Is getting married on my birthday a bad idea?

[Person24]

Hi everyone,

I know I have suddenly been posting alot (at least for me). I just finally started to realize that I should probably start planning the wedding. I have been incredibly indecisive and I feel bad even asking questions when I keep changing my mind after a few days.

But, I have been thinking about getting married on my birthday. It is the day that works the best for me during the time period that FI and I would like to be married. (and that is open at the venue we like so far)
Is this an awful idea?

Also, I do have a twin sister and I asked her if she would mind. She said she didn''t care at all and seemed surprised I thought she would. Since I am a twin I am accustomed to sharing my birthday so I would not have a problem sharing it with FI for our wedding anniversary. But, many of the people I talk to tell me I shouldn''t do it. Is this going to be a big mistake?

Thank you

 

[Shoopy]

I think you should pick whatever date you want and makes you happy.

That said, personally speaking, I wouldn''t. I would rather keep them separate for reasons I won''t go into as to not offend anyone. That just my opinion though

 

[WishfulThinking]

Hi Person,

I think you should choose the day that is most convenient for you, your FI, the venue, and anyone else involved. Here, I would say the major hurdle would have been your twin sister, and it sounds like she is fine with it! If you are okay with having your anniversary and birthday on the same day, I don''t see why you shouldn''t when choosing a different day may be less convenient. If other people have an issue with that, I would just tell them it''s your wedding, *your* [and your sister''s!] birthday, and the most convenient day for you. I don''t think you owe people an explanation, honestly.

I personally wouldn''t do it, but that is because I love holidays, and I hate having them all crammed together. I actually really love that my birthday is in the middle of a month where there is nothing else going on. I am totally weird, though.

Plus, I get more presents that way! My sister''s b-day is a week before Christmas...

 

[blackpolkadot]

I think you should get married whenever is right for you and your FI. I personally would not be opposed to getting married on my birthday, but with that being said, birthdays are not a big deal in my family.

 

[purrfectpear]

Hmmmm, I''ll just jump in and say it................PRESENTS

I''d rather look forward to future anniversary presents AND birthday presents from my Hubby (also two nice dinners out, two days to feel special, etc.). So I''d vote for a different day

 

[miraclesrule]

Yeah, I am of the belief that you should do whatever you want to. Although with a twin sister, eh, that would probably sway me away from it, even more than the fact that I feel one gets hosed on gifts when their birthday falls on a holiday or an anniversary.

I''m not afraid to say it. I love it when I get a birthday gift.

I guess I would worry about my twin sister. Going through life knowing that her birthday will also always be your anniversary. I am trying to imagine how I would *really* feel as your sister.

I am going to hold my tongue on a negative response that fits because I am a realist and it just happened to my friend, but I don''t want to be morbid so I will "cancel thought". I guess my gut is just saying.....
Think twice about it.

 

[Person24]

I am a bit hesitant about it for all of the reasons everyone listed. I am just getting frustrated because it is the only day that works. I had been going back and forth between getting married summer 2009 or Dec. 2009, Jan 2010 during my winter break from school. I had looked into a few venues for both of those times frames.

I was starting to lean towards the winter wedding again because most of the venues I had called for summer 2009 did not have many Saturday nights left. Now.....for the winter wedding the only date that works is my birthday... (If I want a honeymoon.) I could do it the next weekend but then I would have to get married on Saturday and start school on Monday! (Not fun)

I thought the winter wedding would be easier to deal with but apparently there is nothing easy about planning a wedding.

 

[miraclesrule]

Date: 7/23/2008 6:19:02 PM
Author: Person24

I am a bit hesitant about it for all of the reasons everyone listed. I am just getting frustrated because it is the only day that works. I had been going back and forth between getting married summer 2009 or Dec. 2009, Jan 2010 during my winter break from school. I had looked into a few venues for both of those times frames.

I was starting to lean towards the winter wedding again because most of the venues I had called for summer 2009 did not have many Saturday nights left. Now.....for the winter wedding the only date that works is my birthday... (If I want a honeymoon.) I could do it the next weekend but then I would have to get married on Saturday and start school on Monday! (Not fun)

I thought the winter wedding would be easier to deal with but apparently there is nothing easy about planning a wedding.

You got that right!! And this is just the beginning.

