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Is this actually happening?

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PilsnPinkysMom

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Oct 11, 2008
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1,878
Okay. This may be totally inappropriate. And this is an online message board... And this is a totally personal thing... But I''m falling apart & FI won''t be home for hours & I just need to collect my thoughts... Moderators: Being that this is OT & of a sensitive nature, delete if need-be.. I''m just sort of rambling and in a complete daze.

I''m pregnant. Or at least two tests have shown that this is the case. With an evening urine sample, no less. And I have no clue what to do.

Of course, I need to talk with FI. But in the mean time, my brain has turned to mush & I can''t stop crying.

FI is my best friend. We love each other so much. Eventually we want to have a family. I''m in my first year of law school. We''re getting married in ten months. I live halfway across the county from my family. If we don''t follow through with the pregnancy... What then? What if for some reason I don''t conceive later? I keep thinking that if we were in a different stage... perhaps no impending wedding or no graduate school... the decision would be so much easier. I have no clue what we will decide. Its like the perfect scenario that came five years too soon. This weekend my sister visited and we drank a ton of beer and went hot-tubbing. And I went snowboarding for the first time & fell a ton. All of these thoughts are just surging through my brain...

My "period" started on time. But lasted for a day. And was light. And I''ve spotted before, no biggie.. But four days later and no sign of it. I laughed at the thought of being pregnant, but it was in the back of my mind all day. On my way home from class I stopped at the drug store & stared at HPTs for about 10 minutes finally deciding, "Hey, well, if the first one is negative then I''ll save the second one and maybe it''ll come in handy in three years. It''s $15 down the drain, but my worries will be eased."

20 minutes later... immediate "double line." No way. Take the second test. Double line. Cue the meltdown.

I know this is a moral-heavy issue and perhaps I''m in the wrong posting... but I can''t call family/friends and I just cant sit with myself for the next four hours with this running through my head. No comments needed. I''m just lost right now. So many women are TTC and so ready to start families... and I''m with the love of my life in the craziest time of our lives.. and somehow I let this happen. Go figure.
 

Blackpaw

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 26, 2008
Messages
2,469
Oh im so sorry
this sucks for you i can tell and you''re stressed because you dont even know what to feel yet or how you feel. And it IS okay to wish it hadnt happened, it doesnt make you a bad person at all. Gosh im so sorry i dont know how to make you feel better pilsn... try not to stress is my first thought, you have time right, you could only be a month along or some such? in any case you have time to make the decision that''s right for you, and to make it with your FI and to think about it all and absorb it and think about it some more.

Well you''re not alone for the next four hours in any case, pricescopers are here!

*HUGS*
 

JulieN

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 25, 2005
Messages
13,329
don''t worry about the drinking and the hot-tubbing and the falling down. Just don''t do it again.

talk to your fiance and see how that goes.

hugs
 

musey

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 30, 2006
Messages
11,242
Oh dear. You poor thing, what a tough thing to be going through on your own!!

Firstly, you're right. You need to talk to your FI, plain and simple. But what about close friends? Anyone else you could just vent or talk things through with?

Take a few moments to yourself (away from the computer). Listen to some music. Cry. Breathe. Watch something on TV to try to take your mind off of it... which won't work. Breathe some more. Hold the phone in your hand and think about calling someone, even if you feel you're not ready to. Breathe. Ask your FI to come home if you need him to, or use this time to calm yourself and do some soul-searching alone. Oh, and keep breathing.

This is the scariest part. Once the dust settles, you'll start to find some answers within yourself. And remember that whatever answers feel right to you, it's okay. No matter what you decide, make sure it's the right decision for you and your fiance. Don't even think about anyone else and their opinions or beliefs. This is about you two right now.


