Kids and messy houses.

[peonygirl]

Well, today we had a wonderful dinner party with our friends and their 2 and 3 year old daughters. It was so fun playing and hanging out! My only concern is that the house got quite messy and we are very clean and neat people. Since we want to have kids soon it''s going to be a big transition as far as how clean we can keep the house. I think that it will be especially hard for my DH because he is even more of a neat freak than me, and tonight he spent almost 2 hrs cleaning every surface of the house after the kids left (I think their hands were sticky from the homemade pie I made).

My two questions are: 1) do you have any recommendations for how to keep the house relatively neat when we have kids (we want to hire a 2x a month cleaning lady at that point--currently we clean everything ourselves) and 2) will my husband be okay adjusting to a somewhat messier house?

Thanks in advance for any advice!

 

[hlpkaixin3344]

It''s easier when they are YOUR kids. For some reason, sticky hands just aren''t a big deal then.

But, my staying sane (and neat) tips are:

Have a designated playroom (if at all possible). We have one small basket of toys in the living room (mostly cuddle-up stuff) and one small basket in the bedroom (again, mostly cuddle-up stuff). All the other toys are in the playroom, along with the art desk and all of the games. We pick it up before naptime and bedtime. If company comes over unexpectedly, I just close the door. We have a big barn toybox which holds nearly everything. And, we have a bookshelf type organizer with bins. Trains in one bin, cars in one, blocks in one, etc. Besides looking clean, it''s also a lifesaver for not losing all the little pieces.

Chlorox wipes and Mr Clean Magic Eraser. I can clean any room in my house in about 5 minutes as long as I have those!!


Your DH will get used to the mess and manage to have fun in it!

 

[diamondfan]

First, if it is your own child I think it is a bit different. Also, you can be tidy and neaten up a lot, but with kids, your priorities might change and you might have to relax a bit in terms of how much you need to have a perfect home. I am one who cannot stand dirty (as in dirt, grime, dog hair on the floor, wet towels around) but clutter I have less of a struggle with. Once in a while it makes me so nut I cannot deal, but overall, I have three kids, and if I worried too much I would spend all day each day dealing with it. So some things have to be let go of. Germy, filthy, sticky, unhygienic, that does not fly with me. I wipe down sticky stuff etc. Now, I also have a couple of formal rooms in my home and I do not let my kids go hang out in there. No need. Food also stays in the kitchen at the table or counter. I am not one who thinks kids should go all over the house and trail food with them. And if they paint or do art, I prefer they have a smock on and an art tarp on the ground, just to make clean up easier. Otherwise, I pick up the big piles, try to get the kids to deal with their own messes (even my youngest knew at a young age to clean up one toy before taking something else out)...and then I try to be a bit zen about the rest.

 

[Kaleigh]

It IS different with your own kids. I kept all the messy stuff in the kitchen area, or play room. I didn't allow them to carry food around to other areas of the house. I am a huge neat freak. DD is really a neat freak, takes it to a whole other level. DS is cleaning his room as I type since he moved back from school. Clutter is one thing, don't love it. BUT sticky dirty messes really bother me. I'm sure I was one step behind them with wipes, waiting to clean them up, or to use windex to wipe down the counters. Insane, I know.

Having cleaning help is a hiuge help if you can swing it. The love your have for your child really makes it easy to look past all the ooey gooey messes they make.

 

[lisa1.01fvs1]

Trust me for the 1st year u won''t be able to worry about the house as you''ll
be changing diapers feeding every couple of hours worrying about a million other things.
Some moms order groceries on-line which I have heard can be a lifesaver.

AND

Also, attempting to shower, eat, sleep (haha), look somewhat presentable when u do go out, etc.

I have OCD where things have to go back to where they belong and I hate visual chaos.
I can tolerate piles or stacks but not messy piles or stacks.

Since Olivia came I am literally surrounded by messy piles of paperwork, laundry, dishes, toys and more toys,
my clothes on the floor, rotten food in the fridge (this is sounding ghastly).

BUT

It is sooooo worth it!!!!!!

In fact I think it has helped me w/ the OCD b/c life moves so fast that I just deal w/ it and move on.

I could really care less b/c every milesone she achieves sweeps away any or the consternation over house stuff.

I''m probably not the best person to give housecleaning advice anyway.
I think u should be fine w/ housekeeping help and some good organizing beforehand.

