LIW- need help in re:timing of proposal

[socalmatt]

I was hoping all the women here waiting could help me figure out the timing of my proposal

so here''s the deal: currently, my gf lives in another state, but will be moving in with me next february. The e-ring is on the way, and I have two times I can propose- I am going to visit her in mid-december, and she is coming out here for new years. I was originally planning on doing it on new years eve, thinking it would be more romantic and memorable.

She suspects the proposal is coming sometime soon though, and I think she will be expecting it when I come visit her in mid-december. She also mentioned how nice it would be to have it then because she could show her friends at a xmas party we are going to, plus then she would have it to show the family at xmas. If I wait til new years, she''ll have to go back alone and tell her friends, and won''t have it for xmas.

so the question is....when is the best time to do it? I am worried about it not being a surprise when I come visit, plus I can''t tell how important it is to her to celebrate her engagement with her friends- obviously I don''t mean that it is her main reason for wanting to get engaged then, but I can tell it matters to her somewhat. Also, I figured if I don''t propose when I visit (and I know this sounds cruel), but she will be thrown a little and might expect it less at new years, and so it will be more of a surprise.

how much weight should I put on her being able to tell her friends when they are all together and when I am there? I''m also not sure I will be able to wait, considering I''ll have the ring by then. So what''s more important- being proposed to ASAP and able to share with friends and family, or surprise and romance?

Any opinions would be very helpful!

 

[poptart]

I think you should do whichever seems most important to her, and it sounds like showing her friends that she is engaged is important for her. I personally think surprise is extremely overrated. Surprise does not necessarily equal romance. It only invokes fear in me, so unless it''s a main thing for her it sounds like she is really wanting you to propose the first time you visit. She will not be as surprised if you propose over Christmas, but she will be a LOT happier, and so will you because YOU were the one that made her dreams come true!

*M*

 

[jackieomy]

I think it''s hard knowing a proposal is coming and then not having it happen. I''d much rather THINK it was going to happen later when, in reality, you''re planning on doing it earlier. Is there a way you can make her think it won''t happen until New Years but then do it when she comes out in mid-December? My fiance was sneaky, telling me we were waiting until after the holidays and then completely surprised me after I let my guard down, proposing the day after Thanksgiving. (Waiting until the day after the holiday made it even more of a surprise.)

And also, something to think about is the fact that she won''t know HOW you''re going to do it. ... Sometimes, the things you say or do will be enough of a surprise to make it special.

 

[the other Jake]

I''m trying to hold out proposing til march and it sucks. I''m getting the ring in later this week and its going to be burning a hole in me. Waiting will be miserable for both of you... do it in December- Just try to find a way to throw her off a bit. She will be able to show it off and that will just add to her happiness- and you can gloat a lil too over your fine purchase. It will definately be a confidence builder. If you wait you''ll miss all that.

 

[akw94]

I think that you shouldn''t wait. I agree with Poptart on doing what seems most important to her. If she''s expecting it sooner or wanting it sooner, then the waiting for her isn''t necessarily a fun time. I don''t think the question is whether sharing it with family/friends is more important than the surprise but what works best for the two of you. If your desire is to make her happy, then do it sooner. Like others have said, find a unique way to propose and that will include your surprise element.
Good luck!!

 

[firebirdgold]

Unless you send her a schedule with the exact time, place, and wording... it''ll be a surprise. Trust me. It''s just some weird quirk in the female psyche. I knew my then bf had the ring and I knew he might propose on my birthday... and it still took my breath away!

He ordered takeout dinner from the place we first met and set up a candlelit dinner at home, it was very romantic to me. Don''t worry about it too much.

Is out of town family coming for Christmas?? It''s not just wanting to tell her friends and family all together that you''re engaged. I suspect it''s also about not wanting to go through another round of ''are you engaged yet??''. There is nothing more uncomfortable than having groups of people you''re close to ask you this and having to say no when you know imminent.

Good luck!

 

[socalmatt]

thanks for all the advice...I was thinking about it overnight, and I am thinking I might do it sooner rather than later, and like jackieohmy said, making her suspect it''s happening at new years...if I start dropping hints about new years (saying I got reservations for a nice dinner, saying we need some time alone before going out with friends, or even suggesting we go look at rings again when I am visiting her....I know, I''m cruel

), then it will be a total and pleasant surprise if I do it earlier.

I think part of it for me is sheer laziness...its easier to come up with good proposal ideas in my hometown rather than in her town. But I''ll manage to come up with something good!

 

[musey]

Date: 11/28/2006 12:32:24 AM
Author:socalmatt
If I wait til new years, she'll have to go back alone and tell her friends, and won't have it for xmas.

Bless your HEART! This is a concept that many a LIW wish their BFs would understand. Major kudos to you.

From the tone of your post, I think you already know what you should do.

Something important for every "man in waiting" to keep in mind that anything before she's expecting it is a romantic surprise, anything when she's expecting it is romantic, and anything after she expects it is FINALLY!
...Obviously, I'm exaggerating

but the point is that if she wants that special time to "bask" in her engagement, and doesn't have it, there will be an element of disappointment (however small it may be).

If you are still wanting to surprise her... is there any way to do it before the specific visit that she's expecting a proposal? A surprise tip to see her over a weekend, arrive a day earlier than expected, etc. Could be worth it!


And by the way, CONGRATULATIONS!!!

 

[oliverOSU]

I had a similar problem...was going to propose in january, now I'm moving it up to december. Just wait until you get the ring....you won't be able to wait!

 

[diamondfan]

I agree that romance (translated into big bells and whistles and big production elements) in a proposal may not rise to the moment. If you love her and are sincere in your words, just being together is what matters. You can be strolling through your neighborhood on the way to a nice dinner at a favorite spot, sitting in front of the fire in your home, etc...does not have to be a showstopping setting. Sounds like she really wants it sooner, so I would do it if I had the ring. That will mean more to her, it would seem to me, than waiting, since she seems set on having the ring in time for the holidays...

 

[Cailet]

i''m a little late in chiming in here - but definitely go for earlier rather than later!
sounds like you are - and I agree that if you mention that maybe you guys should go ring shopping while you are there it would really throw her off --- although I would suggest that you propose before your pretend shopping (and then just go out with friends or whatever) rather than after -- I seem to remember a few guys posting on another thread how they did the fake ring buying trip and the GF got totally obsessed with a ring they saw on the fake trip and it happened to be nothing like the real ring he had already purchased!!

good luck!!

 

[Imperials]

I know my BF is going to propose soon. I really really hope he does before Christmas. I do not live close to my family and only get to visit them once or twice a year. I would love to go home and celebrate being engaged with my family and friends; possibly even start looking at dresses and such with my mother, grandmother, and sisters - that would mean so so much more to me than a perfect romantic proposal. Anyway point is I vote propose sooner than later!!

 

[Kit]

Definitely fake her out for January and then do it in December, that is a great idea (who ever thought of it, kudos!). I got engaged a few days before Christmas and it was wonderful, it''s a great time of year and also it is so nice to share the news with family and friends. How exciting!!!