It wasn''t like this in the fairy tales

[Alice in DiamondLand]

My b/f and i started looking at rings a month ago.The first time we looked, we saw a ring we both loved. Since then, we''ve had way too many converstaions about quality, size, where to get it, the meaning behind rings, costs, values, etc. It wasn''t like this in the fairy tales. Frankly, it has me all in tears. I just want to move on and getting involved in all these details and waiting is not fun.

I assume there is someone out there who has been in the same boat. Please give me some words and perspective to consider in the meantime before actually getting the ring. I know it will eventually arrive.

For those who are starting the journey, heads up, often it doesn''t turn out like the fairy tale.

I work with this guy who bought his g/f a ring from Tiffany''s a couple months ago. He asked her about ring size and gals know what that means. I asked him why he hasn''t given it to her yet, and he said he''s waiting. from hearing about him and my own experience, i want to tell the fellas that the waiting game isn''t fun or fair. You score points when you bring your lady flowers. I think moving thru acquiring the ring quickly is a great opportunity to score points too.

I love my man dearly and look forward to spending the rest of our lives together. This is not the post i am talking about that though. Just had to say that as I can see someone reading this saying, gosh is the ring all you care about?

Had to vent. Thanks for listening.

 

[Bethanying]

Alright, you're officially in our club.

That's right, the ladies in waiting club.

There are several members of this group, eagerly awaiting to get out of it!

For some perspective, my bf received my ring on June 16th. It is now August 28th. Talk about killing me! The time hasn't been right yet. There were illnesses and deaths in the family and so the time just wasn't right. Finally, we've been roadblock free since the beginning of the month- and he was going to talk to my parents today- and then his great uncle died yesterday and he's gone to the visitation/funeral about 6 hours away. I wasn't able to go because they wouldn't be back by Monday and I have to work... So, I'm at home alone, disappointed and sad for the loss of his uncle.

Whoa, that was depressing. But enjoy this time, as hard as it is, having the secret that you can only share with your 'sight unseen' diamond friends

And then get on here and shamelessly brag/post pics when you do get the ring!

Hope this helps.

Bethany

 

[MelissaSue]

Bethany - Are you not going to be suprised at all? You know when he was gonna talk to your parents and everything?
I am going crazy too of course.. but I don't even know if he has my ring yet. I just keep telling myself that there must be some hold up with the ring so that I don't get too mad at my boyfriend.. I had sort of given him a deadline of the 21st.. not really a deadline.. but I really wanted it by then because I was going to a wedding with all my friends from college that I hadn't seen in a year or so.. and that has come and gone.. It had never crossed my mind that I wouldn't be engaged by the time I went back to school this semester.. But I start on MONDAY, and am working all day tomorrow.. He MUST know how disappointed I am..
Well hang in there.. and I will too.

 

[goldengirl]

Welcome to the club!

This is probably the only club you'll ever NOT want to join, and are happy to get out of!! However, you kinda have to consider...it's a little fun, isn't it? I'm in the same position as you, kinda... we've done some talking, but as far as I know, not much else. That's okay with me--he said to me one time, guys feel a lot of pressure to propose when the time is "right," and feel like they have to make it really an "event"...in other words, he's not just going to come home, kick off his shoes and propose, lol!

I appreciate his dedication in this regard, even if it means I have to wait. Because I'd rather have a proposal that was heartfelt, carefully timed and *perfect*, than one that was just soon. Wouldn't you? I'm sure if you think about it, you would.

On the flip side, perhaps it's not a good time for him to get the ring--maybe he doesn't have the money, or maybe he wants to buy a better ring than he saw...maybe he's having one custom-made, or maybe he had to order the perfect ring off the internet to get the quality he felt you deserved. He was obviously feeling you out on your preferences regarding quality, size, et cetera...after he got that info, he had to make a decision on what he THINKS you will LOVE (nerve-wracking, for some!) and THEN he has to plan some way to give it to you that you will be able to tell your family and friends. Maybe he even wants to talk to your parents about it first. You never know what he's got planned...so just sit back and enjoy the anticipation...and if you're like the rest of us, you can pseudoplan the wedding while you wait!

 

[JKohio]

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On 8/28/2004 12:19:47 PM Bethanying wrote:


For some perspective, my bf received my ring on June 16th. It is now August 28th. Talk about killing me! The time hasn't been right yet. There were illnesses and deaths in the family and so the time just wasn't right.

