Is this normal behavior?

[snowflakeluvr]

I am new to my area as we relocated 1 1/2 years ago to a new state. Kids and home keep me more isolated than I used to be, plus I am an "older" mom with grown kids and two pre-schoolers again, so I am just making some new acquaintances and friends slowly. I have a neighbor/friend? whose child attends school with mine. We carpool intermittently and often phone chat. My daughter just graduated college and this "friend" is looking up jobs online, offering advice "Well, if she only did blank....". I am getting more confused as to where one draws the line-I mind my own da*n business unless asked or invited in people''s lives. I am a rather open, extroverted person so this "friend" knows many details of my life.

A few months ago, I had a slight problem or I should say more of a "concern" at my son''s school, as he suffers from some depression and has had a hard adjustment moving here in his teen years. She actually EMAILED my son''s teacher? listing concerns about her own child and sort of referencing back to mine(My son gets straight A''s, is very well thought of by teachers and peers, a born "leader" if you will, very mature for his age. Her son has to take three summer courses to prepare for private high school. I mean, I am starting to think she''s a FREAK. She is very wealthy, stay-at-home mom to a teenager. She is bubbly, friendly, outgoing, very self-confident but I really feel like she''s getting into my personal space. I can psycho-analyze that she has too much time on her hands and that she is just trying to "help" but it really seems to surpass personal boundaries a bit. I am going to have to commit to NOT talking to her much(but if I say I met a new neighbor, she purposely seeks them out) so it''s kind of like she shadows my own pathetically average life, as she can''t find her own? She is very homesick for her old town, church, son''s school where they relocated from 3 years ago and mentions it frequently. I talk to my "old" friends in my old town, but on some level, I have moved on .
I am grateful that my son is going to a different high school, so the constant comparisons, etc will hopefully stop. Just venting but wondering how any of you dealt with a similar situation? I am not confrontational but I do find it odd that someone(who''s not my mom, sister, husband) is so freakin'' interested in how my daughter''s life turns out...I just re-read my post. It''s kind of rambling , but does have the makings for a good Lifetime Movie, non?

ps Also strange, she gave my hubby a birthday gift, booze and candy last fall, but gave me a card(our hubbies drink together sometimes on Fridays after work). Last summer, I treated her to lots of lovely birthday things and flowers but she conveniently "forgot" my Christmas birthday except for the card? I already figured out the answer to all of this=she''s not a true friend, but any related stories will make me feel less pathetic

 

[Indylady]

I think it will be best and easiest to steer clear of this woman. It was completely inappropriate for her to email your son''s teacher. I am shocked and amazed. Looking up jobs for your daughter might have been well intentioned; emailing your son''s teacher on your behalf in a whole different ballpark. I don''t have a story to share, but I do want to wish you good luck in staying away from this woman!

 

[joflier]

Sounds like she just has some boundary issues. Best solution I can think of is just putting some distance there. Are you guys in a small town? Or is she a small town girl? Kinda sounds like something that would typically occur in some of the small town communities I know, where everyone is more OK with everyone else being all in their business. I have no stories of the like, but I get it - I have a large personal space bubble that I don''t like being broken. It''s uncomfortable.

 

[Haven]

Oy.

Well the good news is that your son''s teacher can''t share any information about your son with this woman because she''s not his parent or guardian.

Otherwise, I would seriously just steer clear of this woman. If you run into her, make small talk, but I''d withhold any and all person tidbits from here on out. It sounds like she''s just one of those really invasive people, and I know I''d be beyond irked by her behavior.

And no, I don''t think it''s normal behavior at all.

 

[PumpkinPie]

It seems a bit beyond what could be considered typical behaviour for sure -I agree with the others - just try to set some boundaries for yourself as this woman doesn''t seem to have many

 

[Tacori E-ring]

This is NOT normal behavior. I do think *most* people think they know what is best for everyone but *most* people don''t actively mother, manipulate or manage the lives of those out of their household. I agree you need to set boundaries. This is not okay for your neighbor/friend to be e-mailing YOUR son''s teacher. She clearly has control issues. As for the birthday present I would let that go. Sometimes it is disappointing when you realize someone you thought was a friend isn''t. Since you have pre-schoolers can you attend play groups, a child gym/classes, park...somewhere to meet new friends? I feel like my daughter is great at finding me new friends

One of the perks of having young kids!

 

[snowflakeluvr]

Thanks you precious ps''ers! I knew it isn''t the norm but today it just really irked me when she started(via phone conversation) challenging my daughter''s career aspirations. I thought, whoooaaa-this kid of mine, she''s awesome, amazing, graduated from a top school in 3 1/2 years, already worked with at risk kids and is home now waitressing waiting to hear on grad schools. my neighbor keeps pushin'' the whole "corporate" thing because my daughter can make more $$$. so before she left for her waitressing job today, i said to her, "honey, fast forward 15 years from now. you probably won''t be driving a lexus, you probably won''t be wealthy, blah blah, but is this what you want to do?" she said, without a second''s hesitation, "Yep", so my precious daughter wants to help people and most likely NOT be working for the almighty buck. maybe i did something right?

Ok, gotta go and have a brownie, watch some happy gilmore and start building those boundaires. thanks again-even though you don''t know "me" well, i lurk about dailly and enjoy this commiunity immensely

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Your daughter sounds amazing. Good for her. Who knows why your neighbor behaves the way she does. Luckily it doesn''t matter. Boundaries are tough to set (for me anyways). Just make them for you and stick by them. Meanwhile you need to break your isolation and get out and meet good, healthy people!