Just don''t get it...maybe it''s a culture thing?

[MakingTheGrade]

I don''t really get how people can be so comfortable spending their parents'' money that they actually brag about it. I admit, I''ve been really lucky and my parents have helped me out a lot financially with tuition and chipping in for my upcoming wedding, but I do my best to save them money where I can. I graduated college a year early to save on tuition, I''m having a very small and modest wedding, I rarely go out etc. So I just don''t really get it when I meet people who actually brag about how much of their parents'' money they spent.

And it''s not like a gift from their parents (I understand parents writing a large check for wedding presents or graduation gifts etc), it''s more like a consistent "Yeah, I bought this awesome 500$ pair of jeans this weekend, but no big deal, not like I''m paying for it!".

It just strikes me as kind of weird. But I''m not sure if it''s a cultural thing since some of my friends don''t find it odd, they figure if their parents didn''t approve of them spending their money, they''d have stopped paying the credit card balances.

 

[swl]

Because they don''t understand the value of money. I think it''s more like a maturity thing instead of a cultural thing. If they have to work to earn $500, I think they will think twice before they spend it all on a pair of jeans.

 

[D&T]

Date: 7/14/2009 9:22:39 PM
Author: swl
Because they don''t understand the value of money. I think it''s more like a maturity thing instead of a cultural thing. If they have to work to earn $500, I think they will think twice before they spend it all on a pair of jeans.

+1
I calculate how many hours of work it is that I have to do in order to buy this or that.

 

[DiamanteBlu]

I find that many children don''t recognize the value of money. I''m not sure it is a culture thing, though.

With us, it has been a constant battle between me and my ex with DD. He buys her whatever she wants [AmX Gold card and all - so he''s the "good guy"]. I''m the one that says "no" [how many Coach bags does a kid need? Hello?] so I''m the bad, cheap guy.

DD will be graduating college in 2010. It should be an interesting transition to an apartment of her own . . .

 

[justginger]

I''ve noticed the same thing and I can''t STAND it! I grew up in a small midwestern town in the States -- you moved out when you were 18, started paying your own bills, accepted help from Mom and Dad from time to time, but it was never something to brag about. Going to them for money was an absolute last resort.

Now I live in a large city in Australia and am floored by the difference. I actually worked with a 28 year old woman who stated that she was happy spending thousands of dollars on clothes and didn''t need to save for a house deposit, because "when the olds die I''ll just get their place since I''m an only child." So she intended to continue living with (and off) them until their deaths. Unfortuantely that''s not an isolated occurance here. There are many acquaintances I have who are still living with their parents, contributing minimally to household expenses, and are getting deep into their 20s. The cost of living is high here, so I can see how it would be a bit of work to move out -- but find a roommate, for goodness'' sake!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/14/2009 9:18:52 PM
Author:MakingTheGrade
It just strikes me as kind of weird. But I''m not sure if it''s a cultural thing since some of my friends don''t find it odd, they figure if their parents didn''t approve of them spending their money, they''d have stopped paying the credit card balances.

MTG

when did you meet my daughter?

yes,kids these days are a bunch of "spoiled brats"

 

[Kaleigh]

I don''t believe it''s a cultural thing. We taught our kids the value of money early on... We started with savings accounts and built on that. DD got it, she''s frugal and has earned her own way for the most part. DS is catching on, and working as a caddy this summer and banking a lot of coin. I am hoping he saves it for when he goes to college this fall. Time will tell.

They have friends who''s parents give them everything. But they look at it, like those parents are suckers.... Their words not mine.

 

[diamondgirl4382]

I don''t have any kids, but you can bet that when I do I won''t be buying them $500 jeans or paying for their credit cards. Don''t get me wrong, I plan to help them with big things like college tuition, etc., but if they want designer clothes or expensive purses, they can find their own way to pay for it.

I think it has a lot to do with how someone is raised, how much their parents allow things like that to go on. If a child has always gotten everything they ever wanted, they will grow to expect that.