Bethany
----------------

Sorry to hear about the bad luck, Bethany. I'm in a similar boat here. My bf and I looked at rings together in the Spring. We picked one out; he purchased it shortly before Easter, and has it in his possession. Since then, it's been a summer of bad luck timing. His grandmother passed away, his car was broken into, and his workplace has been unusually stressful. We've been going out for nearly 3.5 years now, and I love him dearly, but the waiting is starting to get to me. We've talked about it and he doesn't like making me wait, but I guess that's the way it goes. (He's an engineer... they can be so analytical sometimes. Hehe!) Oh, I know it will happen, but have no idea when... that's the hard part.

I guess I'm just antsy because we talked about a Spring 2005 wedding -- the anniversary of the day we met happens to fall on a Saturday next year and I'd love for it to be that day. Is it even possible to pull together a wedding in 6 months?

- JKohio

 

[goldengirl]

It depends on your budget and what you have in mind, but I think you could get it together in six months, absolutely!

I think if I had to, I could pull it together in about a WEEK!!

 

[honeynut]

we picked my ring out over two YEARS ago. Don't cry for me Argentina!

 

[Alice in DiamondLand]

Thanks for the replies gals. Good to know I am not alone. I made the big mistake of telling people after we went shopping, so now about every little while, people ask me - "did you get the ring yet?" I usually reply politely and just say no, but there is a wide range of responses I have that are probably best to just keep to myself.

In the meantime, after learning so much about diamonds, I've decided to buy myself diamond studs so that is taking some of my attention elsewhere.

I still think though that it's lame to wait a long time. Is there ever really a "perfect" time? The time is now. It's been my experience if I spend too much time in planning the future, I often miss out on the present. Now is all we really have anyway.

Being a bit reflective with the upcoming 9/11 anniversary, I wonder how many people who either lost their lives or loved ones, were waiting for the "perfect" time to do something.

Cheers,
:>

 

[JKohio]

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On 9/6/2004 9:11:10 PM Alice in DiamondLand wrote:

Thanks for the replies gals. Good to know I am not alone. I made the big mistake of telling people after we went shopping, so now about every little while, people ask me - 'did you get the ring yet?' I usually reply politely and just say no, but there is a wide range of responses I have that are probably best to just keep to myself.

---------------

Some of that here, too. His parents, my sister, my best friend, and a mutual friend of ours (who apparently like sharing good news) know. Luckily, this friend lives in a different city and has only told her family. Still, it's tough fielding the Question (or not fielding it, but knowing it's out there) from those who know.

Enjoy those diamond studs, Alice! My 'planning energies' are now going into a backpacking trip that my BF and I are going to do in a couple of weeks.

 

[lsmathis1]

Hello, and yes, WELCOME to the club

At least you know you are among friends here and we all feel relatively the same way. Who knows really why some guys wait so long - in my case I know because he wants it to be special. I certainly don't require "perfect", whether it be timing or how he does it, but I respect that fact that he wants to start our lives together in the best way possible. I'd just be happy to be engaged to him, but he promises that it will be worth the wait. Of course it will, whatever it is! Just being with him for the rest of my life is worth the wait...but it's not so wrong to want it now!

I'm very anxious, but as time is passing - I've stopped anticipating "when" and it's helped me relax a little.

I see two problems that may have lead to our stress or anxieties - but maybe it's not too late for some - here's some advice:

#1 It's probably a good idea not to tell anyone in your social circle what's going on (other than mom of course). It's hard enough trying to battle yourself, but having everyone else ask "why is he taking so long?" really puts that extra strain that might put you over the edge! Hehe... personally, it's just been nice to have you guys here at PS to vent to - because I know you are all feeling the same way (in this thread).
#2 Trying to figure out "when" and actually assuming it will be a certain date. Wow, I've done this and I was just really disappointed when I discovered it would NOT be "the" day.

Those are just my 2cents...

I can't believe I said this the other day - I'm quite embarrased of myself, but I was also thinking about 9/11 stuff and how so many missed out on forthcoming events, whether it be engagement/wedding/baby etc. and it really made me sad. I said something to him to the effect of "what if something happened to me and we didnt' get to share this special time - and we never knew what it would be like to be engaged to one another". Can you believe I said this?? I guess I got really down and it just fell out of my mouth. I'm ashamed.

