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AMALEEKEL

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 6, 2004
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Ok, I know that a few of you will understand my sentiments here...I just need to vent for a little bit...I''m not usually this cranky...so PLEASE bear with me!

Many of you know that my BF & I Have been doing the ring search thing for a month or so. We''ve been together almost 4 years. (In April)

He''s 26, I''m 23. I''m ready to get married! He isn''t quite so much. He says he wants to get married...someday. But obviously isn''t ready now and I Just don''t understand it.

We went looking last week at rings...and found the most awesome one. It was perfect- exactly what I want and in the price range. HE even liked it! A couple of days later, I had a dream about the EXACT ring!!!!! I thought it was a sign.

Here''s where I get frustrated. I really thought after finding that ring that things would progress faster. HONESTLY I did...but it just seems like marriage is the LAST thing on his mind. For example, he''s trying to plan a trip (with his cousin and brother, and me if I want to go....) to a music festival called Coachella. It''s some big concert in Cali I think (he''s a music buff). That''s how different we are. He''s planning fun trips to expensive concerts...I want to plan a wedding. It is so frustrating! I just wish we were on the same page. And we''re sooo far off.

I really need some words of encouragement. I know at least one or two of you have been in this situation and have advice.
I''ll look forward to some uplifting responses!! Maybe a former LIW who was in my position (long time dating...)
How do you stand it!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, hope you''re all having a good week. I''ll feel better tomorrow-Going to get my hair cut and colored!!! YAY!
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Ama: I''m sorry you feel so frustrated. Aparently he is thinking in terms of "boy" soon and not "girl" soon, like he should be. Or maybe he is just trying to throw you off track so that you will be surprised.

As for the concert, don''t go if you really don''t want to, plus it will give him an opportunity to miss you and think about how much he wants you to be in his life. Guys don''t always realize that unless you spend some time apart...even if its just for a long weekend.

That has been the one good thing about the BF''s Brazil trips, the 10 hour flight and being 5,000 miles away from everyone really made him realize how much he wants to be with me forever. His friends and family email me and ask me how he is, b/c I am the only one he contacts while he is gone.

Even though he was really excited about the ring, it might have temporarily freaked him out, that he is growing up.
 
apple,

thanks for the words of encouragement...I''m really feeling down (PMS SUCKS) about it right now and your words help!

I''m not familiar with your story...why does your BF travel to Brazil! How long is he gone?

Thanks again so much!!!

Akel.
 
He''s planning fun trips to expensive concerts...I want to plan a wedding. It is so frustrating! I just wish we were on the same page
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We''ve been together 3.5 years and my bf bought the e-ring last spring (and I still don''t have it) but nonetheless he made me a promise (and he claims he doesn''t go so far to make a promise if he can''t keep it - which is true so far) that we will get married this year.

I tried to subtely say it takes some time to plan a wedding a he just nodded and nodded with a smirk. Well, early in January he bought a sporty Cadillac SLS. I''m thinking to myself, gosh he really does deserve to drive a nicer car than he had and we can afford it - BUT WHAT ABOUT THE WEDDING?????
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It''s like our priorities are different. If he only knew how much this anticipation is consuming me he could have bought a less expensive car and traded up after the wedding was covered. I don''t know - it seemed kind of ''out of priority.'' That doesn''t mean that if we got married in September we couldn''t still save the money for it but that car payment is going to make it harder now. I guess what I''m trying to say is I sympathize with you. It''s hard to imagine as much as you want to marry this guy that maybe he''s not as "yeah! let''s do it! as soon as possible!" as you/we all are.

Sounds like you need to sit down and start setting real goals. The decision is not whether or not HE thinks it the right time to propose - it''s whether or not ''WE'' want to plan a future together. It''s about what you want, too. It''s okay to wait if you both agree on the timeline.
 
aww ama- don''t feel so down, just because he''s planning a trip doesn''t mean he doesn''t want to get married. Have you talked to him about what "soon" means in terms of when you will get engaged/married? If he''s willing to take you ring shopping, he must be at least CLOSE to ready to get engaged.

