Living with SO... easier in the beginning or over time?

[meresal]

Fuzzers thread got me thinking...

If you live with your SO (engaged, married, or neither)... was it harder to adapt in the beginning and slowly became easier, or was it easy at the beginning and slowly became harder as you get more comfortable?



In my case it's either gotten harder or we're just making it harder than it has to be... However, we went from LDR to living together, so there wasn't much to be upset about for the first year

 

[Lauren8211]

Definitely harder in the beginning. We still have our occasional issues, but we''ve definitely learned a lot sharing living space. For one, we have no where to go to "run away" from a fight. We HAVE to figure it out, and thus, our communication has really improved. At the beginning I got resentful because I was doing a lot more of the house work (A LOT MORE). I was basically just holding it all in, until I got so pissed I exploded. From then on, I''ve really learned the value of talking things out early on, and expressing your feelings calmly.

I feel like living together has improved my patience, as well as my ability to communicate. It''s been a learning experience, and we''re getting better at it every day.

 

[HeadOverHeels4James]

Great topic!! I think it gets more difficult. The reason being... you start to give more and more of yourself to them, and rely on them more...everything from bills to household duties. Our situation is we both get stressed and tend to take is out on each other

we are working on that that though!

 

[HeadOverHeels4James]

FF tends to hold EVERYTHING in.. His mentality is "just ignore it , and it will go away" eventually he gets to a breaking point (which we all do!) and EXPLODES!! Funny this topic comes up..we just had this conversation last night. We both need to work on communication. He needs to talk more, and I need to shut my mouth more!

HAHA

 

[Bia]

It was easy for the two months, but that was just the pre-honeymoon phase. Then it got harder and harder...until it was so hard, we almost broke up. Then it got easier and easier...

Now, its not always easy but it is much more fun. We have learned so much about one another and have grown so comfortable, its disgusting LOL (at times, literally--boys are gross!)

But, its exactly where we want to be...

 

[Lauren8211]

The only thing that has become harder for us is sharing the ONE bathroom.

Boys are stinky...

 

[Shoopy]

Well, we were together for four years before we moved in so we pretty much knew each other’s style…he’s a pig and I’m stubborn. LOL

What has happened, I’ve noticed, is that we are much more brutally honest and sometimes mean now than we were in the beginning. When we first moved in, if he didn’t take out the trash (his one job in the house) I would say “sweetie, do you think you can take out the trash when you go out today??”

Now...if I come home and there''s still trash bags in the house, I''ll grab it and plop it right on his lap and say "next time its going on your head"

But we are much stronger than we were in the beginning. It took us time to get to the “me and you against the world” phase but we really are partners. We’ve learned to apologize which was hard for the both of us to do. All in all, I think it moved us forward.

 

[ash313]

Date: 7/21/2008 3:57:14 PM
Author: Bia
It was easy for the two months, but that was just the pre-honeymoon phase. Then it got harder and harder...until it was so hard, we almost broke up. Then it got easier and easier...


Now, its not always easy but it is much more fun. We have learned so much about one another and have grown so comfortable

Same here...

It was easy for us for about a year or so, then both entered grad school and moved to a tiny one-bedroom (VERY tiny). Dealing with all of those life changes at once was a challenge, and we went through a "dark night of the soul" so to speak, and came out the other side a much stronger couple for it.

We were just saying last week how much we feel we''ve grown and learned in the 2.5 years we have been living together, and how it will be so great to plan our wedding and begin our marriage from this rock solid place. It really feels right.

 

[HeadOverHeels4James]

BOYS can very so gross! EWW....FF will wear the same pants for like a week w/out washing them!

It still amazes me how at 22 he still can''t fully pee in the toilet..ugh I HATE the little pee dribbles in the morning on the floor! BAH But... I love how we get to cuddle and go to sleep together every night and wakeup together. It''s like a sleepover with my best friend everynight!

There are SOOOOOO many more pro''s then con''s!!!!

