Wedding Inviting co-workers

[zoebartlett]

Did you or are you planning to invite your co-workers to your wedding? I got engaged in May, so everyone at my school heard about it soon after it happened. I try not to talk about the wedding at school but I eat lunch with the same people every day and the topic usually comes up once in a while. I''ve gotten to be sort of friends with the people I eat lunch with, and we get together for dinner once a month. We''ve hung out on a few other occasions as well. I wouldn''t call them close friends, and we don''t really chat outside of school on a regular basis. I''m trying to decide if I should invite them. Also, I don''t know their husbands at all. If I did invite them, I''d be inclined to invite their SOs as well.

How did you handle this?

I''ve tried asking myself if I would miss them if they weren''t there. No, I wouldn''t, but it might be a way to demonstrate friendship and hopefully become closer friends.

 

[aljdewey]

We didn''t invite co-workers to our wedding for many reasons. We really both had the same view on our wedding; that it was an intimate, significant, personal event. We thought it would feel less so by inviting everyone on the planet.

We both work at the same place (different department, though), and our wedding was small (30 people). Between my co-workers and his, our wedding size would have easily doubled before factoring in their spouses, and we didn''t want that.

We''ve talked about it many times since the wedding, and we''ve not once regretted deciding to stick to intimates-only.

 

[Independent Gal]

I'm not inviting any co-workers. FI wants to invite two of his, and one (his boss actually) can't make it and has offered to throw us a party in town instead. So we'll invite co-workers to that. Problem solved.

Is that an option for you guys? I mean, telling your pals that space liimitations means you can't ask them there, but you want to celebrate with them, so invite them over for an informal shin-dig at your place or something?

 

[Pandora II]

I''m inviting my 22 year old PA as she is a great friend, and also happens to be a friend of my younger sisters (complete chance - they both go to fetish nightclubs

).

Otherwise, we are throwing a second drinks party in London a week after the wedding for work and political colleagues and less close friends.

I have done much whinging about huge numbers of cousins and v small guestlist, so no-one - except FFIL''s wife''s kids - have failed to get the hint so far.

Lots of my friends have done the same - I''ve even discussed details and given help to lots of collegues (I run events so have good vendor lists) knowing fine that I am not on the guest-list. I just like talking weddings!

 

[Sabine]

I''m struggling with this too because I''d like to consider some of the teachers I work with good friends, but I''ve only known them for a year (it''ll be 2 at the time of the wedding). I''ve asked other teachers who recently got married what they did, and most just invited the teachers in their department. I think this is a decent idea, but our department definitely isn''t as close as some of the others. I think the kids have rubbed off on us because our department is pretty much split into 2 cliques, and although on inservice days and whatnot we all go out to lunch together, there is a DEFINITE split with some harsh feelings on each side...I still don''t know what I''m going to do.

 

[littlelysser]

I''ve been working at my current job for about 2 and 1/2 years. Although I''ve made two good friends there, I didn''t invite either of them because my wedding was really small (55 people) and my office is small. There are 8 folks that work in my judge''s chambers...it would have been awkward to invite two and not the other six. Inviting them all would have taken my small, intimate wedding to a wedding of 70+ folks...which we were not into. I explained it to my friends and they totally understood.

DH had been at his job for 10 years. He invited his boss and his secretary. His secretary couldn''t make it - his boss came...it was nice.

If you do decide to invite them, most definitely invite them with SOs.

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 10/14/2007 11:50:27 AM
Author: Sabine
I''m struggling with this too because I''d like to consider some of the teachers I work with good friends, but I''ve only known them for a year (it''ll be 2 at the time of the wedding). I''ve asked other teachers who recently got married what they did, and most just invited the teachers in their department. I think this is a decent idea, but our department definitely isn''t as close as some of the others. I think the kids have rubbed off on us because our department is pretty much split into 2 cliques, and although on inservice days and whatnot we all go out to lunch together, there is a DEFINITE split with some harsh feelings on each side...I still don''t know what I''m going to do.

Yeah, it''s a tricky one. My school is really small and I don''t feel comfortable asking anyone there what they''d do or what they have done (because some of them may be invited to mine). I can ask teacher friends though.