I was never exactly in your position because I always knew my fiance was ready to marry me.. he just never got around to actually ORDERING my engagement ring. Only once, toward the very end of my wait for the ring did I ever question the fact that he wanted to marry me (When I felt that all other possible explanations for why I wasn''t engaged yet were exhausted). I didn''t tell him that I thought that, but for some reason he knew from the way I was sad.. that it was different than my normal "why aren''t we engaged yet sad." I remember vividly.. we were in Target and I was all bummed (sometimes target depressed me because there is so much stuff there for the apartment that we won''t have til we get married!) and I think close to tears and I was asking him why we weren''t engaged yet.. and he gave me some answer but then he said.. "Its not because I''m not ready to marry you.. you dont'' think that do you?" so I admitted that I had started to think that (like that day) and then I cried in target like a big loser.. I''m telling you.. I was a freakin nut job. Two of my friends have since told me that I was either "crazy" and or "obsessed" before he proposed to me.. and they weren''t saying it jokingly either. I apparently was much worse than I even realize. I
t was probably 6 months though from the time I orginally picked my setting that I wanted (I saw it in a magazine and KNEW it was the one) to the time he ordered it, and probably 2 months from the time we finally found the right jeweler to get it for us. And then there were all sorts of delays that weren''t his fault but he sure got blamed for them for a long time (he could have spared himself that by TELLING ME!!!)

But I say that you just need to talk to him. Tell him how much you LOVE that ring (and him too.. lol) and how important it is for you to be married. Some guys (and girls) would be content to stay dating forever. Tell him you are not one of those girls. I mean you shouldn''t pressure him into proposing.. but you need to let him know how you feel!
 
I don''t have any genius advice, but I''m in such the same boat! cept I''m 23 and he''s 27- We''ve had the diamond for 6 months now, and the only "future plans" he talks about are a trip to the World Cup in Germany next year with his friends, followed by a vacation with his family in Norway. Uh..hello dude- wedding, maybe!?
The only uplifting things I can contribute are: you''re not alone, and at least Coachella looks like it''s gonna be a great concert (if the fantastic coldplay concert I went to a few years back is any indication). Maybe the idea of attending that, is for him just as exciting as the prospect of wedding-planning for you. (Honestly, that''s the only way I can rationalize my BF''s soccer-dream-vacation smack in the middle of a prime potential wedding time)
 
Ama: I hope you are feeling a little better today, I''ve noticed that PMS always makes me more upset about it.

My BF has been going to Brazil for work since right after Thanksgiving (was home for two weeks for Christmas & NYE, and then home for a weekend the one before last). He''s the Business Systems Manager for the Latin America group of his company, and a new system is being implemented in Brazil, so tons of them have to be there for that, and of course these things go much slower than expected. His co-workers are all foreign, so they don''t have the "get it done fast and efficiently" American business mentality. 8 more days until he comes home!

Around Christmas on a night after lots of wine, I let him know that I would not wait longer than 6 more months (he got overly excited when we first talked about marriage and gave false timeframes that have long passed). We''ve only been together for a little over a year, but post-college I believe in the two year dating rule for engagment, and since he started talking marriage after 1.5 months of dating and then time frames came and went, he doesn''t get the full two years. I love him more than anything, but until we are married/engaged, I consider myself and my goals to be my first priority.
 
Ama: Hugs! That does sound frustrating. Especially if you have picked out the perfect ring. I think guys are on their own time (and it''s a lot slower then girl time
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). I suppose it depends on how you were planning to go about the ring purchase. Is he going to buy it as a surprise? Is he saving up money? Or does he just have to drive to the store and pay for it? If its a surprise the.... PATIENCE (I hate that word too). It might be on its way. If he just has to buy it, I think a gentle reminder would be good, just in case he doesn''t realize that you feel it is the perfect ring, or that the concert is taking up to much of his thoughts.
 
I''m sort of in the same boat. A good friend of mine told me to just say to him, casually while we''re loading the dishwasher or something, so, when are we getting married? We have friends getting married in a little over two weeks, so I think after that is the time to do it!
 
Ama - please don''t rush things, dear. Just enjoy the time you have with this wonderful man, and realize that when he is ready, and he initiates the process of engagement, he will be so much happier with his decision than if he feels pressured to propose. My boyfriend is almost 26 - I''ll be 30 in October this year. My age has been a large part of my wanting at least a proposal this year, but that''s a personal preference. The last thing I want is to guilt or pressure my boyfriend into proposing as a means to saying he wants to spend the rest of my life with me. I just know he does, and (big cliche here) all good things come to those who wait.