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

For us the beginning was much harder. I wasn''t quite used to the way he did things, he wasn''t quite used to the way I did things. I had a hard time giving up my apartment so I was a bit resentful in the beginning. I also do not like FI''s dog. At all. He''s mean and loved to terrify my cat. There were the usual issues of the unbalance between my chores and his...and on and on.

Now, things are wonderful! We''ve balanced the areas where we need to balance. I''ve adapted to the dog, so has my cat and we''ve even been able to add another adopted kitty into the mix. I could not imagine a living situation being more respectful of each other than ours currently is. Having both lived with other SO''s before, that was the final test for both of us. Once we had lived together for awhile and adapted, we knew marriage was in our future.

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 7/21/2008 4:01:30 PM
Author: HeadOverHeels4James
BOYS can very so gross! EWW....FF will wear the same pants for like a week w/out washing them!

It still amazes me how at 22 he still can''t fully pee in the toilet..ugh I HATE the little pee dribbles in the morning on the floor! BAH But... I love how we get to cuddle and go to sleep together every night and wakeup together. It''s like a sleepover with my best friend everynight!

There are SOOOOOO many more pro''s then con''s!!!!

LOL

FF will simply love that you posted that! Ha!

I told my FF that in every place we live from our next place on, there will be TWO toilets. No matter what. Or he can start going in a port-a-potty!!!

 

[Bia]

Date: 7/21/2008 3:58:33 PM
Author: elledizzy5
The only thing that has become harder for us is sharing the ONE bathroom.

Boys are stinky...

Stinky? That is an understatement...

Oh, to have my own bathroom >

 

[HeadOverHeels4James]

Date: 7/21/2008 4:03:53 PM
Author: elledizzy5

Date: 7/21/2008 4:01:30 PM

Author: HeadOverHeels4James

BOYS can very so gross! EWW....FF will wear the same pants for like a week w/out washing them!

It still amazes me how at 22 he still can''t fully pee in the toilet..ugh I HATE the little pee dribbles in the morning on the floor! BAH But... I love how we get to cuddle and go to sleep together every night and wakeup together. It''s like a sleepover with my best friend everynight!

There are SOOOOOO many more pro''s then con''s!!!!

LOL


FF will simply love that you posted that! Ha!


I told my FF that in every place we live from our next place on, there will be TWO toilets. No matter what. Or he can start going in a port-a-potty!!!

HE would kill me if he read that!! hahah

But.. seriously you know what I''m talking about!!!!

 

[loveydovey]

Date: 7/21/2008 3:45:36 PM
Author:meresal
we went from LDR to living together,

Wow that's exactly our situation! We've been together now in the same city for 7 months!
For us, it's gotten way easier. In fact, the living together part wasn't a problem. i think mostly, we had to get used to seeing each other all the time as opposed to every 5 months

lol

But yeah, it was kind of challenging at first, but it is easier now

 

[dockman3]

I''m sorry to crash the party, but I''ve got to stand up for all the guys out there and say that girls can be just as stinky as us guys. That is one thing I''ve learned living with FF for almost 2 years now. There is so much more stuff in the bathroom and house than there needs to be. I would love for her to have her own bathroom just so I can open the medicine cabinet without stuff falling out. I''ve got two bottles in the shower (body wash and shampoo), she''s got 7. 7 bottles of hair and skin products!! Seriously! Is that necessary! I do appreciate her looking nice and having that gorgeous hair of hers, but man, I almost can''t stand in the shower with all those bottles.

As for the OP, it was a bigger adjustment for us at the beginning. We went from very LD (Seattle to South Bend, IN) to living together. Once we got things sorted out as to who does what and found our routine, its been great. We have a system for cleans what and who cooks when and things like that. It definitely made us talk and communicate more, which was a good thing. But now its like we''re on cruise control living together, which is a wonderful feeling. Plus, I get to see her shining face every morning and hold her when I go to bed at night. I can''t imagine anything better than that.


HOH - Yeah, if FF ever reads this, he will not be pleased. I''ll be honest that I don''t know how it gets on the floor. That just baffles me. I''ll admit it hits the rim sometimes, but sometimes its out of your control. That''s all I''m going to say about the subject.

