LIWs, what are your feelings on recycled diamonds?

[LaurenThePartier]

Ladies, I need your help and your perspective would be greatly appreciated.

I'm having a philosophical discussion with a friend of mine who has just had his engagement fall apart. Clearly, diamonds are not an investment, so he's wondering if he should sell it now, or keep it until he finds someone he may want to marry in the future.

Selling it means a pretty hefty loss of at least $5k, and since the economy has been so terrible, his income hasn't recovered to a place where he'd ever be able to afford a similar diamond at a similar price, and he admits that his previous income was an anomaly in his industry. It's a 1.86 AGS0 I SI1, and at his current (and for the foreseeable future), will not allow him to buy over a .75 ct. diamond.

Assuming he didn't buy the original diamond from one of our PS vendors that offer full upgrades, how would you deal with this as an option?

 

[HappyNewLife]

I'm a recycler. The diamond in my e-ring is from a previous marriage. Long story, but short story is that I technically owned it as I paid for the diamond anyway. I had the diamond moved into a new setting though, as the previous one bugged me for reminding me of the previous marriage.

I'd totally keep that diamond and use it in the future. I'm not superstitious and would totally re-use!

 

[Anonymous]

Ugh I don't know. I think that if my SO came to me and said "I can either give you this nearly 2ct diamond in a new setting, or I can give you a .75" I would have to think hard on it but ultimately would set aside silly superstitions and recycle.

 

[slg47]

This is tough, because what if the new girl wants something totally different (an asscher for example?) If she wanted a round then great, I would recycle but definitely put it in a new setting.

 

[should i be here]

Agree, it would depend on the new gf's preferences, etc. so he won't know if he can reuse it or what. If he doesn't need the money right now, I'd say he can put it away until it comes time to buy another diamond. At that point, maybe he can trade it in or sell it someplace at a possibly higher price than he can get for it today (inflation, more demand, whatnot).

As for recycled diamonds, I wouldn't have a problem. The diamond you buy through a store could be recycled for all you know.

Edited to add: I'm ok with a pre-owned stone, but not if the bf had used it to propose to someone else. then HELL NO. GET ME A NEW ONE.

 

[blacksand]

Recycled is fine if I don't know where it came from, or if it's a family heirloom, as mine is. But personally, I could not wear a ring that my fiance had purchased for another woman. Maybe that's silly or superstitious, but I know I couldn't handle it.

 

[vintagelover229]

I would totally keep the stone but I would tell him (when the time calls for it) to pick out a setting that is suited to his new gf and not the old one. It's HIS stone and he has every right to use it again. If the new girl is THAT bothered by it, I'm sure they can sell it and use the funds to buy something smaller if it bothers her that much, however I'm doubting very much it will.

If he doesn't need the money right now, I would hold onto it. I'm assuming he's not dating at the moment and isn't planning on proposing for a while, so when he does meet Ms. Right, he should know her well enough by the time he proposes if she would be bothered by a stone that was used before.

People buy houses that aren't new, cars that are used...it's the same thing, except with less noticeable wear and tear.

Like I said, if he doesn't need the cash, hold onto the ring. He doesn't need to worry about "if the next one can use it" until he meets her and crosses that bridge. There's no way of knowing it because he may find a woman who loves vintage pieces and you may be able to swap the whole thing, or she may want a vintage setting and love the stone.

I'd hold onto it until the time comes to make that decision. If he's hard up for cash, well, it doesn't matter anyways and he'll have to take a loss.

I bet it's a beautiful stone though! I'm sorry for his broken engagement, but better now when he gets the ring back then after the marriage and had to pay for the divorce and doesn't get the ring back though.

 

[princesss]

I'd rather have the smaller diamond.

Look, would I love a big rock? Absolutely. But I'm sentimental, and honestly, he bought that ring to symbolize his relationship with another woman. It's not like it's an antique, or a family stone, or something like that. But he'd then be using a symbol of his old relationship with a woman he wanted to marry to propose to a NEW woman. If he used it for a different piece of jewelry, like a pendant, I could get behind recycling it that way. But to use it for the same symbolic, emotionally-charged piece of jewelry? I'll take the smaller stone any day.

 

[mariewest]

I wouldn't want my SO to propose to me with a ring that he picked out for another women.

If he doesn't think he is going to get a good deal selling it right now, there is nothing wrong with holding on to it until he can find a buyer who will give him the price that he is looking for. Maybe a jeweler will allow him to trade it in when he finally is ready to propose again.

