Is seeing your SO essential?

[MakingTheGrade]

I know many here are married and cohabitate. But hypothetically, if you were dating your SO and hadn’t moved in yet, would you refrain from seeing them in order to comply with social distancing or shelter in place? For how long?

I’m just wondering how couples who haven’t move in together are dealing with the sudden governmental request to be “long distance” since “see your significant other” is not on the list of essential activities if you’re under a shelter in place order.

 

[yssie]

Seeing my partner, interacting with my partner in-person - in the same physical space - really is essential to my health and welfare.

 

[missy]

But hypothetically, if you were dating your SO and hadn’t moved in yet, would you refrain from seeing them in order to comply with social distancing or shelter in place? For how long?

I couldn't do it. I would have to get to him or him to me. There is also an immune boost when you are with the one you love so just another reason to find a way.

So yes, for me, it is essential to be with my partner.

 

[YadaYadaYada]

My SIL and her girlfriend are at each other's houses everyday, I think she considers it essential to her mental health.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Does the decision change if either party has roommates? As many younger people do..

 

[cettesaphir]

This is exactly my issue right now. My boyfriend of 4.5 years lives in New York, and I am in Massachusetts - we've been "long distance" our entire relationship and have alternated driving to see each other on the weekends. He's been looking for a job up here with no luck so far, and now that whole process has been pushed back due to the virus. It's extremely tough to think that we might not see each other for weeks, and more likely for months, and that our entire relationship (including the next steps of moving in together) are on hold. I'm extremely worried about driving down there to see him, and with the stay at home order for NY starting in a few days, that won't be possible anyway. It's going to be a very tough 2020.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

This is exactly my issue right now. My boyfriend of 4.5 years lives in New York, and I am in Massachusetts - we've been "long distance" our entire relationship and have alternated driving to see each other on the weekends. He's been looking for a job up here with no luck so far, and now that whole process has been pushed back due to the virus. It's extremely tough to think that we might not see each other for weeks, and more likely for months, and that our entire relationship (including the next steps of moving in together) are on hold. I'm extremely worried about driving down there to see him, and with the stay at home order for NY starting in a few days, that won't be possible anyway. It's going to be a very tough 2020.

Hugs. I’m sorry to hear that. Having been in long distance before it’s no fun.

 

[missy]

Does the decision change if either party has roommates? As many younger people do..

If he had roommates and I did not he would come to me. If I had roommates and he did not I would go to him. If we both had roommates we would just go to whichever place made the most sense but yes I would want to be with him and just asked him and he agrees. We would find a way if it is at all possible.

@cettesaphir I am sorry you are in this situation.

 

[lovedogs]

I would absolutely consider it essential, especially if both of us were abiding by the rule to only go out when needed and not socializing with others. My DH is necessary for my mental health 100%, and if for any reason we were living apart then I would continue to see him every day.

 

[Matata]

Nope. I'm dependent only on myself and would not allow anyone to become so important to me that his absence would affect my well being,

 

[mtsapphirelovingannie]

No. I have been with my SO for many years. He lives in a different city. He has been fortunate to have been in self isolation for almost 8 days now and I have not. At this point I would not risk his health.

 

[GreenPapaya]

I think dh is essential, but I don't need to see him everyday. I was in the military and we would go months without seeing each other. I think we wrote emails but in the beginning it was handwritten letters (i believe we dated during dial up lol). It'll be 18 years of marriage in July and over 20 together. Dh would occasionally travel for weeks at a time for work. I just work and do my chores and take care of the kids. I think it was tough but I honestly don't remember. I would love to have some quiet alone time right now though But I'm an introvert and need alone time to unwind.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

long distance sux
we spent a year doing it
when we first moved my transfer got cancelled due to new managment. i stupidly desided to board in the village i worked in with a work mate and wait out a transfer (that never came)
i burned money, traveling home was exhausting at weekends and we fought a lot
Gary was just retired, in a new town with zero friends and only the cat
i really loved my friend's family but we did not supoort the same political outlook and i got real tired of that night after night real fast
I got so run down i got a really bad doze of the flu that layed me up for 3 weeks and work were so anti, i ended up being well and trully shafted

the worst year ever

just don't get into a situation where you are seperated and can't come home
money is not worth it

edit
sorry a bit off topic but i never want to be seperated ever again

 

[cettesaphir]

Hugs. I’m sorry to hear that. Having been in long distance before it’s no fun.

Thank you. It's been an extra struggle this past 1-2 weeks, as we didn't realize that the last time we saw each other would be the last time we would see each other for an unknown period of time. I was supposed to head to NY this weekend since we both took days off from work to celebrate his birthday which is Tuesday. Trying to push through and stay positive!

 

[Arcadian]

In some cases the shelter in place has loose definition and it might be allowed.

A shelter in place for florida means you're under a curfew can only go to a few predetermined places (visiting family/elderly is allowed). Night time you had better be at home though.

 

[Austina]

I think if we were sure we hadn’t been exposed, and I know that’s a very big IF, then we would continue to see each other. If there was the slightest risk, then I think the best thing would be to self isolate for 14 days, then assuming all was well, see each other again.

My DH and I have been together a very long time, (nearly 42 years) and the thought of not being together while we have to stay in is pretty unbearable.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Yeah my partner is thinking of actually going home to his moms to “stay at home” since he’s now work from home so that he can help keep her company and cook and shop.

I think it’d make me feel better to have him there since I’m still working and in the ER no less. So it’d be best for him to be away from me lol. He doesn’t want to leave me alone for the next few weeks? Months? But I reassure him that shale cat will keep me company and I will be seeing people at work and be plenty busy.

 

[bludiva]

we could go without seeing each other in the circumstances you're describing. would supplement phone calls with video chats like we typically do when one of us is on a long trip without the other.

if i lived near my parents i'd still be hesitant to be around them and expose them to whatever is outside. i'd do their errands and supply drops but wouldn't move in with them. it would likely be different if my folks didn't have each other.

if you think it would help your mother in law, it's a kind sacrifice for both of you to make.