 

[Lilac]

Up until I got married my parents basically paid for almost everything. I still didn''t like spending money. There were times I came home and told my mom or dad about a dress or shoes I saw and I told them how much they were and my parents said I should''ve bought it! If it wasn''t on sale or if I wouldn''t feel comfortable spending my own money on it, I usually didn''t buy it because I felt guilty having my parents spend money on something I wouldn''t even spend my own money on.

It also bothers me a lot when people say "it''s not MY money, so I don''t care about spending a lot of it!"

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 7/14/2009 9:48:53 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/14/2009 9:18:52 PM
Author:MakingTheGrade
It just strikes me as kind of weird. But I''m not sure if it''s a cultural thing since some of my friends don''t find it odd, they figure if their parents didn''t approve of them spending their money, they''d have stopped paying the credit card balances.

MTG

when did you meet my daughter?

yes,kids these days are a bunch of ''spoiled brats''

Ah, but only because parents allow them to be, Dancing Fire.

As a teacher I see both ends of the spectrum and everything in between. I have students (5th graders) with better cell phones than me and I have students who are taught to save their money and live frugally.

It would be hard to be a parent who wasn''t so generous when it seems like the norm these days, but it can be done and kids can learn the value of the dollar still, if parents take the time to teach them.

I was what many would consider spoiled through college. I was given an ATM card attached to my parents'' account and told not to be wasteful. They paid my tuition, my gas, and my car insurance; I lived at home. I learned by example over the years that things should be earned, not expected, and appreciated when they are fiven freely and as a result I grew up extremely fiscally responsible and they could trust me to be wise with their money.

Children learn by example, it takes a lot more than saying "Money doesn''t grow on trees" for them to understand the value of money and the results of hard work. Hopefully the current state of the economy is causing people to reevaluate their finances and make better choices, which will teach their children a very important lesson.

 

[AprilBaby]

MTG, You are a daughter I would be PROUD to have! Congratulations on be self sufficient and understanding the needs of others! I raised each of mine the same way, yet one who is getting married in 2 weeks has become totally spoiled and a brat because the FFIL is teaching him to be. The other three are mad at him at this point. One cannot appreciate fully what they have not earned.

 

[loriken214]

I grew up in a middle class family that wasn''t well off...we had what we needed and didn''t splurge on super expensive things. We just didn''t want them and we either went to college or got a job while we were living at home with our parents. Mom was very simple and required the basics....my DB and I got lots of nice things while she went without.

DH, on the other hand, was spoiled rotten and was used to getting new cars and money from his parents. He spent six years in college and is one semester shy of a degree. He was latched to his Mother''s hip and it used to drive me nuts. After we married, he would still call his Mom for money when he needed new glasses or the car needed repair, etc. She was always buying things for us, even though we could afford them on our own, and I would get SO mad at the situation. It almost broke us up because I just couldn''t understand how DH could let this happen. It finally dawned on me that this was how he was raised and not something that just started after I joined the family. I gave up.

DH has had to grow up fast after his parents passed away. We''re on the same page now.

Lori

 

[Linda W]

Date: 7/14/2009 9:48:53 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/14/2009 9:18:52 PM

Author:MakingTheGrade

It just strikes me as kind of weird. But I''m not sure if it''s a cultural thing since some of my friends don''t find it odd, they figure if their parents didn''t approve of them spending their money, they''d have stopped paying the credit card balances.

MTG

when did you meet my daughter?


yes,kids these days are a bunch of ''spoiled brats''

Yep, I find this with my daughters generation. They want everything NOW!!!!! My daughter is often like this also, as is her husband. It drives me crazy at times. At times, they have to learn the hard way.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I don''t get it, either. I''d rather keel over dead than borrow or take a dime from my parents. I don''t care if it''s for a pair of jeans, a mortgage or a wedding. It''s not happening. I''m an adult and feel that now is when the tables turn--after working so hard to raise me it''s my turn to take care of them. Naturally, they won''t have it. Guess the apple doesn''t fall far from the tree...

 

[HollyS]

Well, I can''t feel sorry for parents who train their kids to disrespect them and their money. And yes, it IS the parents'' fault.

