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Judging people

kenny

kenny

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 30, 2005
Messages
34,348
We all do it, all day long.

Why do almost all of us pretend we don't?
 
How on earth can one NOT? Life IS nothing but judgements and making distinctions. Everyone has bias, but you're right Kenny - a lot of people act like they don't. Doesn't square with their self-image as being ultra-tolerant.
 
Guilty. I try not to verbalize if possible. Stuff on the internet is different because you are seeing only one dimension at a time, and tone is difficult to nail down. I'm frequently wrong on impressions except in real life situations.
 
I'm guilty, I do it. But I guess the main thing is, I don't try to change people. I really do my best to accept people for the way they are/what they do/how they act, because I can either choose to be around them or not. I find life is much easier when I stay in this mindset.
 
IMO we shouldn't try to suppress our judgments, of anything, but it is often better (easier, safer, more productive...) to not give voice to our thoughts.

I will say that I personally do have difficulty seeing/understanding/accepting the opposite POV on issues I feel strongly about and personally invested in.
 
I tend to judge the details more than the big issues... I don't judge people for religion, sexuality, politics, education level, financial status, personal style... etc. but I will judge someone for having dirty teeth or for not owning their hypocrisies. I am brutal about certain *aspects* of political beliefs, but I try to leave room for people to surprise me with new or interesting dialog. I tend to pretty judgmenal about any person or group who lives their life and makes their choices based on a chip on their shoulder. I find that sort of living very immature and distructive and I want no part of it - even if it excludes an entire (possibly justified) group of people, even minorities. I am HUGE on integrity and can smell someone who lacks it a mile away and I keep that mile between us. I am an excellent judge of character and the people I surround myself with are really good people. I have a problem with people who are too far beneath my intellectual level - they frustrate me. I don't judge them as lesser people, I have just come to accept my OWN failing at patience with them and I disengage pretty quickly.\


I don't like to lay all of this out here because I hate to be judged myself. Of course I'm judged but I don't want to know about it. Nor do I go around making a point to let others how I have judged them. You think it, you move on.

I think when the judgments are part of GOSSIP that's really crappy. And I think often we confuse judging others with judging and gossping about it. We all need to make decisions about people and situations all day just to live and get by, but whispering about so and so having dirty teeth or a lack of intelligence is where the line is crossed IMO.
 
Nashville said:
I'm guilty, I do it. But I guess the main thing is, I don't try to change people. I really do my best to accept people for the way they are/what they do/how they act, because I can either choose to be around them or not. I find life is much easier when I stay in this mindset.
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I agree wtih this too but I'm not sure how good I am at it. I am not very controlling, but I'm not sure accepting is easy. I tend to choose to not be around them pretty often.
 
We all do judge all day.

Even if you just say, "wow, she's an awesome soccer player!" that's judging. Why do people think it's not judging just because it's complimentary? And if you judge in a complimentary fashion, you obviously judge in the opposite way too because it's not something you can just turn off.

Judging is part of human nature. It's how we make sense of things and determine our own paths.
 
I love judging people.
It's my favorite past time.
I feel entitled because I'm perfect in every way.
Ok, that last line isn't true.
But really, I do love to judge people. My friends say I'm very good at it.
 
We all judge, obviously. That's human nature.

HOWEVER... when I catch myself judging people negatively based on what I perceive, I try to rethink and correct myself. It's not productive, and when you start judging people negatively, you feel more self-conscious.

That's not to say that I'm not right most of the time when I DO judge. :rodent:
 
elledizzy5 said:
We all judge, obviously. That's human nature.

HOWEVER... when I catch myself judging people negatively based on what I perceive, I try to rethink and correct myself. It's not productive, and when you start judging people negatively, you feel more self-conscious.