If I do invite my coworkers, I''ll definitely also invite their husbands. My mom seems to think that they''d probably opt to stay home and have their wives go by themselves. That way they''d be in a group of familiar people and it could be more fun for them. Oh I don''t know. I have time though so I''ll figure it out. I haven''t sent them save the dates obviously, like I did with the other people I know I''m inviting. Maybe I''ll send out invitations in waves and add people to the list as others decline. Maybe that''s wrong...

 

[labbielove]

This was SUCH a struggle for us. We really wanted an intimate feeling wedding, and I have a larger size immediate family. We decided no coworkers, although I''ve only been at my place of work for 2 years.

Everyone understood, and they were still very happy for us, and even threw us a shower at lunchtime one day.

Anyone who''s been there totally understands. It might have been different if I was friends with someone outside of work..

How did I handle it? There was one coworker who kiddingly /or maybe not so kiddingly constantly said "well, we''re not invited" etc. She had about 300 at her wedding so probably didn''t get it. I just repeated the mantra:

"We are limited in the # of guests we can accomodate and are unfortunately not able to invite everyone we would otherwise consider. This was a very difficult decision so we hope people can respect that."

Looking back, I am soooo glad we stuck to our guns. I wanted to be able to enjoy every single guest, and it would have been more difficult to do with 40 more people there.

 

[Haven]

This is a really tough call. I''m in a similar predicament--I have a few closer work friends, and I''ll be chaperoning a two week trip to Greece (which ends two weeks before our wedding!) with three of these friends, so I''m also not sure about what to do. I''m inclined to NOT invite anyone from work, though, because when it comes down to it I''m not truly social friends with any of them. We don''t chat on the phone, and I only call them outside of school to discuss work-related things.

The other issue is if I invite a few people from my department I''ll feel obligated to invite ALL of my fellow English teachers--which is 19 other people, which makes 38 with their SOs! That is too much. Not to mention our administrators, my bosses, who would total eight more.

I would say to only invite people with whom you are true social friends, and not those with whom you socialize simply as an after-work type of get-together. Ask yourself this: Do they pass the cell phone test? Do you ever call them to just talk or set up a social meeting just to spend time with them? If no, then don''t invite them.

As for inviting their SOs--you should invite any partners who are married, engaged to be married, or living together. If they are not any of the above you do not have any obligation to invite them, but it would be nice if they have been together for a while and you know they are a serious couple.

Good luck, and let us know what you decide--I''m still trying to figure this one out myself!

 

[monarch64]

I invited several (maybe 6 total) co-workers...I was in a retail mgmt. position and at the time managed around 60 employees, there was no way I could invite all of them. I invited the 5 I was closest to, and my boss, and it worked out fine. The only person who didn''t get invited that I wanted to invite (and wanted to be invited) was my co-manager who had to work the day of my weddng anyway as there was no one else to take her place. I went to her wedding the same year, there were no hard feelings because it was just the way it worked out. The store gave me a very simple breakroom "shower" and that was kinda the end of it. I brought pics in for everyone to see so they felt more like they were a part of it (I''d been with the co. for about 2.5 years at the time I got married so I knew everyone quite well) and it was nice.

 

[partyjewels]

I''ve been worried about this as well. I got engaged only a couple of weeks after I switched jobs. My old co-workers I really would''ve liked to invite a good number of them (it was a pretty small office), but I feel weird about it at my new job. I get along with them fine, but I don''t feel comfortable inviting them to the wedding. However I do feel awkward about it, especially since two of the younger people that are about the same age as me and work there over the summer in my department seem to think they are going to be invited! One of them flat out asked if they could come, and even acknowledged the fact that he was being so blunt about it, and they other not so subtly asked when it was going to be because she needs to know when to start saving for a wedding gift. *sigh* Even if I wanted to really invite them we just don''t have the room because we''re already over our max for the reception!

 

[KapPharmD]

I''m only inviting three people from work that i''m very close to. I''m not even inviting my Boss. I refuse. I''m friendly with her at work but i''m, nor are you, obligated to invite people. I already have enough people coming that are firends of my future MOL that i don''t know which i''m allowing becuase she kept her list short and sweet and these people obviously mean a lot to her. And honestly if our list exceeds my 150 max (the place hold 200, i HAVE to spend 22,500, i''d rather add extra fun things than hae my 3rd cousin twice removed there!) the coworkers go on my B list.

Maybe that''s the ticket. if people from your first list respond no, have a B list and for a no send out 1 new invite to your b list... i know that''s how i''m easing the deliberation.