My parents told us (3 girls) that, when we got to high school age, we could either get a job, volunteer, or otherwise do something constructive with our free time during our summers. If we wanted extra money for clothes, etc., we were to earn it. They provided for our needs, but they expect us to learn the value of money by working for our ''wants''.

There is no excuse for grown women (or men), healthy of mind and body, to be ''taken care of'' by their parents. I would consider anyone who uses their parents in this manner to have a serious character flaw.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/14/2009 10:07:44 PM
Author: KimberlyH

Date: 7/14/2009 9:48:53 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/14/2009 9:18:52 PM
Author:MakingTheGrade
It just strikes me as kind of weird. But I''m not sure if it''s a cultural thing since some of my friends don''t find it odd, they figure if their parents didn''t approve of them spending their money, they''d have stopped paying the credit card balances.

MTG

when did you meet my daughter?

yes,kids these days are a bunch of ''spoiled brats''

Ah, but only because parents allow them to be, Dancing Fire.

she just got a job out in San Jose working for the state,hopefully she can pay her own bills now.

 

[zhuzhu]

I personally would not buy my children or myself $500 jeans. However if other people are able and willing to gift their children expensive clothing like that, it is not my business to judge.

It is their money, they can gift it away anyway they see fit.

 

[Gailey]

Date: 7/14/2009 9:36:01 PM
Author: DiamanteBlu
I find that many children don''t recognize the value of money. I''m not sure it is a culture thing, though.

With us, it has been a constant battle between me and my ex with DD. He buys her whatever she wants [AmX Gold card and all - so he''s the ''good guy'']. I''m the one that says ''no'' [how many Coach bags does a kid need? Hello?] so I''m the bad, cheap guy.

DD will be graduating college in 2010. It should be an interesting transition to an apartment of her own . . .

Been there Blu, read the book, seen the movie, got the sweatshirt.

It never ceases to amaze me at my kids sense of entitlement to everything we work hard for. I didn''t grow up getting hand outs from my parents, so what gives?

 

[Gailey]

Date: 7/14/2009 11:48:44 PM
Author: HollyS
Well, I can''t feel sorry for parents who train their kids to disrespect them and their money. And yes, it IS the parents'' fault.

My parents told us (3 girls) that, when we got to high school age, we could either get a job, volunteer, or otherwise do something constructive with our free time during our summers. If we wanted extra money for clothes, etc., we were to earn it. They provided for our needs, but they expect us to learn the value of money by working for our ''wants''.

There is no excuse for grown women (or men), healthy of mind and body, to be ''taken care of'' by their parents. I would consider anyone who uses their parents in this manner to have a serious character flaw.

Wow Holly, that''s pretty judgemental!

Unlike some, we didn''t buy our kids expensive designer duds. We didn''t buy them cars when they graduated (not an English thing), and we certainly didn''t fund their credit or debit cards.

Now that they are grown with kids of their own, we don''t pay their mortgage, or sub them. We do occasionally give them a treat here and there, but no more than a couple of hundred bucks at a time. They all had part time jobs before they finished school, and they''ve all been gainfully employed since.

So I don''t think we overly spoiled our kids, so I am mystified as to where there sense of entitlement comes from. I think there is a lot of cultural differences between them growing up and our generation.

I don''t think it''s all down to bad parenting. Just saying ........

 

[cindygenit]

I don''t think its a cultural thing.

Basically if the parents are well off, the children are more likely to the in the category that was described by MTG. ALL of my friends are still living with their family (for financial reasons) and MOST still ask their parents for money. The majority of my friends are asians and yes they do get lots of financial support from their parents but my well-off caucasian friends are like them too.

Like MTG i got financial support from my parents to finish school (I had to pay 3 times the locals did because i was on a visa still, so i couldn''t pay tuition fees myself). I must admit i treat myself sometimes by buying jewelry but then i am paying off two houses and a wedding!!! A girl needs a break from saving sometimes

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 7/14/2009 9:36:01 PM
Author: DiamanteBlu
I find that many children don''t recognize the value of money. I''m not sure it is a culture thing, though.

