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Kids and chores

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MichelleCarmen

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Okay, a while back I posted about house cleaning. Now I wonder what chores are appropriate for my kids who are 5 & 7.

I'm such a control freak that they hardly do anything, but now them lounging around and puttering with legos all day has resulted in my mood going slowing down hill to permo-grouch! They like to do laundry and vacuum, but those two jobs are just not activities I trust them to do. Would anyone trust a 5 year old to wash a pair of Sevens?
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We also got bought a Dyson so again, too expensive to worry about being damaged. (These were the two chores my best friend suggested)

The only two kinds of expensive investment purchases are my clothes and the vacuum, so any other chores are game. I buy cheap dishes from World Market. . .etc, but they'd have to use chairs to reach the cupboards (would this be asking too much of them?). The kids do not play in their rooms, so cleaning in there isn't required.

What chores are good for boys their ages? We have so much to be done, but I wonder what holds their attentions best. Any ideas? Also how much $ is a good weekly allowance.
 
My six year old folds washcloths, hand towels and dish towels. Dusting is another activity he seems to enjoy. I put an old sock on his hand and he sprays the spray and dusts away. He does have a tendency to overspray a little, but I don''t mind because he actually doesn''t do it that often.

My 10 year old brings in the trash barrels after pickup. He''s *supposed* to clean the litter box, but we''ve gotten a lot of resistance to that.
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He has an awful lot of homework already. During the school year I pretty much don''t have him do a lot of housework, but in the summer he helps do general chores. I do let him put the soap in the washing machine and set it, but I oversee the sorting. Maybe your older one could help sort the laundry, or unload the dryer and washer.

They both help pick up the family room, write thank you letters, make cards for our birthdays & holidays, etc.
 
Chores are a tough subject in my home since I have live in help. I am not sure what to say since I think my kids should be doing more and they bitch about the little they have to do!

I make my oldest two feed the dog and play outside with her. (I have someone who cleans the yard so that is not on their list).

My oldest is pretty neat. He can tidy his own room and such, and put away his things. He really is more organized but hates people in his room so that is our compromise. He is 15 and has a load of school work, sports and music and is up late with work. I have backed off of him a bit. He does not watch a lot of tv or play computer games, his time is spent on school work etc, so I might ask him to set the table or help clear, but mostly I do not expect him to do a lot right now.

My middle, aged 12, is a slob. I have been on him to do things and he is so lazy. I end up not making him since he just sort of does not anyway. I hate yelling about it. I hope he steps it up, but I make him do things like set the table for dinner, help clear afterward, help bring in and put away groceries...he has time for friends and games so a bit of help is warranted.

My 6 year old is not ultra coordinated but loves to feel he is helping so I let him help with certain things.

I make all of them put away whatever toys or games etc they were using, especially before taking out something else. Nothing makes me nuttier than seeing ten PS 2 or Wii games all over the playroom floor, being scratched, lost or damaged. I refuse now to buy replacements if they have ruined it. They can use their own allowance when that happens.

For that age of child, I think 5.00 per week? I do not even give my 6 year old allowance. My 15 year old gets 100.00 a month for incidentals plus cash for sports events so he can get lunch and snacks. I think my middle got bumped to 15.00 per week, from 10.00, but I am not sure. I am bad about enforcing them to spend their own money, that is something I must learn to deal with.
 
My little boy will be two in a few days. Of course he doesn''t have chores. But, there are some things he loves to help with. Unloading the dishwasher--he hands the dishes to me. "Folding" laundry and putting it in drawers. "Sweeping" the kitchen. "Dusting" with the swiffer dealy. Putting away toys. At my MIL''s, he loves to feed the dog.

So, I think any of those would be a good start. (of course, you probably wouldn''t have to go back over what yours have done
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I have no idea how much allowance should be. I cleaned most of my house and cooked half the meals when I was growing up, and I didn''t get an allowance. (or any spending money for that matter.)
 
When I think of chores, I don''t think of 5 or 7 year olds. I suppose my idea of the appropriate age will be redefined once my children start to age, but I just don''t see my children doing anything until they''re teens.

