Is it rude? - From a BM point of view.

[hawaiianorangetree]

Hi All!!

A work mate has just asked me a question about a hens night she is organising, so i thought i would put it out there for your opinions.

So they are planning on having a hens night at home and to cover the costs of everything (food, drinks, entertainment), everyone is contributing $30 for the night.

Is it rude to ask the Mother of the groom (and i guess the brides mum as well) to contribute to the costs ($30) or should they absorb the cost for her / them?

My friend was wondering what the etiquette was for this situation and would it be bad form to ask them to contribute.

We are in Australia and i see nothing wrong with asking, but i thought i would put it out there to see what everone else thought.

Thanks!!

 

[Elmorton]

Are the mothers participating? If they are, then yes, they should contribute the same as everyone else, but if they are not participating, then no, asking them would be rude.

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

Date: 9/17/2009 10:43:38 PM
Author: Elmorton
Are the mothers participating? If they are, then yes, they should contribute the same as everyone else, but if they are not participating, then no, asking them would be rude.

If you mean by participating, being invited.. yes they are both invited to the Hen''s night.

 

[cindygenit]

Personally, I wouldn''t ask. I don''t know why... I just wouldn''t.

I have only been to one hens'' night before and i''m pretty sure the bride paid for everything.

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

Date: 9/17/2009 10:53:41 PM
Author: cindygenit
Personally, I wouldn''t ask. I don''t know why... I just wouldn''t.

I have only been to one hens'' night before and i''m pretty sure the bride paid for everything.

Really? Lucky you!! The last one i went to cost me $80. I''ve always been asked to put in for my share of the fun.

 

[cindygenit]

Date: 9/17/2009 11:03:30 PM
Author: hawaiianorangetree

Date: 9/17/2009 10:53:41 PM
Author: cindygenit
Personally, I wouldn''t ask. I don''t know why... I just wouldn''t.

I have only been to one hens'' night before and i''m pretty sure the bride paid for everything.

Really? Lucky you!! The last one i went to cost me $80. I''ve always been asked to put in for my share of the fun.

LOL... She is a lawyer, and is asian. I think with most Asian cultures, guests don''t pay for anything (except their gifts which is usually money anyway).

 

[lliang_chi]

I did one Hen''s Night where the bride (my friend) didn''t have to pay for anything. We the participants covered everything for her. My Hen''s Night, I paid my way just like everyone else. I guess it''s up the group and the bride.

 

[Haven]

I think it''s fine to ask the mothers to cover their share of the costs.

When we throw bachelorette parties for my friends, the bridal party will usually host a little pre-party with appetizers (and often a full meal) and drinks. Then, once we hit the town everyone pays for their own drinks all night, except for the bride, of course.

 

[Elmorton]

Hmmm. Maybe Hen''s Nights are very different then from a Bachelorette? At a bach party, typically, the bride shouldn''t pay for anything - each guest is expected to cover her share of drinks, food, decorations, etc, plus the bride''s drinks and food divided among the guests.

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

In this Hens night the bride isn''t paying for anything either.. the bridemaids are covering her costs.. they just weren''t too sure if they should be covering the mother of the grooms cost as well.

I''m not too sure what the difference is between a hen''s night and a batchelorette party.. i thought they were the same thing but with different names depending on which hemisphere you are in.

 

[cindygenit]

Date: 9/18/2009 12:15:14 AM
Author: hawaiianorangetree
In this Hens night the bride isn''t paying for anything either.. the bridemaids are covering her costs.. they just weren''t too sure if they should be covering the mother of the grooms cost as well.

I''m not too sure what the difference is between a hen''s night and a batchelorette party.. i thought they were the same thing but with different names depending on which hemisphere you are in.

That''s what i thought too

When i was on the phone to a friend in the UK, i kept saying hens night and she kept referring to it as the bachelorete party.

 

[ckrickett]

Date: 9/17/2009 11:51:23 PM
Author: Haven
I think it''s fine to ask the mothers to cover their share of the costs.


When we throw bachelorette parties for my friends, the bridal party will usually host a little pre-party with appetizers (and often a full meal) and drinks. Then, once we hit the town everyone pays for their own drinks all night, except for the bride, of course.

That''s how we usually do it.... I have a bachelorette tommorow and my friend isn''t paying for anything. I wouldn''t have it any other way.

 

[rhbgirl24]

Date: 9/17/2009 11:51:30 PM
Author: Elmorton
Hmmm. Maybe Hen''s Nights are very different then from a Bachelorette? At a bach party, typically, the bride shouldn''t pay for anything - each guest is expected to cover her share of drinks, food, decorations, etc, plus the bride''s drinks and food divided among the guests.

Ditto

 

[charbie]

i don''t think its rude at all. My mom actually planned the party with my sister (MOH) so they asked everyone for $10, which got them nice party favors, food, and entrance to the bar. Everyone was more than happy to contribute.

 

[ficklefaye]

i don''t think it''s rude to ask the moms to contribute, i''m sure they''d be glad to, i know my mom would

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

Thanks Ladies!!

Obviously they are paying for the bride, (who wouldn''t?) and they have also decided to pay for the mothers and the grandmothers as well.

I feel bad for her as there are 5 bridesmaids but only 2 paying for the party for certain reasons but if that''s what they want to do!!

 

[bee*]

I don''t think it''s rude at all. At all the hen nights that I''ve been to (including my own), the bride to be paid nothing and everyone else chipped in equally, including the mothers.

 

[honey22]

Date: 9/18/2009 9:58:49 PM
Author: ficklefaye
i don''t think it''s rude to ask the moms to contribute, i''m sure they''d be glad to, i know my mom would

Ditto! My Mum and MIL are paying for their share on my hens night, and they are happy to do it. It is afterall, a night for their daughter.