Just don''t get it...maybe it''s a culture thing?

[Haven]

It sounds like these individuals who brag about their parents paying for things for them are just going through that phase of figuring out who they are and trying on different personae as a means to do so.

I see this go on a lot amongst my high school students, and amongst college-aged individuals as well. Yes, this behavior is immature, but it is also a sign that they are just trying to assert themselves in the world in different ways to see which fits. It is immature by nature, because mature individuals are no longer going through the oft embarrassing (in retrospect) process of trying to figure themselves out by projecting an image of who-they-might-be out into the world.

I see no difference between the girl who brags about her parents buying her $500 jeans and the one who dies her hair jet black and paints her face white. They are both trying to say "This is me! I am (fill in the blank: spoiled/rich/emotional/cared for,) isn''t that great?" And then they figure out if they like the way it feels to be that person, and they either adopt it or reject it and try on some different identity.

The issue of parents taking care of their adult children is another thing entirely, and I agree with Holly when she said: "There is no excuse for grown women (or men), healthy of mind and body, to be ''taken care of'' by their parents. I would consider anyone who uses their parents in this manner to have a serious character flaw." The key here is that the children are using the parents, and the parents are allowing themselves to be used.

I also think that it is interesting to see how our perspectives vary regarding where we draw the line between acceptable financial support and spoiling our children. My own parents did not pay for any of my college costs--tuition, room and board, books, transportation, etc. (Well, they bought my first semester''s worth of books.) But they did pay for our wedding. They wanted to pay for the wedding, they were in a position to do so, while they were definitely not in a position to pay for my education years earlier.

Do I think children are spoiled when their parents pay for them to attend college? Sometimes, depends on the kid and the parents. Is it any of my business? No. Will I pay for my own children to attend college? Not sure, I haven''t met them yet.

 

[icekid]

Date: 7/14/2009 9:57:42 PM
Author: Kaleigh
I don''t believe it''s a cultural thing. We taught our kids the value of money early on... We started with savings accounts and built on that. DD got it, she''s frugal and has earned her own way for the most part. DS is catching on, and working as a caddy this summer and banking a lot of coin. I am hoping he saves it for when he goes to college this fall. Time will tell.

I agree, Lisa. It is possible to come from an affluent background and see the value in money. However, this involves effort on the parents'' part. You''ve raised two great kids! Someday hopefully I will be able to accomplish the same.

 

[that_someone_special]

I know a bratty kid like that... well she was until her dad wised up and put a stop to that. She was cut off, had to get a JOB and is only nice if she thinks she is getting money from him. Otherwise is swearing, yelling, stealing...

The funny thing is that this guy told my parents that me and my siblings were spoiled. Ah, what? No.

I do believe my little brother is spoiled to some extent- not getting pure spending money, but he gets whatever he wants and doesn''t need a job because he''s "in sports". I always had to have one and paid EVERYTHING myself. I feel that he doesn''t know the value of a dollar now... it''s sad, but he''s still young so whatever.

 

[Barcelona]

Date: 7/15/2009 1:13:15 PM
Author: MakingTheGrade
Great for you Barcelona!

You can''t really fault kids for how parents raise them, but I feel like after they leave home for college/the real world, you''d think they''d meet enough people from diverse economic backgrounds that they''d grow out of it you know? I bet most do mature a lot once they leave home, but there''s always a few who are a little behind the curve.

Thank you. Unfortunately, the majority of my HS class attended the state school (2 hours from home) or local universities in our city. They join the same sororities/fraternities, share apartments, date the same people from HS, and then return home and take jobs there. So many never grew out of it. It''s a shame.

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 7/15/2009 1:54:05 AM
Author: Gypsy
I don't get, it's just a very entitled point of view for me and frankly I just write people off when I encounter it. And I've heard some JAW dropping gems recently, and yes, from PSers too. It's all MONEY. And even if it's your parent's money... it's STILL money that COUNTS.

I do consider about 10% of my yearly bonus money as 'play money' that 'doesn't count'... but that's a personal reward for me, resulting from a year of hard work... MY hard work. And I really do know that it counts.

My wedding cost 33Kish. My parents contributed 7K, and it was our wedding gift. My grandparent's paid for most of our photography (3.5K of it) as our gift. And MIL paid for the rehearsal dinner (and again, that was her gift to us). That was not money that 'didn't count'... that was money we were GRATEFUL for, and TOTALLY didn't expect. And I spent it as carefully as I did my own.

My parents never paid my credit card balances. I ran up one when I was 20. It was 600 and I was in Europe. My mother made a deal with me. She'd pay it off if I closed the account and promised not to open another one till I was much older. It would be the ONLY time it would happen. And I had to re-pay it to her over 1 year. And I took her up on it.

I agree w/you. It shocks me kids, 20 and 30 yr olds expect their parents to pay their cc bills; they do have a sense of entitlement. The same thing happened to me in college; I had a big cc bill and thought my parents would help me out. They did the best thing for me and said "well, you need to pay it down." I learned my lesson real quick!!! I think it is kind of gross to hear people say oh my parents are going to pay for that; I think it does a young person a disservice in managing money in the long run.

 

[DiamondFlame]

It is true that some parents fnd it hard to let their children go and continue to see them as young kids who still need to be pampered.

Call it harsh if you want, but I''d blame the parents who have been supporting such irresponsible spending habits. Why shd they pay off their kids'' cc bills? So what if its chump change to these high earners? If their adult children still cannot distinguish ''needs'' from ''wants'', and expect mommy/daddy to pick up their tabs, how can they ever survive as grown ups? I say cut them off from your purse strings and let them grow up..fast.

My dad died when I was 7. I have nvr asked a dime from my mom since. She paid for my needs and I won scholarships to earn my degree. I have lived on my own since I was 20. My cell phone allows txtg and calls - only features I need. My only indulgence is hi fi and home theatre. But as someone said earlier, I wd work out how long I need to work to pay off something before deciding on a purchase. Believe me, it feels much sweeter buying things with the money you have earned.