Is this insulting?

[jewelz617]

Date: 1/3/2010 9:01:37 PM
Author: NakedFinger
Ugh, god ok I will save the knee jerk reaction I had to recent posts.


I am not fishing for compliments.....never have, never do. So please spare me the insult of being that narcissistic. Like some posters have said, there are some women who are a size 20 and think they are the hottest piece of @$$ to walk the earth. (And god bless them for it. I think all women should feel confident and sexy.) Others that are a size 0 or have bodies many would kill for, that have something about them they dont like (hence the overwhelming amount of eating disorders). Everyone has their own self perception. A girl fining for a boob job could be told by every guy she knows that her boobs are great, wouldnt change the fact that she has it in her head that she needs them. Catch my drift? I wont and dont assume any heavy women has low self esteem (which is why, at the moment it didnt occur to me to not reference my size to this particular friend. Only reason I thought she had a problem with it is because the look she gave me)


I dont think I am fat, dont have ''hang ups'' about my body. It was a thought I blurted out for the simple fact it occurred to me when I got the gift how bad I had been the last few months with the holidays, and needed to be cognizant of the fact that in one short month I would be walking around the beach half naked. Could I put on a bathing suit tomorrow and be fine? Yes. But as mentioned before, I have my own ''personal preference'' with being beach ready. And its not just my body, its waxing, and tanning, whatever else I personally like to have done before a vacation.


and 1) I dont fish for compliments. I get enough from the man I love, could care less about what a friend thinks.

2) True, it does. Maybe that''s why we do hear so many 2-4-6 girls complain about ''5 lbs'', because to them its more of an impact.

3) Im not vain. And my man would love me no matter what, but just because some let themselves go once they get married, does not mean I have to thank you

4) Im not trying to ''impress'' anyone actually. I do it for myself and being healthy and feeling confident and sexy for myself.


Thanks to all of you for your impartial opinions and not imposing your personal vendettas on a simple question. It was question as to whether I was insulting, I dont need a debate on body image and how one should or should not feel. I didnt mean for this to turn into any controversy, was just feeling bad about it and wanted to know if it was in my head.


And to add....I talked to my friend at work who informed she in no way took it as an insult on her body, but more of a crooked eye implying ''Please, you look fine babe!''.

Well, thanks for clearing that up. Glad you won''t be "letting yourself go" anytime soon. Because that''s what overweight women in relationships must have done right? Sheesh.

If you didn''t want opinions you should have just stuck to asking your coworker.

 

[NakedFinger]

Date: 1/3/2010 9:24:03 PM
Author: PinkAsscher678

Well, thanks for clearing that up. Glad you won't be 'letting yourself go' anytime soon. Because that's what overweight women in relationships must have done right? Sheesh.


If you didn't want opinions you should have just stuck to asking your coworker.

Again, no not saying thats what "overweight" women do (again with things being misconstrued). Im saying the mentality implied from one specific poster's comment that "who cares what your husband thinks" (on how I look) isnt what I am going for. I will always care about his opinion (with everything) because I love him and he is a huge part of my life. So implying that I can stop caring what he thinks means I can stop trying, or "let myself go", is personally something I will not do. Not saying "all overweight women let themselves go". Some men like heavier women. My brother being one of them. So he sought out and married a women who was overweight and loves it. I am not that naive or stereotypical to think that.

And I wanted opinions, good or bad, in my favor or not. Thats is why I posted my question. My rebuttal and annoyance was for people telling me how one should feel about their own body and it turning into an implied direct attack on my part toward overweight women which is not what I even intended in the original comment to my friend! I am not a mean spirited person or someone who insults people especially about something as shallow and meaningless as weight. Which is why I felt so bad afterward.

I was just responding to try to keep this thread on track, and the purpose it was intended for. This wasnt intended to be a slender vs heavy debate or an attack on a certain body time whether it be a size 2 or 25, just a question about my foot in mouth situation and whether my feeling bad about it was an overreaction or not.

