ladies,if you knew your best friend was having an affair...

[Dancing Fire]

would you tell her husband or bf?

 

[tyty333]

Re: ladies,if you knew your best friend was having an affair

No. I would stay out of it or convince her its time to come clean.

 

[radiantquest]

Re: ladies,if you knew your best friend was having an affair

I most certainly would not. The only way I would spill the beans is if the person being cheated on was my best friend and their SO refused to come clean.

It is the duty of a best friend to keep their secrets

 

[zoebartlett]

Re: ladies,if you knew your best friend was having an affair

I don't think I'd say anything but I'd encourage her to tell her SO. I'd point out the damage that she's doing, and and ask her how she would feel if she were on the other side of it. I don't see the good in getting in the middle of my friend's relationship. I defintely think she should be told though, of course.

 

[kittybean]

Re: ladies,if you knew your best friend was having an affair

Oh heck no. I might tell her that having an affair is a bad idea, or that she should think about what the affair is doing to her marriage or relationship, but I would never tell the guy. If I can't be loyal to my best friend, she's either not really my best friend, or I'm not such a great person.

 

[tigian]

Re: ladies,if you knew your best friend was having an affair

No, I would not. I would encourage her to tell her SO herself though. DF, what is going on in your life that you are not telling us?

 

[ChinaCat]

Re: ladies,if you knew your best friend was having an affair

No.

Other way around, yes.

 

[Madam Bijoux]

Re: ladies,if you knew your best friend was having an affair

I would not say anything, regardless of which person is having the affair. When the sheet inevitably hits the fan, I don't want to get any of it on myself.

 

[JSM]

Re: ladies,if you knew your best friend was having an affair

I honestly don't think I would know, I tend to give people (especially those I know) the benefit of the doubt.

If I did, I would assume it would be because she told me - in which case I would advise her to fess up to her husband. She wouldn't have told me if she wasn't feeling guilty about it!

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Re: ladies,if you knew your best friend was having an affair

I would definitely NOT tell on her to her DH. But, I would ask her to explore WHY she's having the affair. Affairs themselves are rarely the problem in a marriage . . . they're usually the symptom of a larger underlying issue in the marriage. I would ask her to do some soul-searching to figure out what she isn't getting from her marriage that the affair IS providing. Maybe she and her DH need marital counseling, or maybe the marriage just needs to end.

 

[kenny]

Re: ladies,if you knew your best friend was having an affair

I'd cancel the friendship, and have.

 

[Callisto]

Re: ladies,if you knew your best friend was having an affair

No, but I definitely voice my disapproval and I think it would really affect our friendship. I would probably start to cut ties with her. I don't need dishonest people in my life, regardless of who they are being dishonest to.

 

[Puppmom]

Re: ladies,if you knew your best friend was having an affair

I'm with Kenny - I probably would separate myself from that person. It's so unfair to put a friend in that situation. I wouldn't tell the SO though.

 

[sctsbride09]

Re: ladies,if you knew your best friend was having an affair

I wouldnt say anything, but like Kenny and Callisto, I would end the friendship. I would be very upset if my friend put me in the position of keeping something like that a secret, cheating is a big deal to me, and anyone who is my real friend would know better than to tell me something like that.

 

[redfaerythinker]

Re: ladies,if you knew your best friend was having an affair

NO, just on the off chance that you're wrong. And even if you've caught them in the throes, it's not your relationship to meddle in.

 

[E B]

Re: ladies,if you knew your best friend was having an affair

No.

Other way around, yes.

Agreed.

 

[MissMina]

Re: ladies,if you knew your best friend was having an affair

This happened years ago.
She had just turned 40 and fallen for a musician in a local band
who was heavy into alcohol and drugs and had several children he couldn't support.
She was giddy as a schoolgirl, did a lot of foolish things like letting her par amour
call her house. Said she didn't care if her husband found out etc. She was so indiscreet
that her mother and brothers knew. She lost a long time friend by asking her to cover
for her when she was out for the night.
Finally he called one night when he husband was home and was very drunk and abusive.
That was the end of the relationship. He was fired from the band and moved out
of town. She told her husband she had had a crush on the guy and had kissed him but
that's all. He chose to at least pretend to believe her. The truth was she had gone out
of town with him on several overnight gigs.

It never occurred to me to set him straight.
They are still together and happy as they ever were.
She downplays the whole thing,
But I remember

And just to make it clear
She is not really a friend but someone I once had to spend a lot of time with.
I haven't seen her since my situation has changed

I didn't tell the husband because he is a decent guy. I didn't want to hurt him and I
knew she would just lie. I was not trying to protect her.

 

[sctsbride09]

Re: ladies,if you knew your best friend was having an affair

For the people who said they would keep the secret for their friend but they would tell her if it was the other way around, just curious what you would do if you were friends with both of them? Like you and your DH/SO are friends with a couple, that type of situation. just curious.