I know so many women that believe in the 2 year dating rule following college . . . it''s something I just can''t relate to (as I sit here with a large timeline given to me between the 3rd and 4th year of dating - our 3rd anniversary is in June), especially if you''re willing to walk if he doesn''t get to the punch at exactly the deadline (not saying that anyone here would do that).

But have we ever really examined, as individual women, why is there such a race to the finish line? Why is it something we''re driven toward? And I''m just as guilty as the next woman.
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Oh AMA! I know how you feel! My bf and I have been talking about getting engaged recently and I just don''t see forward progress and it''s SO frustrating!!!
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He actually outlined his summer plans for me which included a NOSE JOB? (he wants to go into politics and doesn''t want his nose parodied by cartoonists -- whatever.), purchasing ANOTHER rental property, etc. And it actually makes me want to punch him (no, don''t worry, I''m not serious -- he''s not an abused bf.). I''m thinking to myself -- and perhaps purchasing an e-ring could be in those summer plans?!?!? Grrrr. Sometimes I just feel like he''s not taking it seriously and it makes me mad.
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I read a really interesting book called "Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others" and it said that for men there''s a "prime commitment age." It''s based on thousands of interviews of couples. And it seems to follow a pattern based on levels of education. I''m not saying that your bf would follow those patterns, but it was an interesting read nonetheless. And it gives some perspective on the whole dating process from the male point of view.

Anyway, that''s just my two cents! He''ll come around soon!!
 
If you''re going to punch him then do it before the nose job
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Girl, I feel your pain. We''re now at almost 8 1/2 years. To be fair, we''ve only really been talking engagement for just over a year, but we''ve been SERIOUSLY discussing it since last March--as in, that''s when he said "Soon" and set the first of the un-met deadlines. It''s gone from, gosh will we get engaged before my 30th b-day (last June) to WHOA, will we even be married before I''m 32??! It is so hard, and there are extenuating circumstances for every couple, but GOD, I know what you mean. I get irrationally upset when he is talking about a big purchase because it just feels like another delay for us that is BOY soon.

Like, I was telling him about my sister and BIL''s new flat screen. And BF, who owns two massive tvs and a small flat screen in the kitchen, says, oh, I should get one of those. To which I say that unless it can fit on my left hand he''d better not be thinking about any large purchases this year.

I get unreasonably jealous of stupid things--the new sofa he''s buying (and needs,) new tires for his car, new gym membership....as if somehow those things precluded things happening for us. But when you''ve talked timelines and you THINK you''re on the same page and then his energy seems to be way more focused on a concert or a car or a gadget, it''s like.....heloOOOO? Do you think I''m just going to keep here on the back burner??!!

Boys should not be allowed to say soon. Obviously the 2 year rule was never uttered in this relationship. Although it''s funny (not ha-ha funny) to think back to a bridal bazaar I went to with my sister in 1998 before either of us were engaged and we BOTH thought that we might be getting engaged soon. She''s now married 5.5 years with 2 kids and I''m......still dating, apparently. Granted, she''s a little older and every couple is different, but we actually started dating 2 months before they did!!! And I wasn''t ready then. Some of you might remember a story I told on the old anxious thread about how I caught a bouquet as a BM in 99 and actually tossed it like a volleyball as a reflex while my mom and bf both watched in slowmo, like, "nooooooooo." So 24-25 was not the right time for us as it will be/is for some of you gals. It just gets old. When you''re ready, you''re ready. And I''m ready. And ANXIOUS!!!!

Big hugs to you....and I hope your hair appointment was some good "me-time." And the PMS does NOT help at all
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((((HUGS))))

So long story boring, dear Amaleekel....HANG IN THERE!!!!!!! We are here for you!!!
 

Lauren, I think you bring up a good point. In fact, I don''t even see it as a race to a finish line. It''s a race to the STARTING line. I know so many people who wanted to get married because it was the end all..not realizing there really was a whole new world the next morning and it would be a different one to boot. I actually knew a gal who said on her wedding day, she was so pleased her wedding had turned out so wonderfully...but realized she married someone she didn''t care for.