Breathe.
 

aggiebling09

Shiny_Rock
Joined
May 4, 2008
Messages
221
Wow
I''m so sorry that this has hapened right now. My sister is in law school (graduating this May) and I know how stressful it is. She actually had a fellow classmate drop out becasue of a pregnancy, but she has had another friend have a baby over Christmas break and she stayed in school. Ultimately, you and your FI need to discuss the situation. You will be in my thoughts. Be strong!
 

blondebunny

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 18, 2008
Messages
1,580
First off.. I am sorry :( I cant imagine sitting there not being able to call anyone :(

Im not going to lecture or way or another because its your body and your decision..along with your FIs..and do remember he does a say in it too.... yes a baby might make life tough...but sometimes it can be a miracle in hiding and at the wrong time...

My friend got pregnant on the depo shot and had no idea was smoking/drinking but as soon as she found out she stopped and the baby was fine... She was totally not ready for it and neither was her BF... but they made it through it and have the CUTEST little baby boy :) yes her life is a little tougher but she says she wouldnt change it for a thing! Just some insight there for you!

But dont stress because that probably wont help it :( Maybe if you just sit and make a pro/con list it might help?!? Im just throwing things out there.... I know if I were in your situation I''d probably be making a pro/con list...

Let us know what happens either way we will be here to help plan wedding/baby/ anything! :)
 

kama_s

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 12, 2008
Messages
3,617
Oh love. I really dont know what to say to you. This has always been my worst nightmare, because I would be in exactly the same position as you are. I just want to say that you aren''t alone, and we''re here to support you. Talking to your FI is the best thing you can do...you dont have to deal with this by yourself.

Also, I am a neonatal toxicologist, so if you want any advice on the alcohol, hot-tub etc, just give me the dates and I can tell you if there was any risk or not. That is, if you make a decision one way or the other with the pregnancy.
 

SarahLovesJS

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 2, 2008
Messages
5,206
Keeping you in my prayers hun. I am starting law school next year and I''ve heard about the horrors of being a 1L so I am guessing things are pretty crazy for you. However, it will work out somehow..as you said you definitely need to talk to your FI. Is there anyone in your family you can call in the meantime? Just breathe deep..and try to calm down until FI gets there.
 

missjaxon

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Oct 11, 2008
Messages
591
I am so sorry to hear this is happening to you right now. It is a really tough spot to be in. I don''t have any good advice for you but do totally agree you need to talk to your fiancé and only the two of you can make a decision that is right for your lives. I am a strong believer in everything happens for a reason and am sending you lots of best wishes and hugs.
 

lilythespitfire

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Mar 1, 2008
Messages
242
I''m so sorry this is coming at the worst time. I also have had mixed feelings about pregnancy at the wrong stage of my life. It''s unexpected and its a tough situation. I think you should (if you''re completely anal like me) sit down and really write down the pros and cons. Have a general idea and then discuss it with your fiance. It''s you and your fiance''s decision. Good luck and all the warmest thoughts are with you.
 

VRBeauty

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 2, 2006
Messages
10,290
I second Musey''s approach. Take some deep breaths, and try to relax for the next few hours until your DF gets home. I suspect that once the two of you start talking, you''ll quickly find the path that''s right for you.

(((hugs!)))
 

modernsparkler

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Apr 26, 2008
Messages
650
I am so sorry. I am just going to say ditto to what the others have said and advise you to just try and relax and wait to talk to your FI. My experiences in medicine have taught me that it is very important for people to have a family at the right time for THEM. Perhaps this will be the right time, although it is unexpcted, and maybe it wont. But, it is a decision you and your FI shoudl make together. My thoughts are with you.
 

AprilBaby

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 17, 2008
Messages
11,138
I agree with VR. I am sorry this has happened at a bad time, but once you guys start talking I think you will figure out pretty quickly what to do. Sometimes miracles come at unsuspecting times! Don''t worry about the weekend. I think you will be ok there. Take care of yourself and try to relax.
 

