Lies Parents Tell Their Children

[Haven]

Date: 4/3/2010 9:06:11 AM
Author: Pandora II
I remember my younger sister telling my brother that she used to have *boy''s bits* too, except one day she was bad and so my mother cut them off!

My poor 6 year old brother was an angel for days before bursting into tears and begging my mother not to cut his *willy* off if he was naughty!

Oh my gosh, this is hilarious. And kind of sad, for your brother. Poor little guy, he was probably terrified.

 

[Haven]

Date: 4/3/2010 8:36:22 AM
Author: rockpaperscissors67
One lie we tell our 3 year old is that if he keeps running and jumping around, the monster from downstairs will come get him. Our downstairs neighbors are a real PITA -- they will slam doors and have screaming fights all through the night, but start banging on the ceiling if we make any noise. I''m sure it''s not pleasant for them to listen to the heavy footsteps of a 3 year old that seems to weigh 400 lbs., but I get tired of their bs.

Oh my gosh! I would have been traumatized!

I was scared of monsters at night, and so my parents went out and bought Monster Spray (AKA a bottle of Jean Nate Perfume) and they would spray my bedroom at night to protect me from the monsters. That was a good lie, I think.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Yea, except you had to sleep in a room that smelled like Jean Nate! That stuff could give me nightmares!

 

[iheartscience]

I love these! My parents didn''t tell us any lies that I can think of, but my older sister definitely did.

She''s 10 years older than me and my twin sister, and when she was babysitting us and we were bad she would tell us she was going to call the witch to come take us away. One time when she was watching us (we were probably 4 or 5) she actually picked up the phone, dialed a number and said "Hello, Witch? I have 2 bad girls I need you to come get. Our address is blah blah blah and they''ll be waiting out front." Then she had me and my sister go upstairs, pack suitcases and sit on the front porch to wait for the witch to come get us! She tries to deny it to this day but I remember it clearly!

My brother also told a funny/terrible lie to his kids. They kept going around to the front of the house (when they were supposed to stay in the back yard where he could watch them), so he told my niece and nephew that there was a lion out front that was going to eat them if they went into the front yard. I guess at the time they were afraid of lions for some reason, and he decided to capitalize on it!

My old boss did pretty much the same thing with his kids. They kept leaving the back door wide open when they came in and out and bugs kept getting in the house, so he told them that the screen door was to keep dragons out of the house. They shut it after that!

 

[allikatac]

No kids yet, but I do remember my parents making up little lies to get a desired outcome from my sister or myself. The one that I remember most and plan to use on my own kids was the clean up fairy, much like the tooth fairy. My parents were neat freaks so they would always make us clean up every toy we had out before we went to bed. When I was about 4 or 5 I was really into barbies and I hated having to "take down the set" each night. They would warn me that the clean up fairy would come take aways my toys if I didn''t put them away, but I figured I''d chance it. One morning I went to the playroom and all of my barbies and little people were gone! There was a note from the clean up fairy telling me that in order to get them back I had to prove I could clean up the rest of my toys. After what felt like a few weeks(probably a few days) I ended up getting them back, but I was definitly scarred from the experience haha... I would talk about it with my friends and they never knew what I was talking about until I was about in 7th grade and realized that although everyone experience the tooth fairy, santa clause and the easter bunny that I was really the only one that talked about the clean up fairy haha.

I also remember lying to my sister a lot. I use to tell her poisonous berries were good for her!(I can''t believe I was so mean). Like most siblings, I also taught her that coins were worth more than bills and then we would trade our money

 

[cocolaw]

when i was a child and afraid of the dark, my mom would come in my room and spray "monster spray" which was actually lysol or some kind of room freshener! it helped me fall asleep. that''s a good lie though

 

[cocolaw]

haven weird! i just read up!! were our moms reading the same parenting books??? haha

 

[PumpkinPie]

Date: 4/3/2010 10:06:51 PM
Author: cocolaw
when i was a child and afraid of the dark, my mom would come in my room and spray ''monster spray'' which was actually lysol or some kind of room freshener! it helped me fall asleep. that''s a good lie though

I agree - a good lie - it''s pretty cute actually

 

[packrat]

London had (still kind of has I guess, since she talks about him still) a monster she was scared of..her "own", like in Monster''s Inc. His name is Swa Swa Swa. She was ALWAYS freaking out about him. She drew pictures of him (a scary weird version of Randall from MI) and told me the "noise" he made when he ran-like a tskstsktsk sort of beetle-ish sound. Sadly enough, I hated when she''d tell me about him running at her in her dreams b/c she''d make that noise and it was an eery sound. Anyway, JD one day had had enough, and he finally said "You know what, Swa Swa Swa can''t hurt you b/c daddy threw him in the river and he drowned"

 

[Haven]

Date: 4/3/2010 10:07:45 PM
Author: cocolaw
haven weird! i just read up!! were our moms reading the same parenting books??? haha

I know, right?

