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Learning to Work? HELP FROM FULL-TIME WORKERS

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UCLABelle

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Hi,

This probably sounds like a stupid thread. I would post my feelings elsewhere (or tell friends) , but don''t have anywhere to start and not too many real friends. I just got a new job a month ago. It is a nice, fun job. However, having just gotten out of school (undergrad and grad), this is my first full-time job and the 8-5 is KILLING me.
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I get home around 5:20 (short commute for Orange County/Los Angeles) but still feel like I have "no day left". With the cost of living (and my very expensive taste, not to mention college/grad loans) I fear this is my whole future. For those of you that work, how do you get through it?!?! Does it ever get depressing?!?!

I have tried everything to relax after work: baths when I get home, Evian misters for work and home, candles; and things to make life more interesting: Disneyland Annual Pass, Shopping, Hollywood Video Rentals MVP....EVERYTHING!
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Aw, UCLAbelle, this is not a stupid thread or question. Did you work in college or before? Just asking to determine whether you''ve been in the 8-5 environment ever before.

Maybe this shift just isn''t right for you...would you ever consider starting your own business in which you could set your own hours, or maybe working retail or sales? Retail hours are often erratic and that is a negative to many people, but some find it to their liking because they get days off during the week, and they get to work a different schedule every week which sort of breaks things up a bit. Are you a night owl or a morning person?

Have you ever talked to a career counselor? They have testing you can do which can help you determine what sort of jobs will work for you personally or for your lifestyle.

I think after giving it your best shot for an entire month that it is obvious by you posting here that 8-5 doesn''t work for you. It probably won''t get better and I don''t think "working" is something that can be learned unless you really have the desire to. Hopefully you will explore other avenues as far as income, maybe you just need to "try on" a few things to see what suits you best!
 
HI!

Thanks for the fast reply...I worked 8-5 before, as an admissions counselor. But only 20 hours a week. The irony of it all is...I AM A COUNSELOR(academic and career)
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.....

I want to keep the job, just see if there is any additional way to make it "feel" less hard, and "less" like I am giving up my life...
 
UCLABelle, welcome to work life.
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Here''s the bad news:
There are some times when work sucks and it''s a drag. It''s depressing but it''s just something you have to do to make a living. You have to have an income to live comfortably and enjoy life. Sunday''s are the worst. I hate Sundays, thinking about how tomorrow is a Monday and the start of a new work week. Unfortunately, you have to get used to the no day left feeling on weekdays. That''s what weekends are for!
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And the good news!
You''ll eventually get used to working 8-5 Monday through Friday and soon the work week will fly by. At least it does for me now. Also it''s an incentive to find a job you love. Because yes, you''ll be spending A LOT of your time there! Also, be thankful for your short commute. Lots of other people have horrible long commutes and get home even later.

I hope this helps a little.
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Snlee- It does help! I think it feels good to know I am not alone. My Dad runs a big company (based out of London), so his job is flexible. My Mom is a housewife (which IS a job, but different from mine but a ton!)....
 
well since you want to keep your job (which is a good thing, lol!), I would say try to get into a routine of after-work life. For example, when I left retail and crazy hours, and got a normal 8-4 j.o.b., I would come home, let the dogs out, feed them, start dinner and laundry (3/4 of the week), and either sit down and watch a little t.v. when it was cold out, or water plants when it was warm out. DH would come home, we''d eat together and then go outside and play with the dogs depending on the weather, then we would go inside and take care of bill paying or other paperwork. I''d turn down the bed later in the evening, do my skin care an dental hygiene routine, then we would go up to bed and get the dogs to sleep, one in her crate and the other one sleeps with us, and we''d watch t.v. or read until one of us fell asleep.

Are you having trouble getting to sleep at night or establishing a routine? It sounds like you just have a hard time relaxing after work so you feel rested the next day. Have you ever tried Tylenol''s Simply Sleep? It''s great, non-addicting, OTC stuff and will help you relax and fall asleep without being habit forming.
 