 

[diamondfan]

I agree a good housekeeper can save your sanity. You cannot sweat it all when you have little ones, there is only so much time in a day and you will be tired. Time spent cleaning means less time with your baby and less rest.

 

[akmiss]

We have three boys! Ages 9, 8, and 2. The boys are great but it is amazing how much dirt, goo, grease, snot, and a whole list of things they bring in the house. Paper towels are a must as is the industrial - sized jug of Simple Green

I am constantly doing laundry, sweeping the floor, and wiping down door handles, phones, and walls. I don''t really mind and my honey always lends a helping hand. Believe me, you will get used to it! Kids are fun and the last thing you want to do is give them a complex. It is all about setting boundaries but giving them enough room to flourish as individuals. I miss the sleep the most....... sometimes I let the house go just a little

 

[D2B]

Believe me, you will get used to it. having children means you learn to let go and not be in control all the time. When it is just you and your spouse it is your life, you are in control, totally. Once you have children you sacrife that control - over time, leisure time, sleep, your body and the cleanliness of your house. the first year like most you will probalby be in survival mode, the first few months, thankful of sleep and getting dressed and showered before 11 am.

. Your priorities change, they have to. My husband had a hard time with our sons stuff in the main house, taking over, but in the end, our son lives in our house too, and the magazine picutre clean house with perfect fluffed cushions etc cant exist anymore. He has relaxed now as he realizes things have changed. As long as it is clean (and some days when children are sick, and you have had no sleep it wont even be clean

), clutter will come and go, and one day the house will be yours again.

If you have the space you could keep one room child free, eg one living room for adults only. That way, you have one nice room for visitors etc. Cleaners certainly help if you can afford it, but at the end of the day, even a clean house will still have a totally different feel to it from before the child free days. You have to weigh up your priorities. Some of the best mum days I have had have been when at the end of the evenning it is slightly chaotic, toys everywhere, artwork, paints etc, but we have had a real good day, playing, learning, having fun, cooking together etc. The house will not be spotless but I have been a great mum and doing my job well. Other days, there are chores to do, appointments, shopping, cleaning etc, and I do feel a bit guilty when I dont spend as much quality time with him, but in the end it is about balance.

if your husband expect a perfect house after commng home from work all day, do what a friend of mine did, leave him with the children for the weekend, totally alone, he quickly realised what was and what wasnt possible. I am not saying that your husbands expectations wont adjust, but if like some, he has difficulty, let him do your job for a day or two (or a week) so that he gets a realistic picture of what is involved. In my group of friends and playgroup mothers, we found that the more the men were involved in the childrearing, the more realistic their expectations were in general of housekeeping, going out etc and what is possible.

D2B

 

[dani13]

I often think about this too, Peonygirl, as I am such a neat-freak....you can pretty much eat off my floors at any time!!! But I know when MH and I have children that will change. I am hoping it wont change too much, but I know I am going to have to relax and go with the flow a little bit more at that point. I would think we would be more tolerable of a mess from our own children than from children who arent our own just like some poster's said, but who knows!!!!

Its good to know that I am not the only one who worries about these things!!!!

 

[mom2twogirls]

Oh, yes, this sounds familiar! How does that saying go ... A place for everything and everything in its place? That was my motto BEFORE I had children. My girls are 14.5 months apart (something I do not recommend doing, btw ....), so learning to "let it go" was the only way to survive. I HAD to let things go. It drove me nuts (still does!), but you have to pick your battles. There simply isn''t enough time or energy to keep a spotless house with littles ones running around!

My house is clean (as in no sticky messes, spills or dirt), but it does have piles of clutter (visual chaos -- love that term lisa1.01fvs1!). My biggest gripe these days are the piles of schoolwork that come home in my girls'' backpacks! It''s overtaking our dining room table and it makes me crazy. I''m hoping to get it under control after my oldest DD finishes kindergarten next week.

Once your baby arrives, enjoy your time with him/her because it''s true what they say .... they grow so fast! In 20 years, is it really going to matter that your house was spotless????

 

[pennquaker09]

I think when you have your own, you kind of learn to let some things go. Now, my guy isn''t neat by any means, he didn''t really grow up with the concept of having to clean after himself. However, he''s really bad about germs, but I think that''s because he is contact with kids so much. I''m willing to bet there are about 10 cans of Lysol in my house. I buy one every time I visit Target.

