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just a little whats the word...jealous...

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emilina22

Brilliant_Rock
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Feb 9, 2007
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hi everyone im new... and somethings on my mind...well ive been watching Engaged and Underage on MTV and its all about couples under 21 that are getting married... so what makes me mad is that im 20 and ive been with my boyfriend for 5 years adn i know i wanna finish school adn i know he wants to get a house first but i dont find it fair it kinda hurts becasue i want that too.... would any one else feel the same way?

i also get a little down in the dumps when ever a friend gets engaged... i know i should be happy but i actually get sad....im lucky to have a boyfriend who is supportive and says taht well have our day and that my ring will be worth the wait! any one else feel this way!?
 

musey

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Sep 30, 2006
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Date: 2/14/2007 5:26:17 PM
Author:emilina22
so what makes me mad is that im 20 and ive been with my boyfriend for 5 years adn i know i wanna finish school adn i know he wants to get a house first but i dont find it fair it kinda hurts becasue i want that too.... would any one else feel the same way?

i also get a little down in the dumps when ever a friend gets engaged... i know i should be happy but i actually get sad....
Always try to remember that when other people get engaged, it's not a reflection on you or your relationship--it only has to do with them and their relationship! (At least, we would all hope
) It isn't about fair or unfair. Don't let what other couples are doing make you feel like you need to rush your own relationship unnecessarily. If you want to finish school first, and he wants to get a house first, do those things and then start thinking in marriage terms. Don't let some silly MTV show make you feel like you're behind the curve (and remember that the average marrying age is actually closer to 26 for women--you are HARDLY an old maid!
).

Pricescope is a really great place to vent your frustrations--even if only through reading others' posts. Whenever I felt frustrated with waiting, coming on here and realizing that there is a whole community of women feeling the same way made me feel very comforted!

ETA: I just turned 22 and was a lady in waiting until a week ago--so I do understand the plight of the young


ETA again: If you're feeling stunted in your wanting to plan, something that helped me was just going right ahead with it! I spent the past year or so casually researching wedding ideas, etc. even though I was not yet engaged. It could make the planning stage go that much easier! Then again, depending on your personality, it might make the waiting even HARDER--so tread carefully!
 

KimberlyH

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 15, 2006
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7,485
Well said, musey.

A TV show, what friends are doing, what enemies are doing, this has nothing to do with your life with your boyfriend. Focus on what is good in your life, make a list of things you love about him -- I''ll start it for you, 1. he''s gola oriented -- and every time you start to think "it''s not fair" that you''re not engaged, wedding planning, whatever, remember why you''re with him in the first place and that your life is your alone, it''s not a competition to get engaged first, get married first, it''s all about when it''s right and best for the two of you.
 

anchor31

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 18, 2005
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7,074
I was a LIW at 20, got engaged at 21 (exactly 7 months ago), so I wouldn''t want you to think I don''t understand you or I''m judging you on your age.

The young 20s is a tricky age. College for some, jobs for others... People moving in together, breaking up, getting engaged, married, etc. It''s hard to watch others do those things we''ve always wanted when it''s not happening to us just yet. It can be frustrating to feel like we''re putting an important aspect of our lives on hold because of schooling and such. Some people judge that it''s best for them to wait, some people decide that they can pursue schooling and marriage at the same time.

What''s important is that both you and your boyfriend are on the same length on this. Have you two discussed marriage or your future together seriously? Does he know it''s something you want once you''ve graduated? What is his take on this subject? You say he wants a house; does he want it with you? How do you feel about owning a house with a man before being engaged/married?

I certainly understand your frustration and "itchiness"... My best advice would be to talk to him. Talk about your expectations, timeframes, etc. If each of you has a different view on things, you''ll have to find a way to make compromises. For example, my FI wanted us to live together before we were married, but I didn''t want to move in with him until we were engaged... So we decided to move together during our engagement. And remember that marriage isn''t about a ring or a wedding. For some people it is best to wait.

Good luck!
 

RoseAngel04

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Joined
Jun 8, 2006
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865
well put Anchor! Ditto.