Oh, and there''s always sex...but don''t do it every night at the same time because that''s one area you don''t want to become "routine," LOL!
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Monarch64-I will try that sleep aid. I have a hard time going to bed, KNOWING I have to get up and "do the day over"...
 
So are you bored at your job, or are you bored with the 8-5 M-F routine? Or both? Also you mentioned that you (I''m paraphrasing here) are worried this is kind of "all there is" as far as your work life...I think most people would tell you that isn''t true, even with your line of work changes occur and things can get switched up a bit I''m sure. do try the sleep stuff as long as you are physically alright to take it...it really has helped me fall asleep many times when I''ve been anxious or just not tired enough to fall asleep and need to get some rest.

Do you work out at all? Sometimes a long walk or workout a few hours before bedtime can really do the trick as far as wearing you out enough to get to sleep when you want to. Don''t work out during the couple or three hours before you go to bed, though, it may end up making your body more energized and will result in you not being able to fall asleep. I''m super guilty of taking long walks when it cools down here during the summer and sometimes that feeds my insomnia.
 
Date: 7/2/2007 2:13:22 AM
Author: monarch64
Oh, and there''s always sex...but don''t do it every night at the same time because that''s one area you don''t want to become ''routine,'' LOL!
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Monarch, you are too funny! But that will definitely help you get a good nights sleep!
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Belle, it can be difficult to get used to the new sleep schedule since you''re probably used to sleeping late and waking up late. I had a really hard time waking up on time in the mornings. I still do! I love my sleep and sleeping in! How long have you been working full time? Do you go to bed at the same time each night? Try to to go to bed the same time each night (lights and TV off) so your body gets used to it.
 
hee hee welcome to adult work life!!!

actually you will be lucky if all you have to do is work 8-5 or 9-5 as your career moves on. some mornings i am on calls at 7:30am (at least from home), and don't get home til 7:30pm because i go work out or something after work. also the coordination involved with other things like appts etc can really get to be a PITA when you have to schedule them in the middle of a workday or similar. some weeks i'm so busy and then weekends are busy and then suddenly i realize i haven't had a pedicure in 2 months and my feet are SCARY.
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some days i get home at 7:30pm, make us something to eat and shower and i only have like an hour and a half with greg and portia before we go to bed and do it all again the next day. for the most part we totally 'live' for weekends and for vacations or 'fun things' we have scheduled in advance. also sometimes in the middle of the week we will do something spontaneous and fun like go out to eat or take a long drive in the mountains or something out of 'routine'. but really routine does become your friend as you get more and more immersed in work life. but do small rewards as well for yourself or one day a week do something different and fun (aka go to the mall after work and buy a new top or meet a friend for dinner)....just to 'break up the week' as i call it.

i would imagine also depending on how your career futhers itself that you will become more interested in your career and feel more pride surrounding it...like some days may really be a drag, but other days i am so happy when a project finished or a program launches and i feel like all my hard work has paid off. some days it's like i feel like all i do is attend meetings but other days it feels much more exciting. i find that you have highs and lows in career as well.

but seriously i do feel like you probably just have to get adjusted to it, because sometimes yes it just is 'the daily grind'. i don't agree with 'is this all there is' as i have a really full life outside of work that i really enjoy, but i do dedicate a fair amount of time to work...mostly because i feel pride in it AND because i get paid for it. and you need $$ to live right?! i did a sales gig where i worked from home half time which was fun for sure as i made my own schedule but 99% of my friends and family do the corporate thing so i never really had anyone to even go to lunch with or hang out with because everyone else has their own grueling daily schedules to be involved with. so i ended up going back to corporate because it's what i really knew. but i do daydream about working from home again someday or staying home with kids hehee. i think maybe that i didn't have too much of an 'adjustment' period after college because i temped in corporations all through college, so all summer long i did the 9-5 thing.

anyway hang in there and good luck!! try to keep doing fun and fave things and just settle into it. routine is not always bad either hehe. just wait til you get your paychecks!
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Well, first of all, we should congratulate you on your first full time job out of school. No easy feat for lots of people.
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You have some options...

Possibility #1: Go to Beverly Hills and start trolling yerself a good ole rich man.