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 7/21/2008 4:14:58 PM
Author: dockman3
I''m sorry to crash the party, but I''ve got to stand up for all the guys out there and say that girls can be just as stinky as us guys. That is one thing I''ve learned living with FF for almost 2 years now. There is so much more stuff in the bathroom and house than there needs to be. I would love for her to have her own bathroom just so I can open the medicine cabinet without stuff falling out. I''ve got two bottles in the shower (body wash and shampoo), she''s got 7. 7 bottles of hair and skin products!! Seriously! Is that necessary! I do appreciate her looking nice and having that gorgeous hair of hers, but man, I almost can''t stand in the shower with all those bottles.

As for the OP, it was a bigger adjustment for us at the beginning. We went from very LD (Seattle to South Bend, IN) to living together. Once we got things sorted out as to who does what and found our routine, its been great. We have a system for cleans what and who cooks when and things like that. It definitely made us talk and communicate more, which was a good thing. But now its like we''re on cruise control living together, which is a wonderful feeling. Plus, I get to see her shining face every morning and hold her when I go to bed at night. I can''t imagine anything better than that.


HOH - Yeah, if FF ever reads this, he will not be pleased. I''ll be honest that I don''t know how it gets on the floor. That just baffles me. I''ll admit it hits the rim sometimes, but sometimes its out of your control. That''s all I''m going to say about the subject.

I hear you Dockman, but we said STINKY not MESSY!! HUGE HUGE HUGE difference!!!

 

[HeadOverHeels4James]

Date: 7/21/2008 4:14:58 PM
Author: dockman3
I''m sorry to crash the party, but I''ve got to stand up for all the guys out there and say that girls can be just as stinky as us guys. That is one thing I''ve learned living with FF for almost 2 years now. There is so much more stuff in the bathroom and house than there needs to be. I would love for her to have her own bathroom just so I can open the medicine cabinet without stuff falling out. I''ve got two bottles in the shower (body wash and shampoo), she''s got 7. 7 bottles of hair and skin products!! Seriously! Is that necessary! I do appreciate her looking nice and having that gorgeous hair of hers, but man, I almost can''t stand in the shower with all those bottles.


As for the OP, it was a bigger adjustment for us at the beginning. We went from very LD (Seattle to South Bend, IN) to living together. Once we got things sorted out as to who does what and found our routine, its been great. We have a system for cleans what and who cooks when and things like that. It definitely made us talk and communicate more, which was a good thing. But now its like we''re on cruise control living together, which is a wonderful feeling. Plus, I get to see her shining face every morning and hold her when I go to bed at night. I can''t imagine anything better than that.



HOH - Yeah, if FF ever reads this, he will not be pleased. I''ll be honest that I don''t know how it gets on the floor. That just baffles me. I''ll admit it hits the rim sometimes, but sometimes its out of your control. That''s all I''m going to say about the subject.

HAHA I think the dribbles are from him attempting to pee at night in the dark! DUH!(what a silly boy!) HAHA FF would deff say something about all my crap in the shower and I have our double vanities TOTALLY covered with hair, makeup, and skincare products. I understand where your coming from! He gets really annoyed with my hair everywhere! hAha

 

[dockman3]

Date: 7/21/2008 4:16:53 PM
Author: elledizzy5

Date: 7/21/2008 4:14:58 PM

Author: dockman3

I''m sorry to crash the party, but I''ve got to stand up for all the guys out there and say that girls can be just as stinky as us guys. That is one thing I''ve learned living with FF for almost 2 years now. There is so much more stuff in the bathroom and house than there needs to be. I would love for her to have her own bathroom just so I can open the medicine cabinet without stuff falling out. I''ve got two bottles in the shower (body wash and shampoo), she''s got 7. 7 bottles of hair and skin products!! Seriously! Is that necessary! I do appreciate her looking nice and having that gorgeous hair of hers, but man, I almost can''t stand in the shower with all those bottles.


