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Leaving the social networking life...

iwannaprettyone

iwannaprettyone

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 5, 2002
Messages
3,684
I have really been thinking about this a lot lately. No big annoucement, just slipping away into nothingness to get back to enjoying real life. Both big name sites are now deactivated and I am interested to see what happens in my world in the next few hours, days, weeks...so those of you that are my friends on said sites, that's what gives.

Initial Observations

1) rather than updating my status I am calling/texting my husband, mother, friend instead. WOW, an actual connection.
2) nice to feel disconnected/anonymous for a change3) when someones says, "well, i posted it on XXXXXX" I can say sorry, don't have a page any more just call, email, text me.
3) even after a day I am searching out meaningful activities away from the computer, I actually played my piano for a couple of hours.

I don't consider PS a part of this social networking anarchy.

So, am I crazy... are this sites actually anti social in a way? What do you think?
 
I do think they're anti-social in some ways, but they are an unfortunate reality of life. I haven't used Myspace in years, and although I maintain a FB page, I don't really post much on it. I basically keep it so I can know what's going on in my friends' lives (and I am only friends with people whose updates I actually care to see). It's well and good to say "I don't have a page so call me etc" but the reality is that most people won't. They don't want to expend the time and effort. So if you disconnect, you have to be okay with being out of the loop most of the time, and hope that when people have something really big to share, they will remember to contact you about it.

As far as your own behavior, I think that's just a matter of personal taste/ambition/willpower/whatever you want to call it. I scan new posts on FB maybe once or twice a day, it really doesn't take up any meaningful time. PS on the other hand...
 
IWPO - I removed myself from both and for good. I feel like there was too much involvement in my life by other people and me in theirs. I feel like I was not taking as much time to do other things I loved. I feel like I definitely have a better connection with other people that are actually meaningful to me. I don't think I'll ever go back now. I am reading more, and making jam, and baking, and I am seriously considering a big painting project... which I haven't done in a long time.
 
I find them to be quite superficial in some respects, but it is a nice way to keep in touch with people who don't live nearby. I only "friend" people that I know and like in real life, people I actually enjoy spending time with and who I keep in touch with through other means as well (with a few exceptions, a couple of cousins and an aunt I don't care for sent me "friend" requests and I accepted as it wasn't worth causing a family argument by not doing so).

My mom is very invested in FB, and I think it's really bad for her. She's always asking if I saw X or read Y and I'm like "No, I don't pay that close of attention" and it gets her all worked up. I'm just not that invested in it, so I don't see it negatively affecting my life, but I do so it being too much and not enough for others (see above reference to my mother!).
 
I'm curious: for those that think it's anti-social, where are the majority of your family/friends? In town with you or scattered everywhere?

I ask because, to me, the social networking sites have really helped bring me closer to my family in ways that I don't think would have happened if it weren't for these sites. I have family in states that probably won't get to meet my daugther for a few more years who have been able to enjoy photos of her now as an infant/toddler. I have also found a lot of old friends through these sites. Do I *need* them in my life? Probably not but it has been nothing but wonderful seeing pictures of their families and reading up on what is going on in their lives.

It's interesting reading your and DF's perspective. I find message boards to be way more time consuming and takes a lot more from your life than things like FB and the likes. FB to me is a quick status update and I can post photos quickly. I take probably about 5 minutes once in the morning and another 5 or 10 once in the evening to quickly check out status updates and photos and comment. But on PS, for example, I know the history of a lot of the posters. The threads I typically post on are large threads where I have to take the time to read each response and respond back to them. I can easily spend 30-45 minutes just browsing through each of the different sections and reading up on the posts. And if it's an evening where something is particularly interesting, I can easily spend an hour responding and waiting for responses.

I think that if I were to give up anything in order to "take back" my life, it would have to be the message boards not FB.
 
KimberlyH said:
I find them to be quite superficial in some respects, but it is a nice way to keep in touch with people who don't live nearby. I only "friend" people that I know and like in real life, people I actually enjoy spending time with and who I keep in touch with through other means as well (with a few exceptions, a couple of cousins and an aunt I don't care for sent me "friend" requests and I accepted as it wasn't worth causing a family argument by not doing so).