(However seeing your avatar, I am guessing that is not an option.)

Possibility #2: Re: your expensive tastes...everytime you are tempted to buy something, put the money into retirement and you'll only have to work for about 25 more years instead of 30 or 35.

(I'm only half kidding about the above)

You say you don't have lots of real good friends...I'd say make time for the ones you have and/or make new ones with some common interests. Fun things with friends is something to look forward to and you need that when you are doing the 8-5 grind. I'd also say look around you...there are lots of people less fortunate than you. I'm not saying that to be trite...but in the same way we PSers can temporarily lose DSS when we go into a Zales and see an icky diamond, really taking inventory of how lucky you are can help. You have a VERY short commute for L.A. You also say you have a fun job. Most people in LA would consider themselves way ahead of the game if they had only one of those two things.

Yes, it IS hard working...and it doesn't get easier. There are reasons why people hit midlife crisis! I often wonder how I can shake things up a bit...doing what I have been doing for 11 years and realizing that I have a good 25-30 years to go is not a fun thought. But as adults, we make do. I get through it by planning fun weekend activities, treating myself to travel and good food. I work to live and not the other way around, and remembering that helps me get through the days/weeks/years.

Besides, no one in Beverly Hills would have me.
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I know exactly how you feel. I have recently returned to work after spending most of the last 17 years at home with the children. It has been a shock to my system. I am tired, grumpy and I try to fit such a lot into my free time.

It actually hit me that this will be my life for the next 30 odd years. I was like ''oh nooo'' but it soon passed. I am the only worker in our house and that makes me responsible for everything. I was scared by this too but it has eased off somewhat.

The good thing for me is that I went into the jewellery trade. I couldn''t have picked a better career choice. I love my job and even though its wearing me out for now - I know I will adjust. My hours range from 8.30am to 5pm - 9.30am to 5.30pm or 1pm to 9pm. Believe it or not I prefer the late shifts. It means I can spend the morning doing things I can''t get done when I am on a normal day shift.

We all need a period of adjustment to anything new in our lives. Try not to over analyse how you are feeling just now. You are reacting normally to a big change. Give yourself 6 months and you will be in a new routine and I am sure you will be feeling much better.

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UCLABelle,
I can so empathize w/you. Sometimes it isn't the right job or sometimes it is, but just hard to get use to working that much. I use to have to take naps on the weekend!!!!!! I remember thinking "is this what the rest of my life is going to be around your age????"

Now I love my work and the people! These people from my job are some of the best; I have a good friendship w/a few of them which is nice. I just don't like the hours 50-60 hr weeks.
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Try and stick it out. It might be the job and there is a more interesting one out there. I would give it about 3 months.
Do you not see too many students? If it is slow then time goes slow. What degree do you have?
Also, I like TravelG's advice on saving; it really is important! Bling isn't going to give you a nice lifestyle when you retire. I save 20% of my pay for retirement.
 
It''s definitely a transition to go from an ever-changing academic schedule to an 8-5 M-F.

I didn''t start working out regularly until recently, and that''s really helped me. I used to feel so drained after work, but now I have more energy and make better use of my time.

You might be able to destress by approaching your work day differently . . . go for a walk at lunch . . . schedule breaks to go get a bottle of water or something. I''m usually in "work, work, work" mode at work but sometimes it''s ok to relax a bit as long as it''s not all the time.

And don''t be afraid to take an afternoon off if you need to. Schedule a routine doctor appointment for 2:00 then take the rest of the day off. Call in sick for a mental health day once a season. Plan trips to visit friends from school every few months.

The reality is that most jobs have the schedule you describe, at least the ones with a steady paycheck. So I don''t think your problem is that you don''t like what you''re doing, but I suppose that could always be part of it. I worked hard to become a teachcer, but my first job chewed me up and spit me out. DH gently informed me around Christmas time that I hated my job. So that was the feeling in the pit of my stomach when I pulled up each morning. So you might consider the possibility that it''s the particular job you don''t like. But if it''s just the hours, then you''ll either have to adjust or go into a different line of work.
 