I certainly feel for Amaleekel and the others. I just feel very differently about getting married, I guess. Now, I don''t want to turn this into a twenty-something vs. thirty-something thing, because there plenty of twenty-somethings who are ready and at the right place in their lives to get married. When I was in my twenties, I always thought I would be married by 30. I think lots of people think that way. Even at age 28, 30 felt so far away for me. But when I turned 29, I obviously knew I would not be married by 30. I''ve seen a few people panic when they get to 29 and there''s no potential for marriage in sight. I was always a very happy single person, so I never felt the pressure to get married, even though the "I''ll do it before I''m 30" thought was always around.


I turned 30, and it really was no big deal. But the most interesting part was that random "deadline" I had placed on myself was no longer there. Now I feel like I have all the time in the world to settle down...and I''m really not ready for it right now...I''m too young! Now at 32, I do have a great guy (in fact it''s exactly 2 years today from when we first met)r, but all I want to do is DATE...in the same time zone. But that is another story.


Hang in there Amaleekel. I agree with Lauren. Don''t rush things...it will almost always backfire. He needs time to enjoy life before he can start enjoying life with you. Until some of those things are out of his system, he probably won''t be ready. Enjoy each other. 4 years may seem like a long time (and it certainly isn''t anything to sneeze at), but in the scheme of things, it''s a drop in the bucket. Besides, good things come to those who wait. Look at Lovey''s wonderful ring and proposal...she was with her beau for TEN years. Not that I''m recommending that for everyone, mind you!
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Ama, I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. It must be difficult. Some good advise has already been dispensed. I have to agree with Lauren & Traveling though...there is something to be said for enjoying your twenties. Had I been married at the ripe age of 21 (as my ex-fiance wanted...we were engaged when I was 20, he was 25, I called it off on my 21st bday), I never would of experienced the things that make me who I am today. I''ve been able to travel the US & the world. I''ve partied all over & have a fabulous group of 10 girlfriends in the metro area (I''m the youngest at 30) that I connect with on a weekly basis...we support each other, let loose and simply appreciate life to it''s fullest & feel incredibly lucky that we have each other.

I also feel that I have had a chance to explore me & become the person that I am. Like Traveling, I don''t want to turn this into a 20s vs 30s, but I think there is something to be said for waiting, experiencing life, becoming an independent person and really finding out who you are, what you like & want in life, as well as experiencing it! I just can''t imagine how different my life would be. I never would of traveled to Morocco with a girlfriend, I never would of ran the Dublin & New York City marathon, I never would of traveled to Paris & Rome for a week-end (on separate occasions...was literally there for 3 days), I never would of accepted a job where I traveled 80% of the time around the US and allowed me to see my close friends all over the country. In the end, I can''t imagine how different my life would be at this point and what regrets I would have. I would not be the dynamic, worldly, aware person that I am. To me, that''s priceless!

The point that I am trying to make is that it is THESE life experiences that truly teach you how strong, independent & resilient you are! Realizing that engagement & marriage is a personal decision, I have to ask, do you feel that you are on a strict timeline to get married? Regarding your BF....it sounds as though he is taking time to enjoy the things that he loves in life and includes his love in those activities....YOU. Ultimately you must decide if enjoying time with your BF and growing together is more important than breaking over failure to get engaged. As others have said, sometimes it''s worth the wait.

Then again, he may just be trying to throw you off. Either way, give everyone''s comments some thought & think about creating an action plan for you & your goals. Is there anything that you''ve ever wanted to learn? Consider enriching your life in that manner.

Food for thought. :) Best of luck. In the end, it will all work out as it''s intended!
 

Noonersmom said it better than I could. I think for some, getting married in your twenties is the way to go. They meet the love of their life, grow together, and make their own road together. Certainly it''s not a bad way to go.


But there are SO many things you can do in your twenties...and you will have the luxury of being able to do it YOUNG! I so totally agree...is there anything you have always wanted to do, no matter how farfetched it seems? Go for it, and it will occupy your mind AND enrich your life. Like Noonersmom, I also ran a marathon. Mind you, I HATE running. But being single, (well, almost, since bf lives in Australia for now), I had all kinds of time for myself and to try random things. So I gave it a go, and crossing that finish line in 90 degree heat is one of my life''s great accomplishments. Mind you, I said "MY." There will be plenty of time for you to say "our".


I said that I felt no urgency to get married when I crossed the 30 threshold. But boy did I feel an urgency to travel solo before people no longer considered me "young" (not to be confused with "youthful", mind you!) When I made it my priority to enjoy my life and seek adventure (I quit my job when I turned 30 and threw on the backpack to travel for a few months), the rest fell into place. In fact, I met my current boyfriend on my great travel adventure, which is something I would have never thought would happen.