With us, it has been a constant battle between me and my ex with DD. He buys her whatever she wants [AmX Gold card and all - so he''s the ''good guy'']. I''m the one that says ''no'' [how many Coach bags does a kid need? Hello?] so I''m the bad, cheap guy.

DD will be graduating college in 2010. It should be an interesting transition to an apartment of her own . . .

I''d say ZERO, but I know I''m behind the times. Apparently coach is for teens this days and LV is for college kids.

 

[Gypsy]

I don't get, it's just a very entitled point of view for me and frankly I just write people off when I encounter it. And I've heard some JAW dropping gems recently, and yes, from PSers too. It's all MONEY. And even if it's your parent's money... it's STILL money that COUNTS.

I do consider about 10% of my yearly bonus money as 'play money' that 'doesn't count'... but that's a personal reward for me, resulting from a year of hard work... MY hard work. And I really do know that it counts.

My wedding cost 33Kish. My parents contributed 7K, and it was our wedding gift. My grandparent's paid for most of our photography (3.5K of it) as our gift. And MIL paid for the rehearsal dinner (and again, that was her gift to us). That was not money that 'didn't count'... that was money we were GRATEFUL for, and TOTALLY didn't expect. And I spent it as carefully as I did my own.

My parents never paid my credit card balances. I ran up one when I was 20. It was 600 and I was in Europe. My mother made a deal with me. She'd pay it off if I closed the account and promised not to open another one till I was much older. It would be the ONLY time it would happen. And I had to re-pay it to her over 1 year. And I took her up on it.

 

[VRBeauty]

I think it''s more a generational/state of thing than a cultural thing... and I''m casting a wiiiide net in describing the generation.

I think there are a lot of people who see money as a "given" and have for do not connect the dollar figure with what it takes to earn it. Or maybe it''s that they''ve divorced the idea of spending the money from the consequences of not having it.

I''m not trying to throw stones here, just trying to add some insight... my spending habits are far from ideal, and would make my parents (i.e., my "culture") cringe!

 

[SapphireLover]

I am 28 and have a good job as a nurse, own house with DF etc and my mum still buys me things. I have never once asked her to buy me clothes (well not since I was a grown up). When we go out together and try on clothes she will buy them for me. Sometimes I try and sneak off and pay for them myself, but she nearly always catches me and barges over and hands the girl at the checkout her cards. We also go on holiday together every year (Barbados- woop woop!). My mum sees it as her treat to by me things. She laughs it off when I try and stop her, she still sees me as her little girl and knows I work hard and she likes to treat me. My dad was the same before he passed away. It would make him happy to get me little treats. They gave me a credit card, althougb didn't renew it as I hadn't used it in years.

My mum is also paying 100% of our wedding. Where we are from this ALWAYS happens.

I wouldn't say where I like here spoiling me, I try and pay my own way, but I am grateful she is kind to me. I never brag about it. My mum is just happy buying me things. She doesn't buy me $500 jeans though! I could think of far better ways of spending that much money.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

It''s kind of funny, my parents have always been more than generous with me, it actually bothers them that I don''t buy myself more things or accept more things from them. When I was younger, times were tougher so we all did our best to live frugally, but in recent years my parents'' financial situation took a large turn for the better, and they''ve been trying their best to spoil me ever since, but I guess it''s too late now, my financial sense is already set. Yeah, my mom keeps trying to convince me that she should buy me a car...I don''t want or need a car.

My dad says her trying to buy me expensive things is her way of showing she loves me, unfortunately for her, my way of showing I love them is by trying to not spend their money! Haha.

 

[Lilac]

Date: 7/14/2009 11:48:44 PM
Author: HollyS
Well, I can''t feel sorry for parents who train their kids to disrespect them and their money. And yes, it IS the parents'' fault.

My parents told us (3 girls) that, when we got to high school age, we could either get a job, volunteer, or otherwise do something constructive with our free time during our summers. If we wanted extra money for clothes, etc., we were to earn it. They provided for our needs, but they expect us to learn the value of money by working for our ''wants''.