I have to totally cop to not having chores as we had a housekeeper. The first time I did laundry was when I went off to college, so I suppose you could take what I said with a lot of caution. LOL However, I''ve never been a messy person and when I was little, my parents had me in a bunch of activities. And when I was a teen, my room was never dirty because I was hardly ever in it, and I''ve always had thing for my clothes so they always found a proper place.

I don''t know if something is wrong with me, but I like doing the housework. Technically, I don''t work so I guess it''s my way of contributing.
 
HI:

My 14 year old, routinely unloads the D/W and will load it if I "ask". He empties the laundry baskets and I suggested that this summer I will pay him the same rate--I hire out--to do the lawn. Funny how he "refuses" to shovel snow......
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cheers--Sharon
 
Date: 2/11/2008 3:27:16 PM
Author: pennquaker09
When I think of chores, I don''t think of 5 or 7 year olds. I suppose my idea of the appropriate age will be redefined once my children start to age, but I just don''t see my children doing anything until they''re teens.

I have to totally cop to not having chores as we had a housekeeper. The first time I did laundry was when I went off to college, so I suppose you could take what I said with a lot of caution. LOL However, I''ve never been a messy person and when I was little, my parents had me in a bunch of activities. And when I was a teen, my room was never dirty because I was hardly ever in it, and I''ve always had thing for my clothes so they always found a proper place.

I don''t know if something is wrong with me, but I like doing the housework. Technically, I don''t work so I guess it''s my way of contributing.
Aren''t you having twins? lol Just wait and see how big of a mess two little kids can make at one time!
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My kids may be young, but I''m really wanting them to participate in running the household, even though I''m a SAHM and doing the work is my "job." It IS good for my boys to learn that mom isn''t their housekeeper and chef and that we can work as a team.
 
I think, with kids that age, you are trying to establish something in terms of work habits, being part of the household, pulling your weight. The chores themselves are not at issue, since you want to give them age appropriate tasks where they can feel some success...
 
I had a huge bedroom as a child...16x26 I think it measured...and I was expected to keep it picked up/clean. I did alright with that chore, except I shoved all my dirty clothes underneath my queen size bed.
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Obviously that came to a stop during my teenage years, as I needed tons of clothing options, lhee hee.

I also worked for my dad in one of his restaurants doing "short people''s jobs" every summer from the time I was 6 til I was maybe 12. I got paid a dollar an hour to dust baseboards, shine counter stools, vacuum if needed, shine/clean the sugar canisters at each table, etc. I loved it! Anywho, I took home aout $7 per week and that money went straight to....cosmetics and frivolous things! I was going to say savings but that would be too predictable!

Give your child a few dollars for his chores...and then insist that he put a couple bucks into a savings account. He''ll love you all the more for it when he''s going to college and able to fund his own beer money, LOL!
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From the time we were about 8, my brother and I alternated between being sous-chef (aka helping my dad cook) and helping to clean the kitchen after dinner. Once we were 10 or 11, we cleaned it on our own. We were also responsible for making our beds, tidying, and hanging up towels. We were given an allowance of $1 a week, and docked 10 cents if we did something incorrectly. Step-mom's rules.

I used to save my allowance, and then buy a plush toy with it once I had enough.
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As I got older I got a little more allowance. I think it was $15 a week when I was in high school. If I wanted more money, I worked for it, and I pretty much always had a job from the time I was 14. I had to fund my funky shoe habit, new music obsession, and, uh, bad habits somehow!

When FI moved in, I sold my bedroom set to a family for their son. I think he was 10. He wanted his own room, so his mom said that he could have it if he was grown up enough to also do his own laundry. He was so down with the deal, and very excited. So, maybe laundry starts at 10? We never did our own, though my little siblings did.

One thing I think is really great for young kids is to instill in them the fun of charitable giving. So they can save 10% (or whatever) of what they earn into a pot, and then when there's enough, the kids get to decide whether their money will save puppies at the animal shelter, help children who can't afford to go to school, etc. In the meantime, they learn about the world, and feel good about themselves.
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Date: 2/11/2008 2:05:53 PM
Author: somethingshiny
My little boy will be two in a few days. Of course he doesn't have chores. But, there are some things he loves to help with. Unloading the dishwasher--he hands the dishes to me. 'Folding' laundry and putting it in drawers. 'Sweeping' the kitchen. 'Dusting' with the swiffer dealy. Putting away toys. At my MIL's, he loves to feed the dog.

