Kinda freaked out right now. My ex husband sent me a FB message

[katomm]

The short version is that we married young (23 and 26) after being together 3 years. He was controlling and I was naive, doing anything and everything to make him happy while making myself miserable. The day we got married I knew we''d end up in divorce, I wanted to run away from the aisle. Shortly after we married he got phyiscal, ending up breaking a few bones in my right foot which still hurts me to this day. The marriage lasted 11 months and 23 days before I left, not wanting to spend the rest of my life in fear.

It was the best and hardest decision of my life and I learned a lot in that relationship. It took me a long time to move on from it and battled major depression and a short stint with alcoholism. I had therapy and it was a while before I''d let even a male friend touch my arm without flinching.

We haven''t spoken in about 10 years, divorced 12 years now. Our conversations were always yelling and tears, never any amicable discussions.

I know he''s now married with kids, I saw him at the post office about 5 years ago with his little girl and a ring on his finger. He did not see me though. So now I wonder if I should respond to his FB message. My account is private so he can''t see anything thank goodness other than the one picture.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Absolutely not. No way, no how.

This guy was bad news then...and I''m guessing he''s probably still bad news now. Tigers don''t change their stripes, as my mom always says.

You''ve gotten your update on him...seeing him at the post office with a ring and child, you know exactly where he is in his life...nothing more needs to be said. You literally stand to gain nothing from messaging him back, so don''t open Pandora''s box, leave well enough alone.

 

[gwendolyn]

Why on earth would anyone knowingly let an abuser back into their life?

 

[ckrickett]

stay away....
you have done good so far and you have a man that loves you.
I would delete it and get it out of my mind.

 

[Camille]

Delete

 

[sparklyheart]

Date: 8/9/2009 10:19:03 AM
Author:katomm
The short version is that we married young (23 and 26) after being together 3 years. He was controlling and I was naive, doing anything and everything to make him happy while making myself miserable. The day we got married I knew we''d end up in divorce, I wanted to run away from the aisle. Shortly after we married he got phyiscal, ending up breaking a few bones in my right foot which still hurts me to this day. The marriage lasted 11 months and 23 days before I left, not wanting to spend the rest of my life in fear.

It was the best and hardest decision of my life and I learned a lot in that relationship. It took me a long time to move on from it and battled major depression and a short stint with alcoholism. I had therapy and it was a while before I''d let even a male friend touch my arm without flinching.

We haven''t spoken in about 10 years, divorced 12 years now. Our conversations were always yelling and tears, never any amicable discussions.

I know he''s now married with kids, I saw him at the post office about 5 years ago with his little girl and a ring on his finger. He did not see me though. So now I wonder if I should respond to his FB message. My account is private so he can''t see anything thank goodness other than the one picture.

Sending an *innocent* message is just a way to mess with you. Delete it ASAP and don''t look back! Oh and keep your profile private. He doesn''t deserve to know how well you are doing now!!

 

[PrincessDijon]

The physical abuse thing, no matter how far back it goes is a deal breaker. I just got out of a small (I guess for lack of terms....rebound relationship) with someone who was most likely going to start physically abusing me. Good thing I saw the signs ahead of time and dumped him.

But please be careful....and "delete" the message!

 

[LilyKat]

Delete the message and forget you ever got it. DO NOT ENGAGE WITH HIM. He is an abuser and he will use the slightest opening to get back into your life and make you miserable.

Block him on facebook (via the Privacy settings - so he can''t find you or message you). Share it with your boyfriend so he knows the situation. Then put it behind you.

 

[ckrickett]

Date: 8/9/2009 10:56:22 AM
Author: PrincessDijon
The physical abuse thing, no matter how far back it goes is a deal breaker. I just got out of a small (I guess for lack of terms....rebound relationship) with someone who was most likely going to start physically abusing me. Good thing I saw the signs ahead of time and dumped him.


But please be careful....and ''delete'' the message!

the same thing happened to me. He threatened that he wanted to hit me and that I made him so angry, and I was like HECK no. He later on started to date a good friend of mine (she swore he wasn''t violent) and low and behold he hit her on multiple occasions. Then when he called her and I grabbed the phone and proceeded to call him a ton of names I shant repeat on here he said I was out of line.

whoops sorry... took this thread down a wrong road

 

[Nomsdeplume]

BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK!!!!!

Don''t let someone so destructive back into your life in ANY way, no matter how small it may seem. People like that are like a cancererous growth, they may have been a part of you in some way, but if you let them stay or let them come back they will end up destroying everything in their path. No matter how painful, cut him out completely and don''t let him weasel his way back in.

 

[MrsG]

Please do not reply to his message. Ignore it, delete it, or better yet block him from searching for you profile. My abusive ex and his entire family are on my "blocked" list, that way I don''t have to worry about him trying to contact me on FB.

 

[Erinleigh]

Date: 8/9/2009 10:24:33 AM
Author: Italiahaircolor
Absolutely not. No way, no how.


This guy was bad news then...and I''m guessing he''s probably still bad news now. Tigers don''t change their stripes, as my mom always says.


You''ve gotten your update on him...seeing him at the post office with a ring and child, you know exactly where he is in his life...nothing more needs to be said. You literally stand to gain nothing from messaging him back, so don''t open Pandora''s box, leave well enough alone.

+1 You don''t need toxic people in your life. You worked hard to recover from what he put you through... he doesn''t deserve another thought!