Well, I hate to say it but welcome to the "real world." And yes, it really does get depressing to get up and do the same thing over and over 5 days a week. I totally understand the hate of Sunday evenings....but unfortunately this is the price we pay for the lifestyle we want to live...

There''s been a lot of good suggestions previously made, but one thing I have found that is helpful is to try to do things in the evening that are not routine. Eventually you will probably establish a routine after work...such as get home, change clothes, do laundry, read a book, cook dinner, watch TV, go to bed...But I have found that the weeks where I have something DIFFERENT to do in the middle of the week makes the weekday seem less boring and less like "I got home and turned around and went right back to work." So, go on on Wednesday evening for Margaritas with your girlfriends, go see a movie with your DH or BF on Tuesday night, have a midweek get together for friends at your place. Basically, anything that breaks the routine will make the week seem more "fun." I try to put in 1 "fun" activity per week. I have kids and honestly, I''d be too tired to try to do something different every night of the week, but once per week really jazzes up the week.

That or there''s always the lottery......

Good luck!
 
Belle, I totally know what you mean. I went from working at Jamba Juice, either at 6:30am or 5pm, to an 8-5 job as a bookkeeper. I have no math expertise at all.
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So it was like, a complete 180, and my sleep schedule was so off that I actually took naps at work (I work for a very liberal family). Now, 7 years later, it''s so much better, it''s like a routine, go to work, come home, make dinner, sometimes do laundry or watch a movie with FI. I think it''s all about what you do when you get home, ya know? If you just crash on the couch and watch Maury, your day is shot.
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It just takes a little getting used to.

Congrats about getting a job right out of school!! If you ever need someone to talk to, I''m in LA, too!
 
Date: 7/2/2007 2:46:50 PM
Author: AmberWaves
Belle, I totally know what you mean. I went from working at Jamba Juice, either at 6:30am or 5pm, to an 8-5 job as a bookkeeper. I have no math expertise at all.
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So it was like, a complete 180, and my sleep schedule was so off that I actually took naps at work (I work for a very liberal family). Now, 7 years later, it's so much better, it's like a routine, go to work, come home, make dinner, sometimes do laundry or watch a movie with FI. I think it's all about what you do when you get home, ya know? If you just crash on the couch and watch Maury, your day is shot.
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It just takes a little getting used to.

Congrats about getting a job right out of school!! If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm in LA, too!
hehehe, that made me laugh. That was nice they let you take naps, wow! When I was a student intern I use to joke w/my coworker to cover for me while I took a nap under my desk.
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Hi,

Since you''re getting off work fairly early in the day, what about enrolling in some sort of weekly enrichment class of some sort? Yoga would be a great activity to refresh your body or mind and it doesn''t cost a lot of money. Or try another class, like pottery or just a plain old step aerobics class. That would be a great way to meet people and keep you busy w/out spending a lot of money. Activities like shopping are great, but in the long-run, it''d be even greater (as others have suggested) to have a bit of what you''ve earned saved up.

Good luck and I hope you find a good balance in your life.
 
Snlee! Thanks for the welcome to ¡§work life¡¨¡K
I can¡¦t wait to get used to working 8-5¡K

Monarch64 (and others)- Thanks for the suggestion of getting a routine. I have started one (home, shower, dinner, light candle, dvd, reading, bed)¡KI have health problems that prevent most physical activities right now ƒ¼


I am already on a lot of medication, but I called my doctor and okayed sleep medicine. I sleep everynight at 10 (I try, and normally am good at it)¡K


Mara- I guess you are right. Right now I only work 8-5, and I refuse to take work home with me (unless 100% need be)¡K.I am always jealous of your ¡§perfect¡¨ life (or that is the way it appears on ps, with your cute dog, AMAZING home, cute husband, nice spirit)¡Kso it is nice to know you have ¡§hard¡¨ days too! I am going to have to start to live for the weekends too!


TravelingGal- Thank you for the congrats. Possibility 1 sounds nice¡Ktoo bad I am in love ƒº I appreciate your advice¡Kand comments. I think I am going to shake things up too!