But gorgeous ring in your avatar!! You will work it out

 

[pocahontas]

Date: 7/23/2008 5:43:35 PM
Author: WishfulThinking
Hi Person,


I think you should choose the day that is most convenient for you, your FI, the venue, and anyone else involved. Here, I would say the major hurdle would have been your twin sister, and it sounds like she is fine with it! If you are okay with having your anniversary and birthday on the same day, I don''t see why you shouldn''t when choosing a different day may be less convenient. If other people have an issue with that, I would just tell them it''s your wedding, *your* [and your sister''s!] birthday, and the most convenient day for you. I don''t think you owe people an explanation, honestly.

I personally wouldn''t do it, but that is because I love holidays, and I hate having them all crammed together.

Big fat ditto!

 

[Haven]

Date: 7/23/2008 11:57:13 PM
Author: pocahontas

Date: 7/23/2008 5:43:35 PM

Author: WishfulThinking

Hi Person,



I think you should choose the day that is most convenient for you, your FI, the venue, and anyone else involved. Here, I would say the major hurdle would have been your twin sister, and it sounds like she is fine with it! If you are okay with having your anniversary and birthday on the same day, I don''t see why you shouldn''t when choosing a different day may be less convenient. If other people have an issue with that, I would just tell them it''s your wedding, *your* [and your sister''s!] birthday, and the most convenient day for you. I don''t think you owe people an explanation, honestly.


I personally wouldn''t do it, but that is because I love holidays, and I hate having them all crammed together.

Big fat ditto!

Th-th-th-thritto!

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

Personally, I wouldn''t do it, but not because of the double up on presents thing since he could always give you two presents if y''all are the presents type of couple. My reservation would be that our anniversary would be more about me instead of about "us" since it''s my birthday. I like that anniversaries are a "happy birthday to us" equal for both people type of thing, not about either one of us individually. It''s cheesy, but my bf actually says "happy birthday to us" on St Patrick''s Day since that''s when we started dating.


Not to mention that my birthday is July 3, and people would be mad if I ruined their fourth of July plans for my wedding.

But really, it''s totally up to you! If you don''t care about it, and your sister is okay with it, then it''s no big deal! I wouldn''t see a problem with anyone getting married on their birthday. You can just tell people that you can''t imagine a better present than marrying the love of your life.

PS - You could honor your sister by putting two candles in the wedding cake and having her help you blow them out before you cut the cake. I think that would be really sweet

 

[hairgirl95]

Well, my dear person24, I am gonna be the brazen one here. I don''t mean to be Debbie Downer at all--just giving you a little different perspective.

Based on my personal past experience, I would NOT, under ANY circumstances, get married on your birthday. First and foremost, this is you and your sis'' special day. Its so cool to have a twin, you two have a special bond with your special day. Birthdays are one of the only days each year when its just "your" holiday. As time goes by, it becomes too easy to just "combine" the birthday/anniversary party. My sis was born the day after xmas--when she was little we made a big effort to separate her birthday from Santa Claus. Now? We are doing good to get her a separate card. I know this bothers her sometimes.

Secondly, and I really mean this in the best way I can......IF, and I mean a HUUUUUUGE IF.....your marriage for some reason doesn''t work out--you will always have to associate that wedding anniversary with your birthday. Having been married, divorced, and then re-married, I would absolutely HATE to be reminded of my first marriage every time I had a birthday. I am sure you will have nothing but success with your marriage, but honestly, we ALL think that going into it. Realistically, half of all marriages end for a myriad of reasons. While noone should presume their marriage will end, it is always a possibility.

I know you will have a beautiful wedding no matter what day you decide to do it on. If you decide to do it on your birthday, kudos to you, and I hope I at least gave you something to ponder about picking that date. I really wish you NOTHING but a Wonderful happy marriage. Good luck with your decision sweetie!

 

[claireabelle]

hmmm this is a tough one... of course, it is your wedding day and you should go for what feels best....I mean, normally I would say go for it. I wouldn''t mind having my wedding day on MY birthday one bit!!! .... however, there is your sister to consider.

Keep in mind that it''s not just the wedding day.... it''s every single anniversary which will always fall on her birthday...

You know your sister much better than anyone on here so I''m sure you can trust your own judgment as to whats right in your situation.

Personally I wouldn''t do it... but that''s me and my family. Everyone''s situation is different

 

[Kaleigh]

Yes. How''s that for a short and sweet answer.

It''s not the best on so many levels. One your twin...