If you were raised vegetarian and didn''t go to a *real* doctor until after the age of 10, then we might be long lost sisters!

 

[Haven]

Date: 4/3/2010 12:59:58 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
Yea, except you had to sleep in a room that smelled like Jean Nate! That stuff could give me nightmares!

Hahahahaha. I know--I can''t smell that stuff without feeling like I''m right back on my hard little futon curled up in my blankie and worrying about the monsters.

 

[LAJennifer]

My Dad has been bald since the age of 26. He was 33 when I was born. When I was little (around 3) he told me his hair would grow back if I massaged his head. I did this every evening, for years, waiting patiently for his hair to return.

 

[missy]

The only lie I can remember is about the tooth fairy. My parents told us if my sister and I put the baby teeth that fall out under the pillow at night the tooth fairy would come and give us a reward. I don't think I ever believed this lie and one night my sister and I hatched a plan to stay up all night and catch the "tooth fairy" (aka my dad) in action.

I promptly fell asleep though

Lucky for us as the rewards might have stopped before our baby teeth were all gone

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Okay, mine.

Regardless of what I sound like online, in real life, I'm very sarcastic.

The deal is, my boys are 7 and 9 and no matter how much it traumatizes ME to talk about sex, they still ask. Ugh. They don't even know what the word means. They just have heard the word and know it's taboo in some manner or another.

So my lie? What do I say to two inquisitive little guys? I told them that sex is kissing. Simple as that. Then I elaborated that they have to wait until they're married until they can kiss. Therefore, you know, no kissing until marriage. Or moreover, IF a couple kisses, they're married. Oh, and all you have to do is KISS and then a baby comes out.

God, how did all that start? It doesn't even make any sense and they question me on it. . .

Now, at the end of many of their favorite movies (like Panyo), the characters kiss. Okay, the characters are only 7 or whatever, but yes, they're now married and pregnant.

 

[missy]

Date: 4/4/2010 11:29:32 PM
Author: MC
Okay, mine.


Regardless of what I sound like online, in real life, I''m very sarcastic.


The deal is, my boys are 7 and 9 and no matter how much it traumatizes ME to talk about sex, they still ask. Ugh. They don''t even know what the word means. They just have heard the word and know it''s taboo in some manner or another.


So my lie? What do I say to two inquisitive little guys? I told them that sex is kissing. Simple as that. Then I elaborated that they have to wait until
they''re married until they can kiss. Therefore, you know, no kissing until marriage. Or moreover, IF a couple kisses, they''re married. Oh, and all you have to do is KISS and then a baby comes out.


God, how did all that start? It doesn''t even make any sense and they question me on it. . .


Now, at the end of many of their favorite movies (like Panyo), the characters kiss. Okay, the characters are only 7 or whatever, but yes, they''re now married and pregnant.

That is a tough one for sure. I would just worry that when they see others kissing in real life (even you and your dh) they may ask/think uh oh, are we getting another baby brother or sister? Or what if they see 2 kids kissing at school etc I mean it can happen. Hopefully though this won''t happen till they are older and really know what sex is. I remember it was very traumatic for me. I cannot remember my exact age (I think around 8 though) that the school had a special auditorium session for moms and daughters that showed a film about periods and sex. I felt nauseous after that

I couldn''t believe how disgusting it was to a. have your period and b. let a boy put his penis in you

Luckily time changes your perception of things (OK maybe not so much about the period though

)

 

[radiantquest]

My mother told me that she had her "good little girl" in the attic. When I didnt do something I was supposed to do like clean up my room she would say "I was going to take you to get an icecream (or whatever), but since you havent cleaned your room yet I guess I will just have to take "good little girl" instead. Of course I cleaned up right away and didnt care that "good little girl" wasnt getting any.

When it came to playing and getting hurt the favorite was "Its all fun games until someone loses an eye." when we were doing something that looked dangerous.

In the event that I did get hurt there was protocol. Of course I got the blood question. If there was no blood my mother would kiss it and tell me that it was a Mommy Magic Kiss and they make the pain go away.

BUT, if there was blood we got the mecur chrome. I dont know if any of you know what that is, if that is how it is spelled or what. It is this red liquid that burns and makes your wound look bloodier and it is applied with a scratchy stick! It was awful. Sometimes if there was blood we wouldnt even tell because we knew what we would get.