So, I think any of those would be a good start. (of course, you probably wouldn't have to go back over what yours have done
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I have no idea how much allowance should be. I cleaned most of my house and cooked half the meals when I was growing up, and I didn't get an allowance. (or any spending money for that matter.)
My daughter will be 2 too, tomorrow actually. Anyway, She helps me throw clothes in the washer & dryer, holds the dust pan while I sweep, tries to dust etc.. She loves it.

MC I think it is great that you gives your kids some responsiibiities around the house. I have no problem with age appropriate chores. My father was a single parent & I started doing my laundry in 4th or 5th grade. I also had to clean the house, wash dishes, etc.

For 5-7 year olds I think loading/unloading dishwasher, washer/dryer, taking trash out bringing cans in, making their own bed, sweeping, maybe even washing the car if mom/dad helps (I thought that was fun as a kid.)

Last thing I want is my daughter or son if I ever have one to be like my husband. His mother did EVERYTHING for him. My MIL did not do my husband or me a favor by babying him. He is 27 & does not know how to do housework, he doesnt even know how to turn on the washer. He is good at putting things together though. Kids need to know how to take care of themselves when they move out this includes cooking & cleaning.
 
We always put our dishes in the dishwasher and unloaded them when we were tall enough.
My favorite chore was polishing the silver and brass since my mom has a lot of old candlesticks and stuff.
I folded the laundry sometimes.
I had the world''s dirtiest room growing up on the condition I kept the door closed and kept the rest of the house clean. I think it was a relief for my parents since I NEVER would have brought a boy over to fool around in its condition
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. I did keep the rest of the house clean though, so I could keep my room that way.
Pulling weeds was a major chore as a kid as well. My mom would send us into the grass and gave us a penny for each weed, with the roots, we got.
We cleaned the litter boxes once we hit our teens.
We had a guy to mow our lawn and cleaning lady come once a month, so there wasn''t as much to do.
 
I have a 2 yr. old and a 7 yr. old.

My 7 year old dusts once a week. She does the baseboards and I give her 2 dollars when she is done. I have also started to have her put her laundry away in her room. I fold them and I bring them up to her room, but she has to put it away.

The 2 year old doesn''t do anything really, but she will walk around with a duster and try to dust when she sees me or my 7 yr. old doing it, and if there is garbage and I ask her to throw it out, she will do it.

She even throws out her own diaper when I change it. It''s so funny, actually.
 
Giving the kids chores is so important. Taking out the trash, doing the recycling, sorting laundry, tyding up and making their beds. Putting clean clothes away, toys away. Sweeping, raking leaves. It gave our kids a sense of contributing to the household, and built confidence in that when they completed a task, they had a sense of pride. Making them age appropriate is key.

Growing up all this was done for us. My brother left for NYC at 16 not knowing how to do anything. Of course he learned quickly. But I wanted my kids to be self sufficent as early as possible. They know how to manage money too. They knew the value of a buck early on, and it was one of the best lessons we could have taught them.
 
I believe, as do some people who try to teach money skills, that one should not pay a child to do certain house chores. They are part of a family, and one must contribute to the household. It is different than getting paid for a job in the real world, as one can pick (usually) where they want to work, so it has a slightly different feel. I think the wisdom is that if you pay them to do basic thing around the house, they will associate that with doing what they should be doing anyway. As a responsible member of the household, pulling weight in age appropriate ways is what matters. Allowance is given to teach the value of money, parents agree on what constitutes an expense they pay and the ones that come from the allowance. If a kid goes above and beyond and does things around the house more than their chores, I guess they can be compensated additionally so they can add to their allowance and save for special things.
 
