LIW anxiety again. Boo

[bobbin]

So we went out last night and we caught a bus home with one of our mutual friends. This friend has been with his GF for seven months. We started talking about how he can''t wait for her to move in with him. This affected me a little bit as SO only agreed for me to move in with him after 11 months because I was there all the time anyway and I didn''t really have anywhere else to live..

A bit later we started talking about weddings and he said that he knew of at least two couples who would be getting engaged/married this year whose wedding he would be invited to. I then said "What about you?" and he told us that he plans on getting engaged within the next twelve months and he already has a date picked out to propose.

Well this made me a little sad. I will be thrilled for them when they get engaged, but SO is dragging his feet and seeing someone so enthusiastic about spending their life with their GF made me feel a little inadequate, like SO couldn''t be that enthusiastic about me otherwise he would have gotten his act together already.

I talked to him about this afterwards, but he just got a little hurt and confused saying "but I do want to be with you, I just want to do it in my own time." Usually I am ok with this (but not about his initial lack of communication about timelines which led to a very difficult time between us for a while), but just seeing this guy''s enthusiasm made me doubt it a bit.

 

[PearlDahhhling]

Aww I''m sorry hon. I know it can be hard sometimes, but all guys are different when it comes to their timeline for "being ready" to get engaged. I''m sure your guy will come around. Also it always feels a little weird to me when I hear about guys talking about marriage before they''ve even been with their SO for a year... Feels a little rushed to me. In my opinion it''s better to really make sure of what you want before you dive into it, and I think the only way you can do that is to be with someone for a few years and really take the time to get to know them. It sounds like your SO does want to be with you, like he said. He''s just taking his time to make sure that everything is perfect, instead of rushing into something just because it seems like a good idea at the moment. But I do know that it can be hard. Hang in there.

 

[mrscushion]

Hey Bobbin, I wanted to chime in here and just say that I hear ya. Whenever I''ve heard guys get really excited about getting engaged (which, admittedly, hasn''t happened all that often), I''m always like, which planet are you from and why can''t my SO be more like you in that respect????

Mine is really dragging his feet even though we started talking about getting engaged, like, 2 years ago. Well, in hindsight, *I* started talking about it back then, he was evidently not ready. Sometimes it can just be a bit infuriating how different your own timeline is from that of your SO. And because those timelines are different, I also think the level of excitement about getting engaged is also different, and that can be frustrating.

So, yeah, I hear ya, but it really does sound like he wants to propose when he''s ready, on his own time, so that time will come!

 

[lucyandroger]

Awww...I''m sorry you''re feeling this way. It seems like you and your BF have a great relationship! It''s great that you were able to talk about how you feel with him. I know it''s hard not to compare your timeline with others, especially when you''re waiting for that engagement...I think your BF is so comfortable with you and knows he wants to spend the rest of his life with you so he doesn''t feel the need to rush. I don''t think guys typically understand the importance of titles and showing progress in a relationship. I''m sure he''s just as enthusiastic about your relationship but just not the type of guy to show it.

My guy can be very romantic at times but has never been the Tom Cruise jumping on the couch type. I always ask him about the first time we met, fishing for that "I knew from the moment I laid eyes on you..." response, instead I get something like "I thought you were pretty and very friendly." I know I shouldn''t let it bother me because we have such a great relationship and he tells me how much he loves me and that I''m beautiful, etc. but I can''t help it. Anyway, I just wanted to say, I know how you feel but really your relationship is probably much stronger and built to last.

 

[SailorsSweet<3]

im sorry bobbin. I know its difficult dealing with other couples because everyone acts differently and has their own pace for marriage. Just keep in mind that your SO seems to have his finger on where he needs to be mentally in order to ask you to be his wife, which is very mature and realistic thinking. Some people get clouded by emotions and tend to jump the gun on some things. Hopefully, in the long run, the time your SO is taking to prepare himself for marriage will allow your relationship to be that much stronger and rewarding for you two when youre married. Keep your chin up