is it appropriate for the girl to expect her bf to spend...

[Dancing Fire]

an XXX amount of $$$''s on her e-ring?. after reading the hog thread on RT,i get this feeling most girls demand a certain size diamond from their bf.

yes....we all hear stories about girls saying....i would of said "YES" even if he propose with a cigar band or a soda can ring. i guess

it''s not true after all.

 

[aphisiglovessae]

I agree with you 100%. I would've said yes even if he made a ring out of aluminum foil. My bf actually picked out the ring himself. Everytime he asked me my opinion I would say whether I liked it or not, b ut I always told him that I would gladly accept a diamond chip if that's all he could afford. I didn't want him to go broke or in debt over a piece of rock and metal that's just going to sit on my finger. He really surprised me with this ring.

ETA: I had NO expectations for my ring. I didn't even have an ideal size in my head. I knew that no matter what, I would've been happy with anything he gave me.

 

[Caribou]

Well I'm sure all girls have an ideal carat size. But realistically a girl should accept what her man's budget can afford.

I really wanted a 1 ct center stone, but the size stone that my fiance's budget could afford was between a .80 and .95, which was fine with me..honest!

Fortunately for me, he worked with a good friends family jeweler and I got me a 1.3 center stone.

Admittedly, I don't know if he upped his budget or the jeweler gave him a deal on the setting either way I was very pleasantly surprised.

 

[SoonIHope]

I also had an "ideal" size but would have been happy with anything. I think your ideal size does have a lot to do with what you think your boyfriend can afford. In Hog''s case, I think she would certainly not be reasonable to "expect" at least a 1 ct, whereas considering my boyfriend''s income, I was "expecting" at least half a carat, but hoping it would be just under 1 (and it ended up being just OVER 1 which was a delightful surprise!). I think that most women''s "ideal" is largely due to her awareness of her boyfriend''s financial situation and what people around her have...if my boyfriend had been a millionaire and all of our friends had 5 ct rings, I''m sure my "ideal" would have increased. Likewise, if we had been 19 year old students and none of our friends even had engagement rings, I would have expected less. So I don''t think it''s unreasonable to HAVE an expectation as long as you try to keep your expectations...reasonable.

From things my boyfriend had said, I started getting an inkling that mine might be over a carat and I started thinking, "ooh, maybe it''ll be 1.5!" but I quickly pushed those thoughts out of my head and kept my expectation at under a carat, so I was surprised and overwhelmed that what he got me was MORE than I expected. Am I making any sense?

 

[eks6426]

Oddly enough, I expected around .8 but it was my husband who noticed all my friends had bigger and didn''t want me to have the "cute little" diamond so we got 1.2. I think he was afraid that he would look bad in the eyes of my friends'' husbands...especially since he is 10 years + older then them.

 

[coconut]

My husband is not a millionare, but he wasn''t a poor college graduate with loans either.
He grew up seeing his mom and relatives with bigger stones, so I think he roughly visioned something around 2 carats.
Without thinking too much I just thought it was the right size, and yes, very frankly I think I would have questioned and perhaps been disappointed if he decided to all of a sudden be frugal with an e-ring purchase and spent $2000(No significance! Only because it was the price on the other thread) when he had purchsed a $80000 sports car, up front in cash, the year before.


I honestly think the expectation depends on the income, financial status, as well as the type of spender the guy is.


Long story short, we didn''t end up getting an e-ring for many reasons/circumstances.
He invested the money separately set aside for the e-ring until we would actually purchse it, which actually is doing really well and went up 30%. I play around with all different shapes and sizes of sims, and the more I do, the less I feel like I need to purchase an "e-ring." I''m actually leaning towards purchasing a bigger ring for formal dinners/parties and just wearing my pave wedding band normally, which seems plenty sparkly for everyday wear..

 

[rainbowtrout]

I think its a question of generosity in some sense---if a guy earns a hundred thousand a year and he spends a few hundred on your ering and then thousands on a sports car (as was mentionned), it could indicate future money problems in the marriage.

