Jealousy

[luckynumber]

Ok, ok, i''m usually very good about this...


But have you ever been insanely jealous of someone else getting engaged before you?

My cousin who is 5 years younger than me, just got engaged, amazing proposal, really surprisingly romantic and gorgeous ring (the kind my SO would never be able to afford

)

i know, i know i''m pathetic! but i''ve had a face like thunder all day and my poor SO is looking at me rather strangely now

Please tell me i''m not the only one to succumb to the green eyed monster.....

 

[jewelz617]

It''s ok to feel jealous. Just as long as you don''t begin to question why YOU aren''t getting all those things right now. Some people get the big proposal, the giant ring and the platinum wedding, but they have a crappy marriage. Focus on the big picture and you will feel better.

 

[luckynumber]

gak.

i know.

my SO is the most amazing man, but some little princess inside me still wants the whole she-bang

and wants it, like, yesterday

LOL

 

[vc10um]

Don''t worry. You''re not the only one. In fact, that very reason is why many of us rely on our fellow LIWs.

Congrats to your cousin, and ((hugs)) to you. Your turn will come, and you know that. And when it is your turn, your ring and proposal and all of that will be perfect for you and your SO and your relationship and your lives.

 

[wsu12]

Date: 12/13/2009 5:08:36 PM
Author:luckynumber
Ok, ok, i''m usually very good about this...



But have you ever been insanely jealous of someone else getting engaged before you?


My cousin who is 5 years younger than me, just got engaged, amazing proposal, really surprisingly romantic and gorgeous ring (the kind my SO would never be able to afford

)


i know, i know i''m pathetic! but i''ve had a face like thunder all day and my poor SO is looking at me rather strangely now

Please tell me i''m not the only one to succumb to the green eyed monster.....

It''s human. You are NOT abnormal. I did not have those emotions regarding the engagement but I did have them about my wedding..My best friend is very wealthy. Her parents spent over $750,000 on her wedding....OVER..THE..TOP. It was 4 months prior to my wedding and I spent some time comparing our wedding to hers and felt pathetic. I got over it, I focused on how blessed and happy I was to have my SO.

It''s fresh, that is why it hurts. It will get better. Hugs to you.
xoxo

 

[luckynumber]

Oh. My. Lord.

i wouldn''t even want that much money for my wedding, over the top is an understatement!

i am truly happy for my cousin though.

call me crazy, but it''s almost worse because i''m so in love with my SO and want to be his wife, that the wait feels SOOOO bad...

deep breaths.

 

[wsu12]

Date: 12/13/2009 6:12:34 PM
Author: luckynumber
Oh. My. Lord.


i wouldn''t even want that much money for my wedding, over the top is an understatement!


i am truly happy for my cousin though.


call me crazy, but it''s almost worse because i''m so in love with my SO and want to be his wife, that the wait feels SOOOO bad...


deep breaths.

I hear ya....May I ask how old you are? I was 28 when I got engaged, married at 29. I knew I met the man of my dreams and was ready to start our life together. Add the fact that I am in my late twenties made it even harder.

 

[luckynumber]

i''ve known my SO for less than a year, so i feel stupid wanting an engagement so soon.

but i''m in my early 30s and SO is almost 35 so i sometimes feel we need to get a move on....

 

[wsu12]

Date: 12/13/2009 6:35:11 PM
Author: luckynumber
i''ve known my SO for less than a year, so i feel stupid wanting an engagement so soon.


but i''m in my early 30s and SO is almost 35 so i sometimes feel we need to get a move on....

I think it is different being in your 30''s vs. early twenties. You no longer have to date someone for several years to know if they are compatible with you. Personally, I knew within 2 months of meeting my husband that he was the one. If I had met him at 21...well, who knows but I am certain it would not have been the same time line.

Hang in there---It''s coming, and it will be so special you will laugh at this post!

xoxo

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Oh Luckynumber you are by far not the only one to feel jealous when someone gets something you''re longing for...

For example, it kills when I hear about someone getting pregnant. Worse yet, when it''s an "oops". Sometimes I can gloss over it, other times it''s sents me into a mild depression for weeks depending on how close I am to the person. I''ve learned that my feelings aren''t directed at them...but more towards myself, still it doesn''t make it any easier.

Its perfectly fine, in my opinion, to feel saddness or jealousy...but kept reminding yourself that your time will come.