Think of it this way. Someone said it earlier...until she gets engaged, her goals and her priorities come first. When you get married, you have him to think about and consider. Then possibly later on in life, there will be kids. You have a very short time left in your life to be selfish (for lack of a better word). After you get married, there isn''t just YOU anymore. When I was in Europe, I was amazed at how liberated I felt that I had no one to think about but myself. It is not often when we have such a luxury. And believe me, it truly is a luxury!


So enjoy your time. My friends who got married early and have kids are happy. But without fail, they all tell me to wait. And they ALL say "I wish I had done X before I got married." None of my single friends who take the time to enrich their lives ever say they wished they had gotten married and had kids in their 20s. Of course, it could possibly be because they can''t now! Hee hee.


Again, good luck! I do believe that things DO happen for a reason, and everything has its time and place.

 
Traveling....hello soul sister! Get out of my mind! hehe. You said it beautifully too! There''s just so much out there in the world, that I think you have more to offer as a someone that has experienced life & been enriched by it.

Ama...get out there & find the things that YOU love. Challenge yourself while you and your BF are finding YOUR time (as a couple) to get engaged! You''ll be amazed and proud of yourself! Do it! Do it! Do it! It''s so liberating!
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Traveling, on a separate note...rock on regarding the marathon! Which one did you do? I thought 67 degrees in NYC was horrible...but 90 degrees? Whoa! You''ve got guts! No doubt about that!
 
I don't want to hijack the thread too much, so I hope Ama doesn't mind if I answer your question about the marathon here.
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I did the Los Angeles Marathon last year. It's in March, so it shouldn't have been so hot. In fact, on Race Day, they predicted a high of 78 degrees. When the gun went off, I thought it was already a bit warm, and that 78 degrees was going to feel a bit miserable. Little did I know it was already 70+ degrees at 830 am. I noticed a lot of people throwing up during this race, and my feet got very swollen.

When I finished, my friends said, "How did you run in this 90 degree weather?" I sat in shock for a second, then started to cry... I had no idea it was THAT hot...only that I was pretty miserable for most of the run. The official weather reading that day was 88 degrees, but that was the airtemp. I heard that the asphalt temp was clocking in at about 92-94 degrees.

My brother ran Honululu...they start at 5 am to avoid the heat. You ran NYC and Dublin eh? Wow, I would have loved to run those. Congrats to you for doing two (I don't know if I could do that!) Ireland is one of my all time favorite countries!
 
YOU ARE ALL AWESOME!
I can''t tell you how much the words of encouragement, and advice mean! I got tears in my eyes reading your suggestions and own stories.
I really DO need to find something for myself. Not sure if I''m the marathon type...i HATE RUNNING! But congrats to you for that! That is amazing.

I am so glad I found you guys..not only for education and ideas on diamonds...but as a GREAT support group!

Keep the stories coming please!
 
Amakeel - I just wanted to say hi and give you a big hug. You sound like your expectations aren''t being met, and that''s the worst.

My guy and I weren''t together nearly as long as some of the ladies that are on here...but what was hard for me was that the expectations got raised early, and then stalled out. A big relief for me was honestly discussing the situation with BF and letting him know how hard it was on me (including the whole "no control" aspect, since I''m a type-A personality).

I also agree with people that having time to enjoy single life is such a beautiful gift. My own personal reasons for having a 2-yr sell-by date had a lot more to do with not wanting to devote much time to a relationship that didn''t have a future than wanting to be "settled" - I''m very jealous of my time and energy and just couldn''t do an "in-between" relationship anymore. It was either casual dating or serious dating, which means if we both agree it should be heading towards marriage/commitment, then it will do so in a timely manner, especially with a live-in partner (which is another story entirely, but it wasn''t supposed to be that way). But that''s just me. I''m actually hoping being married doesn''t change the day-to-day very much (we already live together).

I hope you take time for yourself, invest in yourself by pursuing activities you really enjoy (and if your BF is interested too, all the better), and really let him know how you''re feeling. If you are having a great time doing your own thing, he may feel more interested in making sure he''s a part of that.

NoonersMom - I did the Dublin Marathon in ''98 - the people are wonderful, are they not?

Travelinggal - Eyikes! Go you for finishing in those conditions!!! What an accomplishment.
 