It's crass both to expect a large amount be spent on you and to for him not spend a decent amount of money. Even if you know he can afford a large amount of money, I still think insisting on a certain carat size to be a little tacky.


And no, I wouldn't be happy if my boyfriend literally proposed with a plastic ring. Sorry DF, but I would view that as insulting and mean.



ETA: I also made a big issue about wanting to propose myself. We eventually decided against it bc he wanted to do it quite a bit more. But if I HAD done it, yes, I wouldn't have been upset knowing that he expected me to spend what was in my budget to afford. Of course one shouldn't be expected to put oneself in debt of through any financial hardship.

 

[tawn]

We bought our first house 3 weeks before we got married, so I waited a long long time before I finally got my ring. I got a 1.11ct center stone about 4-5 months ago, which is about the 2- month salary from when we got engaged 13-14 yrs ago!
I would have gotten a significantly larger rock if we did "today''s" 2-month salary!

But, around 1ct is a perfect size for our active lifestyle! My ring is probably larger than most of my friends, but not most of my neighbors! We''re also doing IVF this year...so that''s more important than diamonds. I guess it comes down to priorities maybe?

I know a lot of girls who claim that they "have" to have at least "X" size...but they''re also usually the girls who will carry around a $500 handbag with $0.45 in their bank account, and expect the world handed to them on a silver platter by some man. Sort of like that song "Gold Digger" by Kayne West!

In general, I think that most girls just seem to want their guy to put some (a lot) thought into it and somehow just "know" exactly what she wants. Most men aren''t so good at the mindreading thing though! I finally have (sort of) come to grips that my husband will screw up on the gift thing 9 times out of 10, not because he doesn''t love me...but because he''s a useless shopper and has no taste whatsover! Still makes me mad/sad though, but in his defense, I''m very fussy!

All in all, it''s one of the most personal gifts you''ll ever receive that seems to represent soooo much....I think it just stirs up a lot of emotions!

 

[decodelighted]

I think more girls have e-ring expectations than are willing to admit it. We''ve been brougbt up with "be grateful for any gift you get" ... but, honestly, and I''m sure I''m gonna stir something up with this comment: girls: ring size = boys: p*nis size.

If ladies had the ability to buy our fellas a foot-long-d*ng ... I think they''d have expectations too.

 

[Jensia]

Oh noone is worse than my husband when it comes to gifts,lol

In ten years, I have got only a couple gifts. The first Christmas present was really the only well thought out one.

I was in a band and he got me a VERY nice microphone.

After that it went downhill.

Next Birthday I got a pen set. After that I got a wooden box that I later saw in the gas station on the corner,lol

The one time I got flowers, I was so excited, then he told me he found it in the parking lot on the ground,lol

SOOO this 10th avviversary new ering Im getting has to make up for them all))))

He did try this christamas, and bought be a kareokee machine, but it was a kids machine,lol I ended up taking back. He did try.

We are a one income family, and hes taking out a 401k loan to get this ring, and my husband does NOT like to touch that
money and he even said hes kind of excited to buy me something nice That means more to me than anything.

When we got married, we lived in Reno, in a little kitchenette the first month. So no ring, we just went by limo to to

a chapel in reno and did it. Two weeks notice,lol

Then we moved into a small one bedroom house, and he inherited some money and I picked out my first ring. KNowing nothing about diamonds, I thought you get a carat for a grande. Wasnt so, paid 1200 for a .89 I1 at zales and thought
it was the best ring in the world What sucks, it we had 40 grand, I could have got something nice, but it wasnt
a priority back then,lol We used the money to buy our first house and car.

We are spending 4 grand on this one, its not a lot, but more than we can afford, so I am very happy)

 

[JDgirl]

When I started to realize that the time was actually coming when we would be getting engaged, I had a "dream" size, and "very happy" size and a "realistic" size in mind. But, truth be told, I told him several times that if all he could afford was a half carat, I would still be excited because of what it represented. And I think diamonds are beautiful in all sizes anyway!