 

[zoebartlett]

This wasn''t something my parents did, but something that one of our close family friends did. She was babysitting one night during a thunderstorm, and she knew I was terrified of lightning. When she put me to bed (I think I must have been 5 or 6), she told me that if I wore sneakers to bed, the lightning (if it did strike) would bounce off the rubber soles and I wouldn''t get hurt. So there I was, lying on my back with my sneakers on my hands, rubber soles pointing upward. I refused to move that night for fear of lightning getting me.

 

[Laila619]

Date: 4/2/2010 6:44:41 PM
Author: PinkAsscher678

Date: 4/2/2010 6:38:53 PM
Author: Haven
I''m sure my parents told us lots of lies, but the only one I can think of for now is this:


Whenever we were traveling in the car and one of us would ask ''Are we there yet?'' my parents always responded the same exact way:

''15 more minutes.''


You''d think we would stop asking, but we never did.


They also typically refused to investigate our ailments unless we were bleeding. If we ever called for them and said we were hurt they''d say ''Is there any blood?'' If we responded ''No,'' then they''d respond with ''Then go drink some water'' or ''Just walk it off'' and they always ended with ''You''re fiiiiine.'' They told us water makes everything feel better.


Now whenever either DH or I hurt ourselves the other will always say ''You''re fiiiine.'' When I text messaged him from the roller rink with ''I think I just broke my arm. Can you meet me at home in 45 minutes to take me to ER?'' his text back was ''You''re fiiiine.'' It wasn''t so amusing at that moment, though, I can tell you that.

Yeah, with my parents it was aloe. Got a 3rd degree burn? Aloe. Sawed off a finger? Aloe. Mauled by a panther? Aloe.

The answer is always aloe.

LOL!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 4/5/2010 9:43:14 AM
Author: missy

Date: 4/4/2010 11:29:32 PM
Author: MC
Okay, mine.


Regardless of what I sound like online, in real life, I''m very sarcastic.


The deal is, my boys are 7 and 9 and no matter how much it traumatizes ME to talk about sex, they still ask. Ugh. They don''t even know what the word means. They just have heard the word and know it''s taboo in some manner or another.


So my lie? What do I say to two inquisitive little guys? I told them that sex is kissing. Simple as that. Then I elaborated that they have to wait until
they''re married until they can kiss. Therefore, you know, no kissing until marriage. Or moreover, IF a couple kisses, they''re married. Oh, and all you have to do is KISS and then a baby comes out.


God, how did all that start? It doesn''t even make any sense and they question me on it. . .


Now, at the end of many of their favorite movies (like Panyo), the characters kiss. Okay, the characters are only 7 or whatever, but yes, they''re now married and pregnant.

That is a tough one for sure. I would just worry that when they see others kissing in real life (even you and your dh) they may ask/think uh oh, are we getting another baby brother or sister? Or what if they see 2 kids kissing at school etc I mean it can happen. Hopefully though this won''t happen till they are older and really know what sex is. I remember it was very traumatic for me. I cannot remember my exact age (I think around 8 though) that the school had a special auditorium session for moms and daughters that showed a film about periods and sex. I felt nauseous after that

I couldn''t believe how disgusting it was to a. have your period and b. let a boy put his penis in you

Luckily time changes your perception of things (OK maybe not so much about the period though

)

They''re not taking me all that seriously, though, because I said I''m often sarcastic. They think it''s funny. They also thought "flirting" was sex. They know they''re not getting another brother or sister when DH and I kiss. They''ve never said anything about how come they don''t have 900 baby brothers and sisters.

Part of the issue is if I tell my older son about the birds and the bees he will tell his younger brother everything and then the younger one will tell his friends and who knows what''ll happen then.

 

[MonkeyPie]

Gosh I love this thread lol.

 

[geckodani]

Date: 4/7/2010 12:58:43 PM
Author: MonkeyPie
Gosh I love this thread lol.

Ditto, LOL!

I don''t know if this counts as a lie, but the last time we were at our friend''s house the following conversation happened:

5 year old: But, but, but!!
Dad: But, but, but what?!?! If you didn''t have a butt your legs would fall off! Go brush your teeth!

 

[princesss]

Date: 4/2/2010 7:09:45 PM
Author: Mrs Mitchell
The icecream van plays the little tune to let you know it''s run out of icecream.

Love it! My friend D''s mom told her and her brothers that that was the "Music Truck" and the driver would drive around to play music for the kids. You were supposed to stop and listen and then say thank you/clap, and go back to whatever you were doing.

My BF''s parents told their first daughter that rice cakes were called "cookies".