Introduction...

[Mandarine]

Hi

Well..I just joined your forum. I posted a note in the LIW New list, but I thought I would also introduce myself...

I''m 28, not sure if I am or not in the official waiting list...but me and my boyfriend have talked about all this stuff and now I do feel like I''m just stuck and waiting and it''s driving me crazy! (been together for about 1 1/2 yrs). Anyway...attached is a copy of my other note, in case you can''t find it.

I''m driving over to his house tonight so I won''t be able to log back in until Sunday...

I''m looking forward to this forum

M~




The note I posted on the other topic:


Hi everyone!...

I''m new in this forum and wasn''t sure if I should join or not...but I have been reading many posts and see how you support each other and give good advice!...so here it goes.

I don''t know what would make me an official Lady in waiting?. So I''ll let you decide if you think I am a Lady in waiting or if I''m just over-thinking and need to just relax!.

I''ve been with my BF for a little over a year and a half...it has been amazing and I never been so sure in my life about anything. I know he''s the one for me...I''m happy, in love and have a great relationship . I''ve tried to be careful to not say things that look like I am "putting pressure on him"....but it''s so hard!. We''ve talked about the future...he''s told me he knows I''m in his future....we actually have talked about getting engaged, getting married, having kids, etc etc etc....but nothing!. We actually even designed together the new house that he is buying (we don''t live together). That is actually mostly my decision...I don''t wnat to move in before I see something concrete.

The problem is that I feel like this is not fair...I''m just sitting here waiting...without being able to plan my life out because I don''t know what to expect or what his plans are. I feel like I should just go about my business and have my own plan....but in the back of my head I can''t. I see job opportunities pass me by because I''m just aiting to see what is going to happen (we live about 1 hr 15 minutes form each other) so I feel like I shouldn''t plan on getting a new job...what if then I have to move?....pretty stupid...

I just fel stuck.....it''s like my life is just stuck waiting for him to do something!....it''s not right. I''m not asking for a specific date....but is it too much to ask to know what time frame he''s thinking about?. I am thinking of having a talk with him tonight. Not an ultimatum or anything....but something so that he sees how I''m feeling...

Then there is my family! they keep asking me EVERYDAY what he is waiting for, why hasn''t he proposed, etc etc...they are driving me insane and then when I tell them to stop they say they never have asked....crazy!

I''m just very confused...maybe is just all these people getting engaged, married, having kids around me and they just look at me like "ok, come on! what''s wrong?"....

Sorry about the long post....so...do I make the list?

M~

 

[sunkist]

Yep! I''d say you make the list !!

Welcome to the LIW

I think it''s a good idea for you to have a casual talk with your BF about "when" he''s thinking of getting engaged/married. (oh and make sure he knows those a 2 separate things! heehee) Because, No, you can''t just put your life on hold because you''re waiting to get married. That would be a waste of your life! Go out there and get your dream job, or go to school, or volunteer, what ever it is you want to do because we''re not here in this life to just wait around. We''re here to make a difference! Who cares if you get a job now and in a few months have to move because you get married. Surprises happen in life all the time and we all have to make the adjustments. Plus once you get a time frame from your BF you''ll have more of an idea of the road will look like ahead. And that''s been a great relief to me and many of the girls here in the LIW!

So good luck!

 

[Mandarine]

Thank you!!!!

I am strangely excited that I am officially on a waiting list!

You are right...I will have a "casual" talk with him tonight...we''re going out to dinner. Hopefully I can hold myself together!

I will let you guys know how it goes!!

M~

 

[Mandarine]

Thank you!!!!

I am strangely excited that I am officially on a waiting list!

You are right...I will have a "casual" talk with him tonight...we''re going out to dinner. Hopefully I can hold myself together!

I will let you guys know how it goes!!

M~

 

[sunkist]

Any news, Mandarine?

 

[Mandarine]

Hi everyone!!!