That's not to say that I'm not right most of the time when I DO judge. :rodent:
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Ditto! :))
 
I do not judge people who have affairs, drink or surf nasty websites... as long as they don't claim religious or moral majority. I do judge people who do all of the above and claim religious or moral majority. I try not to judge something that I don't understand just because I don't understand it or know about it. I think most of 7 mortal sins are bad, though,
 
I think we are all guilty of judging people at some point. I am sure I am. I try very hard not to judge negatively without at least getting some understanding of who a person is, but I am sure that I have done so.
 
elledizzy5 said:
We all judge, obviously. That's human nature.

HOWEVER... when I catch myself judging people negatively based on what I perceive, I try to rethink and correct myself. It's not productive, and when you start judging people negatively, you feel more self-conscious.

That's not to say that I'm not right most of the time when I DO judge. :rodent:
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Well said elle...I couldn't agree with you more!
 
by kenny » 07 Aug 2010 01:26

We all do it, all day long.

Why do almost all of us pretend we don't?

_____________________________

Who/where is this majority of people who pretends they don't judge?
 
Who has ever claimed they don't judge people? That is human nature. Gossip is natural. I think the goal is being tolerant to those different than you and aware when you may be getting carried away. Also awareness that you don't know what is right for anyone but yourself.
 
Steal said:
by kenny » 07 Aug 2010 01:26
We all do it, all day long.
Why do almost all of us pretend we don't?
_____________________________
Who/where is this majority of people who pretends they don't judge?
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Good point Steal.
Sorry, I should have rephrased the second sentence since I cannot say the majority here claim they don't judge.
I've been told a billion times to not exaggerate. :tongue:

But even if it was only one post in 5 years (and it's way over that) it would be as absurd as someone posting that they don't breath.

People don't come right out and and say, "I don't judge".
It usually takes the form of someone saying, "I'm not going to judge him but . . ." or "How dare you judge me for ....." or "It's not that I'm judging, but . . .", "He was judging me for . . ."
These kind of things (I read them often on PS) make it pretty clear that people are shocked and outraged that anyone would dare to judge another.

I believe there is a huge agreement that judging is something to avoid, that judging is a bad thing and to be avoided, like farting.
IMHO, judging others is heathy, normal, unavoidable and essential.
I do it all day, feel no remorse and do not understand all the "Thou shall not judge least you be judged" thing.

I just don't understand why it shows up on a list of things we should try to not do.
I can certainly understand it is not cool to walk up to a stranger and blurt out your thought . . . "That hair style is all wrong for you".
Telling the 50-year old person bagging your groceries, "You should have gone to college" is rude.
Telling a family member they should loose weight is wrong.
Thinking the thought is perfectly fine AFAIC; we can't avoid that and will drive ourselves nuts trying.

Expressing our judgements is about manners and being civil to others, but the judging itself happens in the privacy of our minds.

Perhaps that book should have said, "Thou shall keep thine judgements to thineself."

Also, and this is key, if I am at peace with myself others judging me can't bother me.
 
I catch myself constantly doing it and if I find myself making not so nice judgements, I try to think of various reason why the person is the way that she/he is or did the thing that he or she did. Does that make any sense?
 
elledizzy5 said:
We all judge, obviously. That's human nature.

HOWEVER... when I catch myself judging people negatively based on what I perceive, I try to rethink and correct myself. It's not productive, and when you start judging people negatively, you feel more self-conscious.

That's not to say that I'm not right most of the time when I DO judge. :rodent:
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Wow...I wrote my post without reading anyones first and you said exactly what I was trying to put into words. Thanks!
 
I think this is almost a loaded question. Do we all judge yes. We will all say "I dont judge her for..." and things like that, but it seems that there is hipocratic behavior everywhere. There was a thread a while back that said some would not continue a relationship with someone who was an adulterer. Judging is everywhere. I also think that there is a good judgement and bad judgement. If you are basing your judgement from a single phrase or behavior that you dont know the context of then the judgement you come to is faulty. If you are judging your personal opinion off of a string of behaviors, a web of lies, etc. then chances are the judgement is warranted and correct.
 