Date: 2/11/2008 9:06:04 PM
Author: diamondfan
I believe, as do some people who try to teach money skills, that one should not pay a child to do certain house chores. They are part of a family, and one must contribute to the household. It is different than getting paid for a job in the real world, as one can pick (usually) where they want to work, so it has a slightly different feel. I think the wisdom is that if you pay them to do basic thing around the house, they will associate that with doing what they should be doing anyway. As a responsible member of the household, pulling weight in age appropriate ways is what matters. Allowance is given to teach the value of money, parents agree on what constitutes an expense they pay and the ones that come from the allowance. If a kid goes above and beyond and does things around the house more than their chores, I guess they can be compensated additionally so they can add to their allowance and save for special things.
We never paid the kids to do their chores. Their chores were a responsibility as members of our household. Also they learned about managing their money from their summer jobs. They both have held summer jobs since they were 14. They learned to be fiscally responsible, and also gained a strong work ethic. I started working when I was 14, it taught me a lot about the "real world"
 
Lisa, that for sure seems to be the best way, if you listen to the experts. But often parents make chores something the kid is paid to do, and I really think it sends a wrong message in mho.

And, it is great what you did for your great kids. They are in such an affluent area, and we all have so much, that it is really so critical to instill values in them. That does not mean we do not indulge them, but as long as they get the value of things, I am fine with it. I grew up with a lot of material things, but was not really taught about money. I just got what I wanted and really did not give it much thought. My kids have so much, and sometimes say crazy things, but I want them to be cognizant of how hard their dad works and how blessed they are. Out in the real world they will likely have to make tough fiscal choices sometimes. We need to give them the tools to learn it right!
 
my girls are growing up knowing that part of being a family is helping around the house. As soon as they were old enough they would help clear the table and do dishes, help with laundry, help clean the house and all that goes with that. We are not neatfreaks by any sense of the word. Nor do they have things to do everyday or chore day ect. They just are expected to do things when asked or needed. My oldest are 13 and 16 and both know how to do laundry. As girls, it seems they are always needing something washed. If I am not washing a load and they need something done they say they are doing a light or dark load ect and ask if we have anything and they just go do it.

I don''t pay them for this as I feel it is what is needed to make our home run smoothly and is the responsibility of everyone in the family.

I do pay them for things like. If they will help shovel snow from the driveway, or rake the leaves from the lawn in the fall. Or extra baysitting for our youngest who is 5. Car washing or vacuming them out. ect..

If they keep pitching in when needed and without attitude than they pretty much get what they want.(within reason) if they give attitude, or do not want to help. Than the next time they ask for something they are wanting to do or buy or go to. They will be reminded and not be able to.

I have also learned as my girls got older that the best time to get what you want out of them is to have them do it in exchange for the movie they have just asked to go to with their friends the next afternoon ect ect. it works
perfectly.

I really think parents make to much of a deal of chores for their kids. Or chore days. Even paying them to do these kinds of things. Kids should not be paid IMHO to do what is needed.

For them to be expected to do this, it teachers them not only responsibility but even more importantly respect and pride for their home,their surroundings and their family. We try to teach partnership. That we all need to pitch in to help each other to have a happy home. Paying them to take pride in their home and themselves I do not think teaches much.

But thats just us...everyone is different. Thats what makes the world go round right!!!
 
My 4 kids are between the ages of 3 and 8 next month.

The 3 year old LOVES to dust, use Windex on my glass tables and front and back doors, fold washcloths and handtowels.

The older ones have chores to do: They alternating "washing" the dishes, meaning the ones that go into the dishwasher. The take turns setting the table. They all (even the 3 year old) clean their place after meals. They take care of the dog and fish. They all (even the 3 year old with help) have to make their beds each morning and put their dirty cloths in the hamper. They all must clean up the playroom...no exceptions. The worst thing I hate to hear is "but I didn''t play with anything, I was just watching TV". The older 3 help me make their lunch each evening for school the next day. Also, anything they are asked by me or DH to do, must be done right away. They also take turns wiping down the counter and sink in their bathroom each night with Clorox wipes (you would not believe how many toothpaste spots there are on the counter after 4 kids brush their teeth!)

All of the chores need to be down in order to get their weekly allowance. I''ve heard that $1 per age is the going rate, but I think that''s too much. My older 2 (8 years old next month) get $5.00 per week, the middle one gets $3.00 per week and the youngest gets $2.00 per week. The only reason that the youngest gets allowance is because she throws a fit when the other children get theres if she gets nothing. Although, sometimes she only gets $1 or 50 cents; she has no concept how much she is getting, she justs wants to be part of the group.
 
I have a 10 year old son. I use WORD''s calendar feature to make a chore list for each day one month at a time. For the most part he does the same thing every Tuesday, different things every Thursday etc. I post it where he can see it and easily cross things off.