Octavia

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 28, 2007
Messages
2,660
I''m so sorry you''re in such a hard position. I hope this evening passes quickly until your FI can be home with you and the two of you can talk. I''ve always been terrified of being in this position, and I still don''t know what my reaction would be, so I understand how you''re feeling -- all of the what-ifs, uncertainty, and worries about the future.

I don''t know where you''re at law school, but if you decide that you want to have the baby, talk to your dean of students as soon as you can. He or she has probably had experience with this before, and can help you figure out the academic side of things. Some schools are more accommodating than others, and I know of a few 2Ls and 3Ls at my school who have had babies. And you''d be a 2L by the time the baby would be born. I''d imagine that it would still be pretty rough -- but if you plan on being a big firm associate after school, it''s nothing compared to that lifestyle. If it''s just the wrong time for you, that makes sense too, but don''t let the law school thing freak you out completely.

Hugs, and I hope you''re doing okay.
 

pocahontas

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Aug 14, 2003
Messages
1,348
Oh, I''m so sorry you''re going through this! To be honest, I don''t have anything to add to the words of wisdom you''ve already received; I just wanted to let you know you''re in my thoughts ((((HUGS)))
 

CNYHopeful

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 9, 2008
Messages
360
All I can say is, there is hope. My sister found out she was pregnant shortly after her fiancee died. Tragic accident. My nephew is now 12, he came at the "worst" time, yet he is the most marvelous, wonderful, precious gift. Yes, my sister was scared. Yes, she had her future and dreams to contend with. But she has no regrets for bringing the baby to term and I know if her fiancee were around, after the short sighted fear of an unwanted pregnancy fears, he would have been just as delighted to hold the dear little one. I am soooo proud of her and she was amazed at how the family came together to support her.

Remember, it is NOT just a clump of cells. This is both a part of you and a part of your beloved FI. Feel free to cry, and know that we''re here for you. I''m praying for you and wishing you strength and courage in this time and beyond.
 

honey22

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 28, 2007
Messages
4,458
Date: 2/26/2009 10:55:35 PM
Author: CNYHopeful


Remember, it is NOT just a clump of cells. This is both a part of you and a part of your beloved FI. Feel free to cry, and know that we''re here for you. I''m praying for you and wishing you strength and courage in this time and beyond.
Firstly IMO, this is the kind of comments you need to avoid reading at this point (sorry CNYHopeful). You dont'' need other peoples opinions on termination/unwanted pregnancy swaying your decisions. Take the time out to really think about what it means for YOU as a couple, not what it means to other people.

Whatever you decide, make sure you are comfortable with it, it''s not up to us to tell you what you should do, you and your DF will find the right outcome for you, whatever that may be.

I am truly sorry you are going through this. I hope you find the strength to get through it, and hopefully you can find support and understanding either way. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason, and you will see the meaning in this someday. Sending hugs and support

 

KatyWI

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 20, 2008
Messages
755
Oh, dear.

I would feel much the same as you, even though I am technically in a better position to deal with it (wedding is sooner, no grad school, etc.)

You will feel better once you talk to your FI and have some time to adjust and think it over. Remember that it is important to do what is best for you and your FI, and not do what anyone else thinks you should do. No one can live your life for you, and it''s quite obvious to us here that you are more than capable of thinking everything through and making the best possible decision.

We''re here for you! One way or another, everything WILL BE OKAY.

*hugs*
 

Bia

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 28, 2008
Messages
6,181
Oh boy...


You haven''t posted for a few hours, so I hope you''ve spoken to FI and you''re feeling better. It will work out, no matter what the outcome, remember that.

(((hugs)))
 

katamari

Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 18, 2008
Messages
2,949
Lots of hugs! Just keep remembering that you have many options and it will be stressful, but you and your FI will come to the right decision. Also, please keep in mind that this is a decision you will have to make between the two of you. Lots of us (or other people) might try to tell you what to do, but that means nothing because none of us know your life and situation enough to make our advice worth anything. Best of luck!
 