I think many times when someone bothers me there is something inside of them that reflects something inside of me that makes me uncomfortable. I am constantly checking my motives behind everything. It is so easy to take my focus off myself and shift it to judging/blaming someone else. I still do it, like I said before and I always own up to it, but I try to remind myself when I am pointing my finger at someone else, three are pointing back at me. Still, there will always be people I just don't get or like.
 
I guess we all do it .. I am guilty of this too. BUT I do give benefit of the doubt, and look to see what is motivating them in their behaviours...

I don't love negativity. I look for the positive. Glass half full for me. I know I am not the norm.. But that's ok!! ;))
 
I don't know. If you come into, let's say, a six page thread and tell people in that thread if they don't do things your way, they're (fill in insult here) it's kind of rude, and then if you cover it up with "I'm sorry if I offended you" and "I'm only disagreeing with you" it's kind of hard to take. Judgmental people have a hostile, negative energy. I don't like it.

Sometimes I might think judgmental things about, for instance, rings people post. I don't say what I think in those cases. It's kind of sad that when talking about other people instead of inanimate objects, some of us have lower standards for the way we act and the things we say about actual people.

As far as the "minority" thing, anyone who thinks they wouldn't be "intolerant" of intolerance being directed at themselves, should walk a mile in the shoes of being a minority before thinking the things people say are tolerable. Anyone who is not a minority might get sick of bigotry real fast if they lived with it every day of their lives.
 
Imdanny said:
I don't know. If you come into, let's say, a six page thread and tell people in that thread if they don't do things your way, they're (fill in insult here) it's kind of rude, and then if you cover it up with "I'm sorry if I offended you" and "I'm only disagreeing with you" it's kind of hard to take. Judgmental people have a hostile, negative energy. I don't like it.

.
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The OP asks for honest opinions and yet when they are given, all hell breaks loose.
 
I think we pretend we don't because it makes us look bad (even though every single human being is guilty of it). I will admit I am a judger......although I try to keep my judgments to myself.
 
Thanks Kenny; Gotcha.

I know that my judging is a defence mechanism. I use it to make quick analysis of people and situations because from a very young age I had to fend for myself.

Based on my experiences I have found that it is those who are judgmental rather than those who are carefree who have had more negative life experiences. Meaning; if you have a less troubled life it is easier for that person to be less defensive and less judgmental.

What do you think?

Are you (any ps'er) more/less judgmental and would you consider that it is in direct coloration to your positive/negative life experiences?
 
Guilty as charged! I am (sorry to say) queen of judging.
 
When one expresses one's judgment out loud, there is constructive judging and there is rude judging that the only purpose served is to make the "judge" feels good about her/himself. It takes a wise and mature mind to learn to express constructive judging and I constantly remind myself to open my mouth/type what I think carefully.

Being considerate in expression of oneself is not being dishonest, instead it is being honest to not just to your soul but also to others.
 
labellavita81 said:
I think we pretend we don't because it makes us look bad (even though every single human being is guilty of it). I will admit I am a judger......although I try to keep my judgments to myself.
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I take issue with the word guilty.

Guilt implies you did something wrong.
Judging others is not wrong.

Expressing your judgement in an inappropriate way can be rude, or wrong IMHO.
 
Steal said:
Thanks Kenny; Gotcha.

I know that my judging is a defence mechanism. I use it to make quick analysis of people and situations because from a very young age I had to fend for myself.

Based on my experiences I have found that it is those who are judgmental rather than those who are carefree who have had more negative life experiences. Meaning; if you have a less troubled life it is easier for that person to be less defensive and less judgmental.

What do you think?

Are you (any ps'er) more/less judgmental and would you consider that it is in direct coloration to your positive/negative life experiences?
Click to expand...

Interesting.

My suspicion is we ALL judge.
We ALL have a mechanism of righteousness in us.

Everyone from Mother Theresa to Hitler did what they felt was right.
We can't help it.
 
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