 

[Inanna]

DO NOT REPLY TO HIM!!! I don''t know if this is still the case, but in the past, if you were to send a message to a non-friend on Facebook, that non-friend could see a limited view of your profile for a certain period of time. I''m sure you don''t want that to happen.

It sounds like you need to adjust your privacy settings. Make sure non-friends cannot search your name and find your profile. Also, make your friends list private - you don''t want him contacting your nearest and dearest as a means of getting to you.

Before you block him, see if you have any mutual friends. If so, I would consider deleting those "friends" if you are not close to them. Personally I would want to sever any and all connections to this ex (even minuscule connections) - he broke your bones for goodness sake!

 

[KatM]

Date: 8/9/2009 12:15:22 PM
Author: Inanna
DO NOT REPLY TO HIM!!! I don''t know if this is still the case, but in the past, if you were to send a message to a non-friend on Facebook, that non-friend could see a limited view of your profile for a certain period of time. I''m sure you don''t want that to happen.

It sounds like you need to adjust your privacy settings. Make sure non-friends cannot search your name and find your profile. Also, make your friends list private - you don''t want him contacting your nearest and dearest as a means of getting to you.

Before you block him, see if you have any mutual friends. If so, I would consider deleting those ''friends'' if you are not close to them. Personally I would want to sever any and all connections to this ex (even minuscule connections) - he broke your bones for goodness sake!

+100. Responding to him would allow him to see your profile for ~30 days.

It wouldn''t do you any good. Most likely it would just be confusing and upsetting.

 

[jaylex]

No way!

Block his arse! You obviously know he''s bad news... stay away.. no looking back!

 

[jcarlylew]

Date: 8/9/2009 12:09:10 PM
Author: Erinleigh

Date: 8/9/2009 10:24:33 AM
Author: Italiahaircolor
Absolutely not. No way, no how.


This guy was bad news then...and I''m guessing he''s probably still bad news now. Tigers don''t change their stripes, as my mom always says.


You''ve gotten your update on him...seeing him at the post office with a ring and child, you know exactly where he is in his life...nothing more needs to be said. You literally stand to gain nothing from messaging him back, so don''t open Pandora''s box, leave well enough alone.

+1 You don''t need toxic people in your life. You worked hard to recover from what he put you through... he doesn''t deserve another thought!

X100000000

 

[treefrog]

katomm,

Put me down for an absolutely not as well. I think the reasons have been covered well above.

Treefrog

 

[Bagel_Bandit]

No, no, NO!!

There is no reason why a person who treated you the way he did should ever be allowed into your life ever again.

 

[LamborghiniGirl]

1) Don''t respond! I agree with others that this is his way of trying to control your emotions once again and get to you.

2) What did it say? Just Hi? Or did he want to get together? Just curious.

 

[misskitty]

Delete delete delete.

 

[*Danielle*]

Absolutely not. This man isn''t worth the dirt on your shoe and doesn''t deserve a response.

 

[mrscushion]

Date: 8/9/2009 12:09:10 PM
Author: Erinleigh

Date: 8/9/2009 10:24:33 AM
Author: Italiahaircolor
Absolutely not. No way, no how.
This guy was bad news then...and I''m guessing he''s probably still bad news now. Tigers don''t change their stripes, as my mom always says.
You''ve gotten your update on him...seeing him at the post office with a ring and child, you know exactly where he is in his life...nothing more needs to be said. You literally stand to gain nothing from messaging him back, so don''t open Pandora''s box, leave well enough alone.

+1 You don''t need toxic people in your life. You worked hard to recover from what he put you through... he doesn''t deserve another thought!

+2. DELETE & block.

 

[katomm]

I did not respond and hadn''t planned on it.

All he said was, "hope you are doing well." Everyone is right............it''s a way for him to get back into my life if even for a very small amount. My dad is also an abuser and I know this all too well which is why I haven''t spoken to my dad in 14 years.

Going to tell BF just so he''s in the know and then get on with my happy, loving life.

 

[jcarlylew]

59%; HEIGHT: 43px" class="ibbquote">Date: 8/9/2009 3:58:02 PM
Author: katomm
...and then get on with my happy, loving life.

perfect!

 

[beechezz]

Date: 8/9/2009 11:45:24 AM
Author: kribbie
BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK!!!!!

Don''t let someone so destructive back into your life in ANY way, no matter how small it may seem. People like that are like a cancererous growth, they may have been a part of you in some way, but if you let them stay or let them come back they will end up destroying everything in their path. No matter how painful, cut him out completely and don''t let him weasel his way back in.

Ditto, ditto, ditto!

 

[Indylady]

+1

 

[trishy]

good plan on not responding, and letting your guy know...
my vote was - block and delete... guys like that are so scary!!!

i hope it ends there for you, that he doesnt try contacting u again

 

[Lilac]

I agree with everyone else - delete!

 

[Dannielle]

I would delete the message, block him and never look back.

 

[ckrickett]

Date: 8/9/2009 3:58:02 PM
Author: katomm
I did not respond and hadn''t planned on it.


All he said was, ''hope you are doing well.'' Everyone is right............it''s a way for him to get back into my life if even for a very small amount. My dad is also an abuser and I know this all too well which is why I haven''t spoken to my dad in 14 years.


Going to tell BF just so he''s in the know and then get on with my happy, loving life.

my crazy ex did the same thing...
glad you didn''t let him get ya down!