Some items on the chore list include:

cat box cleaning
bathroom cleaning (including sink, toilet, mirror & tub)
stair sweeping (I have wood floors and the dust bunnines collect on the stairs)
dusting (loves the spray bottle too)
taking out recylcing (every other week)
swiffering downstairs (once again..all hardwood floors)
wiping down the glass breakfast table
cleaning his room including vacuuming, dusting & mirrors
emptying dishwasher

I would say he has 2 chores on school days and 3 on weekends. I try to give him different things each month so that he gets exposed to a lot of different things. I''d like add the sous-chef idea but we just don''t have time for it during the week. Maybe on weekends.
 
great question, MC! i'm finding everyone's input helpful as well.

my mom started me on doing my OWN laundry at age 8. i took to it with no problem, and since i was doing only my own laundry, she did not have to worry about having me mess up other items. i learned a good lesson about responsibility this way - if i did not take care of my chore, i had no clothes to wear to school (gasp!
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) and had only myself to blame. i of course had other responsibilities, and they increased in quantity and difficulty as i got older, but that one always stuck in my mind for some reason.

ETA: my parents were never consistent with an allowance for me, but i do recall a time where my mother tried to give me one and then take it away, or portions of it, if i didn't complete my responsibilities around the house. that didn't work - i didn't love chores and getting less allowance just implied i had a choice. it was fine by me not to get as much money in exchange for not 'having to do' the chore! my poor mother.....
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I definitely think having kids help with chores is a great thing. As others have said, it teaches them responsibility and contributing around the house for their family. My sister and I grew up doing chores and we didn''t get an allowance. I think we used to ask for one but it never worked. I don''t remember when I started doing chores -- I think it probably began by putting toys away and then expanded over the years. We don''t have kids yet but when we do, we''ll definitely put them to work with age appropriate chores.

A tad off-topic...

I''m a teacher and one thing my kids at school love to do is straighten and clean. I put music on and we dust, organize books, clean desks, etc. Every year I have a few kids who even offer to clean my desk and the area near the desk. My answer is always, "sure, go for it. If you can make more sense of it than I can, more power to ya."
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We dance as we clean and it''s actually a lot of fun. Sometimes I even choose someone to lead us in a particular style of dance and then as we clean, we HAVE to move as he/she does. It''s very amusing. I don''t know what I''d do if our principal walked in...
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When my brother and I were 6 & 8, we had to make our beds every day, no exceptions. We had to feed the dog. Walk the dog with our parents. Stuff like that. When we were about 12 & 14, we became responsible for cooking the family dinners each weeknight as both my parents commuted by train and left early and got home about 7pm. As a result, I'm a good cook and it's something we liked doing. We had to have our rooms tidy and things put away. There was none of this clothes strewn across the room in our house. Nosiree! I forget what we got in the way of allowance but it wasn't a ton. We did get extra money if we did things that my parents didn't have to hire someone to do, like paint/creosote the shingles on the house (I went on strike after I realized what an PITA that was until my father gave me a raise!). Splitting a cord of wood in the Fall. Washing the cars, things that were "larger" tasks we could earn extra money for.

My brother's two kids are spoiled rotten. They're now 6 & 8 and they have fish and a dog but they do almost nothing to care for either one. The housekeeper or their parents feed the fish, and the dog is lucky if they walk it after school but they dont really pay attention to the dog (it doesnt' really care I dont think!). The kids complain if they're asked to set the table for dinner, they do nothing regarding their clothes or laundry and in general, I'm appalled that they are so lazy. They watch way too much TV, IMO. Mind you, they dont need money, but I think having regular chores instills a sense of responsibility and a host of other things including time management skills, prioritizing tasks, etc. Things a successful adult needs in life.

Girlrocks, you're my parental HERO! I love your no nonsense attitude about chores and pitching in, no excuses, no BS. I wish more parents were like that! Maybe you can train my brother?!?
 
Lisa: I like your take. Both DH and I came from working class families, so there was no money to get paid out in the form of allowance. My brother & I earned $$ by doing jobs for neighbors (raking, mowing, I also babysat) until we were old enough to hold jobs.