I will be the first to admit that after a week of getting up with two newborns, my OCD went right through the front door. I had to resign myself to the fact that I couldn''t make bottles, do feedings, change diapers, do laundry, and all of the other things that I do without making myself go crazy. Thankfully, my MIL is here and she''s been a HUGE help. However, we''re either getting a cleaning person or nanny/cleaning combination.

 

[neatfreak]

No babies here quite yet (in six months we'll be inundated with TWO though!), but I will tell you that in my many years as a babysitter and a few summers as a nanny I have learned a few tricks.

1. Employ (very strictly!) the one toy/game at a time rule. Just make them pick up one before they take out the next one. It's easy if you are strict about it and it keeps things from piling up. Works better if you start it as a non-negotiable rule when the kids are little. They learn that it just is the way it is and don't generally argue about it. It helps if you follow this rule too.

2. In the same manner, clean up messes as they happen as much as you can. Something sticky in the kitchen will take only a quick swipe of a lysol wipe to clean if you get to it right away, but it will take a lot more scrubbing and effort if you wait to clean it for hours.

3. Clean clutter as you go too. If you see something that needs to be taken upstairs and you are headed that way, take it now!


So I think the motto I've learned (and have already adopted in my house) is a bit at a time. Don't let everything pile up or else it can seem overwhelming. If you clean as you go it's much easier even when the time comes for the "big cleans" of the week. And your house will never seem like it's on the verge of disaster even if YOU feel like you are on the verge of crashing.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

As soon as that baby is born they let you know who is boss

 

[mom2twogirls]

Date: 6/9/2008 11:09:10 AM
Author: Tacori E-ring
As soon as that baby is born they let you know who is boss

I''m thinking your "boss" may be the cutest ever! Everytime you update your avatar, I smile. Adorable!!!!

 

[happy in love]

My biggest concern is the laundry... I''m not good at staying on top of it with just DH and I, and all I seem to hear from friends is that there is SO much laundry! I''ve just broken the "i don''t have anything clean, guess I''ll go buy another" mentality

One of my girlfriends makes me laugh though, she was always soo neat when we lived together in college, but now that she has 2 little boys, well, lets just say that she''s relaxed quite a bit! (Her house isn''t dirty and gross, just lived in!)

Any tips for minimizing laundry? Do you moms really do laundry every day?

 

[Cind11]

When my kids were little, I generally had one room that their toys were in so that I didn''t have "kid stuff" all over the house. Sometimes, things found their way into other rooms, but it wasn''t too bad. They were never allowed to carry food into other rooms. If they were eating something, it had to stay in the kitchen. They are 14 and 16 now, and I still prefer them to not eat in our family room. (I''ll let them take popcorn and things like bottled water in there but not much else) I''ve never been a mom who could stand letting kids with sticky fingers run around the house. When they are little, you just learn to be on top of wiping off their hands and faces after they eat. I guess the fact that they are girls helped too. I just never had to deal with some of the things that my friends who have boys have.

I think your hubby will be fine. When they belong to you, you seem to be able to overlook things that might have driven you crazy before.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Hi,

I have issues with stains. If there is a stain on ANY clothes, I toss them. So, with that in mind, my biggest tip to keeping your clothes and house clean is getting a box of Kirkland baby wipes at Costco and keeping a package in EVERY room AND in your car, purse, etc., so that way after your kids eat, you can quickly wipe their hands off. My boys are 5 & 7 and I still hand them wipes after they've eaten in the car. Also, a shop vac comes in handy so you can vaccuum your car regularily and not worry about gold fish clogging up your nice vaccuum.

ETA - like Penn, I buy loads of Lysal wipes, but recently switched to the Target generic brand since I go through so many cans and the cost really add up.

ALSO - a big way to keep clutter under control is do regular thrift-store runs. When we moved the weekend before last, we were appauled at how much junk we had that had cluttered up the house and were relieved to get rid of probably 20 boxes of old toys and knick nacks. Doing a monthly inventory of belongings will keep your house organized and easier to manage.