 

[megumic]

Oh I know it''s tough, but you know what - revel in the fact that it''s over for her and yours is still to come! She is engaged and does not get that moment again and you''re still waiting for it allllll to unfold. I know it''s probably not much consolation, but it will all happen in due time!

Sit tight and hang on, because once he proposes life gets crazy, even happier and tons of fun!

 

[Winks_Elf]

Completely normal! As long as you don''t find yourself getting resentful of and angry with your SO, you''re fine. If you do, you need to question why, and then have a talk with him.

 

[Lofi]

Date: 12/14/2009 12:28:55 AM
Author: megumic
Oh I know it''s tough, but you know what - revel in the fact that it''s over for her and yours is still to come! She is engaged and does not get that moment again and you''re still waiting for it allllll to unfold. I know it''s probably not much consolation, but it will all happen in due time!

Sit tight and hang on, because once he proposes life gets crazy, even happier and tons of fun!

SO true... I wish I could relive our engagement every day!! And I wish I would have enjoyed the time leading up to it instead of crying to my now finace and my sister asking "when is it going to happen?!?!" in the weeks before it happened... Lol.

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 12/14/2009 12:28:55 AM
Author: megumic
Oh I know it''s tough, but you know what - revel in the fact that it''s over for her and yours is still to come! She is engaged and does not get that moment again and you''re still waiting for it allllll to unfold. I know it''s probably not much consolation, but it will all happen in due time!

Sit tight and hang on, because once he proposes life gets crazy, even happier and tons of fun!

Man! Now I''m jealous!

 

[Porridge]

Date: 12/14/2009 12:28:55 AM
Author: revel in the fact that it''s over for her and yours is still to come!

oh that''s a good one!

At some stage there is always someone who seems to have it better, or have what we want. What I find helps, when the green monster hits, is to remember that at some point, your cousin was just as jealous of someone else as you are of her, and that also at some point, someone was just as jealous of you as you are of her

That always gives me a little perspective. I have a huge imagination, and in a situation like yours I know I could let it run away with itself and imagine the perfect lives they appear to have, but of course in reality it''s not like that. It''ll pass! It''s totally normal.

 

[luckynumber]

my fellow LIWs,

instead of cluttering up the forum, i''ve decided to post all my crazy on this thread only LOL!

Soooooo.....

One of my really good friends got engaged. I am SO happy for her, she''s been with her fiance for 6 years now.

Yes, I''m jealous of her happiness, but really glad for her at the same time.

When do I get entry to the club??

It''s not like i''m waiting for him to get the ring, coz we decided to buy it together after the proposal (ie the British approach)

Thanks for listening to my vent!

Feel better now

 

[AmberGretchen]

Awww...its totally natural, all of these feelings. You will be part of the club before you know it. For now, try to focus on enjoying NOT having to plan a wedding, and on how happy you will be when the day finally comes - and it will!!

 

[NY Princess]

HA! Do you want to talk about jealousy, when my BF got engaged I was so jealous because it seemed to me that I was the only person without a ring on her finger. I kept feeling like what''s wrong with me? Aren''t I smart, lovable, desireable, etc, etc?

Anyway, I got over it and so will you. Trust me on this one.

I ended up having the best time helping her plan the wedding, visiting the reception halls, picking the dress, hosting her bacherlette party.

 

[laughwithme]

I agree with FSU - you''re not abnormal, and there isn''t any reason for you to feel guilty about this. I think this is a small part of life - you just move on. It sucks. I''ve been there. I PROMISE it will eventually be your turn - and the $$$ of the ring shouldn''t matter. Its the the man of your dreams on one knee that matters. Whether a $50k ring or a piece of aluminum foil, seriously, its the commitment that matters. Hang in there - you will get your proposal one of these days.

 

[Callisto]

I feel your pain.

Just this month I''ve actually experienced my first twinge of engagement jealousy. One of bf''s has started ring shopping and talking about engagement plans and she''s only known her SO since August, I live out of state so I''ve never even met him...

The worst part is, it''s not even because I want to get engaged that badly, I just don''t want her to be engaged before me... I''m a bad friend haha. I''ve been dating my SO 3.5 years so I just thought we would be first of my friends... guess not. Plus I have a feeling she''ll be getting engaged only a few months before me and I can''t help but think she''s stealing my thunder a bit. Not her fault I know, but jealousy isn''t exactly a logical beast...

 

[MakingTheGrade]

It''s ok to be jealous. Heck, every now and then I see a ring or stone on PS that makes me tsavorite-eyed with envy, haha. But I''m still thrilled for the person, just wish I had that too!