I am by no means a "fly by the seat of my pants" kinda girl, but I do believe striking while the irons hot! I assume our relationship will always be "HOT" hehe..., but it's really hard when your gut is telling you to do this "thing" and you can't control it. Is it that we women are so used to taking the reins in so many other aspects of our lives...and this is one where we can't? Maybe that's been my problem. I am pretty independant...and here I have to wait on my sweetie to make the call.

Hopefully we'll all be happily engaged soon and chatting about how wonderful it is.

Oh, and honeynut - you have patience I may never know! Each relationship is different though and what works for one may not another. Bless you

 

[MelissaSue]

I told EVERYONE when we were shopping.. EVERYONE.. So I get asked like.. DAILY if I am engaged yet.. At work, online..friends call, I catch my FATHER checking my hand on a regular basis..Its bad. I never thought not to tell anyone..
Melissa

 

[Momoftwo]

What happened to him proposing and you accepting and then looking for a ring or him picking it out and then proposing?. Especially since it's about the marriage, not the diamond, right?

My parents got married in '57 without an engagement ring and they're still together. I've been married 23 years and the larger diamond (1 ct) came with time.

I picked mine (1/2 ct) in 1980 knowing that I was getting it in a couple of weeks. We went to the diamond district in NY, picked it out, had it sized and 11 days later, it was on my hand. There's too much pressure on these guys to do it "perfect". Yes, you'll always remember it, but it doesn't have to be with "wine and roses". Relax.

 

[MelissaSue]

----------------
On 9/8/2004 9:55:55 PM Momoftwo wrote:

What happened to him proposing and you accepting and then looking for a ring or him picking it out and then proposing?. Especially since it's about the marriage, not the diamond, right?

My parents got married in '57 without an engagement ring and they're still together. I've been married 23 years and the larger diamond (1 ct) came with time.

I picked mine (1/2 ct) in 1980 knowing that I was getting it in a couple of weeks. We went to the diamond district in NY, picked it out, had it sized and 11 days later, it was on my hand. There's too much pressure on these guys to do it 'perfect'. Yes, you'll always remember it, but it doesn't have to be with 'wine and roses'. Relax. ----------------

not to be rude.. But why are you critizing us for picking out our own stones and rings when you did so yourself? I don't understand your point.. We are all saying that we dont really need it to be "perfect", we would just like to be proposed to! Most of us have been waiting more than 11 days!!

 

[cowboy1230]

Male perspective

it's a big commitment that shouldn't be rushed. This doesn't justify waiting a year after you started talking rings, but a few months is not unreasonable. Looking at rings is just one part of the "looking at getting married" question

buying ering is probably the first and most important piece of jewelery a guy will ever buy. being careful on this decision may indicate the BF is being responsible

it's alot of $ to pull together. It takes awhile to save 2 months(?) of salary. Even if the guy has saved the $, it's probaly not sitting in a checking account

 

[chris-uk04]

I have to second cowboys point. Additionally….

With the amount of discussion of marriage, and talking about rings (or even shopping for them), the surprise factor has diminished. Really today, the only way to make it a surprise is to make it seem as if she won’t get it for a long time and then pop the question. I had to get my gf’s ring size in January, but I bought the ring on my own later, which I kept completely quiet. I constantly made it seem as if she wouldn’t get the ring until November or so. Well she got it in June, much to her surprise.

You might be happy to get it soon, but then you’ll hear about some co-workers story about how she was completely surprised, then be disappointed because you knew it was going to happen. Be patient and definitely don’t bug him. Sometimes the surprise is worth the wait.

 

[Judi W]

I totally understand how you must feel. Knowing something is coming in advance can be such torture!!! I personally am very very bad at "patience". Everyone gives you great advice and justifications......but until that ring is ON YOUR FINGER...you'll be antsy about it! Someone on this post said "it's not only about the diamond" and I agree. Hang in there.....the ring will be on your finger soon enough and just keep it there forever! Best of luck.

 

[KSparkles]

I feel your pain girls! I just got engaged in July of this summer, and it came as a total surprise because my fiance kept telling me that he couldn't afford it for another year or so. I was really really bummed and didn't want to act like a brat, but I felt like I just wanted to move on with our lives and be engaged! We were pretty much "unofficially" engaged for a while, and we frequently had talks about our future, having kids, etc. It was such a difficult time, but after I got the ring all those bad feelings just floated away! Hang in there - he may surprise you when you least expect it!

