Is your SO a confident person?

[joflier]

I''m delving into some psychology, here....

Do you think of your SO as being confident or secure in themselves? What are some of the things they say/do that make you think that they are or are not?

 

[upgrade]

My dh is very confident and secure. It''s a big part of what drew me to him in the first place. He can walk into a room full of strangers and speak comfortably with anyone and I love that about him.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

I wouldn''t be able to marry someone insecure because it''d probably be too easy for me to boss them around

I know my SO is confident because last year he quit his good, stable job to move with me to a big new city, and had no worries about finding a job in the recession (although I was a bit nervous). But go figure, he found a great job that he loves! And I think his confidence in his own abilities played a large part of that.

 

[yssie]

He's certainly much more so than I am. He has a certain secureness in his opinions, thoughts, actions, knowledge.. It's not arrogance, he's very able to admit when he's wrong - he's just very comfortable with doing what he thinks is best without needing the approval of the masses - I'm much more that seeks-approval sort. It's something I love about him.

 

[Haven]

My husband is very confident. I suppose his confidence shows most in the way that he lives his life--he makes choices based on his own beliefs and doesn''t really care what others will think about it.

 

[lilyfoot]

Date: 12/23/2009 8:11:36 PM
Author: Haven
My husband is very confident. I suppose his confidence shows most in the way that he lives his life--he makes choices based on his own beliefs and doesn''t really care what others will think about it.

I''d agree with this for my BF as well.

It always surprises me when we get around friends, because I forget that he is actually a shy, quiet person (around others). He''s not like that when it''s just us two

. He''s very confident in his beliefs though, and that shows no matter who he is around. He is very secure in who he is.

 

[LilyKat]

Date: 12/24/2009 12:27:18 AM
Author: lilyfoot

Date: 12/23/2009 8:11:36 PM

Author: Haven

My husband is very confident. I suppose his confidence shows most in the way that he lives his life--he makes choices based on his own beliefs and doesn't really care what others will think about it.

I'd agree with this for my BF as well.


It always surprises me when we get around friends, because I forget that he is actually a shy, quiet person (around others). He's not like that when it's just us two

. He's very confident in his beliefs though, and that shows no matter who he is around. He is very secure in who he is.

Ditto this for my boyfriend too! He's confident in that he's happy and secure to be who he is, and stand up for what he believes in. But he isn't outspoken or talkative with strangers.

You asked for an example: we are getting engaged after 9-10 months of dating. That is unusual in his family and circle of friends (they are happy for us - it's just raising eyebrows). This would have been enough to make my ex doubt his decision and conform to social pressures. My boyfriend, however, couldn't care less

 

[Squirrly]

my FI is confident. his posture and how he carries himself shows that he knows who he is, where he wants to be in life, and how he''s going to get there, but then again that''s what he''s trained to look like

 

[marcy]

My husband his, he is very comfortable with himself.

 

[monarch64]

SO is very confident. It is definitely one of the qualities that attracted me to him when we met. The only "tells" he has if he''s not feeling completely confident about where he stands with me are the times he comes right out and asks me if he''s asking to see me too much/often, or when he tells me about something he does that he thinks is weird and calls himself "quirky." I like all of his quirks (they''ll be the ones that drive me insane later on, I''m sure) but I think he''s seeking reassurance from me that I don''t think he''s a freak. LOL

Insecure people tend to show it by belittling others, exaggerating or making things up about themselves and/or their accomplishments, getting embarrassed very easily, etc, in my experience.

 

[Sabine]

In some ways he is, in our relationship, in his work/ability to be a good dr. he is very confident.

When it comes to making friends and meeting new people, not so much.

 

[zhuzhu]

My DH is confident yet shy in personality. To me that is a perfect combination as he seems gentle, speaks softly, yet is really very firm with his principles and beliefs. He will stand up and fight for what is right without raising his voice or making a drama like some others I know. So yes, I love DH for it~!

 

[luckynumber]

My SO is very confident.

He really can walk into a room full of strangers and strike up a conversation in no time. And come out with 4 new friends.

I can''t do that, I get nervous! My strengths are in organisation and an eye for the finer details.

But he is generally a very brave person: rides huge motorbikes, skydives etc.

We compliment each other beautifully.

 

[vc10um]

Date: 12/24/2009 8:08:23 PM
Author: zhuzhu
My DH is confident yet shy in personality. To me that is a perfect combination as he seems gentle, speaks softly, yet is really very firm with his principles and beliefs. He will stand up and fight for what is right without raising his voice or making a drama like some others I know. So yes, I love DH for it~!

zhuzhu, my SO is the same way. He''s incredibly confident in his abilities, in his work, and his beliefs. But he''s very shy when he first meets people. He prefers to sit back and listen to conversation going on around him until he establishes the attitude/environment/humor of the group, and then he''ll contribute, but only thoughtfully and occasionally. And you''re right...no drama!

 

[reader]

Nope, I am the confident one. He is the creative one!

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 12/24/2009 7:41:09 PM
Author: Sabine
In some ways he is, in our relationship, in his work/ability to be a good dr. he is very confident.


When it comes to making friends and meeting new people, not so much.