 

[mom2twogirls]

Date: 6/9/2008 12:16:55 PM
Author: happy in love
My biggest concern is the laundry... I''m not good at staying on top of it with just DH and I, and all I seem to hear from friends is that there is SO much laundry! I''ve just broken the ''i don''t have anything clean, guess I''ll go buy another'' mentality

One of my girlfriends makes me laugh though, she was always soo neat when we lived together in college, but now that she has 2 little boys, well, lets just say that she''s relaxed quite a bit! (Her house isn''t dirty and gross, just lived in!)

Any tips for minimizing laundry? Do you moms really do laundry every day?

Yep, I do laundry every day. For me, it''s easier to do a load every day and then only have to do a few loads of laundry over the weekend. My sister, on the other hand, has a designated laundry day on the weekend and she''ll do 10-12 loads. Of course, this was before my twin nephews were born, so her schedule may have changed .... I''ll have to ask her!

 

[diamondfan]

I have three boys and the laundry is a mess.

Also with my health stuff, I simply could not manage without my live in housekeeper and my afternoon sitter who drives and helps me out.

The worst thing is to not admit you cannot do it all and to try to be superwoman, which almost always backs up on you eventually.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 6/9/2008 11:27:18 AM
Author: mom2twogirls

Date: 6/9/2008 11:09:10 AM

Author: Tacori E-ring

As soon as that baby is born they let you know who is boss

I''m thinking your ''boss'' may be the cutest ever! Everytime you update your avatar, I smile. Adorable!!!!

Oh thank you! She actually let me know she was boss BEFORE she was born since she was a week late

I do a load of HER laundry once or twice a week (but she has a ton of clothes). I just wait to do full loads. I am sure once we have more children it will really add up. My neighbor with 3 boys (twin 5 month olds and a 3.5 year old) does laundry everyday. She said it is the 3.5 year old that has the most dirty clothes since he is into everything.

 

[asscherisme]

Well you could do what one of my friends did (who had one child). I have gotten compliments from other friends and family at how neat and well behaved my kids are. However, this one friend who had one child, after I had my last child told me that I was no longer welcome to come to her house because I had too many kids but that she would be happy to come to mine. Well that was the end of the friendship for me. I dropped her as a friend.

On a more practical note, believe me, you adjust. And when they are your kids its different. I have to admit, sometimes it drives me crazy. I am a naturally neat person. But I think the key is to do your best to teach your kids as they get older to clean up afer themselves. And some stickiness, well thats just part of having kids.

Houserules help. We have always had a firm, food stays in the kitchen rule. It applies to their friends as well. I don't budge on this one. AND hands get washed before a meal, and when the kids are young, AFTER a meals as well to prevent sticky fingers on walls, etc.

I also establiished a drawing corner, with a kids table and thats were arts and crafts projects, drawing etc. It stays contained when they are small.

Believe me, you will totally adjust.

And as a parent, I can tell you, keeping my house clean nothing compared to actually parenting

edited to add, that laundry is NEVER caught up. I do my best. The kids always have clean clothes but sometimes they have to pick it out of the clean baskets.

 

[divergrrl]

hahahahahhahahahahahahaaahahahahahahaaa

neat house? kids? good luck with that!

I prefer a neat-as-a-pin abode, and every night after dinner, my kitchen is spotless. However, it only takes ONE MEAL with 2 children (in their chairs) to make it look like a hurricane hit.

I probably clean my kitchen 3 to 4 times a day. IT SUCKS! I have one of those Bissel rechargeable cordless vacuums that is 5lbs, and I probably run it over the kitchen floor at least twice a day. Love that thing, and I''m off to BB&B for a Dirt devil Kurv because my 8mo baby is a messy monster. I need a hand vac.

I have no other room to keep the kid''s toys in other than our lone family room (den is in the basement, kids are too small to safely make that trip alone...plus its half unfinished, so lots of creepy concrete dangers behind the stairs, and their rooms are upstairs, and while my 3yo son is old enough to go up and down to his room, he likes to be where we are...so its either, let the kids have their toys down here or stay up in their rooms all day long and do nothing for myself) but once my kids are old enough to play unsupervised, they get the downstairs basement den (that room will be finished by then--no more creepy concrete!)

Hire housekeepers, (every other week is divine and it keeps your sanity and you don''t have to scrub bathrooms so much) do one load of laundry a day, always make your bed, and just pick up as you go. When in doubt...THROW IT OUT! I find the less clutter I have the less mess we have.