Maisie- I want to go into the jewelry trade! I cannot imagine the shock to your system¡Khome for 17 years! LUCKY!


Skippy123-Thank you your comments! I am going to save¡K.for retirement ƒº I do have good people to work with, so that is nice!


Phoenixgirl- The schedule change is killing me! But, I think I just need to adjust!


IslandDreams- I love the idea of adding in something different once a week.


AmberWaves- Thank you! I may take you up on that offer to talk. I am happy to have the job (and I was the first out of my cohort to have one from grad school) but still¡Kcould have used a few weeks off before jumping in!


MC- I would do yoga¡Kor aerobics, but I am actually sick (health issues) so that won¡¦t work, but ART! That sounds fun!!!! GREAT IDEA!
 
hehe UCLA...you are so sweet. i think everyone''s life in reality is typically far from perfect.. i am very appreciative for my wonderful life, but yeah i think everyone has bad days. some days i think yeah i seriously wish i didn''t have to work and daydream hehee...and some days i am just on the ball. it just depends. and yeah the 9-5 (or 7:30-7:30!) grind isn''t always fun at all. and at times, i do feel the same way like gosh am i going to do this for the rest of my life? but i have done a lot in my life and my career and i just have to remember that on those down or dreary days. you are just starting out, you have your whole life and career ahead of you, you can shape it however YOU want to. i feel a lot of pride many times when i look back at the 7+ years in my industry i have invested and how far i have built it up and where i have come. so anyway hang in there...and just ENJOY life whenever you can. i am totally looking fwd to july 4th this week...woo hoo. and i love my company i am contracting with right now, but it still doesn''t mean i don''t really appreciate an extra day off! hehee.
 
Just think UCLABelle... now you can watch "The Office" and laugh your ass off. LOL!

In all seriousness, going from a school schedule to a traditional work schedule can be an adjustment. And when you are just starting out in a career, things can seem tedious. My first job after graduating from journalism school was as a Classified Account Rep for a local newspaper company. Yep, from 9am to 5pm I sat at a desk with a headset on taking classified ads. And it was HARD! LOL!

But alas, work is truly a means to an end. A paycheck and self-reliance are both good things. And putting in your dues now will mean greater career satisfaction later. That classified ad job was quite a spring board for me. I ended up writing for those very newspapers and have enjoyed a career in journalism and copywriting since then. Of course, I now work from home doing market research while also raising two young sons. And oh, how I long for those 9to5 days sometimes... :-)

Friends made a huge difference in breaking up the daily grind for me. I have two words... HAPPY HOUR! It''s a wonderful institution. I would meet up with friends at least once a week to catch up and decompress over a grown-up beverage or two. Heck, my fellow mommies and I do that now...

My suggestion would be to try and hang in there for while. Starting out is always tough...
 
Work 80 hours a week. Then a 40 hour week won''t seem so bad.
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I''m only half kidding here...I''d kill for 8-5.

Honestly, though, I remember counting down the minutes during my first 8-5 job after college. I remember playing games with myself (how long can I wash my hands in the bathroom, etc.) to make the time pass faster. What it meant for me was that the job was boring and not challenging enough.

The part about not wanting to go to bed because it just means getting up and "doing the day over" is that much closer sort of struck home with me. For me, when I start feeling like this, it''s either I''m too stressed or too bored. I think the people who look forward to their job every Monday morning are incredibly lucky, but that''s probably unrealistic for most people. But it shouldn''t cause a feeling of dread.

I think once you''re at it a few more months you''ll get used to it. Or you''ll find another job that''s more challenging to keep your mind of looking at the clock all the time
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LOL! Basil, I totally remember taking long bathroom trips just to break up the monotony of taking classified ads all day. How about looking at the clock and seeing the hands at 3pm only to look back at what feels like an hour later only to discover it is 3:10pm.

On the flip side, I also remember the panic attacks brought on by working 60+ hours per week at an ad agency. Those were my days of "I can't go to bed because then I will have to get back up and go back to the office." Somehow, I lasted two years in that environment. And I have not worked in an agency environment since then.

