Just a small question........

[DrWoo]

Hello everyone......


I''ve recently been thinking about purposing to my GF. It will a total surprise... My question is simple... Is it too "old fashion" to ask the parents permission first?

As for how I''m going to do it, that haven''t decided yet... drawing a complete blank... I just know I want it to be very special....


Thanks in advance.

 

[JulieN]

This is going to be your new family, so if it doesn't matter to you either way, you should do what makes everyone happiest. I think it boils down to three considerations, and I'll give you my personal answers:

1) do her parents expect this formality, and will they feel slighted if you don't? My parents expect this.

2) What if they say no? My parents would say no if my current boyfriend asked.

3) Does she think this is a horribly out-dated custom that dates back to a time when women were considered the property of their fathers to be traded to the highest bidder, only to become the property of her husband? (Ok, maybe that was overkill, but lots of women have this hidden feminist in them.) I think it's out-dated because I think my parents haven't one iota of say in my decision.

 

[petuniaprincess]

I think her parents will respect the fact that you came to them to ask for their daughter''s hand in marriage. Although it may be an old-fashion custom, I imagine that most parents really appreciate the thought and consideration that goes into the gesture. And while this is no one''s decision but you & your fiance-to-be, I think she will be pleased to know that her family is supportive. Good luck and enjoy your proposal

 

[DrWoo]

I appriciate the advice.... And I will ask them...


My next problem is quite complicated... So I was looking at some rings today... The problem I have now... is that I know that If I spend a lot of money on one... she''ll just love it yes... but then she''ll kill me. She''ll be afraid to lose it, and why I spend so much on her... blah blah blah....

Question is, is there a away to get around this? I want to make her happy and if a simple ring will do that...... then should I just do that?


Thanks again.

 

[Buena Girl]

Just get insurance that she feels will cover any of the "what ifs" that she is worried about. If you want to get her a spectacular or ornate ring, than I say go for it!

 

[JulieN]

How about, "You're worth it?"

Not all women are the same, but if it were me, I'd secretly love that I have such a nice ring that would pass the test of friends and relatives who mean well but sometimes can be critical, even though I'd rather have had the money go toward a house, or copper-bottom pots and pans and Wusthof knives, or student loans.

edited to add: I think the bottom line regarding rings is to try to please her.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

No do it. Also get down on one knee. EVERYONE asked my if my FI did both and it was great to say yes.

 

[jeffsentra]

Re " Just get insurance that she feels will cover any of the "what ifs" that she is worried about. If you want to get her a spectacular or ornate ring, than I say go for it! "
You can get insurance for a ring that will pay for it if your girlfriend decides not to marry?
LOL
thats new s to me...
Could you clarify

 

[jeffsentra]

Oh yes... I am curious about that for myself

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I think you should. It''s a nice tradition. My fi asked my father twice. Once on the phone when he was is "planning" stage and once in front of me during the purposal (My family was there). For me this was perfect. I also notice after I just got engaged people asked two questions.
1. Did he get down on one knee? (Also a must if you ask me)
2. Did he ask you father/parents

We had been dating a LONG time so he is comfortable with my family. My family also knew that the purposal was coming so I don''t think he was too nervous to asked.

How this helps...

 

[saturn]

Well, had you asked me before I was engaged, I would have said that my fiance didn''t have to ask my father''s permission AND that I didn''t want a big expensive diamond.

However, FI did ask my father and in retrospect I am glad that he did. I think that it made my father feel better about the engagement (he kept telling FI that he was proud of him for asking), which in turn made the whole thing happier for me.
Also, although I have had several nightmares about the diamond falling out of my ring, I am happy that FI got me such a beautiful ring AND insurance!

So, I think that unless you know your girlfriend would definitely not want you to, you should ask her father.
And DEFINITELY get down on one knee. I agree with Tacori on this one, it''s something that everyone asks about afterward.
As for the ring, get her the ring you think she will like. If you know that she will like an elaborate setting then get it. Otherwise, maybe you could propose with a simple solitaire and let her pick out the setting herself afterwards.

Good luck! It sounds like you are really doing a good job thinking this through.