I have twin cousins, couldn''t see one doing that on their birthday. And not to be negative, but if your marriage doesn''t last..... You''ll have to live that with every birthday. Sorry to be a negative Nancy, but that''s how I see it. Surely there has to be a date available, other than your birthday...

 

[marchswallowbird]

Date: 7/24/2008 12:22:21 AM
Author: Guilty Pleasure
Personally, I wouldn''t do it, but not because of the double up on presents thing since he could always give you two presents if y''all are the presents type of couple. My reservation would be that our anniversary would be more about me instead of about ''us'' since it''s my birthday. I like that anniversaries are a ''happy birthday to us'' equal for both people type of thing, not about either one of us individually. It''s cheesy, but my bf actually says ''happy birthday to us'' on St Patrick''s Day since that''s when we started dating.


Not to mention that my birthday is July 3, and people would be mad if I ruined their fourth of July plans for my wedding.

But really, it''s totally up to you! If you don''t care about it, and your sister is okay with it, then it''s no big deal! I wouldn''t see a problem with anyone getting married on their birthday. You can just tell people that you can''t imagine a better present than marrying the love of your life.

PS - You could honor your sister by putting two candles in the wedding cake and having her help you blow them out before you cut the cake. I think that would be really sweet

I agree with this. I think you want your anniversary to be only about your special day with your husband, not a day that used to be "yours" and your twin sisters that now your fiancee has to share.

 

[Person24]

Thanks for the input everyone.
I am not a huge birthday person. I am not someone who really even likes making the day "all" about me. Maybe because I am a twin and it has never been that way? I really do not even like being the center of attention. That is one reason why I want to have a smaller wedding. It makes me less anxious about having to be.

My family does celebrate my birthday but it is nothing crazy. My anniversary really only effects FI and me.(and FI is not going to skimp me..) So I don''t think my friends and family would suddenly not acknowledge my bday because I got married that day too.

Maybe I should try and go back to my 3-day ago plan of getting married out of state next summer. It started to get too overwhelming because I am not up there and I couldn''t go look at anything. Also, weekends were filling up like crazy so I needed to reserve a place ASAP. FI actually WANTED to get married on his bday if we got married next summer. But, that wouldn''t work for him because I would be back at school by then...I don''t know.

Some of you say go for it. Others make pretty reasonable/rational points about why it is a terrible idea.....I just don''t want to put off getting married much longer and both of my plans are failing at the moment(We’ve already been engaged since Nov 2007)

So frustrating! Maybe I need to try and come up with a third


Hairgirl95: "IF, and I mean a HUUUUUUGE IF.....your marriage for some reason doesn''t work out--you will always have to associate that wedding anniversary with your birthday."
-I have thought about that and I guess I was thinking that if it didn''t work out for some reason my birthday is near the holidays anyway and that is a time when people usually get down about past relationships. So, if my anniversary was thrown into the mix I could just have a bad week and then wouldn''t have to think about it the rest of the year...

Kaleigh: "Surely there has to be a date available, other than your birthday..."
There really is not another day that works next winter except my birthday. I only have three weekends during my winter break. One is the weekend of Christmas (it is on a Friday) and I do not think people would want to come then. The next weekend is the weekend of my birthday. And the next weekend would be fine except for the fact that I would get married on a Saturday and start school again on a Monday. So...this is why I am trying to rationalize doing this on my birthday.

 

[brandy_z28]

You''re fine with it and so is your twin and FI, so why not? My mom and step-dad got married on his birthday and I''d initially wanted to get married on my birthday but the dates didn''t work out for my MOH so we had to move it.

 

[Lynnie]

You could always have a "secret ceremony" at city hall a few days or a week before. That way your "true" anniversary will be different than your b-day. And nobody has to know but the two of you. My brother''s b-day is on Christmas day, and he absolutely hates it. He feels jipped out. No b-day presents wrapped in Christmas wrap... it is the ultimate insult for him! Or those "Merry Birthday" cards.

If you''re not down with that, and you are truely okay with having it on your b-day, go for it! I would have to be totally sure I''m okay with it, though... I''d be afraid that a little doubt would turn into regret later.

 

[doodle]

i''m going to say this based on the assumption that if you got married in the summer, you wouldn''t be taking summer classes. if you''re still in school, i''d do anything and everything possible to time the wedding where you''re not going to be doing last minute wedding plans AND having to worry about exams, research papers, and the whole nine yards that comes with being a student. i''d spare yourself the angst of trying to focus on a test and having your brain go into "OMG i still need to get my dress altered" mode! if you get married over winter break, you''d still be in classes right up to just a few weeks before the wedding, right? just another thing to consider.

