Is this a bad time to propose?

[gembecile]

I have been with my girlfriend for 8.5 years and have not yet proposed. I'm sure that sounds terrible, but we were in college until the spring of 2009 and then moved in together, and she did not want to get married until we were settled in because she felt she needed to focus on getting a stable job, etc. So it has really only been a couple years that I have been moving slowly, not 6

Anyway, I'm not too worried about she feels about this because I think she understands me well. But every time I see my extended family I feel more and more self conscious, because I know everyone is wondering why I haven't proposed (not least because they are traditional about marriage and living together, etc).

So, long story short, I knew I was going to see all my family for my cousin's wedding this September, and I had set myself a deadline months ago that I would propose before that. But with the time scale of the ring, it now looks like it will be done just days before I go to my cousin's wedding. So my question is, would it be wrong of me to propose so close to this other wedding? I don't want to steal the attention and I am afraid it would be rude.

Just to clarify, It's not only that I feel like I should have proposed by now, it's also because I feel like my immediate family (parents) would want to see the two of us after I propose, but we live across the country so if I miss this time window, it may be months before they get to see both of us, and I feel like that wouldn't be as nice.

I know this should be about my girlfriend and I first and foremost, and that's fine. But I just want to know peoples' opinion.

 

[centralsquare]

I don't think you should hold off proposing until after your cousin's wedding. If you did it at the wedding, that would be stealing their thunder. They get a day (or two) but I think you're free to do what you want before. If it feels like the right time for you, then do it!

 

[AmeliaG]

I would take your cues from your girlfriend. Is she fine with the wait? If so, I'd think about when I'd want to announce the engagement to the families.

Proposing close to a relative's wedding may not only steal the other couple's thunder; it may steal yours too. I think its harder for a family to get as excited about a wedding that is sometime in the future when they have a wedding right now to celebrate.

If you both are visiting your families for Christmas, that sounds like a better time for YOU to announce your engagement, if, and that is a big IF, your GF would be fine with it. When in doubt, go with what your GF wants. If she's getting antsy about waiting any longer, then her feelings need to come first.

I never saw a big deal in announcing an engagement during a family wedding as long as its low key - a short and sweet announcement after all the toasts are made and the cake is cut would be fine in my book. Basically, after the cake is cut, its just a party IMO. Of course, the couple's desires would need to be taken into consideration so I'd ask first and make it clear you don't want to steal their thunder - its simply the only occasion the whole family is going to be together for awhile.

 

[tammy77]

Personally, I would rather have the engagement a few days (well, as many days as you can get) before the wedding. It will allow you to go to the wedding as an engaged couple and visit with family sans the "When are you two getting married?!" questions. It's also a great "practice run" for the two of you to talk about what you like/dislike for your OWN wedding on a whole new level since you're going to be planning a wedding soon with your fiancee! Good luck!

 

[partgypsy]

I'd propose a few days before the other wedding, even if you don't have the ring yet, so you can share news with family members clearly before the other wedding. That way she can share the ring and also enjoy the other wedding as engaged and also avoid the inevitable (and probably uncomfortable to her questions) of when you two are getting married.
I guess I'm curious whether there is any other reason why you don't think this is a good time.

 

[aliceinwonderland]

I completely vote for the pre-wedding proposal!!!! If she is wanting an engagement already it would likely be really nice for her to go the wedding engaged versus facing all the potential questions. Also if she is uncomfortable announcing it nothing says you HAVE to tell people about it at the wedding. Give her the option about when she would like to tell people. That way if she wants to share she can and if she feels it's better left until after she can do that instead. I think it's very sweet of you to think this through so clearly and consider all the angles. No matter what it will be special.

Alice

 

[Mrs.W 514]

I agree with what has already been said. Propose before the wedding so you have a few days to break the news to family so both you and your cousins can have "thunder!"
do you have a ring yet?....pictures?....