 

[elrohwen]

Re: ladies,if you knew your best friend was having an affair

Definitely not! I could advise him/her to give it up and come clean, but no way am I sticking my nose in somebody else's marriage.

 

[kenny]

Re: ladies,if you knew your best friend was having an affair

I wouldnt say anything, but like Kenny and Callisto, I would end the friendship. I would be very upset if my friend put me in the position of keeping something like that a secret, cheating is a big deal to me, and anyone who is my real friend would know better than to tell me something like that.

Anyone who is my friend would not DO something like that ... and stay my friend.
I'm not concerned that I become an accomplice by being told; I'm concerned if they lie to their SO about that, what are they lying to me about?
It is poor character.
Sure they have the right to be free to do whatever they want, and it's none of my business; but I'm free to select my friends.

I was pondering why I'm so hard-nosed about this. . .
Men and women may be equal, but they are not the same.
Women become pregnant, men don't.
This plus zillions of years of evolution (the DNA of promiscuous men replicating more) results in men being more likely to seek multiple partners than women.

This is why I suspect gay men may have more promiscuous tendencies than the other groups.
That's why I take cheating very very seriously.

I've made it clear that cheating is a deal breaker to me.
It's up there with crime and violence.
No second chances.

 

[Sizzle]

Re: ladies,if you knew your best friend was having an affair

I would not say anything and I would not end the friendship I can be a friend to people who obviously need one. After telling her my thoughts (if asked) I would leave it alone. A marriage is between two people and her affair is none of my business. That being said that tramp could not come near my husband! Ha ha ha ha

 

[oranges]

Re: ladies,if you knew your best friend was having an affair

i wouldn't consider a person like that to be a friend. i would absolutely end the friendship immediately-- i have a zero tolerance policy for people who consciously make decisions that will hurt others.

 

[Shoopy]

Re: ladies,if you knew your best friend was having an affair

For the people who said they would keep the secret for their friend but they would tell her if it was the other way around, just curious what you would do if you were friends with both of them? Like you and your DH/SO are friends with a couple, that type of situation. just curious.

I find myself in that category.

We do not have any couple friends that we met while dating. In our situation, either the wife is a very good friend of mine and we hang out as a couple or the husband is a very good friend of FI and we hang out as a couple. So while I would be "friends" with both, my loyalty would be more with the wife and I'm sure FI feels the same way about the husband.

We actually found ourselves in this situation. FI's best friend and his girl friend had dated for a year but the relationship was ending. When we went to NY with them, it was pretty much over but they were still together. On the same day that we got back from NY, FI and I hung out at his best friend's house for an hour or two separating purchases and sharing pictures. His friend was talking to his ex-girlfriend (they share a son). I could tell there was something more in that conversation besides a call to check up on the son.

I didn't say anything to her even though she was my friend and even though she still thought there was hope for them. FI had been friends with his bff since the 2nd grade and I had only known the girl for a year. I just gave her my honest opinion that it didn't seem like it was going to work out based on their interactions in NY (arguments galore) and left it at that.

 

[elle_chris]

Re: ladies,if you knew your best friend was having an affair

My best friend did, and no I didn't. Only thing I regret is that she didn't leave her husband for the guy!

 

[jaysonsmom]

Re: ladies,if you knew your best friend was having an affair

I wouldnt say anything, but like Kenny and Callisto, I would end the friendship. I would be very upset if my friend put me in the position of keeping something like that a secret, cheating is a big deal to me, and anyone who is my real friend would know better than to tell me something like that.

Exactly my sentiments. And since I'm ending the friendship, I'd probably send an anonymous note the husband so that he doesn't continue to play the fool.

 

[Maisie]

Re: ladies,if you knew your best friend was having an affair

I'm with Kenny on this one.

 

[TravelingGal]

Re: ladies,if you knew your best friend was having an affair

TGuy's dad had this happened to him. He told him that if his friend's wife came and asked him, he would not hide the truth, and then never speak to his friend again.

The wife did come and ask; TGuy's dad did tell her the truth; and true to his word, he never spoke to his friend again.

 

[steph72276]

Re: ladies,if you knew your best friend was having an affair

I believe you are who you surround yourself with and if that happens, I could not stand by knowing what she is doing to her husband. I wouldn't tell him, but I couldn't be friends with someone that lies and cheats.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Re: ladies,if you knew your best friend was having an affair

No. It is none of my business.

 

[Burberrygirl]

Re: ladies,if you knew your best friend was having an affair

No. It is none of my business.

I'm the same way. This kind of ties in with Uppy's thread about accidentally spilling a family secret. For the most part I stay out of things and my friends or family's secrets aren't mine to tell.