov 30, 2005
- Messages
- 2,216
My fi''s situation is driving me up the freaking wall! He''s miserable at work, he gets headaches and stomach pains, comes home from work and often needs quiet time alone for half an hour.
He''s been miserable at work pretty much since I''ve known him and every single time it looks like it''ll get better it gets worse. New management made it a thousand times worse, changing groups didn''t help... etc.. I don''t even think he''s gotten his ph.d raise that''s supposed to be automatic so he''s now running a project but is paid far less than anyone else he works with! (thankfully he never takes his stress out on me, so it''s not like we''re arguing or anything, TG for that!)
Granted he''s not alone, most of the people from his previous group are leaving for other jobs and everyone at the company is stressed. The stress is so bad that it''s affecting the whole community including the elementary school kids! The place is a disaster right now, it''s undergoing big changes and no one really knows what the company will be like in a year. (It''s too big to die). However, this was always his dream place to work, and there are very few places were he can work on the same kind and diversity of inter-disciplinary projects.
He keeps talking about finding another job, but he hasn''t yet taken any real action. He has good reasons for not wanting to make a quick change, but I''m getting really impatient and I don''t truly understand all of his reasons. I know he''s worried about future funding, burning bridges, and the fact that he''s trying to change research areas.
He''s had an offer from a colleague that would be great for his career, there are job openings available in california that would be an easy transfer since the company there is a competitor and collaborator with his current company so the projects would be similar and he knows people there. There''s an opening in washington state at a great company, and his colleagues in oregon (2 hours from his family) have repeatedly expressed interest in having him join them and even continue his current research. (but he hasn''t talked specifics with them yet, as in do they actually have the money?). There''s also a local job opening at a super prestigious place that would be perfect for him, but he says he couldn''t get it because he doesn''t have papers in the right area yet! My father even got the guy who founded the place to send my fi the contact number for the director.
Most of the places are in different states, and I know he finds (like me) the idea of packing up this house and selling it to be kinda daunting (ok really daunting). Especially since we''re just finishing up packing up his house and spiffing it up to go on the market. (on the plus side we live a hour away from his company so the housing market isn''t dead) But I feel like we''re in such limbo right now. I just don''t see how this could possibly be tenable much longer. Besides, I really don''t want him to be miserable and stressed right before our wedding in March. I''d prefer it if we could be looking forward to a hopeful and new future! (I wouldn''t mind the chance to start our lives in a new house we both own).
One of the reasons this is really stressing me out right now is the fact that I''ve gone back to college for my bachelors in computer science. So far the classes I''ve taken are very similar across the board to all other computer science programs and would transfer easily. Next semester I''ll be taking care of most of the remaining 200lvl classes which would probably transfer to most programs but not all. Anything after this will be much harder to transfer.
If we do move I''d prefer the northwest, and all the programs there are on fall, winter, spring schedules, so I could easily start a new semester shortly after we get married, and not fall behind like I would if we went somewhere else. There''s still time to apply for degree status at those universities. (not having midterms the day before we fly out to the wedding is a bonus). I honestly would much prefer to move in the next couple of months and I''m not above taking advantage of my parents generosity and asking for moving help as our wedding present.
Ok, I hadn''t gotten to the specific reason why I''m so stressed right now. I''m currently a non-degree student and I''ve applied for degree status for next semester. However something went wrong with them receiving my transcript from the local community college (one frigging pre-calc class to get me back up to speed! grr), so my application wasn''t complete until a month after the deadline and is finally on the pile to be looked at... eventually. (oddly it didn''t arrive until after I called several people and insisted they go physically look) I will hopefully get a response by the time classes actually start in January.
Meanwhile I can''t register for classes as a non-degree with the application outstanding. To make life more complicated, for rather long-winded reasons, if I don''t register soon, the cs classes may be canceled at the place I want to take them. Yet I''m reluctant to launch a real campaign to get my application jumped to the head of the line when the future is still so uncertain. Perhaps the application mess-up was really fate in disguise?
What if we''re moving in the next few months? Maybe I should just tell them to drop the application and do another semester as non-degree. Maybe it''d be easier to get into a different, more rigorous university if I''d been accepted to this one. I just don''t freaking know what to do!!
I can''t tell him how stressed out this is making me. He''s like an overloaded camel, if I''m not careful i''ll just be putting that last straw on. I need to let him make his decision about what''s best for him in peace and in his own time. But it''s driving me fricking crazy!!
