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Inviting kids to a wedding, adult kids and little ones

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zoebartlett

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Sweetpea''s topic of whether or not to put "and guest" on invitations got me thinking. When my sister was planning her wedding (which was last August), she ran into a sticky situation regarding family friends'' and their children. I''m wondering what you would have done, had you been in a similar situation.
My parents'' best friends in town have four children (all adults, all with children of their own). My sister (and I) know all 4 "kids", but one or two of them are closer
to her (and me) than the others. The youngest, C., is the closest in age to us, and when we were growing up, C. used to babysit us and she was the one we saw most often. The oldest, J., is someone who we have both babysat for and seem to know fairly well in different circumstances over the years. THe two middle children, R. and M., are the two who my sister (and I) never really knew well. During certain holidays we tend to see my parents'' best friends, their four kids (C., J., R, and M), and all of THEIR kids. Just as we know C. and J. best, we also know their children the best as well.

It was a given that my parents'' best friends were invited to my sister''s wedding. My sister debated over whether to also invite:

1) best friends'' 4 children AND their kids
2) best friends'' 4 children but not their kids
3) only the one or two adult children who my sister feels closer to AND their kids
4) only the one or two adult children who my sister feels closer to but not their kids

I realize that it could depend on the setting of the wedding (is it condusive to having little ones, etc.) and $, and since the wedding has come and gone, it might be a moot point. I''m asking to see what you''d do, but also because I know I''ll be in the exact same position one day.

Would you only invite kids of those friends and family who you were closest to or would it be an all or nothing situation?
 

aljdewey

Ideal_Rock
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Nov 25, 2002
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Of the four choices presented...........#2.
 

zoebartlett

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Sorry that was so long-winded!
I tried to edit my original post to something shorter but it wouldn''t let me for some reason.
 

Pandora II

Ideal_Rock
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Aug 3, 2006
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Kids and weddings are such a nightmare...

I have:

My sister's 2 kids who will be nearly 4 and nearly 2 - the elder is one of my Flower girls

My uncle's 2 daughters (10 and 8) - both Flower girls

My cousins have 5 kids between them aged between 8 and 3.

FI's brother - has new baby (one night stand rang him a month before the birth to say she was pregnant - say no more
)

FI's cousins have at least 4 kids (7 - 2)

My best friend who is coming over from australia has 2 (5 and 3) Elder is one of my flowergirls.

Next best friend who is coming over from Italy has 2 (11 and 5) Elder is one of my flowergirls. Younger brother is the child from hell.

Then 3 of our friends have very small children and at least one other is pregnant.

So, I'm looking at between 25 - 30 kids potentially.

----------------------------------------------------

My mother says easy - no kids except the flower girls, oh and your nephew, oh and the brothers of the flowergirls because they're from overseas and so have no babysitter, oh and all the ones being breastfed...

Nightmare!!!!

My venue is not being helpful and I have to count each child as one of my 120 max. I have already raised hackles by saying I don't want my nephew there then as I rather have one of our friends.

I also recall FI's cousins wedding last year that was totally ruined by one of their friends ghastly brats. The acoustics were bad anyway and this child just kept making really unnecessary noise (they were about 3 years old) and the parents just totally indulged it - didn't tell the child to be quiet or take them out or anything. As a result nobody heard a word of their vows.

I would just have a huge fit if that happened to me. I've looked into hiring a creche to come onsite so they can be there for the cocktails and then go and do painting or whatever, and the parents know that they are there but not there. Then they could have a nice picnic or something and not take up my numbers. My wedding is 3.00pm till midnight, but my venue is a boarding school most of the year so they must have some bedrooms or something I can borrow if the kids want to go to sleep in the evening. But, my mother thinks the venue coordinator will say no because of insurance and their risks etc.

Sorry - hugely long post and no help either, but the "kids issue" is driving me nuts, I can already have very few of our friends due to the irresponsible breeding of my ancestors and the thought of having to have a bunch of 3 year olds instead is driving me nuts!
 

havernell

Brilliant_Rock
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Nov 10, 2006
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571
Date: 3/12/2007 6:37:06 PM
Author: biblobaggins23
no kids at our wedding ages 6 and under except for our flower girls and ring bearer.
Just out of curiosity bilbo (sorry to threadjack Zoe) are you hiring a babysitter to watch out-of-town guests' children during the wedding/reception? I'm just wondering what the protocol is in a situation where you don't allow children at the wedding when they may have had to travel with parents to get to your location. Thanks!


ETA: Pandora, you and I must have been typing at the same time. Anyway, re: the babysitter- if the bording school won't let you use their facilities to house the kids, could you just hire the sitters to come to your/ your parents house (if it's near your wedding site) or have them come to a block of hotel rooms? Parents could then pick up the kids at the end of the night.
 

diamondfan

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Joined
Jun 17, 2005
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I like the idea, keep the kids on site if possible and hire sitters, but some parents are particular about who watches their child, even if they are close by. It can be a tricky thing to manage...just my .02, as a mom, if I were near and could check in on them, and they were older, I would be fine with it. If I were not, I brought my own sitter and got a room in the place if I could, and had them there. But, not all parents feel the same way, so just putting it out there.
 

sarie_j

Shiny_Rock
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Jan 15, 2007
Messages
130
THankfully I shouldn''t be having many kids at my reception, maybe 3-5 at most and all are at least 6 or 7 so hopefully they can behave semi-well anyway -- I really like the idea of a sitter though and have seen it used at my property before. Most reception halls have a room for people to get ready in, or hotels have a guestroom nearby that could serve as a kids room within easy walking distance of the reception site -- If it''s warm you could even have them outside somewhere playing games, etc. Have you thought about going that route? I think it''s an excellent idea, and you could probably hire 2-3 sitters for the price you''d be paying for their food in the reception hall
 

basil

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 27, 2006
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I''d pick #2.

Probably the only kid we''re having at our wedding is my cousin''s stepson. I think he''s 10 or 11 now, so he''ll be about 12 by then. Hardly a child, really! It really makes it a lot simpler, thank goodness.
 

lovebug

Rough_Rock
Joined
Nov 30, 2006
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32
Ugh. It''s such a nightmare, isn''t it? I would pick option #2 and just say that you are not planning on having children under X age at the wedding other than those who are in the wedding party. That is what we did. We did have one relative call my mother and complain about the fact that her daughters weren''t invited and my mother just had to say that it was what we decided and sorry if you''re upset. My philpsophy is that you are never going to please everyone. Do your best to make most people happy, but yourself first and foremost.

What did your sister decide?
 

zoebartlett

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Dec 29, 2006
Messages
12,450
Well, my sister ended up inviting just the oldest and the youngest kids (and their children) of my parents'' friends, but the oldest one and her family couldn''t go. My sister felt that since she didn''t know the middle children as well as the other two, she wouldn''t invite them. My mom ended up talking to her friend about it, thinking that she''d be upset but there weren''t any hard feelings. In fact, my mom''s friend was totally cool about it and said that it was my sister''s wedding and she should invite (or not invite) anyone she wanted to.

As I mentioned, it was a moot point in a way but I wanted to get others'' opinions about what you''d do if you knew all members of a family but knew some better than others.

And, by the way, the little kids were invited and the ones that came had a great time. I know I''ll be in the same position some day and I don''t want to feel guilty, no matter what I decide to do.
 
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