Chores were what you did because its what needed to be done to keep the home afloat. Granted, my being 6 years older than my brother, I got stuck with the lions share of everything, plus babysitting him, since mom was a single mom who had to work full time...so I am sensitive to turning your children into indentured slaves (which I was..if the house wasn''t PERFECT when she got home, if even one dish was in the sink...or if I didn''t vacuum in straight lines, I''d get beat) but I view doing chores as a way to pull one''s own in the household.

I always say to DH "We are Team ''Smith''" (insert any last name). If I''m trying to raise my children to be responsible kids, I am not going to do them any favors by kissing their (cute) booties. My husband does not work tirelessly in a demanding job just so my kids can sit around & have us buy them stuff. Sorry...no way jose. We are all members of this team, and we each play a different position, but are each a part of the game!

In fact, I think my 4 month old is entirely too complacent about her duties & needs to start doing more to earn her keep.
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Ok...seriously....I do think the first thing that''s good is for kids to learn to "help" with whatever you are doing. MC..I am like you, kind of a control freak...I do it perfect, no no, you aren''t doing it right....(and then I think...OMG...that is me becoming my hag of a mother) and I relax. Its not if it gets to to "our" standards, but if its done to the best of their abilities.

Sure, letting my 3 y.o. help me unload the d/w takes about 4 years, but heck...he''s so cute doing it..why not.

I''ve also taught him how to wipe down the table (again, not well at all, but he does say "clean up this dirty mess" while he''s doing it.) and I let him run around with my feather duster. He''s actually not bad!

The biggest thing I think will be a HUGE help for you? Have them pick up after themselves. Granted, my son is little (3), but I get so sick of picking up his toys. We''ve been working with him to put things away before embarking on a new adventure. Clutter is a big mess maker in a house.

My first laundry foray with the kids will probably be teaching them how to put their own stuff away. (still working on that with DH) Then we''ll work up to the more advanced stuff. Of course, my mom had me doing the house laundry by age 9 (ironing and all) but again, Mommie Dearest.

Shoot, I don''t trust my 42 y.o. husband with my Sevens, you think I''d trust a kid with MY laundry? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...

I figure we will have a handful of reasonable chores we''ll rotate so they don''t get bored or burnt out too easily, and then if they need extra $$ we''ll have a job jar they can pull from to earn some dolla''s for until they can start doing jobs.
 
MC...you know I am not parent of two legged children...so it is obviously SOOO easy for me to toss out parenting advice...ha ha. (never has stopped me before...)

But it occurs to me that the act of the chore of a child isn''t actually WHAT is done, but what is learned in the accomplishment. I mean at that age it isn''t going to be a earth shattering change with in your household for them to do what they are scheduled to do. Right?

I know you are timid about your Dyson being touched...but I hoped to encourage you to reconsider. I see your 7 year old getting far more than a chore out of it. You are expressing how much you want to protect it from harm, in teaching him to respect it as you do, he would come away with knowing he is responsible on a higher level and you two exchange trust (there is no age barrier for that-I don''t have to be a parent to know that. I was a someones kid at 7). I wonder if both of you may come away from the exercise richer...in believing in one another?

Maybe it is only used in your supervision, and there is always a coin or metal check before running it. Maybe it is only used in a hallway...Maybe you decide the first time it isn''t right.

Responsibility and respect of the families valuable items~is a lesson never too soon to learn. I think my confidence in myself was something it took me long to get to. My older brother was always trusted with the adult things. I can''t tell you how devastating that was for me. If it wasn''t YOU''RE a GIRL...it was YOU''RE still a kid...or YOU AREN''T old enough. Arghhh. But, when I was 8 I got to iron my dads handkerchief''s. Wow. It was an appliance...it was dangerous...I could burn the fabric...or myself...but I did that job better than any other kid...and I wrapped the cord up perfectly when I was finished. Pride. I was finally noticed as a viable member of the family. I still get wobbly thinking about the feeling I had. I was trusted. Validated.

As I said, I can''t give advice on parenting, only my view as it relates to me being a child of a parent. I love that you are open to all views and opinions. I hope to be that wise when I get there.
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oh we lived in a normal American house and they weren''t "handkerchief''s"...they were hankies. He blew his nose into them!!
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Oh how I loved that man!
 
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