It''s not about the actual money spent, or the actual size of the stone, it''s about the reletive importance of me in his life. He owns about 5 pairs of $200 jeans, so it would seem a bit odd to me if my e-ring only cost as much as the denim in his closet. On the other hand, I wouldn''t want him going into debt for it either. I think that makes sense. A girl deserves to feel special and important and that means an investment of whatever he can realistically afford, which will vary from guy to guy and situation to situation.

 

[cinnabar]

Date: 2/21/2006 2:42:45 PM
Author: decodelighted
I think more girls have e-ring expectations than are willing to admit it. We''ve been brougbt up with ''be grateful for any gift you get'' ... but, honestly, and I''m sure I''m gonna stir something up with this comment: girls: ring size = boys: p*nis size.


If ladies had the ability to buy our fellas a foot-long-d*ng ... I think they''d have expectations too.

That''s just perfect! Better than all the car and TV analogies.

If a guy who''s thinking of buying a cheapskate ring because he doesn''t really care and thinks he can get away with it had to go round all his friends, showing off his tadpole tadger and saying "This is what she got me, isn''t it gorgeous?!" he might think again.

Deco, that''s a superb insight.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

My FI also got me a bigger diamond than I thought or we talked about getting. He really wanted to surprise me and make me happy. I agree going into debt for an e-ring is a bad idea. He chose what he could afford in cash so he didn''t have to worry about payments or interest. I think Hog''s case is a bit unusual. He makes very good money and was surprised he only wanted to spend a week''s salary (not that everyone should buy into debeer''s 2 month rule but a week seems low). He did say they had other plans for his money (imagine wanted something other than diamonds

) There was another PSer who was splitting the cost of the setting with his GF. So I guess everyone has different expectations.

 

[Caribou]

Date: 2/21/2006 2:42:45 PM
Author: decodelighted
I think more girls have e-ring expectations than are willing to admit it. We''ve been brougbt up with ''be grateful for any gift you get'' ... but, honestly, and I''m sure I''m gonna stir something up with this comment: girls: ring size = boys: p*nis size.

If ladies had the ability to buy our fellas a foot-long-d*ng ... I think they''d have expectations too.

OMG!

That''s hilarious!

 

[Mara]

Personally, I would have accepted a proposal with no ring...I was not marrying the ring I was marrying the man.

That said, because we both knew that I wanted a ring and he was willing to buy me one...there were no issues with how much to spend or how large etc. We started looking, we looked at .70's and I said well I'd like to get a 1c stone. Ended up with a 1.25c stone from there.

We didn't really have 'expectations' in our minds aka that anyone would think it was small, or if anyone thought he underspent or overspent or anything like that. We just got what we wanted together, what met our discussed budget, what worked out in his mind as a 'good size'. I asked him after the fact what he would have gotten me by himself and he said pretty much the same thing. So I guess that means he wasn't too freaked out by costs or the whole scenario.

I think it's terribly inappropriate when gals EXPECT a certain size or $$ spent on them for the engagement. I have a great friend who's pretty outspoken about things, and she told me that she told her BF that he BETTER at least give her a 1.25c or else she won't accept.

I don't know if she was kidding or not but I could never imagine telling Greg that ever!

In terms of upgrades or purchases after the whole e-ring thing, that's something we discuss and work out together and I would never upgrade and not tell him or go behind his back to do anything like that. I think every couple and person is going to be different but that expectations typically only lead to disappointment, nothing is really ever as good as it looks or sounds in your head or your imagination!

 

[jetmal]

I did accept my husbands proposal without a ring.....he said he wanted the proposal to be a surprise, which it sure was!

I was working at a mall jeweler and he told me that when I went to work next , to pick out a ring that I loved, and he would come in and pay for it. So, I guess I got the best of both worlds...I got the surprise part, that most of the guys on the forum keep talking about, AND I got the girls dream by being able to go pick out my own ring.

