Is it stupid to feel this way?

[newsboysgrl777]

I don't post on here too much about my own stuff just because I like to keep everything 'close to the vest,' if you will. I love commenting on other people's threads, though!! But, anyway...I just thought I'd share this - as a question.

Every time I get a "no" response to my wedding, it feels almost like a personal rejection. I say almost, but, to be 100% honest, it DOES feel like a rejection to me. I feel like, if these people really cared about me, wouldn't they want to come to one of THE most important events of my life? And, sometimes I get reasons and I can't help but wonder if they're the truth, or...just feeling hurt by them. Mostly, it's because we sent out Save The Dates back in December inside of our Christmas cards. So when someone says "oh, we have plans that weekend," it's like "Really??" Because you couldn't NOT planned things for THAT weekend!! *sigh*

Am I being overly emotional about it? I admit that I have low self-esteem...even though I'm getting better at recognizing my self-worth, I know I still struggle with that. So could this be why? Or, am I being perfectly normal for feeling this way? Has anyone ELSE felt this way?? Also, I can already 'hear' some of you saying "well it depends on who is RSVPing a no. Is it someone close to you, or not?" Well, the truth is, we're having a very small wedding, so everyone we've invited is special to us in some way. Yes, there are some people that live farther away and/or those who I haven't seen in a long while, but the majority of people is family...with some friends who WE care about mixed in.

Thanks for your honesty, guys.

 

[LilyKat]

I totally understand how you feel. I'm like that when people can't come to my birthday party, or dinner party or whatever. Even if you KNOW they have a good reason, it still kind of hurts a bit

That said, I think you know as well as I do that it isn't rational. There are LOTS of good reasons why someone wouldn't be able to come to your wedding, and not liking you/thinking you're important is waaay down on the list (behind time, finances, clashing commitments, etc). Keep telling yourself it isn't a personal rejection, because it's NOT. While it's natural and understandable to feel that way, especially if you're sensitive, that doesn't make it correct.

So, I'm voting "other" because while it is normal, you're also being overly sensitive!

 

[kama_s]

I think it''s perfectly normal. I went through similar emotions as well - we''re having a small wedding as well, only inviting those that mean a lot to us. You really do get to know who your ''real'' friends are during this wedding planning process.

 

[brooklyngirl]

I''m sorry you''re feeling down about the RSVPs. I think it''s normal to an extent to feel a sort of rejection when someone RSVPs "No," but it probably depends on the person in question, why they''re not coming, and any history between you and them.

If people who you feel very close to are RSVPing "No," then it''s perfectly understandable that you feel rejection. However, if they''re not particularly close, and you feel bad, it probably is an overreaction. Everyone has their own priorities, and you have to understand that some people may not have your wedding at the top of their lists, and some simply cannot afford to attend.

Just remember you''ll have a wonderful day with the people who are attending, and you know that they care about you, and want to share in your special day!

 

[SeattleSweetheart]

We''re having a small wedding too, so each "not attending" seems like a big deal.

We only invited 45 people and so far only 27 have said they''re going to show up. It''s a bummer.

 

[Blair138]

TOTALLY NORMAL! And I feel the same way. I try not to take it personally but the ones that are really getting to me are my FI''s friends, whom I ''thought'' were good friends, whose weddings we DROPPED EVERYTHING to go to, but alas, even 9 months notice and a Save the Date didn''t matter. I am very sorry you feel like this but I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND! **HUGS!**

 

[SassyB]

Heck yes it''s a bummer! It''s such an important day (to us)! Somebody else made the comment on another thread today though that said something like our weddings will never be as important to someone else...

One of my better girlfriends told me about 2 months ago that she will not be able to make my August wedding....even after I sent STDs out in March. I feels really hurtful.

I hear ya - it sucks!

 

[merrymunky]

I understand how you feel about the declines. We have had one so far but it is from an older couple on my FI''s side of the family that I have never mat. Of all days to get married, we chose their GOLDEN WEDDING ANNIVERSARY! Ooops! So I wasn''t bothered about that.

There are a few more to come I am sure. We have only had a few acceptances so far so we are waiting for quite a few RSVP''s.

If it is someone that was a lot closer to me who knew well in advance then I think I would feel quite bad about it too.

 

[Kelli]

I voted other answer because I''m in a position where I kind of have to have a big wedding. I''d bwe upset if some of my very closest friends or family said they weren''t coming, but if work people bailed I don''t think I''d care.

 

[choro72]

Totally normal. My FI is going through the same thing. His best man had to decide between a trip to Japan for our wedding, and a family vacation to Europe. He chose Europe. FI is crushed. I''m trying to convince him that it''s not personal, he chose Europe because heck, it''s Europe, and we''re having another wedding in the US anyway. FI is considering demoting his friend.

Anyway, I''m trying to tell you that it''s normal. I hope it doesn''t ruin your friendship with them though, because my FI will have no friends if he lets this get to him.

 

[anyname]

it depended on who RSVP''d no. Close friends and family i would be annoyed. I did a lot of comparisons between who came to our wedding and who went to my husband''s sister''s wedding and i would wonder why they went to hers and not ours. But i wouldn''t say i felt "hurt"...i was irked.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

We only invited very close friends and family so yes, it did sting when people RSVP''d no (there were probably 15 who said no). But then I realized that every person who said no was another $150 in my pocket and I got over it.

 

[princessplease]

It''s totally a big deal and will feel like rejection. This definitely will show who true friends are, though. My wedding is next summer, and I''m sending STD''s out in September. I''m sure people will still not come, though.

 

[DiamondsforDee]

Date: 6/24/2009 8:54:16 AM
Author: princessplease
It''s totally a big deal and will feel like rejection. This definitely will show who true friends are, though. My wedding is next summer, and I''m sending STD''s out in September. I''m sure people will still not come, though.

I can understand feeling disappointed that people can''t come. That has to hurt a lot. But I really disagree with the above sentiment. So if someone can''t afford to come they aren''t a true friend? Things happen. Unexpected expenses come up. They may really want to come, but just can''t. Attendance at your wedding is NOT what makes a true friend. It would be incredible if all your close friends and family could come, but it might not happen. FI''s two best friends live across the country and have lower paying jobs. I know it''s going to be a huge struggle for them to attend our wedding. I''m really hoping they can make it happen and we can help them with hotel rooms while they are in town, but at the end of the day if they can''t make it, I know it''s not because they don''t love us to death.

 

[rhbgirl24]

Yes its normal! I feel the same way! Its like, can''t you make the effort? I know some people have reasons, esp people that travel, but it still hurts.

Chin up! the day will be spectacular regardless!

 

[newsboysgrl777]

Thank you SO MUCH everyone!! I''m glad to hear I''m not completely overreacting! Some of you have mentioned that there can be extenuating circumstances, and also people who I''m just not "close" with that may not choose to attend, and yes...with those people/in those situations, I just need to get past how I "FEEL" and realize that this is life.

AND, you''re ALL right when you say, no matter what, it''ll be a wonderful day!! THANK YOU!!!

 

[lilmissrugger]

I voted ''other''- because although I will probably also be a little hurt by those people who are going to RSVP no, my FF and I will be paying for a majority of the wedding by ourselves, and every person that can''t come, we save money and can use it toward an amazing honeymoon! woot woot!