My mom is very invested in FB, and I think it's really bad for her. She's always asking if I saw X or read Y and I'm like "No, I don't pay that close of attention" and it gets her all worked up. I'm just not that invested in it, so I don't see it negatively affecting my life, but I do so it being too much and not enough for others (see above reference to my mother!).
Click to expand...
I agree with Kimberly, and my mother is the same way. She's very much involved in Facebook, and it's come to the point where we will be out for a meal (or in my home!) and she will be on her iPhone reading what people are doing. :errrr:

We've also had to ask her to please not post anything about US on her page where you put information about "What are you doing?" (I can't remember what those posts are called. Updates?) For as much as I share here on PS, DH and I are very private people IRL, so it makes me very uncomfortable to see information such as "Just dropped off my daughter and her wonderful husband at the airport, they're off to Ireland for two weeks!" up on the Internet.

So, I think it can be a very bad thing for some people if they become too invested in it. I think it gives some people the illusion of being involved with others, when in reality they are just punching words into a phone or a computer, and they're not making any real connections at all.
 
I have never understood this 'social networking' it seems stupid to me to be maintaining a webpage or twittering on about inane crap to nobody in particular. But I do post here, so cast the first stone and all.
 
Meh, I'm with Octavia in that I think FB is what you make it. It helps me keep in touch with family (and some friends) who live far away, and as a result I'm a lot closer with cousins and old friends than I was before. For example, my cousin just came and stayed with me while she was on a road trip. I'm not sure she would have felt like she could ask to stay with me if we weren't closer from interacting on FB. And I'm super glad she came!

My friends and I aren't in high school, so really no drama comes from FB. And as for privacy, I don't accept friend requests from people I don't know or have no interest in interacting with. And if their status updates get on my nerves I just hide them or delete them altogether.

ETA I'm really not obsessive about FB at all which makes a difference I'm sure. FB doesn't impact my real life in any way. I check it here and there but don't update my status every second. I probably only update it once or twice a week, actually.
 
I had a Twitter and a Myspace at one point, but deleted them when I got bored with it. Now I have a Facebook page, which is great because most of my friends are scattered throughout the country.

I really just use it to keep the grandparents (who live across the country) updated with new pictures and videos of my daughter, and also to see who's getting engaged/married/pregnant. My really close friends and I chat on the phone and get together often, so I don't feel it's hindered anything in that regard. But that's the only social networking site I use, and PS is the only forum.
 
Facebook had ruined our weekly girls night out....we have nothing to "catch up" on that everyone and God doesn't already know about...lol

For me, I am so over hearing about how happy, how much fun, how in love, etc etc etc etc I can't help feeling that people are just out to impress and that none of what they are saying is true. Seriously, if you are having such an amazing vacation in Bora Bora, why are you posting every hour, about every detail, instead of enjoying yourself with you human partner??? Psychologist are starting to think these sites will damage human interactions, and if you really stop and think about it, it is so true!

Ofcourse, I do see the benefits. It is the laziest way to keep up with anyone that means anything to you, you can brag and boast about this and that...

Don't get me started on the privacy issues.

To each his own on this one.
 
I check once in awhile to see what people are doing. Inevitably, the ones I would love to hear from, never update. I rarely post on my real FB account. I have a fake one for PS moms and I far prefer that account because there, I am interested in the mundane details.

As far as my IRL friends go, the way I see it, some of them seem so busy documenting their lives that they forget to live it. FB generally isn't for me.
 
Huge ditto to Fiery

I only spend about 5-10min on FB per week, and update rarely, so no, I don't think it's interfering in my social life at all. It's all in how you use it.
 
I think it is how you use it. For me it hasn't changed the way I interact with my close friends, but rather the people in my life I am interested in but not close with. So it is nice to know that my old college roommate got married, that my childhood friend is pregnant, or that my cousin and her family are visiting South Dakota. I wouldn't know any of those things without Facebook - we didn't talk or share before - but I enjoy looking at pictures and seeing what people are up to. For people I am close with, I still talk to my best friend on the phone and via email, but get to see the photos from the vacation she took with her in-laws that I probably wouldn't have seen otherwise.

As for taking away from my life, I don't post constantly. I just looked and in the past two weeks I've made one inane status update, congratulated a middle school friend on the birth of her son, suggested another friend keep watching The Wire even though Season 2 is less awesome than the others, and commented on a few other people's pictures or updates about things like hoping Kim Kardashian doesn't screw up Cowboys football and how, yes, CPK does sound delicious right now. It isn't deep, but I'm not in deep relationships with those people. All that probably has taken 15 minutes or so a day.

Social networking isn't for everyone, but I've been able to connect with people I otherwise wouldn't have. A friend from college who I had a stupid falling out with years ago connected with me on FB, we were able to slowly become friends again, and yesterday I saw her for the first time in over 8 years. I am fairly certain none of that would have happened without the passive nature of social networking allowing us to get to know each other again.