I appreciate all the comments. Because the more that came, the more I realized that what I said....while completed unintended, was completely insensitive and inappropriate. Hence my decision to speak to my friend and apologize.

 

[reader]

I''m not a nice person, and I am an 18. If you, as a size 2 would have said "I''m not ready for bikini season." I would have been crass enough to remark: "You are right, go have a cheeseburger."

But then again, I''m snarky. LOL

 

[Gleam]

Date: 1/3/2010 7:20:07 PM
Author: y2kitty
Am I the only one who thought there are more is more than 1 way for your body to be ready for a bikini? As a pale person, I would think having a tan could be what you were talking about. I

I agree completely. I''m 5''2" and 100 pounds and if I had to put on a bikini tomorrow, I would not be ready. I''m hairy and pale, okay?!?! LOL NOBODY wants to see me in a bikini right now, including my fiance!

OP, it may be a gaffe that could offend a sensitive person, but everyone has stuck a foot in their mouth before. Don''t be too hard on yourself. Enjoy your vacation.

 

[junebug17]

Nakedfinger, I just wanted to let you know I think it''s very nice that you were worried as to whether your comments hurt your friend''s feelings. The fact that you felt so badly about it shows that you are a sensitive, thoughtful person. I initially didn''t think it was necessary for you to apologize to your friend, since you meant no harm, but it sounds like it was a good idea to talk to her about it. I think it would have continued to bother you if you hadn''t cleared the air. It helped you feel better and, in the event your friend was hurt by your comment, would have made her feel better too. Have a wonderful vacation!!

 

[iheartscience]

NakedFinger, I wouldn''t worry about it. Threads about weight here always go the same way: women of all sizes should be accepted just as they are...unless they''re actually thin! (Then they probably have an eating disorder and need to eat a sandwich/biscuit/cheeseburger.)

It sounds like your friend doesn''t care and that''s all that matters.

 

[princesss]

Date: 1/3/2010 10:55:46 PM
Author: thing2of2
NakedFinger, I wouldn''t worry about it. Threads about weight here always go the same way: women of all sizes should be accepted just as they are...unless they''re actually thin! (Then they probably have an eating disorder and need to eat a sandwich/biscuit/cheeseburger.)


It sounds like your friend doesn''t care and that''s all that matters.

Thing, you''re just cranky because you''re hungry. Go eat a hamburger and see if you feel better.

*runs for cover*

 

[FrekeChild]

Cheeseburger, princesss. Better yet, a BACON cheeseburger. With fries.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 1/4/2010 12:07:12 AM
Author: princesss

Date: 1/3/2010 10:55:46 PM

Author: thing2of2

NakedFinger, I wouldn''t worry about it. Threads about weight here always go the same way: women of all sizes should be accepted just as they are...unless they''re actually thin! (Then they probably have an eating disorder and need to eat a sandwich/biscuit/cheeseburger.)

It sounds like your friend doesn''t care and that''s all that matters.

Thing, you''re just cranky because you''re hungry. Go eat a hamburger and see if you feel better.

*runs for cover*

I''d love one but I already had a grape and 2 cotton balls today so I really shouldn''t. Summer''s just around the corner and I''ve got to be bikini ready-you know how it goes!

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Date: 1/4/2010 12:20:11 AM
Author: thing2of2

Date: 1/4/2010 12:07:12 AM

Author: princesss

Date: 1/3/2010 10:55:46 PM


Author: thing2of2


NakedFinger, I wouldn''t worry about it. Threads about weight here always go the same way: women of all sizes should be accepted just as they are...unless they''re actually thin! (Then they probably have an eating disorder and need to eat a sandwich/biscuit/cheeseburger.)


It sounds like your friend doesn''t care and that''s all that matters.

Thing, you''re just cranky because you''re hungry. Go eat a hamburger and see if you feel better.


*runs for cover*

I''d love one but I already had a grape and 2 cotton balls today so I really shouldn''t. Summer''s just around the corner and I''ve got to be bikini ready-you know how it goes!

