Invitation wording - quick review please!

[laughwithme]

Can you please give a quick review of my invitation wording? I would like to order this week. Thanks!!!

PS - wedding is late June, semi-formal, going for a summer evening type feel with lots of cocktails and candlelight

Invites will be blue thermography (raised ink) on white textured cardstock; the three enclosures will have thick blue ribbon wrapped around them. Simple, but classy.

MAIN INVITE =

Together with their families
You are invited to share
In the marriage ceremony uniting
Sxxx Lxxxx Bxxxx & Bxxx Mxxx Wxxxx
On Saturday, the twenty-sixth of June
Two thousand and ten
At five-thirty in the evening
Church of the Rxxxxx
Wxxxx Chapel
135th and Nxxxx
Lxxxxx, Kxxxx

ENCLOSURE #1 = "Reception"

Please join us for an evening
of dinner, drinks and dancing
Immediately following the ceremony
Dxxx Cxxx Golf Club
133rd and Mxxxx
Lxxxxx, Kxxxxx

ENCLOSURE #2 = "R.S.V.P."

The courtesy of a reply is requested
by the fifth of June
M_________
___Number accepting with pleasure
___We decline with regrests

ENCLOSURE #3 = "Information"

For driving directions, hotels
and other useful information
We encourage you to visit
our wedding website
www.xxxxxxxx.com

 

[caribqueen]

Looks good to me.

My one question is regarding the RSVP. It seems kind of close to your wedding. But I guess that would depend on how guests and whether many are from out of town. I built in time for those who I know won''t take the time to respond at all (and we''ll have to follow-up with calls) and for those who would respond No, so that we can send out invites to our B list if necessary.

 

[Rock_of_Love]

Yeah...looks good to me, too!

 

[JerseyGrl81]

Date: 2/14/2010 4:45:32 PM
Author:laughwithme
Can you please give a quick review of my invitation wording? I would like to order this week. Thanks!!!

PS - wedding is late June, semi-formal, going for a summer evening type feel with lots of cocktails and candlelight

Invites will be blue thermography (raised ink) on white textured cardstock; the three enclosures will have thick blue ribbon wrapped around them. Simple, but classy.

MAIN INVITE =

Together with their families
You are invited to share
In the marriage ceremony uniting
Sxxx Lxxxx Bxxxx & Bxxx Mxxx Wxxxx
On Saturday, the twenty-sixth of June
Two thousand and ten
At five-thirty in the evening
Church of the Rxxxxx
Wxxxx Chapel
135th and Nxxxx
Lxxxxx, Kxxxx

ENCLOSURE #1 = ''Reception''

Please join us for an evening
of dinner, drinks and dancing
Immediately following the ceremony
Dxxx Cxxx Golf Club
133rd and Mxxxx
Lxxxxx, Kxxxxx

ENCLOSURE #2 = ''R.S.V.P.''

The courtesy of a reply is requested
by the fifth of June
M_________
___Number accepting with pleasure
___We decline with regrests

ENCLOSURE #3 = ''Information''

For driving directions, hotels
and other useful information
We encourage you to visit
our wedding website
www.xxxxxxxx.com

This part sounds awkward to me. I have always seen it where it says
''together with their family
bride and groom
invite you to celebrate''
because you are inviting the people along with your family.

 

[zipzapgirl]

I agree with JerseyGirl.

Here are some ideas...

Together with their families
Sxxx Lxxxx Bxxxx & Bxxx Mxxx Wxxxx
invite you to share
In their marriage ceremony

Together with their families
Sxxx Lxxxx Bxxxx & Bxxx Mxxx Wxxxx
request the hono(u)r of your presence
as they are united in marriage

Together with their families
Sxxx Lxxxx Bxxxx & Bxxx Mxxx Wxxxx
invite you to share their joy
as they are united in marriage

I think it depends on how formal you want the invitation to sound (setting the tone for the evening) and what you think most reflects your personality. They sound like lovely invites!

 

[monkeyprincess]

I definitely suggest using either the second or third alternative zipzapgirl gave you. The version you have doesn''t quite make sense.

 

[Haven]

Date: 2/17/2010 2:58:40 PM
Author: monkeyprincess
I definitely suggest using either the second or third alternative zipzapgirl gave you. The version you have doesn't quite make sense.

Ditto.

Your original wording:
Together with their families
You are invited to share

is incorrect. As you wrote it, the "together with their families" refers to the families of the invitees, not the hosts, which I'm sure you don't mean.

And, even in that interpretation you switch from writing in the third person (line 1) to the second person (line 2) which is just plain incorrect and that's why it sounds odd.

ETA: I love your avatar kitty, laughwithme. So adorable!