So you see the "benefits" as being able to be lazy and brag, I see the benefits as being able to connect with people I otherwise would now know nothing about. To each her own, indeed.
 
I also left social networking about a year back. I have enjoyed my time without it. Once in a while I do log back in if I need to find someone's contact info, but more often than not I'm reminded of why I left and I deactivate my account quickly once again. I never had "drama" from Facebook, but I was tired of the information overload that came with it. I had had my accound for a while, and had about 800 friends. I think there is a utility similar to Facebook without applications, gifts, or walls, but I can't remember its name. I'd gladly sign up for that.
 
I am on FB but with a limited number of friends (about 15). These are people who all know each other and do not live closeby. A majority of us have been friends since childhood and have a preset time when we go on and chat with one another. We share photos and are a support group for one another. One of my friends is battling cancer and we all go on and encourage her on her battle and are there for her when she has a bad day. She said that seeing our daily messages helps her get through the day. Another woman's husband died suddenly a year ago and she could always go on FB and have one of her good friends almost always available to help her get through the hard times.

So I guess a social networking site can be helpful in many ways as long as you do not let it become your life.
 
Ditto it depends on how you use it. I never post on my BFF or hub or sister's wall really. I see them or talk to them every day or both. But it's been super helpful in keeping in touch with people I wouldn't have time for otherwise OR those who aren't a big part of my life anymore but the 'general interest' is still there. aka my old roommate--she has 2 kids and is married now and I love seeing her pics and she comments on my pics but we went for 3 years without talking. But it's just nice to see she's doing ok and thrill over her pics of her babies or whatever.

I put a lot of effort into my close relationships and social networking would never fulfill that need or take it over. But it does help me stay in touch with people who otherwise might not 'make the cut' for lack of a better phrase simply to do with TIME...I just don't have enough time in my day to do everything I might want to. Taking 10 seconds to read my news feed a few times a day keeps me more connected with people than I would be otherwise. I also am really picky about who I friend--only people in real life who I know very well or have/had a relationship with. I don't friend coworkers unless they are good friends--same with random people I met once etc etc. Well except for one. :naughty:
 
Mara said:
Ditto it depends on how you use it. I never post on my BFF or hub or sister's wall really. I see them or talk to them every day or both. But it's been super helpful in keeping in touch with people I wouldn't have time for otherwise OR those who aren't a big part of my life anymore but the 'general interest' is still there. aka my old roommate--she has 2 kids and is married now and I love seeing her pics and she comments on my pics but we went for 3 years without talking. But it's just nice to see she's doing ok and thrill over her pics of her babies or whatever.

I put a lot of effort into my close relationships and social networking would never fulfill that need or take it over. But it does help me stay in touch with people who otherwise might not 'make the cut' for lack of a better phrase simply to do with TIME...I just don't have enough time in my day to do everything I might want to. Taking 10 seconds to read my news feed a few times a day keeps me more connected with people than I would be otherwise. I also am really picky about who I friend--only people in real life who I know very well or have/had a relationship with. I don't friend coworkers unless they are good friends--same with random people I met once etc etc. Well except for one. :naughty:
Click to expand...

:tongue:
 
I have a different perspective. I became ill several years ago and things are not improving. My friends and I keep up the best we can, but they all have lives, which include jobs, families, and other commitments. If I want to connect with someone during the day or at odd hours, it's unlikely to happen IRL. For me, having FB provides me with connection to others. Some FB people have become friends and others are friendly acquaintances. It has taken me some time to learn the difference 8) I've only been on FB for a few months. I have found some old friends and FB allows us to keep in touch, due to the distances involved in seeing each other. I have joined a group of people who love their Cavalier King Charles Spaniels. The group was started in Italy. There is a woman in NY with whom I now correspond. All of the pics and videos make me laugh. There are a number of special interest groups that are good places to visit. I think that social networking can be fun and therapeutic, if done in a healthy manner.
 
iwannaprettyone said:
For me, I am so over hearing about how happy, how much fun, how in love, etc etc etc etc I can't help feeling that people are just out to impress and that none of what they are saying is true. Seriously, if you are having such an amazing vacation in Bora Bora, why are you posting every hour, about every detail, instead of enjoying yourself with you human partner??? Psychologist are starting to think these sites will damage human interactions, and if you really stop and think about it, it is so true!
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I completely agree with this!! I know people who go on vacations and post minute by minute details of what is happening on their vacations. I also have friends, specifically coworkers, who only update when they want to brag. And then there are the annoying few who only post about their kid :tongue: :bigsmile:

