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Invitation wording- any way to list Mom''s first name too?

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havernell

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We are sorting out our invitation wording to send to the printer, and I have a quick question for all of you. Even though my fiance and I are paying for part of the wedding, my parents are paying more than 50% of the costs, so we would like to signal on the invitation that they are the official hosts of the event. I know the traditional way to indicate this is to write:

Mr. and Mrs. David Smith
Request the honor of your presence...

However, it''s always kind of bugged me that the Mother''s first name doesn''t get listed (just the father''s name) in this traditional wording. So, I''m wondering if there is a correct way (etiquette-wise) to include both parents'' first names? I''ve read that etiquette dictates that you are never supposed to separate the man''s first and last names on an invitation, so I know we can''t write "Mr. David and Mrs. Jane Smith." And "Mr. and Mrs. Jane and David" Smith doesn''t seem to make sense since it kind of makes it sound like Jane is the Mr. (since Mr. is first and then Jane is first). Finally, I thought about dropping the Mr/Mrs all together and writing Jane and David Smith, but that seems too informal (our wedding, while not stuffy, isn''t exactly casual either).

But is something like "Mr. David Smith and Mrs. Jane Smith" correct etiquette-wise? That''s the only compromise that I''ve been able to come up with so far. Any other suggestions?

I know some of you may say "who cares about etiquette, just do whatever you want!" and normally I''d fully agree. But in this case we just feel like our venue/event calls for a more traditional announcement (if that makes sense, since the invitation is supposed to set the stage for the whole event) so I would like to try to follow the rules on this one. Therefore, any suggestions on how to do this are most welcome!
 

elrohwen

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May 20, 2008
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5,521
I like your last option best: Mr David Smith and Mrs Jane Smith. It''s kind of long, but it seems to flow the best (to me at least).

This is a good question though! I''m totally against the Mr and Mrs David Smith wording as well because I think it just sounds weird. On my STD envelopes I did Jane and David Smith, but like you said, that won''t work for your invites because of the formality.

I''m interested to hear what others have to say.
 

tlh

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I think that should sound fine.. but it might give guests the impression that your parents have seperated.
 

MakingTheGrade

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Mar 2, 2009
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My invitations basically said "Shaun and Susan Smith request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of their daughter, Susy Smith and John Doe, son of David and Donna Doe" (names are obviously made up, lol)

I didn''t use Mr. and Mrs. (seemed a little formal to me), honestly I think the formality of the invitation visually would say more about the formality of the event than the wording would.
 

meresal

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Nov 13, 2007
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5,720
Date: 3/9/2009 4:13:46 PM
Author: tlh
I think that should sound fine.. but it might give guests the impression that your parents have seperated.
This is the first thing I thought as well, or divorced.
 

Sabine

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Aug 16, 2007
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3,446
I agree that your last option makes it sound like they are divorced but your mom kept her married name. I would leave off the mr. and mrs. and say Jane and John Smith if it means that much to you.
 

musey

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Sep 30, 2006
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Of course! Here's an image of my invitation. It reads (names changed, of course):

Dr. John and Mrs. Jane Doe
Request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of their daughter

Jessica Marie Doe

to

Jesse Michael Johnson

Son of Dr. Mike and Mrs. Mary Johnson


Shows that they are a unit, but separates their identities/first names.


 

lliang_chi

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 13, 2008
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3,740
I''m just putting my parents'' name no Mr/Mrs.

Peter & Patricia Smith +
Sam & Sarah Jones

invite you to the marriage of their children

Lisa Christine
and
James Thomas

My wedding is in a country club reception hall, so sort of formal, but I really don''t think people read that much into the wording. Just as long as everything''s spelled correctly. :)

But it''s up to you.
 

Octavia

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Oct 28, 2007
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2,660
I think that if you''re doing titles and first names for both, it''s supposed to be: Mrs. Jane and Mr. John Doe. The whole don''t-separate-the-man''s-name trumps the "Mr." being first. But honestly, it probably doesn''t matter to 99% of people unless they''re really into etiquette -- and then they won''t be happy anyway because it''s not the traditional wording. So go with whatever sounds best to you!
 

havernell

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 10, 2006
Messages
571
Hmmm, I can see what you all mean about it sounding like my parents are divorced (but my Mom just kept her married name) if I separate their names like that. Of course, I think names of divorced parents are *technically* supposed to go on different lines, but people may not know that unless they are etiquette mavens.

Perhaps Octavia's way makes the most sense- Mrs. Jane and Mr. John Doe. Perhaps putting Mrs. before Mr. is less of an "offense" than separating the man's first and last name. (Geez, when did I start caring about these things?)

Of course, maybe I should just ask my Mom- if she has no problem with the traditional Mr. and Mrs. David Smith, maybe I should just leave it that way. But then again, even if my Mom doesn't care, *I* don't want to propagate the "womens' names don't matter" thing... ugh.

Can we just call everyone to invite them to the wedding? just kidding. Anyway, thanks for all the responses- I really appreciate them!
 

musincy

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Messages
609
Date: 3/9/2009 6:14:02 PM
Author: Elmorton
Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Smith
I don''t know if this is "correct," but that''s my preference too. I think it flows the best.
 

tropiqalkiwi

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 20, 2008
Messages
340
If it is the equality thing that is bugging you, simply Mr. and Mrs. Smith could be an option. I don''t know how it would hold up the the etiquette mavens, but I just wanted to throw it out there.
 
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