The starting point is talking with your bf to see where ya''ll both stand on the engagement issue, then go from there. Good luck.
 

anchor31

Ideal_Rock
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Oct 18, 2005
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7,074
A thought just occured to me... You say you''re feeling envious of friends and people on tv getting engaged young... But do you truly believe these people are better or happier than you just because they are engaged? The subject of "Underage and engaged" came up in the Brides World Wide section, and apparently the main reason they want to marry is to have sex!
From what I can understand of your relationship, it''s not the case for you... So do you think they''re happier than you and have a better relationship? It doesn''t seem that way to me. Sometimes being patient can be very rewarding.
 

emilina22

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Feb 9, 2007
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1,464
thanks everyone....i guess ive been looking around just being to nervous to vent on any of this...so i "took the plundge" lol (funny joke considering its vday!) any who yea

me and moe have known we want to be married and get married since i was 18 but i am so lucky to know that he respects the fact that i want a degree ( im the first born in my family and the first generation in my family so its kinda big deal) ive always told myself i wont get married till i ahve a degree and i am blessed to know that he respects me and alspo wants me to wait.... but yea weve talked about getting engaged and we def. gone over and over and over and OVER the ring thing...lol... so were def. on the dame page on getting married. about the house thing were very strong in our faith adn have chosen to not live together until were married...getting the house before were married is fine becasue we would need to work on it before the wedding ( i hope that makes sense).

but i think that what sucks even more is the FAMOUS question..."so when are you getting married??" how did you guys awnser that?? ive used almost every awnser i can think of but it hasnt been good enough for some....

im so glad you guys are my age it really helps
 

musey

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Date: 2/14/2007 8:45:05 PM
Author: emilina22
but i think that what sucks even more is the FAMOUS question...'so when are you getting married??' how did you guys awnser that?? ive used almost every awnser i can think of but it hasnt been good enough for some....
I always just said "when we're ready." I never had any problems with that. But then again, I didn't get asked much. Very few people in my area (Los Angeles) consider getting engaged/married in their early twenties, much less while still in college... so no one was really expecting it of us (except my friends back home in the midwest).

If you want to tell them something more substantial, just tell them the truth! (Waiting until you get your degree, etc. etc.) I can't imagine anyone not finding those reasons substantial enough, if the both of you really believe in them. If you want, you can also quote satistics supporting your decision!
 

DMBsGirl

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Sep 29, 2006
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My boyfriend and I have been dating 8 yrs. I am now 27 and no engagement yet. He also wanted to own his own place before taking that step, and that JUST happened recently. Thankfully, I have only had engagement fever for about 6 months, but it has been torturous! I am at that age where everyone around me is getting engaged or married. It is especially tough when some friends who have known their boyfriends a tiny fraction of the time I have been with mine get engaged. It''s super hard not to compare yourself to others. I just hope that my boyfriend doesn''t wait so long that instead of excitement I will have a "well it''s about damn time" reaction. (It sucks but I know that when I finally tell people i''m engaged everyone will say "Finally!!!"
)
My advice is to try to keep yourself busy and think of other things or do other things. Venting on her helps as well!
 

emilina22

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 9, 2007
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oh my god your telling me when i see a couple who has known each otehr for like 6 month and they get engaged that sucks...or even if theyve been together like a year....

ive learned to keep busy with school..it works i guess but sometimes when things are all good BAM it hits you outa know where that your still waiting...thats sucks huh?
 

DMBsGirl

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yup, it JUST BLOWS!
i''m hoping the torture of waiting is forgotten once the engagement happens, kinda like how women forget the pain of childbirth once they see their baby
 

musey

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 30, 2006
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11,242
It's forgotten
At least I forgot. But I didn't find it too torturous to begin with. Maybe I am like the women who have a relatively easy labor, then completely forget about it when they see their baby. But there are also the women who have 36 hour labor and then tell their teenager "Don't you talk back to me, I was in labor with you for 36 HOURS!!!"
haha
 

anchor31

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 18, 2005
Messages
7,074
I agree, it''s completely forgotten! I was so antsy and impatient and frustrated at times during my 9 months on the list... and I thought it would never end! Now I look back and think "that wasn''t so bad"!
 

emilina22

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Feb 9, 2007
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i cant wait to have that feeling of relief i guess.... i know itll all be worth it...he keeps saying it will and that this wait will pay off
 

musey

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Date: 2/16/2007 10:46:24 AM
Author: emilina22
i cant wait to have that feeling of relief i guess.... i know itll all be worth it...he keeps saying it will and that this wait will pay off
Once you''re engaged/married/etc. it''s easy to tell people in the waiting stages "Just relax, your time will come." I started catching myself writing that only a couple of DAYS after getting engaged! It''s not very useful advice, is it? But it''s true, once he proposes, you''ll likely feel the same way. So just relax, your time will come... (haha jk
)
 
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