My fiance just recently opened a facebook account. He also does not like social networking sites and he doesn't get the point of them. When he first started, it was interesting hearing his thoughts on the news feed. He asked me why so many people were posting all of these things he doesn't want to know about on his profile. I had to explain that what he was seeing was what they were posting on their own profiles. He has, I believe, 10 friends. Five are family and three are his best friends. The other two are people he knew in high school that he thought were really cool lol
 
I kinda like it. I have almost my whole graduating class on my list and it's kinda fun to see new pics of them and their kids-there were 30 in my class, so not many. Some family, so it's nice to see for instance my cousin makes cakes, and I'm talking fancy cool cakes now, and I love to see new pictures on her cake page. I do send hearts/flowers/smiles etc to my friends-mostly my PS friends-and I like being able to send them a quick "thinking of you" note when I know things are rough or they need an extra smile for the day. I have a separate list for my updates if I want to do pics of jewelry or project help, I have my PS friends in a customized deal so nobody else can see it. My brother is in Detroit and his girlfriend in Afghanistan, so it's nice to be able to check and see how things are going and if I'm busy say a quick hi. I don't do the farm thing or the..well whatever the other 'villes are. Petville and Fishville and whatever else. I keep myself "offline" so I can be on there and nobody knows..tho I wish there was a way to just be online for certain people, b/c I like to chat w/my PS buds, but..not really anyone else. Well..I'd chat w/my brother of course.
 
I think it's good to still connect with people in real life instead of relying on FB or other social networking sites. I think those sites can be a fun way to catch up with people occasionally, but it won't ever become my main means of communication with family and friends. To me, it's kind of impersonal and I'd rather have a real/meaningful conversation with someone.
 
fiery said:
I'm curious: for those that think it's anti-social, where are the majority of your family/friends? In town with you or scattered everywhere?

I ask because, to me, the social networking sites have really helped bring me closer to my family in ways that I don't think would have happened if it weren't for these sites. I have family in states that probably won't get to meet my daugther for a few more years who have been able to enjoy photos of her now as an infant/toddler. I have also found a lot of old friends through these sites. Do I *need* them in my life? Probably not but it has been nothing but wonderful seeing pictures of their families and reading up on what is going on in their lives.
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Ditto, 95% of my family and friends are across the country where I grew up and for me facebook is a quick way to stay in contact with people that I want to remain friends with but don't have time to call weekly. I still talk to my parents and 4 closest girlfriends on the phone regularly but for my cousins and other good friends it's a way to stay in touch when I probably wouldn't otherwise. I really love getting to see all their pictures too since at the current rate, I only see most of them twice a year :((
 
I am on FB and I really enjoy for what it is. And for me it's pretty much a way to connect with folks I haven't seen in ages and wondered what they are up to. And in other cases I can keep in touch with my family and friends that are spread out across the country. I was recently at a family reunion and posted pictures of the weekend's events so those who weren't there could partake. They were really appreciative and so I see FB as a positive for things like that. I am not a frequent status-updater but I do check in every other day or so, jus to catch up with people and post comments here and there. As others have said, FB is what you make it.

I recently discovered another huge pro about FB. DH and I are acquainted (not closely) with another couple that recently went through a divorce after a very short-lived marriage. I knew the wife first and so talked with her on a more regular basis than DH did. We later met her husband and he and DH had hung out on occasion. Well, as their marriage began to crumble whenever I talked with the wife it was all about what the now ex-husband did or didn't do this and that and so on and so on. I totally understood her needing to vent, but after a while, I felt like it was just too much considering we were never close friends and I started to pull back from talking to her on the phone a lot because I could only take so much un-loading. At some point the wife started to use FB and her status updates to vent about the divorce and her ex-husband's affair with a stripper (I kid you not), his lack of care for their young daughter and how selfish he was and so I no longer had to listen to her on the phone, all I had to do was log on to FB! And I could post a supportive comment to her as necessary without have to hear a diatribe on the situation. So while I don't think FB is the proper venue to air one's dirty laundry, I did find it useful to sort of stay on the sidelines of an acquaintance's ugly divorce yet provide my support to her.
 
I do FB but I am not the sort that updates my status with every minute detail or posts every detail of my life. Actually, I post very little. But I love it for one big reason. I live five hours from my two nieces and with FB, I get to see tons of pictures of them and it's just easier for us to interact as a group with each other. I'm not always great at email or getting home on a regular basis and I love that I can pop on FB and see what's going on with my siblings and their darlings in one place. I love it for that. If it went away, sure I'd go back to emailing pics, etc and I'd live just fine, but I love that FB makes it easy.