Omigosh my water I was drinking just came out my nose lol
Probably for the best though since water is full of empty calories

 

[janinegirly]

I think it was a slightly thoughtless comment, but unintetionally so. Therefore I wouldn''t qualify it as not "proper etiquette", but put it more in the area of a faux pas or foot in mouth moment. These moments pass and you felt bad so that''s the end of that!

 

[Fly Girl]

I don't thinking whining, especially about a lovely gift, is ever proper etiquette. My mother worked hard to get the whine out of her children, I work hard to quash any whine in mine, and I especially don't think it should be done at work, even with a close co-worker/friend. It is not professional.

It sounds like you have taken care of this situation, and I'm sure next time you will just smile and say how much you are looking forward to your lovely vacation.

Have a great trip!!!

 

[steph72276]

I wouldn''t worry about...what woman IS ready to bare her body in a bathing suit in January?

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 1/3/2010 9:46:12 PM
Author: reader
I'm not a nice person, and I am an 18. If you, as a size 2 would have said 'I'm not ready for bikini season.' I would have been crass enough to remark: 'You are right, go have a cheeseburger.'

But then again, I'm snarky. LOL

Snarky. I'm a size two and all I've had for the last three days is carrots and diet coke (I'm starting to turn orange!). After my breakfast of three carrots, I plan to go throw up in the bathroom.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 1/4/2010 12:03:39 PM
Author: MC

Date: 1/3/2010 9:46:12 PM

Author: reader

I'm not a nice person, and I am an 18. If you, as a size 2 would have said 'I'm not ready for bikini season.' I would have been crass enough to remark: 'You are right, go have a cheeseburger.'

But then again, I'm snarky. LOL

Snarky. I'm a size two and all I've had for the last three days is carrots and diet coke (I'm starting to turn orange!). After my breakfast three carrots, I plan to go throw up in the bathroom.

I hope the three carrots were baby carrots, MC. Otherwise, just remember this: once on your lips, forever on your hips. Also, nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

 

[katamari]

Chalk me up as a ditto to all the other who have said she could have given you "the eye" for several reasons. Buyt even more so, chalk me up as a ditto to others who finds it distasteful that so many people assume that this coworker is or should be unhappy with her size and/or envious of a smaller woman.

 

[setell]

Date: 1/3/2010 9:46:12 PM
Author: reader
I''m not a nice person, and I am an 18. If you, as a size 2 would have said ''I''m not ready for bikini season.'' I would have been crass enough to remark: ''You are right, go have a cheeseburger.''

But then again, I''m snarky. LOL

If you say that to me and I''ll reply with a "yeah I''ll go grab a cheeseburger but you should lay off on the cheeseburgers yourself"

I am a nice person and is a size 0 (mostly 00) but I have no qualms saying a nasty remark back if I receive one.

NF, I am glad you sorted it all out but I don''t find what you said insulting at all. But that is assuming you were close enough friends with your co-worker that you can say anything without having to watch yourself. I say I''m fat to my much bigger friend and we''re good with it since she has what I want and I got what she wants. I am also not fishing for compliments but the mere fact I am harsh on myself. You will find that more ''bigger'' people take things more offensive than smaller folks. Well that is my observation. Look at some of the comments on this thread....some are freaking offensive to skinny people. I can say some REALLY insulting things to the bigger people but I don''t and won''t.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 1/4/2010 12:24:08 PM
Author: setell

Date: 1/3/2010 9:46:12 PM
Author: reader
I''m not a nice person, and I am an 18. If you, as a size 2 would have said ''I''m not ready for bikini season.'' I would have been crass enough to remark: ''You are right, go have a cheeseburger.''

But then again, I''m snarky. LOL

If you say that to me and I''ll reply with a ''yeah I''ll go grab a cheeseburger but you should lay off on the cheeseburgers yourself''

I am a nice person and is a size 0 (mostly 00) but I have no qualms saying a nasty remark back if I receive one.

ha! I always think it''s quite bizarre that one would recommend that a skinny person go eat something that''s is a potential cause of health problems. Yeah, "go eat something that''ll give you a heart attack!"