As for the OP, it was a bigger adjustment for us at the beginning. We went from very LD (Seattle to South Bend, IN) to living together. Once we got things sorted out as to who does what and found our routine, its been great. We have a system for cleans what and who cooks when and things like that. It definitely made us talk and communicate more, which was a good thing. But now its like we''re on cruise control living together, which is a wonderful feeling. Plus, I get to see her shining face every morning and hold her when I go to bed at night. I can''t imagine anything better than that.



HOH - Yeah, if FF ever reads this, he will not be pleased. I''ll be honest that I don''t know how it gets on the floor. That just baffles me. I''ll admit it hits the rim sometimes, but sometimes its out of your control. That''s all I''m going to say about the subject.

I hear you Dockman, but we said STINKY not MESSY!! HUGE HUGE HUGE difference!!!

And I meant that girls can be just as STINKY. I suppose I should have made that clearer.

The clutter in the bathroom is a whole other ballgame.

 

[absolut_blonde]

Date: 7/21/2008 4:10:53 PM
Author: loveydovey

Date: 7/21/2008 3:45:36 PM
Author:meresal
we went from LDR to living together,

Wow that''s exactly our situation! We''ve been together now in the same city for 7 months!
For us, it''s gotten way easier. In fact, the living together part wasn''t a problem. i think mostly, we had to get used to seeing each other all the time as opposed to every 5 months

lol

But yeah, it was kind of challenging at first, but it is easier now

Another LDR to living together situation here, too! It''s a bit premature to say (not even an entire month yet) but I think it will get easier. Especially once we move into our new house (ALONE) in the beginning of September!

We have a lot of situational things that are wearing on the both of us. He''s working terribly long hours, under a great deal of stress, we have a roommate (and 1 bathroom between the three of us, to boot) and we''d much prefer to have it be just the 2 of us, I miss my friends & family in my old city, new job for me, etc. There have been a ton of changes in a very short period of time. Also, I do have a touch of LIWitis that I must keep in check. Sometimes it makes me a bit overly sensitive to things that are not a big deal.

Though, there have been a number of upsides, too. I love seeing him every day, love going to bed with him every night, love making meals together and love that we don''t have to say our sad Sunday goodbyes anymore. He is great around the house and even when we''ve had our ''adjustment pains'', he''s pretty good at talking things through (better than I am, actually

I tend to just withdraw and stew)

 

[HeadOverHeels4James]

Just proof guys get annoyed by things girls do, and vice versa.. but boys are stinky!

MAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH

 

[dockman3]

Date: 7/21/2008 4:19:08 PM
Author: HeadOverHeels4James

Date: 7/21/2008 4:14:58 PM

Author: dockman3

I''m sorry to crash the party, but I''ve got to stand up for all the guys out there and say that girls can be just as stinky as us guys. That is one thing I''ve learned living with FF for almost 2 years now. There is so much more stuff in the bathroom and house than there needs to be. I would love for her to have her own bathroom just so I can open the medicine cabinet without stuff falling out. I''ve got two bottles in the shower (body wash and shampoo), she''s got 7. 7 bottles of hair and skin products!! Seriously! Is that necessary! I do appreciate her looking nice and having that gorgeous hair of hers, but man, I almost can''t stand in the shower with all those bottles.



As for the OP, it was a bigger adjustment for us at the beginning. We went from very LD (Seattle to South Bend, IN) to living together. Once we got things sorted out as to who does what and found our routine, its been great. We have a system for cleans what and who cooks when and things like that. It definitely made us talk and communicate more, which was a good thing. But now its like we''re on cruise control living together, which is a wonderful feeling. Plus, I get to see her shining face every morning and hold her when I go to bed at night. I can''t imagine anything better than that.




HOH - Yeah, if FF ever reads this, he will not be pleased. I''ll be honest that I don''t know how it gets on the floor. That just baffles me. I''ll admit it hits the rim sometimes, but sometimes its out of your control. That''s all I''m going to say about the subject.

HAHA I think the dribbles are from him attempting to pee at night in the dark! DUH!(what a silly boy!) HAHA FF would deff say something about all my crap in the shower and I have our double vanities TOTALLY covered with hair, makeup, and skincare products. I understand where your coming from! He gets really annoyed with my hair everywhere! hAha

I didn''t even mention the hair yet. I was trying to be nice and not get eaten alive by all the women here. I know you gals are great, but 200 against 1 are not good odds for me.