There is no excuse for grown women (or men), healthy of mind and body, to be ''taken care of'' by their parents. I would consider anyone who uses their parents in this manner to have a serious character flaw.

I think this is a little harsh. I agree that grown men or women should not be relying on their parents for money - so in that sense, I agree with you. But I think if the parents want to help out to make things easier for their children it''s not a problem as long as the children don''t NEED that and don''t EXPECT it or take advantage of that help.

My father offered to help DH and I out for the first year we were married because we had originally been considering pushing off the wedding 6 months to a year to save extra money. My father didn''t think that was a reason for us to wait as long as we were ready and wanted to get married, so he said he would help us for the first year. By "help us" I don''t mean pay for all our expenses - we pay mostly everything, and DH makes more than enough for us to pay for it all ourselves. We don''t rely on my father''s help, we certainly don''t take advantage of it, and every time he gives us money I ask him not to and try to refuse it. He insists and says he wants us to save this to contribute to a down payment on a house one day. I haven''t touched any of that money my father has given us - it''s a couple thousand dollars (probably about the same as he would have given us if he had given us a check for a wedding present) and it''s sitting in a separate account waiting until one day we use it to help us with a house.

I don''t think this means I have a character flaw because I accept my father''s gift for this year he insists on helping us. However, maybe this type of situation isn''t quite what you were referring to because I don''t rely on his money and I don''t need him to "take care of" me now. That''s what I have my husband for and that''s why I work myself and have saved my own money.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Lilac, I think it''s different if it''s a gift for an occasion or specific purpose. I think what I find odd is young people my age (early 20''s) using their parents money like it''s their own, quite freely and happily, for luxury goods like designer clothing or random vacations to Vegas.

I think growing up, what affected my money views the most wasn''t necessarily how my parents spent money on me, but how they spent it on themselves. They very rarely treated themselves to anything nice, which makes me feel like I shouldn''t be using their money to treat myself to random things. But I guess it all depends on the family you grew up in.

 

[princesss]

This attitude always shocks me. I''m amazed by adults (because even if they act like spoilt children, they are adults) that are willing to mooch off of their parents. Where is the pride in providing for yourself? Even though it''s not as fun as being able to go shopping all the time or splurge on designer bags, I enjoy being able to take care of myself. I pay my own bills and manage my own money. I''m not perfect at it, and I''ve had to learn some not-so-fun lessons about money management, but I learned them. And dangit, I''m proud of myself for learning them, and happy I''m learning them now rather than being 35 and suddenly having to figure it out. And I can''t think of any material thing that would make me feel as good about myself as being able to provide for myself does.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 7/14/2009 9:43:51 PM
Author: justginger
I''ve noticed the same thing and I can''t STAND it! I grew up in a small midwestern town in the States -- you moved out when you were 18, started paying your own bills, accepted help from Mom and Dad from time to time, but it was never something to brag about. Going to them for money was an absolute last resort.

Now I live in a large city in Australia and am floored by the difference. I actually worked with a 28 year old woman who stated that she was happy spending thousands of dollars on clothes and didn''t need to save for a house deposit, because ''when the olds die I''ll just get their place since I''m an only child.'' So she intended to continue living with (and off) them until their deaths. Unfortuantely that''s not an isolated occurance here. There are many acquaintances I have who are still living with their parents, contributing minimally to household expenses, and are getting deep into their 20s. The cost of living is high here, so I can see how it would be a bit of work to move out -- but find a roommate, for goodness'' sake!

Same here!

 

[Lynnie]

I used to work with a girl who freely spent her parent''s money... her mother actually bought her a boob job

. I never understood it. If my mother ever bought me a boob job (not that that would EVER actually happen), I certainly wouldn''t parade around bragging about it! It would embarrass me to even admit to something like that!
I think it has to do with the way you''re brought up. If your mother''s a gold-digger, and doesn''t teach her children the value of money, or the value of independance, than you''re in for a shock in the real world (unless you follow in her footsteps, in which case the cycle continues). Personalities have a lot to do with it, too. Some people just like to brag (case in point... we are on a diamond forum!)