I recall an actress (not going to mention her name) who, after finishing up a series, was given a sandwich by another actor who thought she was too thin. Yes, a sandwich, not a greasy burger.

 

[Mara]

I love cheeseburgers.

 

[princesss]

Date: 1/4/2010 12:59:07 PM
Author: Mara
I love cheeseburgers.

I hate them. I think that makes me a freak, somehow. Everybody I know loves them (and bacon! So especially bacon cheeseburgers), but I just can''t get past the melty cheese and meat combination. Just not appetizing to me.

 

[CNOS128]

Date: 1/4/2010 1:06:41 PM
Author: princesss

Date: 1/4/2010 12:59:07 PM

Author: Mara

I love cheeseburgers.

I hate them. I think that makes me a freak, somehow. Everybody I know loves them (and bacon! So especially bacon cheeseburgers), but I just can''t get past the melty cheese and meat combination. Just not appetizing to me.

I had my first one at age 26. There was no going back.

 

[Bliss]

I'm what most people would call a skinny girl, and I don't love it when people say go eat something. But I don't consider it to be *nearly* as hurtful as implying that someone weighs more than the desirable size. I'd say, it's not even in the same galaxy.

I think we just need to be super sensitive when saying things about our own weight. It's just become a raw nerve that we should avoid stepping on because society in general is cruel to bigger people. You never know why someone might be over or underweight. The underweight person might be going through chemo. The overweight person might be having an adverse reaction to medication, many of which cause weight gain. Words can wound very deeply; so I'd err on the safe side so as to avoid hurting people I care about.

ETA: And I do sympathize with the OP. Just because we're a size 0 doesn't mean we're not fat! A size 0 person could have a very unhealthy high BMI, smoke and be flabby in general. Looks great with clothes on but off, not so! I've gone through periods in my life when I didn't work out and though I was a size 0-2, I've felt unhealthy! I think a toned size 16 would look way more awesome than a flabby size 2. So maybe that's what OP meant.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 1/4/2010 12:59:07 PM
Author: Mara
I love cheeseburgers.

Yeah, I admit I DO eat them. lol Only the ones I make at home, however, using organic beef with around 7-9% fat and then I use a paper towel to remove excess grease. I don't put cheese on mine though and NO bacon.

Clearly eating them hasn't made an impact on my weight. Beer does though. Guess it'd be better to tell someone to go drink a six pack.

(or maybe not. Got to worry about drinking problems)

As was just stated by Bliss, it's better to just keep ones mouth shut!

 

[setell]

Date: 1/4/2010 12:50:39 PM
Author: MC

Date: 1/4/2010 12:24:08 PM
Author: setell

Date: 1/3/2010 9:46:12 PM
Author: reader
I'm not a nice person, and I am an 18. If you, as a size 2 would have said 'I'm not ready for bikini season.' I would have been crass enough to remark: 'You are right, go have a cheeseburger.'

But then again, I'm snarky. LOL

If you say that to me and I'll reply with a 'yeah I'll go grab a cheeseburger but you should lay off on the cheeseburgers yourself'

I am a nice person and is a size 0 (mostly 00) but I have no qualms saying a nasty remark back if I receive one.

ha! I always think it's quite bizarre that one would recommend that a skinny person go eat something that's is a potential cause of health problems. Yeah, 'go eat something that'll give you a heart attack!'

I recall an actress (not going to mention her name) who, after finishing up a series, was given a sandwich by another actor who thought she was too thin. Yes, a sandwich, not a greasy burger.

I actually don't like cheeseburgers all too much but will eat one to spite people if I have to

I used to get really offended when people remarks/comments about my weight like "go eat a cheeseburger/hamburger/biscuit/etc." Funny thing is I don't really eat those that much!

Now if they told me to go eat some cheesecake or cake or any desert I'll be all over it!

 

[Shoopy]

Date: 1/4/2010 1:25:09 PM
Author: MC

Date: 1/4/2010 12:59:07 PM
Author: Mara
I love cheeseburgers.