Wow, Blue Chica, you too? Congrats on your marathon.


Looks like there are a few of us here. OK, I am beginning to think that marathoning is the way to get engaged, and therefore that''s what I''m recommending. You''ll be too engrossed in training to notice he''s dilly-dallying. He''ll notice you''re not focusing on him as much and wonder what''s going on. Then during race day when you nearly pass out somewhere between the 14 mile mark and the finish line, he''ll realize how deathly afraid he is of losing you and can''t live without you...and propose on the spot.


OK, who''s with me on this plan? Sound good? And btw, run with your hands above your heart from time to time...otherwise they''ll swell and look like german sausages, and there''s no way you''ll be able to get a ring on.

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BlueChica - The people ARE wonderful! I couldn''t of asked for a better city for my first marathon! My favorite was running by the hospital (or nursing home) and the nurses wheeled out all of their patients, cheering us on! Then it was the beer stop by the finish that the Hash House Harriers arranged! On-On! Aside from the dang cobblestone streets almost the entire way...it was wonderful! How about yourself..fav part of Dublin? Did you do it for a charity? Have you ran any other marathons? Or was that the first & last? LOL

Traveling - How true! LOL. Shake out your hands from time to time. It always helps with the sausages!
 
Haha, sounds like a plan TravelingGal. Honestly, anything will do, as long as it''s building yourself up and is something you can devote yourself too. Recipe for life, not just engagement. ;-)

NoonersMom - My favorite part was the little kids who had milk, biscuits and sausages out. I thought that was HILARIOUS. I''m a vegetarian, so I didn''t partake, but I did see other people doing so. More power to their digestive systems. Actually, either that or the weather. It was 60 degrees and sunny - beautiful. It was my first marathon, fresh out of college, in soccer/hockey team shape, so I didn''t really train. It was pretty rough seeings as my longest run prior was 12 miles. However, I did make it (thank GOD because I''d told everyone and their mother that I was doing it). Some friends and I didthat one through Team In Training, which wasn''t really a positive experience for me, but I know has been great for others. After that I did a couple of unofficial Boston runs, and will most likely try to qualify next year for Boston, so there''s at least 2 more in me. :) The NYC marathon has always seemed very exciting, did you enjoy it?
 
Qualifying for Boston! Congrats!!! You are in the creme de la creme! I was one of those people who couldn''t run a mile when I started, so I had to do whatever marathon that would take me!

And yes, I agree, it''s a life thing. That''s why I am not ready for engagement. I would like to do a few more trips solo...but wonder if I would want my current bf to be with me at times.

How are you hanging in there, Amaleekel?
 
Amaleekel.....sorry we hijacked the thread. How are you? Have you talked with BF lately regarding your feelings?

BlueChica - Look at you go! Best of luck qualifying for Boston! Wish I could hit under the 3:40 mark. Then again, getting married is always a good motivator for exercise! hehe. What marathon are you going to run to qualify for Boston? You lucked out with Dublin....I ran in ''01 for TNT. We hit the weather for almost every season. Nothing beats partying in Dublin after the marathon in the Temple Bar area. Good times, good times. NYC was very difficult. I wasn''t prepared for the amount of hills (one is a continual climb for 2 miles...ugh!). Although nothing beats coming across the bridge around mile 16 and running into a sea of spectators! It is amazing once in Manhattan. The only thing I didn''t like was the amount of people. There were 37,000 participants! Not enough room to spread out and get into a rythm like you can in Dublin. Otherwise, would do it all over if I had to. Would train for more hills though! Keep us posted on your training!
 
Hi ladies!

I don''t mind that yall are talking races in here! Did anyone catch the season finale of Amazing Race tonight? That''s a great show!!!

BF & I are doing well....
Over the last couple of days things got kind of strange...
First of all, he might be getting laid off (???) due to "cutbacks" at his work---He''s not sure, but it''s a possibility so I was really sad about that...

Then, he tells me he is interested in buying my ring online! --which he has been totally against till now!

So, anyway, last night I contacted Whiteflash & kind of got the ball rolling! I''m hoping this isn''t false hope! haha....
I can never tell with him. It seems like one minute, he''s not anywhere close...and the next minute, he''s talking about our honeymoon!

Boys are so difficult sometimes!

