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Is this unhealthy for my baby?

sugarpie honeybun

sugarpie honeybun

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 9, 2010
Messages
299
Due to an unexpected job change for my DH, we recently moved back home with my family (father, mother, brother and sister) and will likely continue staying with them for another 6-7 months. I’m close with my family and they’ve been very supportive and helpful during this transitional period. With 7 people (including our 1-year-old son) living under one roof, we’ve somehow managed to not drive each other too crazy (so far :cheeky: ). Everyone works during the day, and we have a nanny who watches DS 3 days per week. My MIL comes over to watch him on of the other days, and my cousin takes him on Fridays. Since I usually get home from work later in the evenings after everyone else, my family (father, mother, brother and sister) takes care of DS for about an hour before I get there. The rest of the night, DH, DS and I spend as much quality time together as possible.

My question – with all of the various people caring for DS, coming and going, etc. is this a little too much for a one-year-old? Everyone in my family adores DS, esp since he’s the first baby in the family, so he’s definitely not lacking in the love and attention department. But with all of the different faces and caretakers, could this potentially have a negative impact on him in the long-run (insecurity issues, nervousness, etc)?

He appears happy, hasn’t had sleeping/eating issues, etc. Maybe I’m just worrying over nothing?
 
Sugar - I am not a parent, but here is what I can say.

When I was young, from the time I was 6mo old on, my mother and father both had to work. My grandparents, great grandmother, grandmother on my dad's side, and my mom's good friends who ran a home babysitting service took turns watching me. As a toddler, I was in day care, went to the same babysitters after daycare until mom got off, or went to great grandmother's or my grandparents' house. I had several different baby sitters growing up. I am pretty sure I don't have any severe issues ::) . I actually am glad I did, because I sometimes have a hard time relating to people in my peer age group, but was able to make friends at the baby sitters' and developed very strong close bonds with ALL of my family members, including my parents. I don't think I'd be the same person today if I wasn't so close to my other family members.

I hope this helps some.
 
First, let me say that your little one is so lucky to have so many adults that love him! I had my DD when I was 17 and living at home with my parents and siblings. DD was really cared for by all of us and now, at 15, she is still very close with my parents and siblings as a result. I truly see it as a blessing that she has such great relationships with all of them. Most kids aren't so lucky in my opinion. The one down side is that DD relates much better to adults than kids her own age. She's better now at engaging with her peers and I think the benefit far outweighed the negatives.
 
Personally I don't think it's bad at all. It will probably teach him to be MORE secure because he doesn't rely on one person for all the love and attention. That's my take anyway. :naughty: Our 7mo old goes to pretty much anyone and right now we have 2 nannies watching him as well as my Mom watching him sometimes and then us. I love that he has so much diversity going on in the people who care for him and love him because HOPEFULLY that will help him be more independent in the long-run. I also am hoping it keeps him very social and liking more individuals than just Mom and Dad. I know too many kids who really only saw their Mom and Dad and they weren't really socialized properly.

Though as some others have noted... I would def try to get him other baby interaction when possible. My youngest sister was raised with mostly adults around her as she is the youngest in the larger family by more than 10 years. She's an amazing person and I adore her but she's a little serious and never was really ever immature or silly, potentially because of being around mostly adults her whole life. She doesn't lack for friends her age, but she tends to go for those friends who are more like her. Not like I think being silly or immature is a MUST HAVE but sometimes I wonder who she'd be if she had been the first born or similar. So I'd try to make sure he gets some other kiddo interaction whether it's in a social mommy group with kids or a larger playgroup or Gymboree classes or whatever.
 
He'll be more than fine :)

The concern would be more if he were bouncing from house to house with different people and routines every day. Children strive on consistency so that can be frustrating. But he'll be in the same house every day so familiar setting, with the same faces every day. He'll do great...and be a little spoiled :love:

What I would do is a) make sure everyone understands his routine so he doesn't get too many changes and b) have a quiet time/spot for him. Children can get overstimulated very easily so if he has a place where he can play quietly without all the attention, it may be good for him.

I agree with pupp. He's very lucky :)
 
Thanks for the awesome feedback. I feel better already. I'm sure part of my problem is due in part to feeling somewhat guilty about moving DS out of his familiar home and all of the other changes due to DH's job. DS is a very luck boy to be surrounded by so much love and care, and I just want to make sure that he also has some consistency (and down time), as well (I 100% agree with you, Fiery)



Dragonfly, Pupp, Mara- thanks for the feedback. DS doesn't really spend too much time around other kids his age, and it's probably a good time to get him more involved (even if only for an hour a day) with other kiddos for some parallel playtime. My sister and I are 15 years apart, and it is quite noticable that she is much more mature as a teenager than I ever was :rolleyes: . Sometimes I think if she had spent more time around kids her own age when she was growing up, she might not take things sooo seriously.
 
There are more fears about children being raised in very isolated nuclear families today.

If you look at evolutionary behaviours and the way in which infants are raised both amongst primate groups such as gorillas, orangutans etc and more 'primative' human societies it is very much the norm for children to be raised by the group rather than an individual parent/parents/caregiver and doesn't appear to have harmful consequences. I'm a huge believer in looking to nature for successful parenting advice!

It might be worth getting him enrolled in the odd baby playgroup just so that he has plenty of contact with other children of around his age though.
 
Noop, I do not think it is bad for a 1 year old to have many loving people caring for him or her! I think it is good for them, in fact. What matters is that the people in your son's life are responsive to his needs and consistent in their care and reactions to him. If he is thriving, then obviously this is a situation that works for him!
 
Up until the last few generations it was more the norm for children to grow up with extended family living together or very close. As long as you trust the adults and baby is happy I think it's a nice environment to grow up in.
 
I think the situation you describe is the norm in many cultures and as Swingirl points out, was probably the norm in the US until quite recently. I think it would be a fantastic way to bring up a child. My cousins in India were raised by a whole family like this and they're all very outgoing, socially confident people. They're all highly successful in their professional lives too - not saying it's because of their upbringing, but I really believe that it didn't hurt!
 
Personally, no. Micah stays with his daddy a few days a week, my grandma and dad a few days, and occasionally with my MIL or my husbands grandma. He stays with a bunch of people and I think it has made him more social and friendly than he might have otherwise been. Plus it leaves me with a lot of options in case of an emergency, because he won't flip out if I leave him with any of these people.
 
Sounds like he is a very loved little boy! I would just add that it really isn't necessary to worry about having a 1 year old with other babies at this point. If you are moving to a new city, hopefully you will make friends with other moms or couples with babies and getting together informally is really enough for now! You can consider preschool when he is older.
 
Thanks for all of the wonderful and reassuring feedback. After reading your posts, I feel silly for even worrying over this! :wacko:
 
sugarpie honeybun said:
Thanks for all of the wonderful and reassuring feedback. After reading your posts, I feel silly for even worrying over this! :wacko:
Click to expand...

It comes with the territory :halo:
 
Actually, that sounds like a really great/happy place for a little kid to be.

They don't say "It takes a village" for nothing.
 
I not only think he'll be fine, I think he'll thrive and is very lucky for this opportunity! Historically this is how things were done... I think transitioning back to a home with only mom and dad will be more challenging - he has tons of opportunity for different kinds of interaction and a multitude of early relationships, I think that's awesome :)
 
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