intro and dilema

[JR320]

Well, I just got engaged this weekend and already have a problem!

A friend of mine also got engaged this weekend and asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding! Which I am excited about and very much looking forward to.

The problem is that I wasn''t planning to ask her to be a bridesmaid in my own wedding and I''m very worried that she will be hurt. It''s hard because when she asked me, she mentioned that she felt like I was like sister to her and even though we don''t spend much time together anymore, she doesn''t feel that we have grown apart in the least. She is an old friend that I grew up going to church with and we were very close in high school. We went to colleges that were 8+ hours apart and now 8 years later, we probably only see each other once around the holidays and once in the summer. I hate feeling like I am ranking my friends because its not that I DON''T want her to be in the wedding party. But I was planning to ask my sister, FI''s sister, my college roommate, and my 3 cousins (so, mostly family). I kind of preferred to have a wedding party on the smaller side and 6 is really pushing it as it is!

So I''m not sure if I should just make it 7, replace one of the others with her, or just stick to my original plan. I know that no one can really answer this for me, I''m just thinking out loud!

 

[elrohwen]

I think she''ll understand if you say that you chose all family and one very close friend, but that you''d love for her to be involved with something else. Maybe she can do a reading or something? I''m not really sure what tasks people have at weddings, but I''m sure you could find one for her.

 

[Blair138]

I also agree with elrohwen, since you are technically asking only family, you could explain to her that she is a really special person to you and you would like her to read (or insert another wedding related job here). I am sure she will understand.

 

[Clairitek]

I agree with the others. Hopefully she will understand. I''ve been in a similar position (meaning I''ve been in your friend''s shoes) and I''ve totally enjoyed helping out my friends with their weddings without being in the bridal party. For one friend I did her bridal bouquets and made her veil. She''s told me time and and time again how special my contribution was to her.

So my advice to you is to find that way your friend can contribute to your big day without being in the bridal party. I bet she''ll be excited to lend a hand and make your day special.

 

[mayachel]

I think you have an easy out here, you have family that you feel you should honor first.

Maybe you have room for her to do a reading at the ceremony or she plays an instrument?

 

[lala2332]

YOu could also ask her to be a reader at your wedding. Have her read a scripture passage or poem or something.

I wouldn''t worry about it too too much. If she is planning a wedding too, I''m sure she will be having to make difficult decisions as well, and she will hopefully be more sympathetic that you think.

I would have a conversation with her about it and be up front and honest as soon as possible. It will be hard to have such a serious conversation, but it will be so much better in the long run....and you don''t want this hanging over your head.

 

[tlh]

Weddings are very tit for tat. Which is unfortunate. In 2 seperate conversations tell her you are honored to be apart of her wedding... has this one happened.

Be prepared for feelings to be hurt. She may be thinking it is an automatic that she is your bridesmaid. I would just be honest and straightforward, and toss her a bone w/ a special reading, guest book attendant, or even make her a wedding attendant.

They show up all day and help the bride get ready, help the bridesmaids, help the mother of the bride - etc, but they don''t have to pay for a dress... but they have a really fun role and get to spend quality time w/ the wedding party w/o any of the expenses of the wedding party. IE they arent expected to go to showers, fittings, tastings, help address envelopes, assemble favors, attend the rehearsal.. nothing... but they get more than 2 minutes w/ the bride during the receiving line. plus they dont have to spend the time w/ strangers... but their dear friend.

I had a friend ask to do this and I was soo appreaciative because I was soo busy I didnt have time to be there for the entire 11months of wedding planning, but I got more than a GB attendant role when I would know NOONE at her wedding. It was really nice, and didn''t cost me anything (which I was broke at the time... and really appreciated.)

 

[Bia]

A lot of people don''t like public speaking...just FYI.

Be prepared for her feelings to be hurt, but don''t drive yourself crazy. She might not have as many people to choose from and so she should understand when you explain that you have a mostly-family bridal party.

Congrats again on your engagement!

 

[JR320]

Thanks for the reassurance. My gut said the same thing. She has a beautiful singing voice, so we''re thinking of a way we might be able to incorporate that.

Thanks!