anchor31
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Oct 18, 2005
- Messages
- 7,074
My relationship with my in-laws has never been easy. My marriage is not a cross-culture one, but it often feels like it since our families are such opposites. His parents in particular are very loud, interfering and rude people who constantly complain about everything, and they have been on the edge of a divorce for the last ten years and are constantly fighting and badmouthing each other to their children. As an introvert who values discretion, hates conflict and tries to see more than the negative side of everything, I find spending any period of time with them difficult. Despite that, we see them once or twice a month and I have always made an effort to be nice and civilized when we spend time with them. There was major drama surrounding our engagement and wedding plans, but the past 15 months have been pretty drama-free, in comparison. To the exception of FIL who never acts nice with anyone, MIL, BIL and SIL have been all acting as civilized with me as I have with them, and I figured that we might never like each other, at least we could get along when we see each other.
But for the past few months, stuff''s been popping up. First, my BIL told DH he thought I was uptight and a snob. Then, SIL, after I didn''t visit her with DH because I was having bad morning/motion sickness and wasn''t feeling up to a two-hour road trip, said I was trying to keep DH away from his family and never wanted to see them. And yesterday, DH told me that when FIL suggested to MIL that they called us to ask if they could use our washing machines (theirs have been out of order for about a week), she refused because I was going to be there. Fine, let her keep her dirty laundry, but WTF is up with the hypocrisy? While I''m genuinely doing everything I can to be nice to them, it turns out they are not even trying, but just pretending to be nice to me.
What''s up with acting all nice to my face and then telling DH how horrible they think I am? We had to whole ILs vs me thing when we were engaged and DH chose me over them. He loves me and does not believe I''m a snob who''s trying to keep him away from his family and who''s so horrible I wouldn''t let his mom use my washing machines, so if they think he''s going to give credit to anything they say, they are sadly mistaken. Of course it''s hurtful that they would think of me that way, but there''s nothing I can do about it so I try to let it go... But DH is really upset and I''m afraid is starting to be rather depressed because of all this. Not only do his parents hate each other, they hate his wife. He''s starting to wonder if he should estrange his family for the sake of our child because he doesn''t want him/her to be exposed to all this negativity, but he doesn''t want to. Despite everything, they''re still his parents and he still loves them...
My point is that I don''t know what to do. I don''t think there''s anything I can do that would actually help. I don''t want our child exposed to this either and if it was up to me, I would estrange them, but it''s not up to me. I don''t know. I guess I''m looking for a bit of sympathy, and if anyone has any words of wisdom for me, I''d appreciate it. Thanks everyone...
But for the past few months, stuff''s been popping up. First, my BIL told DH he thought I was uptight and a snob. Then, SIL, after I didn''t visit her with DH because I was having bad morning/motion sickness and wasn''t feeling up to a two-hour road trip, said I was trying to keep DH away from his family and never wanted to see them. And yesterday, DH told me that when FIL suggested to MIL that they called us to ask if they could use our washing machines (theirs have been out of order for about a week), she refused because I was going to be there. Fine, let her keep her dirty laundry, but WTF is up with the hypocrisy? While I''m genuinely doing everything I can to be nice to them, it turns out they are not even trying, but just pretending to be nice to me.
What''s up with acting all nice to my face and then telling DH how horrible they think I am? We had to whole ILs vs me thing when we were engaged and DH chose me over them. He loves me and does not believe I''m a snob who''s trying to keep him away from his family and who''s so horrible I wouldn''t let his mom use my washing machines, so if they think he''s going to give credit to anything they say, they are sadly mistaken. Of course it''s hurtful that they would think of me that way, but there''s nothing I can do about it so I try to let it go... But DH is really upset and I''m afraid is starting to be rather depressed because of all this. Not only do his parents hate each other, they hate his wife. He''s starting to wonder if he should estrange his family for the sake of our child because he doesn''t want him/her to be exposed to all this negativity, but he doesn''t want to. Despite everything, they''re still his parents and he still loves them...
My point is that I don''t know what to do. I don''t think there''s anything I can do that would actually help. I don''t want our child exposed to this either and if it was up to me, I would estrange them, but it''s not up to me. I don''t know. I guess I''m looking for a bit of sympathy, and if anyone has any words of wisdom for me, I''d appreciate it. Thanks everyone...