When I got engaged, I actually worried how my cousin (who was 29, and 8 years older than me) would take the news. I had been dating my SO for 4 years, so it wasn''t exactly unexpected or sudden, but I still felt like I was doing something bad to her.

Well, about 2 months after I got engaged, she did too! And planned her wedding for 2 months after mine. Sometimes I wonder if my engagement tipped her into hyperdrive..

 

[monkeyprincess]

I''ve got to say, the jealousy bug has hit me a little. My friend/co-worker got engaged on the 23rd, and I can''t help but be a little annoyed that my boyfriend decided to wait until after the holidays. I realize that is is silly and petty, and I really am happy for her, but if I''m being honest, I''m jealous as heck!

One thing though, the circumstances of her engagement are a little depressing. She has been with him a long time and they''ve lived together for 1.5 years. She moved in on an understanding that she would be getting engaged quickly, and when it didn''t happen, she questioned the relationship. Our jobs are for two year terms, and her term is up in August. She told him that unless they were engaged or married, she was going to expand her job search and take her dream job wherever she finds its. Well, he said he wasn''t ready, so she did what she said she was going to and took a job 4 hours away (starting in August). He will be starting an advanced degree in August, so they will be long distance. She doesn''t know if they are going to marry before she moves or wait for her two-year term to end and move back and get married. So, I guess I''m not all that jealous of her situation. It is going to be hard on them to have a long distance relationship or marriage.

I guess it goes to show that we shouldn''t be jealous of other people, because everybody is dealing with something!

 

[Londongirl1]

Date: 12/28/2009 11:40:35 AM
Author: monkeyprincess
I''ve got to say, the jealousy bug has hit me a little. My friend/co-worker got engaged on the 23rd, and I can''t help but be a little annoyed that my boyfriend decided to wait until after the holidays. I realize that is is silly and petty, and I really am happy for her, but if I''m being honest, I''m jealous as heck!

One thing though, the circumstances of her engagement are a little depressing. She has been with him a long time and they''ve lived together for 1.5 years. She moved in on an understanding that she would be getting engaged quickly, and when it didn''t happen, she questioned the relationship. Our jobs are for two year terms, and her term is up in August. She told him that unless they were engaged or married, she was going to expand her job search and take her dream job wherever she finds its. Well, he said he wasn''t ready, so she did what she said she was going to and took a job 4 hours away (starting in August). He will be starting an advanced degree in August, so they will be long distance. She doesn''t know if they are going to marry before she moves or wait for her two-year term to end and move back and get married. So, I guess I''m not all that jealous of her situation. It is going to be hard on them to have a long distance relationship or marriage.

I guess it goes to show that we shouldn''t be jealous of other people, because everybody is dealing with something!

That is sooo true

 

[HaloBelle]

It seems to me, that the jealousy only REALLY hit hard when it was one of my friends who hadn''t been dating their man that long. For instance, I know this wonderful guy - seriously - a knight in shining armor except he was NOT the type to settle down, at least not for a long time. Amazing friend, loyal to everyone and the sweetest person alive (except my BF!! <3 )Along comes this new girl and BAM 6 months later he''s way over his head in ring payments, jobless but head over heels in love and getting married in 6 months.

Have to say, THAT is the one that hurt the most. Most of my friends are in long term relationships - not as long as me and my bf, but long enough that the thought of them breaking up would be the same in my mind as divorce and crush me. I feel like when they get engaged its due, its time, good for them and I cannot wait for it to happen to me. When it is so quick though? I feel like it is simply not fair.

BUT the jealousy only lasts long enough for me to tear up a bit and realize i''m being selfish and that I need to wish them the best of luck because I cannot imagine marrying someone I have only known 1 year at only 23 yo.

**here''s to hoping that the waiting for the opportune moment financially (both graduation and job hunt success) pays of in a wonderfully stressfree engagement one day!!**

 

[jewelz617]

I can understand the jealousy if it''s circumstantial. For example, my husband was in a long term (4 years) relationship with a girl who wanted to get married. He kept telling her he wasn''t ready to get married. Well, she dumped him because she didn''t think he would ever commit. 6 months later we met at work and were married right away and we have a daughter. Supposedly she was really upset when we got married because he had told her for so long that he wasn''t ready to get married, but the reality was he just didn''t want to get married to her. I don''t believe he should have stayed with her so long, but he said at the time he was happy with her but he didn''t want to get engaged if he wasn''t 100% sure.