Thanks again for all the kind words---oh- and you ladies kind of motivated me. I''ve never been a runner-AT ALL. But I think I''m going to try to run in the Race for the Cure in October. It''s not a marathon by any means...but still, it''s a goal for me!
Plus, it''s such an AMAZING event- has anyone here done that?
Thanks again to the LIW!!
 
Amaleekel: Well, I hope the whiteflash people can get him excited about a ring. Who are you working with? I''m very sorry to hear that he might be getting laid off...that is SO stressful. Race for the cure is a great goal! I haven''t done it myself, but perhaps you will inspire me to. Be careful though, running can be addictive. ;-)

Traveling Gal/NoonersMom: Well, we''ll see, I''m certainly not the creme de la creme yet. I''ve come close before, but I''m getting older every year. :P I''m thinking of probably the BayState marathon (flat as a pancake). I had ankle surgery last Sept though, so one step at a time. At the moment I''m only doing a couple of miles. You''re right about wedding motivation. My BF is also interested in running with me finally, so there we go!

I love traveling by myself, and BF hates traveling, so I may still get to indulge in that treat even now.
 
Amaleekel.....wow...things are all over the board for you. Will keep your BF''s employment status in my thoughts. Just take it all in stride & come up with a plan B & C. One never knows & it''s good to have options for potential scenarios. After all, not everything is in our control, as much as we would like it to be. Glad to hear that you contacted WF as well. How exciting!

Re Race for the Cure...I''ve done it a few times. It is such an uplifting and spiritual event to be a part of and observe. Good for you! It may not be a marathon....but as one of my favorite quotes goes....."The miracle is not that I finished, but that I had the courage to start"! Keep striding on lady!
 
ama
this is a great thread and I can emphatize on so many levels with almost everyone ! *hugs* to you hon.

I spent all of my twenties (eleven years actually) with ''the guy'' until (aged 31) I found out that actually he didn''t think I was ''the girl'' and I have to admit that while there''s nothing to be gained by it, I do sometimes regret that I don''t (and now never will) have all those great wild twenty-something memories to look back on. no summer flings, no lovers to think back on (good or bad !) - just a lot of pain for being so blindly in love that I couldn''t see that he didn''t feel as I did. the early days I can think fondly on but there is a lot of time there where I feel I really lost out, was ''robbed'' almost because the sad truth is I forfeited all of ''me'' for him and ''us''. we lived our lives according to what he liked much more so than what I liked. A hard lesson learned the hard way.

now in my mid-thirties (ahem!) I have been BLESSED to find an amazing, incredible, wonderful man whom I truly adore and love to pieces ! and who feels likewise about me !! hooorah !!! and luckily this time my eyes are as open as my heart ! We are partners in all things, from mundane to magickal, and I couldn''t be happier.
I so agree with Travelling that it''s a rush to a Beginning, not a finish line. I am ready to take on the challenge of being in a marriage; I consider it a challenge and an adventure and even an honour. If I''m ever going to try to do this, he''s the one I want to do it with - but I see it totally as a new start, a whole new life, our life together.

having said all that I''m due to say ''I do'' eleven weeks from this Saturday and actually nothing is set in concrete for our wedding right now and I still don''t have an engagement ring ....... and yes, it gets reallyreallyreally frustrating - BUT I have the right guy ! THAT is the important part. Better that than having a huge sparkly, a perfect wedding and the wrong guy !
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take heart but talk to your bf - it''s important that he understands that boys and girls ARE different and while this isn''t whirring around in his mind 24/7, it has reached a point for you where is it doing just that - maybe even use some love of his (music ? this concert ? and the effort and energy he''s expending) and put it in terms he can understand. Like - ''how would you feel if I said I''d get the tickets for this show, book the flights, organise things - and then months later you''re are still waiting and I haven''t even MENTIONED them ? ''
something like that might just put him on your wavelength long enough to understand what this is like for you.

good luck to you, it will happen - if he''s the right guy for you, it will happen !
 
and hey, what''s all this talk about those Dublin jackeens being ''great'' - an awful shower those Dubs - terrible - pure conmen !

you need to get down the country, down to the Kingdom in the beautiful southwest .........
aah, best people on earth down there I tell you !

so we''ll have no more talk of those Dubs thank you very much -

or the sausages - ye''re making me hungry and homesick !!!




PS. brill for you all for running the marathon. I''d walk for all of Ireland but running ?! ick ! no thank you!
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