 

[ANMdiamonds]

I am in the same boat, and I think the boat is getting pretty crowded. My bf and I began to look at rings in December of 2003. I finally picked out the one that I wanted in January 2004, and here I am today September 27th with no ring. We have been together for almost 4 years and I love him more than anything in the world, but still nothing!

On the bright side, we are flying to Sacramento, California in October. We are going to stay in a bed-n-breakfast in Nappa Valley, go to San Fransico, just be tourists.

This could be IT, but every year we take a vacation together. This is the only time we could go this year because of schedules, etc. I am so excited about the trip, but I'm not going to expect something that might NOT happen.

Don't get your hopes up because it could be a while. In the beginning, I was always expecting the proposal. Valentines, my b-day, holidays, dinner, etc. You'll drive yourself crazy. But there isn't anything any of us can really tell you to think other wise. Keep busy! Best wishes!!

 

[JKohio]

Woo! I just left that boat. The proposal was a total surprise to me. (Men can be so sneaky sometimes!) I posted the story in the Proposals forum here. Hang in there, girls! It's sooo worth the wait.

 

[chrisz]

So glad to hear there are others in the same boat w/ their bf's! My bf and I discuss rings and marriage TO DEATH, where is the spontaneity. I feel like this is most certainly not how it is supposed to be. I would love a complete surprise and I won't get it. Instead I hear about how expensive everything is how the guy has to shell out all this $$ and other whining. Just surprise me and don't take your sweet time. Anyway thanks for letting me vent and hang in there he is your prince because you write your own fairy tales!

 

[Alice in DiamondLand]

I am no longer a “lady in waiting” – we got engaged a couple nights ago on our “1 year since we met” anniversary! He totally took me by surprise. Way better than I could have thought up how it should or would go.

A few days ago I probably would have rolled my eyes if someone said what I now know to be true: with regard to engagement (and life in general), just show up, be who you are and just let it unfold naturally. Ok to pout about not yet having the ring, but do so more with your girlfriends than your boyfriend.

When you force things too much, they can break. When it’s meant to happen, it will. For those waiting, I wish that you too will soon have this most awesome feeling inside your hearts, be so excited, and get a sore wrist from posing your hand! It’s worth the wait.

I can’t stop staring at my ring. I posted the story via “he’s no longer my boyfriend – he’s my fiancé” on “show me the ring”.

Dr Phil once said how it’s a really good idea to concentrate more on investing in and planning for your marriage instead of your wedding. We’ve taken that approach discussing finances, children, visions of marriage, and got marital counseling. I really hadn’t thought too much about the wedding (I was just fixated on the e-ring). Well, today I went to the wedding planning section at the bookstore – yikes – wow. How fun! I am excited to start in on the wedding planning now, of course while still planning for our marriage. And now I can have my bridal magazines on the coffee table….

 

[innerkitten]

Gosh my boyfriend gave me my ring the day after he got it. I don't think I'd be too happy waiting months knowing he already had it. Well if they actually have it then at least it means they plan on giving it to you soon. Maybe you should propose?

 

[innerkitten]

P.S. My boyfriend and I were together three and a half years before he proposed. But I don't count that as waiting time, it was getting to know each other time.

 

[aeli]

Whew, I'm feeling so much better after reading these posts. My fiance proposed about a month ago and gave me a temporary ring. We were walking around one day when we saw THE ring. After many delays on the jeweler's part, it was finally ready to be picked up. Now it's in my fiance's posession, but he refuses to give it to me without some grand romantic gesture, which will take some time. I felt like such a brat for being impatient and wanting it sooner. It's nice to know I'm not alone.

 

[njc]

If you want to hear more about "ladies in waiting" you can check out the Anxious to get the E-ring thread over in show me the ring. Its quite a bit to read now at 19 pages, but lets you know that you arent alonw! And you arent being a brat, you are just ready to move to the next stage of life!

 

[treysar]

It’s funny – I was totally surprised when I got engaged. We had never really talked about when it would happen, I never once asked about, nothing – not even a clue. But that was to HIM. Internally, I was thinking, “Is this EVER going to happen?” and putting these scheming plans in my head to find out if he was thinking the same thing I was. So when it happened, I was totally suprised, and the freaking ring was in my apartment for 4 months, and I had no idea. I would have DUMPED THAT PLACE UPSIDE DOWN if I knew there was a ring in there somewhere!