Wedding loan to pay for wedding?

[nclrgirl]

I''m not big on loans…I even got rid of all of my credit cards! I wanted a small wedding that we could pay for with cash that we have put away, but my fiance keeps pushing and it''s getting bigger and more expensive. There is no way we''re going to be able to pay for all of it before the wedding without putting several thousand dollars on his credit card. Has anyone taken out a loan from a bank to pay for your wedding? Do banks do that?

Thanks for your help!

 

[neatfreak]

You can do it as a personal loan. But let me PLEASE PLEASE make a plea to only spend what is within your means. It isn''t a good way to start a marriage, especially if only one spouse is really on board with spending the $.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Banks do that, it''d be a personal loan I believe.

I wouldn''t recommend it, is there anything FI can cut? I mean if you''re going to have to charge something then a loan would probably be better than a CC due to higher interest rates. If you have to charge or borrow for something and can get lower interest rates on the loan, then it might be worth it.

However, it is also good to charge things so you can dispute the charge! Hope this helps some!

 

[Gypsy]

Can you push the wedding out and live tightly for a while? We're putting away about 2K a month (minus wedding expenses that come up that month)... and well be able to pay everything (unless something REALLY bad unexpectedly pops up, God Forbid) cash. I really would suggest planning the wedding far enough out so that you can save up cash for it. It's been stressful limiting all expenses like this, but then I think of paying the vendors cash and NOT worrying about ever seeing the bills AGAIN, and standing on my wedding day looking around NOT worrying about how much everything cost and how I'm going to be paying it off for the rest of my life, and its very worthwhile.

And you really need to talk to your FI. Mine expanded our budget a bit, and when he did, I did. But we REALLY crunched numbers and worked on saving $$ so we could afford it. We're reasonably on track. A few hiccups had come up, but we planned to have all the $$ the month before the wedding so we left ourselves one month breathing room.

ETA: regarding credit card protection. When I said cash... I mean we'll be looping things though our CC... but paying it all off that month so no interest. I want the protection they offer, but do NOT want the interest or the ulcer of more debt.

 

[Independent Gal]

Oh, no. Don''t do it! Don''t put a wedding on credit. Seriously.

If you can''t afford it, you can''t have it. That goes for weddings. For vacations. For diamonds. For everything in life. Those who buy things anyway get into serious trouble.

Now would be a good time to make sure your fiance understands that too, or else you could be in for a loooooong marriage, if you know what I mean.

 

[cara]

It can be done (personal loan at a bank), but sit down with your FI and make a budget. Now. If you decide to do this, which many will advise against, make sure you both agree to it and consciously choose to do it for good reasons. Don't do it as a result of undisciplined, unfocused consumerism.

Hear him out on his reasons for wanting to spend more. Maybe he really wants his whole family there or really wants to make it "nice" enough or feels that this is his chance to throw a killer party with a killer band. Obviously you get to respond and counter but maybe listening to his reasons and compromising in some areas, splurging in other is the way to go.

Make sure that your FI is willing to hold the line on expenses once you agree to them. And I personally would aim to be able to pay off whatever you borrow within a year (I know some would say you shouldn't borrow at all for a wedding, but... I think its more important to be on the same page financially with your FI AND to be responsible together.) Wedding debt is not something you want hanging over your head during your early married years.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Date: 5/7/2008 2:04:50 PM
Author: Gypsy
Can you push the wedding out and live tightly for a while? We''re putting away about 2K a month (minus wedding expenses that come up that month)... and well be able to pay everything (unless something REALLY bad unexpectedly pops up, God Forbid) cash. I really would suggest planning the wedding far enough out so that you can save up cash for it. It''s been stressful limiting all expenses like this, but then I think of paying the vendors cash and NOT worrying about ever seeing the bills AGAIN, and standing on my wedding day looking around NOT worrying about how much everything cost and how I''m going to be paying it off for the rest of my life, and its very worthwhile.


And you really need to talk to your FI. Mine expanded our budget a bit, and when he did, I did. But we REALLY crunched numbers and worked on saving $$ so we could afford it. We''re reasonably on track. A few hiccups had come up, but we planned to have all the $$ the month before the wedding so we left ourselves one month breathing room.


ETA: regarding credit card protection. When I said cash... I mean we''ll be looping things though our CC... but paying it all off that month so no interest. I want the protection they offer, but do NOT want the interest or the ulcer of more debt.

Ditto. We''re trying to save as much as possible and my parents are doing the same.

