jenmarie
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Aug 14, 2009
- Messages
- 141
My BF and I have been together for a little over 4 years. We''re both 23, both turning 24 early next year. Our anniversary was in August, around the time we started talking about marriage in great detail. Before then, it was just "When we get married...someday," kind of thing, and around the beginning of August, we thought we had decided on my 26th birthday as a wedding date, in February 2012. Don''t get me wrong, I realize that even though it''s only 2 years and a few months away, but it sounds much longer. It got to the point where we were pricing venues and making guest lists and stuff like that. I felt stressed about it because we were thinking of getting married in New Orleans, and February is Carnival (Mardi Gras, for those not in the know) season and we don''t really know how soon things book that time of year. But like I said in my previous post a while back, the talk was all about wedding and nothing else. Any time I''d bring up engagement talk, he''d get annoyed and say that he didn''t want to talk about it because it''d turn into a fight.
Lately, he''s been stuck on the idea that he can''t afford it and won''t be able to for a while, so he doesn''t see a point in talking about it. I understand how he feels, because it is a lot of money, and I don''t take that lightly. A while back a friend of ours kind of told him that he was smart to wait because said friend had to really watch his finances because he''d spent a lot on a ring for his fiancee. I think the note is high. Said friend proposed after about 1.5 years. As happy as I was for them, it did sting a little.
He also puts a lot of stock in everything his older brother does, and that is a major pain. For example, his brother didn''t propose to his wife until he was almost 26. He doesn''t take into consideration that his brother''s wife was my age, or that they''d only been together for 1.5 years. OR that his brother spent approximately 20k (he volunteered the info one day when we were talking about his wife''s rings), which I think would be probably twice as much as what he''d spend for what we really want in a ring. Don''t get me wrong, her rings are beautiful, but they''re also Tacori, and I know how much those settings alone run.
In addition to wanting to follow in his brother''s footsteps, but not wanting to admit it, he is very concerned about buying a house for after we''re married. We don''t live together now, and most likely won''t until after we''re married. I only take issue with it because we really don''t know where we''re going to be in 2 years, you know? He''s in his first semester of grad school for his MA (one class, once a week) and teaching full time, and I''m still undergrad, probably graduating next fall. So right now, it''s kind of like anything could happen between now and then.
I believe that there isn''t ever a "right" time to get married, so I go around in circles about everything. But I don''t want to start out our life together being poor and struggling, either. He''s so afraid of me not having a job once I''m finished with school and him not being able to support both of us. It''s frustrating too, because I don''t want to be one of those nagging girls who people think forced her bf to propose to and marry her. I believe he wants to marry me, he just has no clue how to take the steps toward engagement without freaking out. His dad also died a little over 6 years ago, so he worries about leaving his mom alone, since he''s the last kid at home.
Ugh, sorry for the novel, I just wanted to get everything out there. I just feel really sad sometimes because I let myself get really upset about this kind of stuff, and for the most part, it''s the only thing we ever fight about. He doesn''t understand my "rush" at all, but he''s my best friend, a great guy, and I can''t wait to spend the rest of my life with him!
Lately, he''s been stuck on the idea that he can''t afford it and won''t be able to for a while, so he doesn''t see a point in talking about it. I understand how he feels, because it is a lot of money, and I don''t take that lightly. A while back a friend of ours kind of told him that he was smart to wait because said friend had to really watch his finances because he''d spent a lot on a ring for his fiancee. I think the note is high. Said friend proposed after about 1.5 years. As happy as I was for them, it did sting a little.
He also puts a lot of stock in everything his older brother does, and that is a major pain. For example, his brother didn''t propose to his wife until he was almost 26. He doesn''t take into consideration that his brother''s wife was my age, or that they''d only been together for 1.5 years. OR that his brother spent approximately 20k (he volunteered the info one day when we were talking about his wife''s rings), which I think would be probably twice as much as what he''d spend for what we really want in a ring. Don''t get me wrong, her rings are beautiful, but they''re also Tacori, and I know how much those settings alone run.
In addition to wanting to follow in his brother''s footsteps, but not wanting to admit it, he is very concerned about buying a house for after we''re married. We don''t live together now, and most likely won''t until after we''re married. I only take issue with it because we really don''t know where we''re going to be in 2 years, you know? He''s in his first semester of grad school for his MA (one class, once a week) and teaching full time, and I''m still undergrad, probably graduating next fall. So right now, it''s kind of like anything could happen between now and then.
I believe that there isn''t ever a "right" time to get married, so I go around in circles about everything. But I don''t want to start out our life together being poor and struggling, either. He''s so afraid of me not having a job once I''m finished with school and him not being able to support both of us. It''s frustrating too, because I don''t want to be one of those nagging girls who people think forced her bf to propose to and marry her. I believe he wants to marry me, he just has no clue how to take the steps toward engagement without freaking out. His dad also died a little over 6 years ago, so he worries about leaving his mom alone, since he''s the last kid at home.
Ugh, sorry for the novel, I just wanted to get everything out there. I just feel really sad sometimes because I let myself get really upset about this kind of stuff, and for the most part, it''s the only thing we ever fight about. He doesn''t understand my "rush" at all, but he''s my best friend, a great guy, and I can''t wait to spend the rest of my life with him!
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