Is It OK to Only Invite One SIL to be in Bridal Party?

[luvshinyrocks]

Hi Ladies,

So I got engaged a few months ago and am well into wedding planning at this point. This week I get a call from my younger brother saying that he just got engaged too! He can't even legally drink yet, and has been seeing this girl for about a year. I've never met her. While I'm happy that he's happy, I'm not exactly supportive of him getting married so young and to someone he has not been seeing that long. It's his life though, and not my place to say anything.

Here's the real problem. I was planning to invite my other brother's wife to be in my wedding party. I've known her since high school, was in their wedding, and consider her a good friend. We have a lot in common. However, if I invite her I feel that it would be rude not to invite younger brother's fiancee as well. Thing is, I REALLY don't want to. First of all, I don't even know her. More importantly, though, is the fact that she and my younger brother are very religious. My FI and I are NOT; we are having a humanist ceremony. The idea of having someone up there with us that obviously thinks we are going about our lives and our marriage all wrong really rankles me. I have nothing against religious people in general, but a lot of my family (and hers from the sound of it) are the types of religious people that can't let those who don't agree with them just live their lives, iykwim.

Do I have to either invite both SILs or neither?

 

[sillyberry]

I think it is fine, particularly since you have a clear relationship with Friend SIL and not one with Stranger SIL. You're inviting Friend as a longtime friend, not a member of the family.

Besides, Stranger probably doesn't want to stand up in your wedding anyway, given that you've never met!

 

[luvshinyrocks]

Besides, Stranger probably doesn't want to stand up in your wedding anyway, given that you've never met!

You have a point On the other hand, people have a way of feeling slighted when they are treated unequally, and I understand that. I certainly don't want to cause any family drama, especially not right off the bat.

 

[zipzapgirl]

I don't think you need to ask her. She won't even be married into the family at that point anyway, right?

 

[luvshinyrocks]

I don't think you need to ask her. She won't even be married into the family at that point anyway, right?

We are having a pretty long engagement, so it's pretty likely that they will get married first.

 

[amc80]

I'm a firm believer that you have no obligation one way or the other to have someone in your wedding party. It's your choice. Add that to the fact that you don't even know this person. A wedding party is supposed to consist of those people who are close to you and who will be there as you live out your vows for the rest of your life. This girl doesn't know you, your fiance, or your relationship.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

If you're having a long engagement and they will probably get married first...I'd probably hold off making snap decisions. Who knows...maybe in time, and the more you're together, you'll see that she's really a nice person and you're feelings about her being in the wedding will change.

Set up your core girls and what not, but keep an open mind. YKWIM?

 

[sillyberry]

If you're having a long engagement and they will probably get married first...I'd probably hold off making snap decisions. Who knows...maybe in time, and the more you're together, you'll see that she's really a nice person and you're feelings about her being in the wedding will change.

Set up your core girls and what not, but keep an open mind. YKWIM?

With the additional information of a long engagement, I change my answer to agree with Italia.

 

[that_someone_special]

If you're having a long engagement and they will probably get married first...I'd probably hold off making snap decisions. Who knows...maybe in time, and the more you're together, you'll see that she's really a nice person and you're feelings about her being in the wedding will change.

Set up your core girls and what not, but keep an open mind. YKWIM?

Exactly...! I picked my BM at least a year before the wedding and I would've changed it as we got closer to the wedding

 

[rosetta]

Yeah, I'm gonna ask my FSIL to be my only bridesmaid, and not my sister coz she's not interested.

There are no rules, do what you please!

 

[marymm]

I think in this instance it is perfectly okay to invite the one SIL to be in your Bridal Party and not the other - here, you actually have been friends since high school with the person who is now your SIL - you're not inviting her necessarily b/c she's your brother's wife but b/c of your longstanding friendship that includes your standing up at her wedding (which of course was also your brother's wedding).

Your new SIL is a complete stranger to you - unless you are having a very large wedding and your intended is going to ask both your brothers to stand up for him, I can't see how anyone could reasonably expect you would ask the new SIL to be in your wedding party -- even if by then she has been married to your brother for a period of time. It may be when you meet her and get to know her, you find some commonalities (you both love your brother, right?). Maybe there is a small responsibility you could ask her to take on to help her feel a part of your wedding (have her in charge of the wedding book? or something). And if she and your brother are married before you, you will have the experience of their wedding to draw upon (how big will theirs be, and who will be in their wedding party?) Unless she asks you to be in her wedding party - that would throw a spanner in the works!

[Completely different situation - I have 4 sisters but am not more close to one than any of the others. For my very small wedding, I only wanted one person to stand up for me, and my best friend was in England and unable to attend - so I asked my Godmother to stand up for me, which made she and I happy, and my sisters could not feel I had favored one of them over the others.]

 

[VRBeauty]

It sounds like you're inviting your current sister-in-law to be in your bridal party not because she's your SIL, but because she's a close friend. You are under no obligation to invite your FSIL for any reason. However, please make an effort to keep an open mind about what she "obviously thinks" as you get to know her. You may be pleasantly surprised.