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

Date: 5/7/2008 2:05:25 PM
Author: Independent Gal
Oh, no. Don''t do it! Don''t put a wedding on credit. Seriously.

If you can''t afford it, you can''t have it. That goes for weddings. For vacations. For diamonds. For everything in life. Those who buy things anyway get into serious trouble.

Now would be a good time to make sure your fiance understands that too, or else you could be in for a loooooong marriage, if you know what I mean.

Agreed. It is a special day, but only one day of the thousands of your life. I can''t imagine going into debt for just one day. You will have nothing you can sell later to recoup the losses.

If you are unable to save the money before the wedding, what makes you think you will be able enough to pay it off after? I am not trying to be mean, but it really isn''t worth it.

 

[nclrgirl]

I agree with you girls. I''d be happy just going to the church w/ our immediate families (20 people including us, siblings + SOs, and parents) get married, then all go out to dinner afterward. FI''s really pushing this. I don''t know if it''s how he feels or if he''s getting pressure from family/friends.

I''m almost to the point where I want to refuse to show up, since noone really cares what I want anyway...

 

[anchor31]

I''m sorry, sweetie, but you''ll have to put your foot down on this one, it''s way too important. If you don''t want to do it, don''t.

 

[cara]

Date: 5/7/2008 2:38:45 PM
Author: nclrgirl
I agree with you girls. I''d be happy just going to the church w/ our immediate families (20 people including us, siblings + SOs, and parents) get married, then all go out to dinner afterward. FI''s really pushing this. I don''t know if it''s how he feels or if he''s getting pressure from family/friends.

I''m almost to the point where I want to refuse to show up, since noone really cares what I want anyway...

This is a bigger problem than a bit of credit card debt. Its not about "putting your foot down" or winning this battle - its about getting you and your FI on the same page in terms of financial goals and responsibility. Its also about each of you being heard and compromising.

Now maybe he''s NOT cool with a 20 person, totally low-key wedding. Maybe that doesn''t feel celebratory enough to him. But this method of dealing with money conflicts is a big deal - you two need to work on this together and come up with a responsible, joint solution that feels good to you both, as a framework for future discussions and conflicts over money. This will definitely not be your last conflict over money if you get married.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 5/7/2008 2:38:45 PM
Author: nclrgirl
I agree with you girls. I''d be happy just going to the church w/ our immediate families (20 people including us, siblings + SOs, and parents) get married, then all go out to dinner afterward. FI''s really pushing this. I don''t know if it''s how he feels or if he''s getting pressure from family/friends.

I''m almost to the point where I want to refuse to show up, since noone really cares what I want anyway...

Okay. WHOA. RED FLAG.

This doesn''t sound like it''s about money anymore.

It sounds like a) you are feeling disrespected and disenfranchised in your relationship and pressured to submit to debt you don''t want to incurr.

That''s not about money honey. That''s just a BIG fundamental relationship problem.

 

[Loves Vintage]

Can you do a bigger wedding (meaning more guests), but focus on doing it as low budget as possible? There are tons of suggestions and ideas for how to have a wonderful, meaningful, sweet celebration surrounded by those who love you, but that costs surprisingly little! It takes a lot of thought and creativity to pull it off. I am truly envious of the people who have it in their heart to pull off such a party, much, much more so than of people who have tens and tens of thousands of dollars to glam it up (or to have others glam it up for them).

So, by bigger, did you mean more guests, or did you mean just a higher budget overall?

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Date: 5/7/2008 2:51:01 PM
Author: Gypsy

Date: 5/7/2008 2:38:45 PM

Author: nclrgirl

I agree with you girls. I''d be happy just going to the church w/ our immediate families (20 people including us, siblings + SOs, and parents) get married, then all go out to dinner afterward. FI''s really pushing this. I don''t know if it''s how he feels or if he''s getting pressure from family/friends.

I''m almost to the point where I want to refuse to show up, since noone really cares what I want anyway...

Okay. WHOA. RED FLAG.


This doesn''t sound like it''s about money anymore.


It sounds like a) you are feeling disrespected and disenfranchised in your relationship and pressured to submit to debt you don''t want to incurr.


That''s not about money honey. That''s just a BIG fundamental relationship problem.

Yikes! Gotta ditto Gypsy and cara on this one. Do not let someone take away the wedding you want. You need to be happy, this is important! And FI needs to be happy, too. Sit him down and get on the same page, now. About money, the wedding, etc.

 

[neatfreak]

I agree with Gypsy, this is about more than $! But that being said, if you two can''t even agree on a wedding budget, how will you guys handle the much bigger hurdles that life will throw at you later?