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Invitation VENT!!

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rockin11

Shiny_Rock
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Feb 8, 2009
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169
Hi Girls! I am already married but helping plan a 50th anniversary party for DH''s Aunt and Uncle..so i thought it would be okay to post here? I sell invites so naturally that is one thing that I am in charge of. I am working especially close with another Aunt to plan this event. I had everything I needed to order beautiful invites I had selected until I got a phone call from the Anniversary bride. She said to please not forget to include the following..casual attire(I can handle that) and something to the effect of "money tree available". I almost lost my lunch! and I wanted to crawl under a rock. I politely told her that I had already ordered them(little white lie but I thought the crisis would be averted) she then said okay..I''ll print it out on regular paper and cut into slips and include it with the invite! Well what do you do? We are sending out almost 300 invites! These will be going to many people that probably wont appreciate seeing this. IMO I don''t think it is appropriate to have.. let alone including it on the invite. It just makes me feel like they are begging for money and party guest may feel pressure. However, I can get past having it at the party..I just don''t want it in print!
Am I over reacting? I am sure I will just have to get over it but it really just makes me sick! Thanks for letting me vent!AAGGHH!!!


**Also, I called the the Aunt that is helping me plan(she also HATES the idea) and suggested to not have it at all on the invite but she said that she would find out! She said they are like that and want money.
 

Smurfysmiles

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 30, 2007
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3,938
wow that is quite a pickle you are in
i can''t believe they are even having a money tree at 50th anniversary party!
isnt 50 years enough time to make their own money? lol
 

swingirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 6, 2006
Messages
5,654
Putting any suggestion for gifts in an invitation is considered rude because a person''s presence is all you should be requesting. It''s not impolite to make suggestions when asked. That being said it seems it seems like your aunt and uncle want money and aren''t shy about asking for it. You are helping plan the event but who is hosting it? The host gets the final say.

Maybe this sort of thing is traditional in their family and age group. Money trees and dollar dances seem to be that way. So you can make the suggestion that it''s not good etiquette but chances are they are going to want it anyway. Oh the other hand with 300 people invited what kind of gifts would they expect other than money. It''s not like they are going to get a lot of toasters. They''ll be getting cash either way.
 

Winks_Elf

Brilliant_Rock
Trade
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Nov 28, 2008
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1,673
It''s rude and tacky to put a gift suggestion into ANY invitation! The only exception is if it''s a bridal or baby shower, and there will be a wishing well, and even that is questionable.

I would tell the bride aunt it''s tacky and simply not done, especially in this day and age when there are so many people hurting financially.
 

soocool

Ideal_Rock
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Jan 10, 2009
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2,827
I guess that''s one way to cut down on the number of people who would want to come!
 

rockin11

Shiny_Rock
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Feb 8, 2009
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169
I agree with everyone! It is beyond tacky!! As for host..they have no children so the whole family is splitting the cost. I am very against it as well as many others but they feel like she will get her feelings hurt if we don''t include it. It has already been mentioned that it is not appropriate to include that with the invite but she just gets mad and doesn''t care. I would rather just give them money if that''s what they want instead of having the party..but they want it all! Honestly, I don''t want to even have my name on it or even order them from one of my vendors. I don''t want myself or my business even connected with it! It is beyond etiquette! I am just in a hard situation. For 50 years I think they should state no presents IMO. BTW, they are NOT hard up for money. They are completely secure financially. Thanks again for letting me vent!

Another thing that really bothers me is the odd time..we are having it at the country club on a Sat. from 2-5..she insisted! She is really trying to take over on the plans! I love her but I want her to be surprised with some of it at least.
 

vintagelover229

Ideal_Rock
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3,517
I would be honest with her. Say that you dont feel comfortable having your business associated with tacky behavior and that if she wants it done, she will have to send it out herself and that you will cancle the invatations (seeings how you havent ordered them yet, it can''t hurt to say that). I would also tell her that is she feels that you are sorry that this is the way it is, but its either that way or no way. I know if it was my business, etc. going out to all these people, I wouldnt want my name put on something that was tacky and rude.

Thats just my 2cents. I''m sorry that you have an aunt that doesnt care about etiquette but I still stand by its your business and I wouldnt want something like that affecting it. Its going out to over 300 people and they will see YOUR business doing something tacky, even though you didnt want to do it.

Its okay to vent! The good news is if you do decide to let her do it, I''d stick with the tacky paper. They its not on the invataions and the tacky paper with the tacky moneytree information doesnt look like it came with the beautiful non-tacky invite!
 

honey22

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 28, 2007
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4,458
Let me understand this right? The person you are throwing the party for (guest of honour) wants to specify money tree available? That is just tacky. I would be offended if I got an invite that stated that. It''s not a wedding, where gifts are expected. It''s a celebration, they shouldn''t be anticipating gifts at all. I would either 1. explain that it''s a bit rude to include that and say that you don''t feel comfortable putting that on your invites, maybe they should find another invitation company. or 2. simply leave it off the invites and then address and send them before they can include the horrid money grabbing attachment. Good luck, what an awful situation!
 