The ring I picked out, was not a huge one. It was a .51 center round, with 16 other smaller stones in the setting. We were pretty young, 21 and 23, and I paid around $2200 for it, and that was with my discount

Now, 10 years later, my tastes have changed, and I would like a larger stone. So, I am in the process of an upgrade. Once again, DH is letting me choose whatever I like....no price limit, as he knows I wont go crazy beyond our means. The nice thing too , is the DH''s feeling are not hurt by me wanting to upgrade, becuz I choose out the ring.....there is really no sentiment there.

I think its great to surprise the girl......you dont need a ring when you do it, and I think alot of women would appreciate the chance to have input into choosing their ring. So fellas, go ahead, do something totally romantic, and PROPOSE w/out a ring....then have fun going shopping with her for a ring....it doesnt have to be like the movies where the guy holds out the rock, and the girl gushes how much she loves it....cuz as we''ve seen from so many posts lately....it usually doesnt happen that way!

 

[Caribou]

Date: 2/21/2006 4:10:49 PM
Author: jetmal
I think its great to surprise the girl......you dont need a ring when you do it, and I think alot of women would appreciate the chance to have input into choosing their ring. So fellas, go ahead, do something totally romantic, and PROPOSE w/out a ring....then have fun going shopping with her for a ring....it doesnt have to be like the movies where the guy holds out the rock, and the girl gushes how much she loves it....cuz as we''ve seen from so many posts lately....it usually doesnt happen that way!

This is very good advice for those guys who insist on having their girl be totally surprised by the proposal. Could save some heartache.

 

[anchor31]

There are certain styles and sizes I would like, yes. My absolute dream ring you cost an arm and a leg. I certainly don''t expect him to get this particular ring. What I expect is for him to not go into debt for it, but that he will respect my wishes and go for something he knows I will love and will want to wear every day for the rest of my life and still get me the best he can for the budget he has, regardless if it''s 1k or 5k.

 

[butterfly 17]

I married my husband without an engagement ring and if I had to do it again, I would do it exactly the same way.
He is probably the best thing that has ever happened to me and could ever happen to me and I say this going on my 13th year of marriage.
Of course, when our 10 year anniversary came around, I did want a little token of his love

..........

 

[Jensia]

LOL, Its our tenth, I hear ya

 

[qtiekiki]

I don''t think it''s reasonable for a girl to expect her bf to spend XX amount of $$ on her ering. I think it''s ok for a girl to have a dream size or design for her ering tho. It''s only inappropriate when she knows that her bf can''t afford it, but still insist on it and won''t accept anything else.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 2/21/2006 2:42:45 PM
Author: decodelighted
I think more girls have e-ring expectations than are willing to admit it. We''ve been brougbt up with ''be grateful for any gift you get'' ... but, honestly, and I''m sure I''m gonna stir something up with this comment: girls: ring size = boys: p*nis size.

If ladies had the ability to buy our fellas a foot-long-d*ng ... I think they''d have expectations too.

well.....if that is true then,i got cheated big time.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 2/21/2006 6:41:32 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 2/21/2006 2:42:45 PM
Author: decodelighted
I think more girls have e-ring expectations than are willing to admit it. We''ve been brougbt up with ''be grateful for any gift you get'' ... but, honestly, and I''m sure I''m gonna stir something up with this comment: girls: ring size = boys: p*nis size.

If ladies had the ability to buy our fellas a foot-long-d*ng ... I think they''d have expectations too.

well.....if that is true then,i got cheated big time.

OMG too funny deco and DF!!!

 

[saturn]

I''ll admit, when FI suggested that we start looking at rings, I did start trying to do the math to figure out what size diamond I could get! I figured .75 ct was reasonable, but when we went shopping he suggested looking at some 1 ct stones.

I never would have complained if he had gone for a smaller diamond, though. FI was planning to go back to school when he proposed, so I was grateful for any sort of ring!