A great thing about jobs... you can always look for another one.
 
Joolski- I did The Office the other night and laughed my a** off!!!
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and I do take trips to the bathroom....and to get water....and to grab something out of my car
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I''m a little worried about this kind of transition AGAIN ... because I''ve been freelancing for 10+ years and may take a part time "day job" or a full time staff job sometimes soon. U.G.H.

One important thing -- you said it''s only been a month or two? Right now your focus is on "the job". You''re figuring things out - getting in the groove. SOON your focus will shift. The job will just be the job. You''ll start focusing on - ha - say getting ice coffee on the way there or what movie you want to see this week or ... you know LIFE. Work is this kind of vacumn vortex that happens when you''re not doing THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

I remember so clearly enjoying walking home from work in the fall ... because the walk was "crunchy" w/ leaves. Or days I''d splurge & pick up hot flour tortillas to go with my re-heated rice & beans. It''s the little things you look forward to -- the little things that help you deal as you adjust to the GRIND.

Psychologiclly it can be a big adjustment too -- not being the "star pupil" or getting so much attention/feedback/praise/prizes/grades. Just being one of the crowd -- or WORSE, "the new kid". The annoying kid who asks a lot of questions & doesn''t just go w/the flow yet. Oh it''s all coming back to me.
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I''ll give you the same advice I give my own daughter. Once you are married, do NOT live off of both incomes. Save as much of your check as possible (but get the house, furniture, etc.). Then, when the time comes that you have children, you can cut your hours back and work part-time or stay home. I am very fortunate that I teach 4 days a week, 9 months a year. I work from 8:00 to 3:30. I honestly am at the limit I can handle and balance the rest of my life. I did stay home for several years or work part-time when my kids were younger.

It''s all about balance and saving rather than spending yourself into having to work 40 hours a week forever. Singles don''t have much of an option, but two income couples do have some choices (except I do realize there are parts of the country that require two incomes to buy a 2 bedroom house, and in that case, move!).
 
Date: 7/4/2007 9:49:50 PM
Author: diamondseeker2006
I'll give you the same advice I give my own daughter. Once you are married, do NOT live off of both incomes. Save as much of your check as possible (but get the house, furniture, etc.). Then, when the time comes that you have children, you can cut your hours back and work part-time or stay home. I am very fortunate that I teach 4 days a week, 9 months a year. I work from 8:00 to 3:30. I honestly am at the limit I can handle and balance the rest of my life. I did stay home for several years or work part-time when my kids were younger.

It's all about balance and saving rather than spending yourself into having to work 40 hours a week forever. Singles don't have much of an option, but two income couples do have some choices (except I do realize there are parts of the country that require two incomes to buy a 2 bedroom house, and in that case, move!).
Hubby and I teach family economics @ church and we stress that big time. Lots of people lose jobs and then lose the house because of that.


UCLABelle, it just takes awhile to get use to it
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Thinking of you.
 
Chiming in here late, but I will tell you what I did. I taught for a year after graduating and decided if I was going to kill myself like this, it is going to be somewhere exotic. So, I joined the peace corps. Got great experience, great travel, great friends and wonderful mentors. That was many years ago and I believe it was the best decision of my life. It gave me a different perspective on everything and employers value the experience. It also gave me a direction to go in graduate school. I learned during that time that when a door closes, look for a window!
 
I''m with basil, an 8-5 job sounds like heaven! I work shift work (8-6 or 12-10pm) but my shifts nearly always stretch out to 12 hours(ish) a piece as I''m in charge (hospital operating theatres) and have to see things through. Plus we''re all expected to be on call overnight at LEAST once a week, and more often than not we get called in, in the wee hours, mostly for caesarian sections... which isn''t so bad
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But my average week is about 65-70 hours with call-ins. Lucky I love it!

This probably won''t make you feel any better (sorry I tend to rant
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) but you will get used to it, and as others have said, take time off as you need it until you adjust, because it does take time. Look after yourself and enjoy your career!!
 
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