Living Together
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movie zombie
Super_Ideal_Rock
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Elmorton
Ideal_Rock
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My advice is just to do it sooner rather than later. If you wait, it's more of a sting to them because then you're being willfully deceptive.
Be respectful of their beliefs - the point is not to defend yours but to be honest with them about the decision you've made. If they're upset, listen - but avoid seeming defensive or like you're talking back.
It depends on your relationship with your grandparents, but I was just vague about it with mine (my parents moved in together prior to marriage though, so I think grandma and grandpa weren't really upset by it by the time I came around - I was just uncomfortable to talk about it with them). Since my grandparents don't really visit me at my residence, it was easy to just skirt around the issue. I figure living arrangements is sortof by a need-to-know basis.
Of course you know your parents, but a friend of mine was really not looking forward to telling her parents...when she told them, they said "Uh yeah, we figured...and we know about your brother living with his girlfriend, too. Can you let him know we know?"
Be respectful of their beliefs - the point is not to defend yours but to be honest with them about the decision you've made. If they're upset, listen - but avoid seeming defensive or like you're talking back.
It depends on your relationship with your grandparents, but I was just vague about it with mine (my parents moved in together prior to marriage though, so I think grandma and grandpa weren't really upset by it by the time I came around - I was just uncomfortable to talk about it with them). Since my grandparents don't really visit me at my residence, it was easy to just skirt around the issue. I figure living arrangements is sortof by a need-to-know basis.
Of course you know your parents, but a friend of mine was really not looking forward to telling her parents...when she told them, they said "Uh yeah, we figured...and we know about your brother living with his girlfriend, too. Can you let him know we know?"
IloveAsschers13
Brilliant_Rock
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Hi,
I think if you don''t want to tell your grandparents it really is none of their business. I could see if you were close but my grandparents would not approve, but they live in IL. and I live in MI. As for your parents, just tell them. At this point they should know you are a mature adult making your decisions. I signed a lease to live with my boyfriend last Oct. and we moved in in August. I just told my mom it was what we wanted to do, we were that serious, and we were doing it without their consent. (HA yeah my dad wasnt too happy, he got over it). I could see that it might be a problem if your parents help you financially, but if no strings attached to them anymore- just tell ''em! Good luck
I think if you don''t want to tell your grandparents it really is none of their business. I could see if you were close but my grandparents would not approve, but they live in IL. and I live in MI. As for your parents, just tell them. At this point they should know you are a mature adult making your decisions. I signed a lease to live with my boyfriend last Oct. and we moved in in August. I just told my mom it was what we wanted to do, we were that serious, and we were doing it without their consent. (HA yeah my dad wasnt too happy, he got over it). I could see that it might be a problem if your parents help you financially, but if no strings attached to them anymore- just tell ''em! Good luck
gwendolyn
Ideal_Rock
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tabu
Shiny_Rock
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Hey Sugar! My BF and I also live together, not engaged yet... hopefully soon
and my parents did not approve either. But when I told them I sat them down very maturally and said I know you don''t approve but I am old enough to make my own decisions. They also love my BF so it wasn''t as bad as I thought it was going to be. They took it pretty well becasue I handled the situation with dignity and respected them, even tho I was going against their wishes. I also think that you should tell your grandmother only if you are close to her. I only told my parents and everyone else just found out later. Good luck!! Let us know how it goes
radiantquest
Ideal_Rock
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kittybean
Ideal_Rock
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I had the same issue when I moved in with my fiance this summer after our engagement. My grandmother (mom''s mom) was NOT pleased, but she was happy I told her, and at this point, she is no longer mad. However, we don''t ever talk about it, which is fine with me.
Talk to your parents first. See what they think, and see if they want you to tell grandma. My dad didn''t want to tell his parents about my living arrangements because his parents are very elderly, and any sort of emotional upset can seriously affect their health. They also had no idea I went to college out of state or that I have my own car. Your parents, once they accept what is going on, can perhaps guide you in how you should approach the issue with your grandmother.
Good luck!
Talk to your parents first. See what they think, and see if they want you to tell grandma. My dad didn''t want to tell his parents about my living arrangements because his parents are very elderly, and any sort of emotional upset can seriously affect their health. They also had no idea I went to college out of state or that I have my own car. Your parents, once they accept what is going on, can perhaps guide you in how you should approach the issue with your grandmother.
Good luck!
iheartscience
Super_Ideal_Rock
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KimberlyH
Ideal_Rock
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Kelli
Ideal_Rock
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I agree! It''s like one of my old dance teachers used to say. (This was actually a teen pregnancy type talk we had when one of our very young peers got pregnant). She said, "you''re only ready to have sex when anyone in the world could find out and you''re ok with it." That always made sense to me, although it''s easier said than done. The same rule could apply to anything else though. My dad is religious, but in a sensible kind of way, not a judgemental way. My finacee and I have been living together for YEARS, and he actually said he thinks that with divorce rates the way they are, that we did it the smart way. They may not be as upset as you might think. And if they are, it''s still your life. Good luck in any event!
Well, this morning I had a late breakfast with my mom and I told her everything. She said that my dad and her had a sneaking suspicion, but did not want to confront us. They waited until we came and told them. Boy, was that a relief. The next thing my mom said was "But don''t tell your grandmother (my father''s mother) or she''ll drop dead on the spot." She''s 86. My maternal grandmother is 70 and acts like she is my age at times. She always says that if I don''t move in with that boy she will! Sometimes I believe her! She is so funny! And she does not look 70 at all. She used to model when she was younger and still has that figure and gorgeous skin. My mom takes after her and hopefully I will too.
So Kittybean I will take your advice and not tell my dad''s mom. As long as everyone can keep it a secret hopefully. Maybe we should have a very short engagement . But first I am waiting for that proposal and I know my BF will not do it on a "holiday" ... too predictable. He likes to surprise me! This should be interesting. I will let you know when it happens. In the meantime do you think it premature to do a little planning on the side??
Thanks for all you help and reassurances. I guess I will always feel like the little girl when it comes to my parents.
So Kittybean I will take your advice and not tell my dad''s mom. As long as everyone can keep it a secret hopefully. Maybe we should have a very short engagement . But first I am waiting for that proposal and I know my BF will not do it on a "holiday" ... too predictable. He likes to surprise me! This should be interesting. I will let you know when it happens. In the meantime do you think it premature to do a little planning on the side??
Thanks for all you help and reassurances. I guess I will always feel like the little girl when it comes to my parents.
Elmorton
Ideal_Rock
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Kelli
Ideal_Rock
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Bliss
Ideal_Rock
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Hi Sugary!
I think the main thing to do is to tell them calmly. Make sure you remind them that while you love them very much and their beliefs are important to you, you are an adult and fully capable of knowing what is right for you.
The main resistance will rear its head if they think they might be able to change your mnd. That's why being firm and resolute (if you're truly going forward with this) is important.
Very scary, I know! Good luck!!!!!
***ETA****
OY! I see that you already did so with great success. So glad it worked out for you!
I think the main thing to do is to tell them calmly. Make sure you remind them that while you love them very much and their beliefs are important to you, you are an adult and fully capable of knowing what is right for you.
The main resistance will rear its head if they think they might be able to change your mnd. That's why being firm and resolute (if you're truly going forward with this) is important.
Very scary, I know! Good luck!!!!!
***ETA****
OY! I see that you already did so with great success. So glad it worked out for you!
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