He''s been miserable at work pretty much since I''ve known him and every single time it looks like it''ll get better it gets worse. New management made it a thousand times worse, changing groups didn''t help... etc.. I don''t even think he''s gotten his ph.d raise that''s supposed to be automatic so he''s now running a project but is paid far less than anyone else he works with! (thankfully he never takes his stress out on me, so it''s not like we''re arguing or anything, TG for that!)
Granted he''s not alone, most of the people from his previous group are leaving for other jobs and everyone at the company is stressed. The stress is so bad that it''s affecting the whole community including the elementary school kids! The place is a disaster right now, it''s undergoing big changes and no one really knows what the company will be like in a year. (It''s too big to die). However, this was always his dream place to work, and there are very few places were he can work on the same kind and diversity of inter-disciplinary projects.
He keeps talking about finding another job, but he hasn''t yet taken any real action. He has good reasons for not wanting to make a quick change, but I''m getting really impatient and I don''t truly understand all of his reasons. I know he''s worried about future funding, burning bridges, and the fact that he''s trying to change research areas.
He''s had an offer from a colleague that would be great for his career, there are job openings available in california that would be an easy transfer since the company there is a competitor and collaborator with his current company so the projects would be similar and he knows people there. There''s an opening in washington state at a great company, and his colleagues in oregon (2 hours from his family) have repeatedly expressed interest in having him join them and even continue his current research. (but he hasn''t talked specifics with them yet, as in do they actually have the money?). There''s also a local job opening at a super prestigious place that would be perfect for him, but he says he couldn''t get it because he doesn''t have papers in the right area yet! My father even got the guy who founded the place to send my fi the contact number for the director.
Most of the places are in different states, and I know he finds (like me) the idea of packing up this house and selling it to be kinda daunting (ok really daunting). Especially since we''re just finishing up packing up his house and spiffing it up to go on the market. (on the plus side we live a hour away from his company so the housing market isn''t dead) But I feel like we''re in such limbo right now. I just don''t see how this could possibly be tenable much longer. Besides, I really don''t want him to be miserable and stressed right before our wedding in March. I''d prefer it if we could be looking forward to a hopeful and new future! (I wouldn''t mind the chance to start our lives in a new house we both own).
One of the reasons this is really stressing me out right now is the fact that I''ve gone back to college for my bachelors in computer science. So far the classes I''ve taken are very similar across the board to all other computer science programs and would transfer easily. Next semester I''ll be taking care of most of the remaining 200lvl classes which would probably transfer to most programs but not all. Anything after this will be much harder to transfer.
If we do move I''d prefer the northwest, and all the programs there are on fall, winter, spring schedules, so I could easily start a new semester shortly after we get married, and not fall behind like I would if we went somewhere else. There''s still time to apply for degree status at those universities. (not having midterms the day before we fly out to the wedding is a bonus). I honestly would much prefer to move in the next couple of months and I''m not above taking advantage of my parents generosity and asking for moving help as our wedding present.
Ok, I hadn''t gotten to the specific reason why I''m so stressed right now. I''m currently a non-degree student and I''ve applied for degree status for next semester. However something went wrong with them receiving my transcript from the local community college (one frigging pre-calc class to get me back up to speed! grr), so my application wasn''t complete until a month after the deadline and is finally on the pile to be looked at... eventually. (oddly it didn''t arrive until after I called several people and insisted they go physically look) I will hopefully get a response by the time classes actually start in January.
Meanwhile I can''t register for classes as a non-degree with the application outstanding. To make life more complicated, for rather long-winded reasons, if I don''t register soon, the cs classes may be canceled at the place I want to take them. Yet I''m reluctant to launch a real campaign to get my application jumped to the head of the line when the future is still so uncertain. Perhaps the application mess-up was really fate in disguise?
What if we''re moving in the next few months? Maybe I should just tell them to drop the application and do another semester as non-degree. Maybe it''d be easier to get into a different, more rigorous university if I''d been accepted to this one. I just don''t freaking know what to do!!
I can''t tell him how stressed out this is making me. He''s like an overloaded camel, if I''m not careful i''ll just be putting that last straw on. I need to let him make his decision about what''s best for him in peace and in his own time. But it''s driving me fricking crazy!!
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