Wedding Letting things slide...

[sputat]

I mostly lurk here on PS but whenever I check out the B&G section, it always seem to have a positive vibe so...

I am a very easy-breezy kinda gal. I''m no flash, not into details and to aim for perfection is tiresome. You get the picture. I just hit my 30s and a few months away from getting married (DW). I never really daydreamed about my wedding day.

I am not that social so I only have a few close friends, which is enough for me. I never really noticed it before but now that the countdown to the wedding is on, I would get off comments from girlfriends about the wedding plans. I''m not terribly sensitive and I''m too passive for my own good but when I actually let it sink in, some comments are just borderline unnecessarily rude.

I would get either stifled guffaws or incredulous reactions when I talk about what''s the wedding going to be like.

1.) Yikes! That''s your budget? (With maybe 25 people attending did they expect our budget to be $25k?)
2.) Why are you having your reception there?! (Is there anything about me that screams swanky up the wazoo?)
3.) That''s not a honeymoon! Why not Europe? (We''ve been living together for 4 years. Romantic for us is going to the City and eating at our sorely-missed favorite restaurants.)

There''s more but I won''t bore you. I don''t realize how snippy some of the comments are until I already hung up the phone. Some I can shake off easily but others linger longer. I do understand that everybody''s different and their idea of fun is probably dreadful for me and vice versa. Now I feel anxious when I get asked about wedding details because what I tell them seem to be so distressing and sad(?).

I normally keep these thoughts inside. Once in a while, I unload to my mom and she tells me to ignore the bad comments. I hardly tell my guy anything cuz he already think these girls are competitive and ludicrous (and single). I''m not confrontational so I know there''s more to come... next stop, family members.

How do you handle wedding related snippy comments? I know you can''t make everybody happy.

 

[purrfectpear]

There''s nothing to handle IMO. It''s YOUR wedding. You or your parents are paying for it, not the snippy single friends.

Buck up girly. I would never let ANYTHING anyone else says get to me. You youngsters need to develop some self esteem

I wish some of us older gals could loan you some. We have extra

 

[[email protected]]

Keep your head up...I was in the same boat. People always expected a big fancy wedding from me and were let down. My friend went off on me for wearing my hair down. Another set me multiple emails unhappy with our informality.
If you like your wedding that''s all that matters. Say, I am excited and I think it will be a great day.
Don''t share too much...nobody needs to know what everything costs.
On the other hand, don''t sell yourself short. If there is one thing that will make the day extra special for you...go for it.
Good luck

 

[[email protected]]

sent..sorry

 

[loverocks]

Hi bubboo - sorry to hear that others are getting you down.

Sometimes people can be snippy and not realize that they are really hurting your feelings. It is true that most times you just have to let things slide.... I think what might make things easier for you is showing how super excited you are about your plans and how great it is that the celebration will be so "you" and not necessarily a cookie-cutter idea of what others might think it should be. It reminds me of one of my best girlfriends who just got engaged, and she is planning on doing the ceremony and reception in a small little vineyard. She is having no wedding pary, no DJ or band (using an ipod!), no sit down dinner (tapas all the way!), etc. etc. To me it is very non-traditional, but I love it because it is so HER. And she is so excited and happy about it. Really - that is what matter because no one has a great time if you don''t. I wish you the best....

 

[SarahLovesJS]

My advice would be to maintain your cool (which it sounds like you do) and reply "That''s what we want." Who can argue with that? If they do then they''re trying to tell you what you want, and that''s even more rude! Sorry people are being bossy/snippy.

 

[zoebartlett]

What will your wedding be like and where will it be?

I agree with Sarah!

 

[sputat]

Thank you so much for your replies. It really made me feel better to vent about this. PMS + a night alone = pity party. LoL

I guess the best response really is to be excited about what we want. At first when they caught me offguard, I would get flustered and pause since I didn''t know how to respond to the comments. They''re really fantastic girlfriends and I actually feel bad that I sound resentful towards them. I just think that if they tell me they want to go uber-grand when they get married, I wouldn''t try to sell ''low-key'', ya know.

Ahh. Maybe it''s just nerves. I''m sure whatever happens, it''ll be fun finally marrying my man.

 

[sputat]

Date: 5/15/2008 9:28:50 PM
Author: ZoeBartlett
What will your wedding be like and where will it be?

I agree with Sarah!

It will be a simple beach wedding, right before sunset. We picked a Spanish tapas restaurant that''s walking distance from the beach for our reception. The restaurant is charming so it needs minimal decoration and the outside veranda has that relaxed beachy feel. Good food, good wine and no dancing.

At the beginning of the planning, I did think of maybe having our small reception in a hotel but it felt ''forced'' to me. We''ll be paying for the wedding ourselves and our family''s accommodations. Everybody''s invited to a casual rehearsal dinner and the morning-after brunch. We''ll be running around on our not-so-honeymoonish honeymoon. Wedding expenses add up quick so we thought we can live without all the bells and whistles. I guess that equals to cheap in certain company.

 

[diamondfan]

I would smile sweetly and say, It is going to be a great day! I am so happy you will be a part of it!

keep changing the subject in a subtle manner. Do not get sucked into defending anything.

You can also say, not all weddings have to be the same. This is what we want and we are happy!