I do think, however, that the ring budget should be large enough that it requires the guy to save up to buy it. Not necessarily two months salary or anything, but it shouldn''t be pocket change (unless you are fabulously wealthy). The thing that impressed me the most was when I found out how long FI had been saving up to buy me a ring. To me, that meant much much more than the size of the diamond, or the price tag.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 2/21/2006 4:22:19 PM
Author: Caribou

Date: 2/21/2006 4:10:49 PM
Author: jetmal
I think its great to surprise the girl......you dont need a ring when you do it, and I think alot of women would appreciate the chance to have input into choosing their ring. So fellas, go ahead, do something totally romantic, and PROPOSE w/out a ring....then have fun going shopping with her for a ring....it doesnt have to be like the movies where the guy holds out the rock, and the girl gushes how much she loves it....cuz as we''ve seen from so many posts lately....it usually doesnt happen that way!

This is very good advice for those guys who insist on having their girl be totally surprised by the proposal. Could save some heartache.

My husband did this.......we had spent the entire day together at home on a lazy, crisp Sunday before Thanksgiving. He said the spirit moved him at that moment because we had spent the whole day together, and how good that felt after thinking he would be single for the rest of his life.

He said how happy it made him feel, and how easy it was for us to be together and spend time together, and he asked me to be together with him forever.

Believe me....I was surprised! Happily so. We made plans to go ring shopping the next evening, so I was giddy with anticipation. In the end, we bought online, but it helped us determine what we wanted to get.

So yes, I got the best of both worlds too....the surprise, and the opportunity to pick the stone/ring.

 

[MissAva]

Date: 2/21/2006 6:41:32 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 2/21/2006 2:42:45 PM
Author: decodelighted
I think more girls have e-ring expectations than are willing to admit it. We''ve been brougbt up with ''be grateful for any gift you get'' ... but, honestly, and I''m sure I''m gonna stir something up with this comment: girls: ring size = boys: p*nis size.

If ladies had the ability to buy our fellas a foot-long-d*ng ... I think they''d have expectations too.

well.....if that is true then,i got cheated big time.

I damn near choked....your are too funny DF!

 

[ursulawrite]

He asked what I liked and I said platinum solitaires -- and that was it! I lived in England at the time and, by goodness me, had not been exposed to the full-contact sport that is NYC -ering buying.

So, I have a little over a carat in a social circle where two- to five-carats is the norm. I know for a fact that certain folks slapped it all on the credit card for fear of looking cheap in front of their guy friends. Now that is worse than the guy driving the big ass Hummer.

 

[gingerBcookie]

i don''t think it''s sppropriate for a girl to expect X amount or X size or whatever. it all boils down to a gift right? it''s never right to expect something for a gift, else it wouldn''t be a gift. that being said, there is a symbolism attached to this particular gift for which there very often a skewed perspective -- namely females tend to see the symbolism waaaaaaay more than guy, therein lies the trouble.

 

[gingerBcookie]

Date: 2/21/2006 3:18:58 PM
Author: cinnabar

Date: 2/21/2006 2:42:45 PM
Author: decodelighted
I think more girls have e-ring expectations than are willing to admit it. We''ve been brougbt up with ''be grateful for any gift you get'' ... but, honestly, and I''m sure I''m gonna stir something up with this comment: girls: ring size = boys: p*nis size.


If ladies had the ability to buy our fellas a foot-long-d*ng ... I think they''d have expectations too.

That''s just perfect! Better than all the car and TV analogies.

If a guy who''s thinking of buying a cheapskate ring because he doesn''t really care and thinks he can get away with it had to go round all his friends, showing off his tadpole tadger and saying ''This is what she got me, isn''t it gorgeous?!'' he might think again.

Deco, that''s a superb insight.

ROTLMAO! never heard that phrasing b4...gotta remeber it...very lyrical!

 

[MiniMouse]

When my now husband asked me what my previous (failed engagement) ring was, I told him it was a 1.65ct diamond. I got the feeling he felt he should better it. I explained to him that he did not have to match what I had before (even though his salary was twice as much as my ex''s) but I did tell him I really liked that size of diamond and would love it again, but if it wasn''t within the budget he''d decided on, then I was happy to contribute towards the ring to bring it up to that size. Instead he wanted to get a 2ct, but none were available, so we settled for an amazing 1.6ct, far better quality than my previous 1.65ct. We have the option to trade up if we want, which is good to know. There was a point where we were