FrekeChild

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 14, 2007
Messages
19,456
(((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I hope you check in with us soon. I''m thinking about you.
 

Deelight

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 4, 2007
Messages
5,543
Date: 2/26/2009 8:19:40 PM
Author: musey
Oh dear. You poor thing, what a tough thing to be going through on your own!!


Firstly, you''re right. You need to talk to your FI, plain and simple. But what about close friends? Anyone else you could just vent or talk things through with?


Take a few moments to yourself (away from the computer). Listen to some music. Cry. Breathe. Watch something on TV to try to take your mind off of it... which won''t work. Breathe some more. Hold the phone in your hand and think about calling someone, even if you feel you''re not ready to. Breathe. Ask your FI to come home if you need him to, or use this time to calm yourself and do some soul-searching alone. Oh, and keep breathing.


This is the scariest part. Once the dust settles, you''ll start to find some answers within yourself. And remember that whatever answers feel right to you, it''s okay. No matter what you decide, make sure it''s the right decision for you and your fiance. Don''t even think about anyone else and their opinions or beliefs. This is about you two right now.



Breathe.
So could not have said this better myself *BIG HUGS*
 

sunnyd

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 5, 2007
Messages
7,353
Oh Pils...nothing but hugs from me. What a crazy thing to have happen.
 

Sparkalicious

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 22, 2007
Messages
3,721
Date: 2/27/2009 12:07:08 AM
Author: Deelight
So could not have said this better myself *BIG HUGS*
Same. Musey gave some sound advice.
I''m thinking of you and sending you big hugs and lots of encouragement. You WILL get through this.
 

tropiqalkiwi

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 20, 2008
Messages
340
(((((((((hugs))))))))))

Wow, that is a tough blow. I don''t have anything new to add - just breathe, drink some tea or whatever is comforting for you, and know that you have the strength to make whatever decision is right for you and your fiance.
 

fleur-de-lis

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Apr 25, 2007
Messages
1,343
Wow. Big day. I''ll echo what so many others before me have said so well, and also add the observation from personal experience in law school that 2L is MUCH easier than 1L.

You just got the double line. Keep calm, talk it through with your fiance together, and see a doctor for confirmation. (And FWIW, there were several women in my very competitive law school who did both at once and did just fine.)
 

Salix

Rough_Rock
Joined
Nov 24, 2008
Messages
39
((((((((((HUGS x 10^123)))))))))))))))))

I''m so sorry you have to go through this sweetie. We''re all rootin'' for you. =)

Please know that it will all work out in the end!


CNYHopeful: I mean no disrespect, but your comment regarding the "cells" was exactly the sort of polarizing comment that Pils doesn''t need thrown at her this moment. I''m sure you offered it with the best intentions, but she was seeking support, not your moral judgment.

I''m so glad that Pils has such wonderful friends to support her on this forum.
 

choro72

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 11, 2008
Messages
1,867
*hugs* I hope you''ve talked with your FI...Thinking about you.
 

kittybean

Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 2, 2008
Messages
4,125
Pils, I am sending you lots of hugs, love, and strength for getting through this difficult situation.

I wish I could offer more sage advice, but I know I would feel similarly scared, shocked, and confused in the same situation.

I just wanted to share with you that I knew a significant number girls in law school who had children (planned and unplanned) during all three years of law school, and 90% of them graduated and have the careers they wanted to have. It is definitely possible to have a child during law school, and many of my law-school-mom friends say they think it was actually better to have their child during school when their schedule was more flexible and they had more time to care for their babies. My law school was very, very understanding regarding pregnancy and new motherhood, which made it an even more positive experience for them.

That said, you and your FI need to make the decision that is best for the two of you. It''s time for lots of open conversation, soul-searching, deep-breathing, hand-holding, and supporting one another. Please check back in and let us know how you''re doing. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
 
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