 

[Bia]

Date: 7/23/2008 5:46:01 PM
Author: blackpolkadot
I think you should get married whenever is right for you and your FI. I personally would not be opposed to getting married on my birthday, but with that being said, birthdays are not a big deal in my family.

Same here.

 

[anchor31]

I''m a twin too, and I wouldn''t do it. I have to say that the first half of my engagement was a total nightmare because of her, she was so freaked out that I was getting married to start with, so choosing our birthday as my wedding day (and taking away from her birthday) would have been a huge mistake. Birthdays are a pretty big thing in my family. Fortunately, my sister has turned around and is now helping me with the last minute details.

Your own sister seems to be okay with it, so it''s not so bad. I would still say that if there''s an alternative, take it.

 

[lovesparklies]

I personally wouldn''t do it because my birthday is a week before Christmas and that''s just too much to celebrate at once. But my parents got married on my mom''s birthday (which was yesterday, the day you asked your question!) and her parents got married on my grandmother''s birthday, so I definitely know it''s done! But enough about me...

It''s SO hard to come up with a date that works for one''s wedding and there''s always going to be some sort of issue with it. If your birthdate works out with the venue and whatnot, and both you and your sister are OK with it, then I say go for it! Maybe you can have three cakes: wedding, groom''s and a birthday cake for you and your sister! Hey, more cake can''t be a bad thing.

 

[applequeen]

I have a twin and so I can appreciate the whole sharing the birthday thing (as I've gotten older (I'm 30) it's been so weird not being with my sister on our birthday... and actually having my own cake.

The twin relationship is a complicated one (as I'm sure you know). What is your gut feeling about having our wedding on your birthday? I know your sister said she didn't care and if you are confident that's the case (as would have been with my sister) then go for it. I actually changed my wedding date because my sister wanted to take a vacation on my original date (happened very early on.. within a couple of days of my engagment when we were still ironing out the details.. .I actually got married a week earlier than I had originally thought I would so it was no big deal).

Could you maybe have the wedding on the day after your birthday (Sunday wedding I guess?).. then you could have a big rehearsal dinner/ birthday celebration and have the wedding the next day.

ETA... Is your sister married? I just have this picture of everyone cornering her at the wedding and saying things like... "Wow.. you're X years old today... when are YOU getting married"... I know my sister hated having people ask her when she was going to get married.. she's happily single

 

[AmberWaves]

I don''t really post here much, but I wanted to give my feedback. I got married last November 3 (on my late Grandma''s b-day, we chose the date for that reason) and my birthday is November 5. It was kind of a mistake.

Don''t get me wrong, it was probably the only Honeymoon/Birthday I''ll ever have, and that in itself was a novelty, but DH is already having a hard time remembering which day is our wedding day, and which is my birthday. He''s REALLY good at remembering things, too. I''m even getting them confused. It was odd to be leaving for my honeymoon and having people call to wish me a happy birthday. With all the hullabaloo for the wedding, I totally forgot it was my birthday. Still, it''s not the same as marrying ON your birthday! I just made DH promise me that I''ll either get two presents ALWAYS or one HUGE great present every year, so we''ll see how that works out in a few months. Of course, it''s a total plus for your FI since he''ll only have to remember one day!

Of course, if you can''t find any other date that fits, do it!

 

[dockman3]

I''ll just throw in my $0.02 that one of my best friends got married on her birthday because that was the only day she could get the church in the general time of year that they wanted to get married. (Her bday is June 24). We sang happy birthday to her at the reception and it was really cool. She absolutely loves it and it really doesn''t bother her all that much. I say go with whatever works for you, but I wanted to let you know that its been done before and if you wanted to, you could.

 

[bee*]

Date: 7/23/2008 5:50:38 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Hmmmm, I''ll just jump in and say it................PRESENTS

I''d rather look forward to future anniversary presents AND birthday presents from my Hubby (also two nice dinners out, two days to feel special, etc.). So I''d vote for a different day

I was thinking the same! My mother wanted to get married on her birthday but that date wasn''t available so they did it the week beforehand-she''s delighted now as she says that she gets two days to celebrate. Do whatever makes you happy though.