I mean, do ALL these snotty girls think every wedding has to be identical? I think it is about the two of you. I have seen lovely easy casual weddings that feel warm and happy and intimate. Having 500 people dine on caviar and drink champagne does not make the party better or the marriage happier. Might be nice, but certainly not a necessity.

 

[canuk-gal]

Date: 5/15/2008 10:02:48 PM
Author: diamondfan
I would smile sweetly and say, It is going to be a great day! I am so happy you will be a part of it!

keep changing the subject in a subtle manner. Do not get sucked into defending anything.

You can also say, not all weddings have to be the same. This is what we want and we are happy!

I mean, do ALL these snotty girls think every wedding has to be identical? I think it is about the two of you. I have seen lovely easy casual weddings that feel warm and happy and intimate. Having 500 people dine on caviar and drink champagne does not make the party better or the marriage happier. Might be nice, but certainly not a necessity.

HI:

Ditto. However insincere these folks are, you do not have to find yourself so. Smile a lot!

cheers--Sharon

 

[newbie124]

Hi, I just wanted to chime in and say that your plans sound lovely to me

Simple, but in a nice and romantic way and I''m sure it fits your style more than that forced hotel wedding would. Honestly, we''ve all been to many cookie cutter hotel/reception hall weddings that don''t have much of the couple''s personality in them at all. Plus, the couple barely have time to actually hang out and chat w/ their close friends/family. I think you''re doing the right thing. But as someone else mentioned above, don''t sell yourselves short either!

 

[lliang_chi]

Buboo,
Your wedding sounds DREAMY! Don''t listen to comments! Your friends are all single (as you said previously), they have NO IDEA what planning a wedding''s like. And just because *they* want things in a certain way, doesn''t mean EVERYONE does.

For real, your wedding sounds TOTALLY AWESOME!!!! You should totally rock it. And just know that when they do their grand elaborate weddings, they''ll be stressed out the wazoo, and you would''ve enjoyed eating, drinking and mingling with your guests, barefoot in the sand. Mwa ha ha ha....

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I just wanted to say your wedding sounds lovely and ours is quite formal and we won''t have dancing either.

Anyway, my FMIL thinks my plans are boring (to sound like the snob she thinks I am, she does have a certain level of trailer park trash in her), snobby and over the top which is pretty funny considering she is largely planning the wedding for FBIL which involves a "meadeval winter" with a purple cake with a castle and dragon on it, my FI and his brothers as jesters for attendents and the world''s cheapest "period" gown, all in "castle" shaped resteraunt built in he 70s.

Anyway, our wedding is first and everytime we would tell her something about it, we would get a comment about how we were wrong about it. Our solution? we stopped telling her things. She no longer asks about the wedding or bothers us about it. Think about it, do your friends really need to know how much you are spending? The less they know they less they can disaprove of, at least that was how it worked for me.

 

[sklingem]

Sounds great to me! I am more impressed by weddings that are kept small and simple, not to mention affordable as opposed to monster ones where you don''t get to talk to everybody anyway, succomb to outside pressures on when and where to do it, how many people to invite and that either burden others and/or yourself financially. Kudos to you for sticking to your guns and I am sure that you will have a fabulous wedding!

 

[HollyS]

First of all: I like your attitude! Good for you that you''re not a ''keeping up appearances for appearances sake'' kinda gal.

Second: It''s your wedding. Do it your way. Never mind the petty comments. And you will get them; a lot of them. This is just the tip of the iceburg.

So, look them in the eyes and say "this is what we want". Let it go at that. Real friends that know you well will understand. Everyone else can just lump it. (Mock them behind their backs. Stick out your tongue when they aren''t looking. Roll your eyes when they turn away. Mimic them in your bathroom mirror in the morning.

)

There. Doesn''t that feel better?

 

[[email protected]]

I think the wedding sounds great.

 

[mrs.ROC]

bubboo, this is totally off topic, but i noticed your avatar picture. do you have a bigger picture of it? i tried looking up your previous posts..but was unable to find pics. is that your e-ring??? i totally admire the ring, just would like to see bigger pics if possible.

 

[sputat]

Thank you again for all your positive comments. The support here is overwhelming and now, when I think about my wedding details... it feels right. As for disclosing the budget, I don''t really discuss it openly except those couple of times... and I learned my lesson so I''m zipping the lip. LoL I really need to practice just answering with a smile and avoiding the question by changing the topic quickly.

Date: 5/18/2008 12:33:02 AM
Author: mrs.ROC
bubboo, this is totally off topic, but i noticed your avatar picture. do you have a bigger picture of it? i tried looking up your previous posts..but was unable to find pics. is that your e-ring??? i totally admire the ring, just would like to see bigger pics if possible.

Mrs. ROC,

Yes, it''s my engagement ring.

I only snuck one pic in the Eye Candy thread a while back (I shied away from posting more pics since RBs are king around here.

) but here ya go. My guy surprised me with it. My ring finger''s a 4.5 btw.

 

[Harleigh]

Holy crappola!!! What a beautiful e-ring! Can we get the specs on that puppy???

So sorry you are dealing with rude people...I am getting that about my DW in Maui, too. I''ve just learned to say that it''s what we chose and we hope everyone can be happy for us.

Your wedding sounds like it is going to be lovely! Congratulations!