ETA: A lot of my friends are on FB, but my two closest friends are either NOT on FB or very rarely on FB so when we catch up, we CALL each other. None of us live in the same state or get to see each other regularly, so I like to hear their voices. FB sure can't do that for you.
 
Most of my facebook friends are people that I know primarily through internet sites such as Pricescope, or "long lost" friends that I wouldn't be in touch with at all except for facebook. Most of my FB friends post only about fairly big things that are happening in their lives, or they provide links to the things that are important to me ... some of which I enjoy exploring or even add to my list of things to like/do. I don't post updates on my daily goings on, though I might use FB to get out the message about a public projects involving friends or family members that I believe in, and that would benefit from the exposure (the projects, not the people!) I've friended only one or two people who post throughout the day, and I tend to hide their updates because it makes it difficult to see what's going on with the more selective people... no, none of my PS friends are in that group!

I don't "friend" anyone from work, and the few people that found me on FB and asked seem to understand this.

The main exception to this general philosophy is my niece and nephews. FB gives me a way to get in contact with then (personal messages) that's more effective than trying to reach them by phone, and more likely to happen than by letter.

I guess what I'm saying is that I use FB, but on my terms! :wink2:
 
iwannaprettyone said:
Initial Observations

2) nice to feel disconnected/anonymous for a change3) when someones says, "well, i posted it on XXXXXX" I can say sorry, don't have a page any more just call, email, text me.
So, am I crazy... are this sites actually anti social in a way? What do you think?
Click to expand...

DH and I find this to be the hardest. Those friends simply don't email, call, or text. A couple of them run groups, such as poetry reading, and DH never knows about those since leaving FB. I'm still on FB so I get the messages and pass them on. I don't update status at all. I don't even think I have a user picture any longer, but there are a couple of friend who tell me that I should check FB when I ask them questions about their lives. I'm clear that I don't like FB and won't check it even if means I'm let out of engagement annoucements, pregnancy annoucements, and so on, but those friends chose not to keep me in the loop in other ways.
 
I went back out to facebook yesterday and did some cleaning. I had 345 "friends" all people I know thru work, school, university etc...i now have about 50 friends/family. The guilt I felt deleting all of these people was intense. I texted all the people who I communicate with regularly and told them that I would be offline for a bit, not to be concerned and I'd try to check my facebook from time to time, but if its important news not to rely on the fact that I might see it online. I swear, I have had more text messages and calls in the last 2 days than I have in years.

None of my choices have been about drama, I am fortunate to not have those kinds of friends anymore. For fierys question- I live in a small Texas town, the majority of my family is in the UK, France and Australia, my uni friends are 4-6 hours away in general. So yes, scattered. My DH hates anytype of personal information on the web, but he understands thru clenched teeth. LOL

Advice to anyone that uses these sites, google privacy and FB...it is really pretty scary how accessible your personal information is, so be careful out there in the big bad web.
 
Ditto using FB on your own terms.

I let some good friendships slip away, and FB has helped me reclaim some of those. Those friendships have transitioned back into calling, visiting, etc.

I tell my students they can befriend me after they graduate. It's nice to see what they're up to.

I used FB to find out the AP scores of 5 students who were missing from my report. My bonus depends on their scores, and one month later only 2 of the 5 have been fixed, so it was nice to have a way to find that info ASAP. (And yay, I got the big bonus!)

I've used FB to make plans with other moms that I might not know well enough to call now that I'm SAH. You've got to make those connections somehow! I am not a phone person, so this way I don't have to feel like I'm 12 years old calling a boy I like again.

I maintain several different lists with varying levels of privacy (former students can't see where I live; random childhood classmates can't see pics, etc.). I also "hide" the updates of people I don't really care to see. Until this point I've had a policy of accepting all requests of people I've actually met, but now that my friend list has ballooned to 400+ I think I might go back and tweak it.

I refuse to create an anonymous PS account (that is contrary to the terms of use on FB and IMO contrary to the spirit of FB), and with the exception of a few posters whom I grandfathered in, I refuse to accept anonymous PSers. I'm sharing my real life on FB. If you want to be "real" friends with me, great. Otherwise, check out my posts here!
 
I am taking a hiatus from fb for a couple of weeks because this thread inspired me. I deactivated my account and everything! I can honestly say I was addicted to the darn site so this will really be good for me! My husband was like people are going to think you died or something! To which I replied oh well!
 
A while ago I decided to only us FB to post photos for my distant family and friends, or to make other small announcements to all of them at once. I went through and de-friended anyone I did not know personally as a friend or family. Liberating! I rarely use the site now except to look at pictures of my friends kids.
 
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