Sabine - my husband is the same way. He''s confident in his work and he works hard at what he does. When it comes to friends and meeting new people though, my husband''s very quiet and reserved. He''s an observer but not much of a conversationalist at times. He likes watching interactions with people and he contributes to conversations when he feels that he has something important to say. Otherwise, he''s fairly quiet. To be very honest, I''ve had to get used to this over the years -- it REALLY bothered me in the beginning because I hoped that he wouldn''t come across as anti-social/not interested to others.

 

[vc10um]

Date: 12/25/2009 6:48:41 PM
Author: ZoeBartlett

Date: 12/24/2009 7:41:09 PM

Author: Sabine

In some ways he is, in our relationship, in his work/ability to be a good dr. he is very confident.



When it comes to making friends and meeting new people, not so much.

Sabine - my husband is the same way. He''s confident in his work and he works hard at what he does. When it comes to friends and meeting new people though, my husband''s very quiet and reserved. He''s an observer but not much of a conversationalist at times. He likes watching interactions with people and he contributes to conversations when he feels that he has something important to say. Otherwise, he''s fairly quiet. To be very honest, I''ve had to get used to this over the years -- it REALLY bothered me in the beginning because I hoped that he wouldn''t come across as anti-social/not interested to others.

Date: 12/25/2009 6:48:41 PM
Author: ZoeBartlett

Date: 12/24/2009 7:41:09 PM

Author: Sabine

In some ways he is, in our relationship, in his work/ability to be a good dr. he is very confident.



When it comes to making friends and meeting new people, not so much.

Sabine - my husband is the same way. He''s confident in his work and he works hard at what he does. When it comes to friends and meeting new people though, my husband''s very quiet and reserved. He''s an observer but not much of a conversationalist at times. He likes watching interactions with people and he contributes to conversations when he feels that he has something important to say. Otherwise, he''s fairly quiet. To be very honest, I''ve had to get used to this over the years -- it REALLY bothered me in the beginning because I hoped that he wouldn''t come across as anti-social/not interested to others.

ZB...I think our SOs were separated at birth. Between our posts on this topic and their love of Alton Brown...they might be twins!

 

[zoebartlett]

Vc -- that''s so funny! I wonder what would happen if we ever got them in a room together. Either they''d never shut up or they''d watch us chat and chime in only at the "important" parts. That''s what my husband calls it. He''s not one for idle chit-chat or making small talk. Me, I''m quiet too, but I can be a chatty Cathy as well. I can hold my own at parties. Him -- not so much.

 

[vc10um]

Date: 12/25/2009 6:54:48 PM
Author: ZoeBartlett
Vc -- that''s so funny! I wonder what would happen if we ever got them in a room together. Either they''d never shut up or they''d watch us chat and chime in only at the ''important'' parts. That''s what my husband calls it. He''s not one for idle chit-chat or making small talk. Me, I''m quiet too, but I can be a chatty Cathy as well. I can hold my own at parties. Him -- not so much.

Haha. All 4 in the same room = quiet boys, chatty VC and ZB. Just the girls and just the boys = chatting away! (VC and ZB about sparklies, boys about Alton)

Sorry for the slight threadjack, jo!

 

[cnspotts]

I''ve seen my husband grow and become the man he is now. Always he''s the most intelligent man I''ve ever known, the things he knows and can do continue to surprise me. Not necessarily around me, he can be somewhat shy, or used to be, but I think that was because he was always the little brother in a family business. Fast forward 3 years after bravely leaving the family biz and becoming a police officer where he''s become a much more confident man. He has friends, people look up to him, and most of all they respect him, something that was lacking with his family, especially his older brother. In many ways his brother had beat him down treating him like he was still the little brother that knew nothing. It was a big step him leaving and doing something else, but it had to be done. And until we were married he didn''t see that the situation was not benefitting himself, he put up with way too much crap while his brother struted himself as the savy business owner. Funny how his brother was unable to keep the business going after my husband left. I''m so proud of him, he definitely has gained confindence and has come into his own. He loves what he''s doing and it shows.

 

[pennquaker09]

Definitely. I don''t think he could make it as a doctor without being so.

 

[ChargerGrrl]

Yes, absolutely! He''s one of those people who after a brief trial period really excels at anything he tries (OK, except for skiing!)

He''s also charming and is a great conversationalist- he''s savvy about a wide range of topics.

 

[platinumrock]

Yes, I would say that my husband is confident. That''s what attracted me to him in the first place. But honestly, he doesn''t care about what people think. I was the opposite, I was such a people-pleaser and I always had a hard time saying no. I didn''t want to create conflict. Over time, he taught me how to get over that, and I learned how to just be myself.

It''s quite freeing to not let other people''s perceptions affect you. People are going to think whatever they want anyway.

 

[iheartscience]

Yes, definitely, and that''s a big part of why I love him. He''s ridiculously charming and can have a conversation with anyone. Plus he can hold his own with my loud, outgoing family, which is rare! And he goes and hangs out with my dad without me, and has since the beginning of our relationship. It takes a confident guy to not be intimidated by my dad-he''s tall, loud and bossy, just like me!

I dated one super insecure guy and it was such a chore. He hated to go to parties, meet new people, hang out with my family, etc. I always felt like I was babysitting him.