Yeah, I admit I DO eat them. lol Only the ones I make at home, however, using organic beef with around 7-9% fat and then I use a paper towel to remove excess grease. I don''t put cheese on mine though and NO bacon.

It''s great to hear how to properly eat a burger from the skinny girls.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 1/4/2010 1:34:32 PM
Author: fiery

Date: 1/4/2010 1:25:09 PM
Author: MC

Date: 1/4/2010 12:59:07 PM
Author: Mara
I love cheeseburgers.

Yeah, I admit I DO eat them. lol Only the ones I make at home, however, using organic beef with around 7-9% fat and then I use a paper towel to remove excess grease. I don't put cheese on mine though and NO bacon.

It's great to hear how to properly eat a burger from the skinny girls.

Much less heart-attacky! Also, has someone told those kids on the Unicef commercials about that handy "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" mantra? Might really take the edge off, y'know, starvation.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 1/4/2010 1:41:46 PM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 1/4/2010 1:34:32 PM
Author: fiery

Date: 1/4/2010 1:25:09 PM
Author: MC

Date: 1/4/2010 12:59:07 PM
Author: Mara
I love cheeseburgers.

Yeah, I admit I DO eat them. lol Only the ones I make at home, however, using organic beef with around 7-9% fat and then I use a paper towel to remove excess grease. I don''t put cheese on mine though and NO bacon.

It''s great to hear how to properly eat a burger from the skinny girls.

Much less heart-attacky! Also, has someone told those kids on the Unicef commercials about that handy ''nothing tastes as good as skinny feels'' mantra? Might really take the edge off, y''know, starvation.

hahaha Next time I see a "skinny" gal, I''ll yell out, "go eat an organic low-fat burger, girly, and blot that patty well!"

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 1/4/2010 1:41:46 PM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 1/4/2010 1:34:32 PM

Author: fiery

Date: 1/4/2010 1:25:09 PM

Author: MC

Date: 1/4/2010 12:59:07 PM

Author: Mara

I love cheeseburgers.

Yeah, I admit I DO eat them. lol Only the ones I make at home, however, using organic beef with around 7-9% fat and then I use a paper towel to remove excess grease. I don''t put cheese on mine though and NO bacon.

It''s great to hear how to properly eat a burger from the skinny girls.

Much less heart-attacky! Also, has someone told those kids on the Unicef commercials about that handy ''nothing tastes as good as skinny feels'' mantra? Might really take the edge off, y''know, starvation.

I''ll send them a letter with a picture of Kate Moss and that quote coming out of her mouth in one of those quote bubbles. They don''t even know how lucky they are!

 

[HollyS]

I haven''t read the other comments, and so I do not know what anyone else answered.

As a woman who would never consider a bikini, and thinks a pareo is her best friend, I would have looked at you as if you had lost your mind.

But that really isn''t the point.

You might not be as tight or buff as you''d like, but you''re certainly ready for a swimsuit. Most women never see size 2; we go from a children''s size to a Junior 5 and higher when womanly things start taking shape. Size 2 is, almost exclusively, model slim. To think you need help, or time, to look good in swimwear, is a difficult thing to fathom. Especially for your coworker.

You weren''t trying to be rude, and I doubt she thought you were deliberately being rude or even thoughtless. She just thought you''d taken leave of your senses!

 

[meresal]

Date: 1/4/2010 1:34:32 PM
Author: fiery

Date: 1/4/2010 1:25:09 PM
Author: MC

Date: 1/4/2010 12:59:07 PM
Author: Mara
I love cheeseburgers.

Yeah, I admit I DO eat them. lol Only the ones I make at home, however, using organic beef with around 7-9% fat and then I use a paper towel to remove excess grease. I don't put cheese on mine though and NO bacon.

It's great to hear how to properly eat a burger from the skinny girls.

I find that if, after ordering the burger, I then immediately throw mine in the trash, the pounds just fly off...

Too bad baby doesn't agree... I have been craving Fast food!

ETA: Anyone with a good fat free french fry recipe will be my new best friend!