 

[april diamonds]

I am inviting several friends from work to my wedding. I am not "besties" with them but we hang out outside of work and get along great. However, I am having difficulties deciding if I am going to invite the rest of the "group" to the wedding. Since we have a group of people that eat lunch together everyday - but I am not as close to all of them equally.

I am pretty sure that we will only end up inviting those that we feel are our friends and not just friends because we''re coworkers. I am not inviting my boss/managers. I don''t think it''s really necessary unless you consider your boss a friend. But if you do invite them then I think you would need to invite their SO.

 

[SuLi]

I agree with Independent Gal....

I''m doing the same thing. My FI and I are going to elope, and we figure that we will throw an informal party for everyone once we get back.

 

[little miss sunshine]

I have a very similar relationship to my co-workers as you do. I enjoy their company at work and we have done a few things together outside of work. I will be inviting my "team" (elementary grade level team) and my principal and vice principal to my wedding. One of the girls on my team got married last year and we were all invited to her wedding. Everyone came WITH their significant others and it was nice. We also went to her bachelorette party and it really DID make us closer friends. At the wedding, she sat us at a table together and we all had a great night - we talked about it the rest of the school year (the wedding was in November). I remember only working with her for a few months when I got the invitation and I was a little surprised but honored to be invited. In retrospect, after 3 years and counting of working together I am glad that we all got to share the day with her.
That being said, it totally depends on the type of wedding you are having. Ours is moderate sized (100 people) and adding 10 more guests won''t be that big of a deal.

Have you been to any weddings from people you work with? If they were getting married do you think you might be invited to theirs... that might help with considering how they would feel if you did/did not include them.

Hope this helps!

 

[zoebartlett]

Little Miss Sunshine,

No, I haven''t been to any weddings of co-workers (this is my third year at my school, so I''m still fairly new). I know that one of them was married last fall and she did invite a few people from work (which I only found out afterwards). It didn''t bother me at all -- the wedding was out of state and it was after school had started so I wouldn''t have made the trip if I had been invited. I would have been surprised if I were invited, and so there definitely weren''t hurt feelings on my part. We really only started hanging out occasionally last spring, when a group of us decided to go out to dinner on a monthly basis. That''s really the only time we''ve all hung out socially. Another coworker got married last spring but it was a small, family affair. Her husband was being deployed and they wanted to be married before that happened. They are re-planning their original wedding which will be held next fall. If I knew I was going to be invited to that I would definitely invite this couple.

That''s what makes it hard. I can''t really go by others because now all of my coworkers (in this circle anyway) are married or not planning a wedding themselves. If I do invite them, I don''t want them to think it was a random thing. I wouldn''t be sad if they weren''t there, because we''re not super close. I''d mainly be inviting them because I see them all the time and we are friendly. I haven''t sent them save the date cards and I only talk about the wedding when asked. Even then I don''t go into a whole lot of detail.

 

[Fancy605]

I had this same question. It turns out that the norm at my school is to just set out an invitation to the ceremony in the work room to be polite about it and mail invitations to the people you REALLY want there from work. I actually have a few very dear friends at work, so I did end up inviting a few of my co workers and then just setting out an invite in the work room to be polite. It turns out that most people at my school view the "work room invitation" as a polite gesture and expect to see one there, but also do not expect to actually attend. In fact, upon seeing the invitation, most of my coworkers exclaimed, "Oh, you''ll have to bring pictures of the wedding when school starts back!" So, apparently the rule at our school is: Set out an invitation, don''t plan on anyone showing up, and bring lots of pictures. Apparently we have lots of these "unwritten rules" at our school (including lunchroom rules, parking lot rules, ice machine rules and all manner of other silliness.) Schools are strange, interesting places.

 

[basil]

I''m inviting my coworkers, even though I just met them in July. We''re in a small program (6 per year), and we spend a lot of time together. We''ve gotten really close just in that time period. So it would feel really weird not inviting them - I spend more time with them than with my fiance!

Unfortunately, not all will be able to come cause someone has to stay back to be on call!

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

i don''t think i could invite some of my co-workers and then not invite all of them. it''s not in my budget to invite them all so i''m not inviting any. i have discussed it with them and explained our limited guest list and that it is a small wedding. they all thankfully understood. i hope whatever you decide goes just as well!