 

[HeadOverHeels4James]

VERY TRUE DOCKMAN! haha

You better watch yourself!!! tehehe jk

 

[Tuckins1]

Never had to adapt. It seemed like we had always been together and we get along swimingly.

 

[meresal]

Bia and leeNY: Would either of you mind talking a little more about why it became so hard, how long you''d been living together when it started and how long it lasted? If you did anything to get past it... more time together, less time together? I''m trying to deal with some stuff and would appreciate any advice you have, since you''ve been here before.
Thanks!!

KeepingTheFaith: I think it helped ALOT that we moved into a neutral apartment. I can see myself resisting exactly the way that you had. Glad things have gotten better.

Lovey: Wow, every 5 MONTHS!?! We saw eachother 3 weekends out of every month.


As far a Stinky... yes, and that is why we got a 2 bedroom/2 full bath!!!

However, the master bathroom is huge, so it''s not quite so bad.

 

[dockman3]

Date: 7/21/2008 4:23:01 PM
Author: HeadOverHeels4James
VERY TRUE DOCKMAN! haha

You better watch yourself!!! tehehe jk

Hahaha. Ok, I''ll leave you gals alone now. I just wanted to say that sometimes gals can be tough to live with too, so just remember that and what might bother your guy. Yes, we can be stinky and messy, but women have equal potential for mess and clutter!

 

[HeadOverHeels4James]

I know I''m hard to live with!

 

[meresal]

Date: 7/21/2008 4:28:45 PM
Author: dockman3

Date: 7/21/2008 4:23:01 PM
Author: HeadOverHeels4James
VERY TRUE DOCKMAN! haha

You better watch yourself!!! tehehe jk

Hahaha. Ok, I'll leave you gals alone now. I just wanted to say that sometimes gals can be tough to live with too, so just remember that and what might bother your guy. Yes, we can be stinky and messy, but women have equal potential for mess and clutter!

Dockman, I did say SO for a reason... men's and women's comments are welcome here!! Thanks for your input!!

 

[BriBee]

I would say that it was easier in the beginning, and then it got harder for us. I think that part of this was the honeymoon phase thing, something would irritate me but I would just ignore it. I also did almost all of the housework without saying much. But then the resentment began to build about housework, especially when I was in school, and that brought out some issues. We were currently working on the issues of shared responsibility and household duties, but now our escrow has been cancelled and we''re not going to be living together anymore. Hopefully when we move back in together eventually, we will both have some new perspecitve on the situation and be able to resolve the issues we were working on. On the one hand, I''m looking forward to having some more time to myself again, but it feels really weird that we''re not going to be living together. Hopefully it will only be for 6 months and then we''ll move back in.

 

[dockman3]

Date: 7/21/2008 4:32:22 PM
Author: meresal

Date: 7/21/2008 4:28:45 PM

Author: dockman3

Date: 7/21/2008 4:23:01 PM

Author: HeadOverHeels4James

VERY TRUE DOCKMAN! haha

You better watch yourself!!! tehehe jk

Hahaha. Ok, I''ll leave you gals alone now. I just wanted to say that sometimes gals can be tough to live with too, so just remember that and what might bother your guy. Yes, we can be stinky and messy, but women have equal potential for mess and clutter!

Dockman, I did say SO for a reason... men''s and women''s comments are welcome here!! Thanks for your input!!

Meresal-

That''s true, you did say SO. But I''ve said my piece and made my point. This is the LIW forum, after all, so I''ll leave it to the ladies. If I feel I''ve got any other comments to make, I''ll make them, but for now, I''m good. Thanks for the invite and I''m sure I''ll keep checking back every so often.

 

[Shoopy]

On the stinky note…he’s not stinky. I put an end to that from the very beginning. We share one bathroom with double doors, one that leads out to a hall and the other that leads to our bedroom. So he knows that if he makes the bathroom smelly, then he can feel free to use some of the non-smelly sprays in the bathroom that I have conveniently placed behind the toilet.