But yeah...kids are messy creatures, and I try not to let my son eat in the car, the living room, etc. He''s pretty good about it & will come get me if he spills something "mama! its a dirty mess! help clean up a dirty mess!" LOL...he will help clean it up too.

You can either worry about spotlessness or your can enjoy your kids in a relatively clean home. I gave up on spotlessness when I had #2. My house stayed very clean with 1, but 2 is too much for me. Now its just barely "good enough". I strive to keep my toilets, sinks, and kitchen clean and other than that....I can''t be bothered right now. But its still neat per se, since I''m not a clutter or junk person. Its just dusting/vacuuming/polishing/windows/folding laundry that seems to pile up.

My neighbor told me y''day that the 1st 5 years is about survival, I was apologizing for having a weed infested flower bed out front, (i have no time to garden) and that we''ll get to it...she said no worries....and I was glad to hear I''m not the only one who is struggling to get it all done. There is just no way. My dh does a lot, but he works full time & travels, so he''s limited....but thank god for him..our lawn always looks neat. Its just that one bed that needs help!

 

[somethingshiny]

Just perusing this thread again (the first post came up as anonymous...sorry!) And, I saw a post that said "one game at a time". Every other part of that post was spot on, but I don't agree with the one game rule.

My son has learned to be very creative by mixing games and discovering new ones. So, yes, one game at a time will keep the house cleaner, but I think giving them the reigns over their own toys lets them discover, create, and really feel responsible for something. I think kids need to be the "boss" of something. Even if it's Snoopy.

ETA- There will never come a time in my life that I will regret not having cleaned more. If I spent all my time cleaning, there could very well be a time that I would regret not spending more time with my son.

 

[D2B]

Totally agree with something shiny. fostering creativity and their imagination is important for children.

For example my DS will have his train set up, use the legos to build surroudning station, village and get some of the cooking stuff to cook dinner for the commuters

. Other times he will use his toys for all sorts of interesting things, I dont even undertand, he is just busy talking away to himself playing

. I have been actively trying to encourage him to use his imagination and use his toys in creative ways. One toy one time would hamper that.

we do try and have a rule that if too much stuff comes out and some toys are not played with to pack some away to make space for new toys on the floor.

Make friends with lots of new mums when the time comes, join all the mothers groups etc, you will soon realise you are not alone and it is all part of that stage of life.

d2b

 

[swingirl]

I let my kids do art projects on the dining room table, paint their owns rooms with Disney characters, bake, cook, dig in the garden, sew clothes, build things out of scrap wood, blow-up tomatoes...you name it, if it took creativity, they did it and made a mess. But the result is an engineering student and an astrophysics student who also does fashion design. Messes mean something was going on and it probably was fun!

 

[diamondfan]

I see the creative angle for sure, and some days I am more lax if I see he is USING all the stuff somehow. If it is just pick one, dump it, move on, leave the other in the dust, grab another...etc, then I am not happy. I like when he takes his hot wheels and his legos and his construction stuff and makes a city and stuff, but if he has moved on, then I am not as happy to have to step over piles of stuff he is not using.

 

[swingirl]

There''s a difference between making a mess and cleaning up after yourself, and making a mess and leaving it. Clean up is useful along with protecting surfaces from messes in the first place.

 

[diamondfan]

When you are a mom, you become good at multitasking. You become efficient because you have to be, time is too precious to waste. But it all settles in and works if you just are patient with the process.

 

[Aloros]

*shrugs* I think you have to learn to let some things go. My stepson-to-be lives with us full-time, and I do try to get him to pick up one project before starting another. Food is an issue - I''m a stickler for him eating in the dining room, using a plate or paper towel beneath food, and no wandering, especially not into the office. Clutter gets cleaned up periodically, but we let it slide more.

You know what''s funny though? His room used to be a real mess, but we got him a couple nice pieces of furniture, and he is SO PROUD of that furniture that now he keeps his room spotless.

The rest of the house...?

Let''s just say it doesn''t get the same treatment!

 

[Maisie]

I have five children and my house is relatively tidy. If someone is coming round it gets a good tidy up, but on the whole I am quite relaxed about letting the kids play. If it gets dirty thats a whole different matter though. I am scared silly of germs and I have a good supply of anti bacterial wipes and sprays.

The great thing about having so many children is that you can get them to tidy a room each....means I don''t have to do anything!!