 

[amc80]

I would want a different diamond. Every single time I would look at it I would think of how it was purchased for someone else. I would want a stone that he saw and said "this is perfect for AMC." Not "this stone was perfect for the ex but it will do for AMC."

 

[Seattle SC]

For me personally, I don't think I would want to know that the rock on my hand was originally intended for someone else. Since the engagement just fell apart, I'll assume that there's not a girl #2 that's in line for the proposal right away (unless that's the reason it fell apart!) I would suggest trying to get a price that he'd be willing to part with the diamond that's reasonable and once it sells, put that $$ into a savings account and gather interest while he's waiting for "the one."

I know that he could probably get away with the next girl not ever knowing that the diamond was intended for someone else, but if I ever found out, it'd take me a long time to not think about another girl every time I looked down at my hand!

 

[afreebird]

It wouldn't bother me one bit, but I would definitely plop it into a different setting that is tailored to me, specifically. Diamonds are ancient; they'll be here long after we're gone. The setting is what, at least to me, personalizes a ring.

Honestly, having a diamond originally intended for someone else wouldn't bother me. What WOULD bother me is if the diamond that I was given was smaller than the one he bought for an ex. But I'm bitchy like that.

 

[vintagelover229]

It wouldn't bother me one bit, but I would definitely plop it into a different setting that is tailored to me, specifically. Diamonds are ancient; they'll be here long after we're gone. The setting is what, at least to me, personalizes a ring.

Honestly, having a diamond originally intended for someone else wouldn't bother me. What WOULD bother me is if the diamond that I was given was smaller than the one he bought for an ex. But I'm bitchy like that.

That doesn't make you bi**hy. I was married before and my SO now (even though I wanted something SMALLER than my ex got me) wouldn't hear it. He had to get me something bigger than my ex did. Even though in our social circle no one even has a carat (half to .75)...and mine's 1.64 carats that he got me (my ex 1.31) and I only wanted something between .5-.75 bc I have small fingers and bc it would "blend in"

Something to consider that's for sure. She may want something bigger or that stone vs something smaller.

If he doesn't get a price that makes him happy, I'd hold onto it. I doubt diamond prices are going to decrease any time soon, so maybe in 5 years when he meets her he can get a better price for the stone (if she won't wear it) or use it towards a vendor who will take a credit for it (some do if it's ideal cut).

 

[Glitz]

I think he should keep the stone for a new engagement ring and just switch the setting. There' s no reason he should ever tell his new SO that the stone was purchased for someone else, what you don't know won't hurt you. Maybe for the time being he could get it in a manly setting and sport it for a while, that way the stone would be more his than anyone else's

 

[suchende]

Is he a marriage fast-tracker? I wouldn't want to sit on a diamond for several years. I'd rather have the cash.

Also, I would rather have a smaller stone for me than the ex's cast-off. I don't care if a diamond is recycled but this one has too much history. New meaning to "mind-clean"? That diamond has an I3 history.

 

[Blackpaw]

hmmm, tough call...

Definitely has to be in a new setting, and ideally the future fiance should never find out. That would be best. This is assuming she doesnt mind a round stone...i personally dont like round stones, and would be particularly miffed if i got given one that belonged to a former fiance!

 

[slg47]

I'm assuming that anyone he would propose to would know about his past history...so I guess I don't see it as a huge deal? She would have to accept that he had moved on in order to accept the proposal anyway...

 

[yssie]

Ditto, stone is just fine (I would be upset if he *did* sell it to get me a "new" one in this case, given the difference) but I don't want a setting that was made with her in mind/she wore on her finger.

 

[EAHK]

I'm not a LIW (got married back in April) but I like checking out this thread because I know exactly what you ladies are going through (I was anxiously awaiting our engagement for a while before it finally happened).

Anyway... I'm in exactly this situation. I have a "recycled" diamond from my husband's previous failed engagement. When we first started talking about getting engaged, we planned on selling the ring (he had kept it stashed away because he had already tried to sell it and saw that he wasn't going to get nearly what it was worth) or trying to trade it in for another stone. As your friend is finding out, he was going to take quite a loss by selling or trading it in. We did lots of research and I finally decided that it didn't make financial sense to take that kind of hit (and, no, it wasn't his idea. He still wanted me to trade it in for quite a while after I made that decision). The ring DOES symbolize our relationship and our love and all that (like others have mentioned), but the REAL prize for me when we got engaged was that I was engaged to an amazing, wonderful, smart, funny, caring, generous, loyal, etc etc etc man! For me, the ring is secondary.