LilyOfTheValley

Shiny_Rock
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Jan 14, 2009
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Date: 3/8/2009 4:14:05 PM
Author: redrose229
I would be honest with her. Say that you dont feel comfortable having your business associated with tacky behavior and that if she wants it done, she will have to send it out herself and that you will cancle the invatations (seeings how you havent ordered them yet, it can''t hurt to say that). I would also tell her that is she feels that you are sorry that this is the way it is, but its either that way or no way. I know if it was my business, etc. going out to all these people, I wouldnt want my name put on something that was tacky and rude.
I totally 2nd all this. Couldn''t have said it better myself.

Seriously, ewww! After 50 years of marriage, she must be in her 70s, if not 80s, and after all this time on planet Earth, the aunt still has poor etiquette? Gross. The whole idea (the money tree thing) made me nauseous, seriously, and I''m not exaggerating either.
 

Hudson_Hawk

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 2, 2006
Messages
10,541
I would not put anything on or in the invitations and just not say anything. If people ask you about gifts, etc. You can mention something about it. Word of mouth is the way to go here. I do agree that it''s totally tacky in general...
 

rockin11

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 8, 2009
Messages
169
Date: 3/8/2009 7:27:52 PM
Author: LilyOfTheValley

Date: 3/8/2009 4:14:05 PM
Author: redrose229
I would be honest with her. Say that you dont feel comfortable having your business associated with tacky behavior and that if she wants it done, she will have to send it out herself and that you will cancle the invatations (seeings how you havent ordered them yet, it can''t hurt to say that). I would also tell her that is she feels that you are sorry that this is the way it is, but its either that way or no way. I know if it was my business, etc. going out to all these people, I wouldnt want my name put on something that was tacky and rude.
I totally 2nd all this. Couldn''t have said it better myself.

Seriously, ewww! After 50 years of marriage, she must be in her 70s, if not 80s, and after all this time on planet Earth, the aunt still has poor etiquette? Gross. The whole idea (the money tree thing) made me nauseous, seriously, and I''m not exaggerating either.
That''s exactly how I felt when I found out about it yesterday. I was in Sam''s shopping and I truly got sick.
 

blackpolkadot

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jun 4, 2008
Messages
495
If I was feeling wicked, I would just put 'No Gifts Please' on the invitation.


ETA: When my family was planning my grandparents' 50th anniversary party, that is what we put on the invitations, and people still brought gifts.
 

AmberGretchen

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 6, 2005
Messages
7,770
Date: 3/8/2009 4:14:05 PM
Author: redrose229
I would be honest with her. Say that you dont feel comfortable having your business associated with tacky behavior and that if she wants it done, she will have to send it out herself and that you will cancle the invatations (seeings how you havent ordered them yet, it can''t hurt to say that). I would also tell her that is she feels that you are sorry that this is the way it is, but its either that way or no way. I know if it was my business, etc. going out to all these people, I wouldnt want my name put on something that was tacky and rude.
Ditto - couldn''t agree more. Its nice that you are trying to help plan the party, but you shouldn''t be asked to do something that goes so strongly against not only your own feelings of comfort, but also against basic rules of etiquette and modern politeness.
 

rockin11

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 8, 2009
Messages
169
Okay..so I just got off the phone with the Aunt that I am co-planning the event with. She and I agreed to NOT include it on the invitation as well as doing our best to keep the anniversary bride out of the invitation addressing..so she can''t add her enclosure with the terrible request on there. So hopefully all will go well and we will get them in the mail with no money tree request. I''m sure she will be upset and will still have the tree at the party but I can live with it...just as long as it''s not in print.
 

Clairitek

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 21, 2008
Messages
4,881
I think you''re on the right track to just not include them and then keep the Anniversary bride out of the way when you are addressing and handling the envelopes. I''m glad to hear your co-organizer is on board with your plan and feels the same way you do about it.
 

luvthemstrawberries

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 19, 2008
Messages
2,107
Date: 3/9/2009 11:44:41 AM
Author: Clairitek
I think you''re on the right track to just not include them and then keep the Anniversary bride out of the way when you are addressing and handling the envelopes. I''m glad to hear your co-organizer is on board with your plan and feels the same way you do about it.
Ditto - whew! I think you have a good plan. And it''s a good thing the other Aunt is on your side, otherwise I think I''d have to tell them to find another invite company.
 

tlh

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 31, 2008
Messages
4,511
I agree... tacky to have in print, but having a money tree can be very cultural.
I have never seen one of these, but have seen wishing wells... where the "gifted amount" is kept private and secure. Is this similar?

i know a lot of weddings in small towns and certain cultures do the $$ dance, and things, and people of that culture are not offended at giving monetary gifts. I agree it is off putting for the request to be made. The wedding planner can advise by word of mouth that cash gifts would be preferred... but honestly, after 50 years of marriage most people understand that you don''t need a toaster, and sometimes don''t feel the need to give gifts at all.
 
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