What a weekend!.....So I get to his house on Friday and we left for dinner. I thought I would wait until after dinner to start talking because I knew I was going to end up crying if the conversation didn''t go how I expected it to. So we had a great dinner, laughing, beautiful place, etc. After dinner I tell him that we needed to talk

. Bad way to start a conversation!....immediately he got defensive and the conversation didn''t go anywhere as I had hoped. He thought I was putting pressure on him and I felt like he just couldn''t talk about these things. He told me I ruined dinner and that he felt he was under attack. Honestly is like we were both defensive and couldn''t see eye to eye. He said that I was just pretty much pushing him to tell me a date and it shouldn''t be like that. I tried to explain that I am not looking for a specific day, but a "time frame" so that I can plan out. So we had a little fight...didn''t really go anywhere. Before I went to bed he came to kiss me and said "everything will be ok, we will figure it out"...I thought that is what I was trying to do!..

The next day I told him I still wasn''t happy...that I didn''t understand why we couldn''t just talk about it. I wasn''t asking him to marry me..I was just saying that as a couple that think of each other as "the one" we should be able to talk about it and it should be a happy topic!. He said maybe it was the way I approached it. So we had a better talk...and he said he was thinking of getting married in 2007

. Now...I wish it was sooner because we live far away from each other....but the good news is that we were finally able to talk about it as a couple that loves each other...and not in an "attacking" way.

I guess it is the "boy soon" vs "girl soon". Today we kept talking and he said the things that he thinks about...the planning, the money, the stress of the things he has going on and how he thinks we are in no hurry. I completely understand what he means...but in my head I''m just thinking "yes...but I want to be with you NOW!....no more Friday through Sunday"....but....this is a relationship and I have to also be able to see his side....I guess 1 year is not too bad?. So I guess that means he plans to propose this year?

He says at the end of the day...years from now I''m going to think that it was silly to try to hurry things instead of doing things right. He might be right....I just hope we can talk about "plans" as our plans. It is not fair that the guy gets to decide when and how and why

So I feel all cried out

but happy at the same time....

We went to see the new house (our house is not being built yet, but there is a model like ours being built so we went inside)...and it is just going to be amazing.....we just hugged each other in the master bedroom and I could tell he was thinking the same thing I was....how exciting

!! love was in the air!

So, yes...I am a LIW!!!.....I''m hoping with stories from you guys this year will fly by!...

M~

 

[fatafelice]

Welcome, Mandarine! I''m glad to hear that things are looking up a little for you. I know those conversations can be trying!

Also, I was wondering where in Florida you live? I grew up in Jacksonville myself. In particular, a part called Mandarin, and I went to Mandarin High. So your user name reminded me of home!

 

[Mandarine]

Hi!!

Yes those talks are exhausting!! I feel so tired and I know I will be ready for bed soon!. I''m actually in South Florida, near Miami....

Mandarine is just a nickname my best friend gave me in high school!

Hopefully now things with him are on "auto-pilot" and I can just "relax" and enjoy the wait!...

 

[anchor31]

Hi Mandarine! Welcome!

I''m glad you were able to talk. If there''s something I''ve learned in the last few months since I became a LIW is that how we say this is very important. Men feel pressured about these things, so we have to be careful. I agree it sucks to have the feeling you''re walking on eggshells when you want to talk about something so important to you to the man you love, but once that''s done, it''s much easier. You may go through the same thing with the ring... With my SO the ring was a touchy subject until just yesterday, even though he told me back in late November he''s going to propose this year. Now everything''s fine and we''re going shopping in late February. There seems to be a few "stages" we need to go through. And then there''ll be the wedding planning; now that''s going to be something else!

Feel free to come and vent or ask advice as you go through those "stages"! It''s great to have someone to talk to!

 

[Cailet]

Welcome Mandarine!
Oh I know too well the dilema of trying to make plans around plans that may or may not exist or may not exist for a while yet. (how confusing was that sentence??)
The chats about "timelines" and expectations really helped that for me (our plan is engaged by the end of the year) -- so great to hear that you guys were able to talk about it a bit more!!

 

[Mandarine]

Thank you Cailet and Anchor31

I feel much better now....2007 seems far away, but I guess that means I get engaged this year.... makes me happy just thinking about it!
I was exhausted last night after that long weekend...even h said he was tired!. We are going on a ski trip this week so it will be a great way to relax!

The stress of talking about the ring...hmmm....I''m hoping he knows what I want so I don''t think this will be an issue...in the past I have carefully pointed out which rings I like (very elegant and simple...just one round diamond on a platinum band). Knowing him I don''t think he will come and ask me or discuss it with me....I''m just wondering how he will now what size to get?

Back to work

M~