We had the stone re-set into a totally different setting and has a totally different "feel" than its former setting and is pretty much unrecognizable. I don't care that another person wore the ring for a few months in the past. The fact of the matter is that I got the guy and am incredibly happy.

Besides, if it ever does begin to bother me at some point in the future, that's what UPGRADES are for, right???

 

[Sizzle]

First, I'm not a LIW. HOWEVER, I think there needs to be a diamond trade site. You know where you can swap your old diamond for a comparable one. I would have no problem with a used diamond that was NOT used by someone I know, but the last heiffer.. um no!

 

[Dancing Fire]

i'd keep the diamond but reset the stone.

 

[LaurenThePartier]

Thank you all for your opinions and advice. It's quite enlightening to see all of the different takes on this situation.

Pondering this subject a bit more this afternoon; it made me a bit disturbed to realize how the diamond industry has managed to comprehensively tie such deep meaning and superstition to a thing. To a little shiny rock. The DeBeers marketing campaign has really done a number on us, and many women (and men, too!) have such similar feelings of it being a bit tasteless to recycle a diamond from one relationship to the other. Oh, and by the way, why don't you pony up another $10k for your new intended because you have to out-do the last ring, and you can't reuse this "investment" just sitting there collecting dust because of those icky feelings associated with it.

If my husband has a couch, or a car, or a TV he bought with his ex, I'm not going to think of her every time I sit, ride, or watch it because at the end of the day, I'm the one enjoying it; so why should this inanimate object be so intrinsically different?

I don't have an answer to this question. I think he should go with his gut, but maybe think about waiting to sell the diamond until he has met someone he thinks he may want to marry, with the hope that the market may rebound and secondhand diamond prices may increase by then. Sure, the money would be nice now, but he's not struggling without it, so it's not an immediate need.

Thanks again for your comments. And, please feel free to add more insight as you think of it. I have been communicating your responses to him and he also thanks you for your unique perspectives.

 

[HopeDream]

This is difficult because we don't know his hypothetical future girlfriend, or what his finances will be in the future.

As long as he doens't need the money now, I think the best thing would be to have the ring polished and cleaned by the jeweller, and then hang on to it. (If he needs the money, he should sell the ring),

He could propose ringless to hypothetical future girlfriend, and then let her decide what the best plan of action would be (knowing the stone's full history) - She might love the stone and the setting as it is now, or may want a new stone shape and a completely fresh start. I think she would appreciate having some say in the matter.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I think he needs to go back to the place where he bought it, explain that the engagement fell through, and ask to EXCHANGE the stone for a slightly less expensive one. That way, they will get something out of it and he'll get a new stone which he can offer his future fiancee. Exchange it for a 1.5 ct. stone and he'll still come out better than selling it.

 

[swingirl]

Over 50 years ago my mother got an engagement ring that turned out to have been bought for my dad's first fiance. Boy, did that ever go over well. This got brought up multiple times throughout their marriage. My mom ended up wearing her wedding band but never liked the ering and left it in a drawer. Eventually, when my dad was too old to care she has the diamond reset.

Every bride deserves to feel like her ring is special and it's not just a convenient economical solution to a past broken engagement.

 

[4ever]

If he can afford to keep it for now I think he should.

I'd be totally ok with getting a stone like that that had previously been given to an ex, it's dosn't bother me as long as it was what I would want also and it was in a different ring. No problem.

It also may be a possiblity that if he keep the stone one of his friends may be looking to buy a ring for his FI and you friend could do a deal with the guy where he get the stone at way les then he could get it retail but your friend gets more than he would trading it in or selling it to someone he didn't know. Win win.

 

[DuckLovingVegan]

I wouldn't want the diamond if he had used it to propose to a previous girlfriend. I would always have that in the back of my mind when I looked at it. I would wait until he could get a better price for the diamond or find a buyer that is willing to give him an upgrade.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I totally agree that he should keep the diamond until he meets "the one" and then decide what to do. And honestly, it should be up to the future fiance entirely. Another thing to consider is that when the time does come, he could do a trade in or upgrade or use the value of that diamond at that time to offset the cost of another.

I'm sorry his engagement didn't work out...and you're a good friend for helping him muddle through these decisions.

 

[diva rose]

Edited to add: I'm ok with a pre-owned stone, but not if the bf had used it to propose to someone else. then HELL NO. GET ME A NEW ONE.

Totally agree there - if he proposed to another girl using that stone - HELL NO.
I would be so upset. Engagements are personal moments and it should be kept that way.
Different story if the girl PAID for the ring.

 

[AprilBaby]

I would keep the stone and ditch the setting. A loose stone has no meaning.