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Mesma

Rough_Rock
Joined
Apr 16, 2016
Messages
6
Hiiiii! :wavey:

Let me tell you one thing, Long Distance Relationships suck! Don't get me wrong, I really love my boyfriend, but it's really awful to only be able to see each other once or twice a year!
Hi, I'm Mesma and I currently live in Europe! I was born here to and hold European citizenship, but I spent most of my life living and working abroad. My SO is from the US.

We're both currently in university (both around 30 though, so definitely "old enough" to get married by anyone's standard!), but in order for us to physically be together long term we kinda have to get married, and we're not really willing to wait until we've both graduated (another 3 1/2 years for him...). So this is going to be happening on a bit of a budget. I can finish my classes online, and SO is working two pretty decent jobs on the side so we're probably/hopefully not headed for epic financial failure.
SO is really excited to get married, almost more than I am (not that I'm not excited!!!), and we probably would've gotten engaged last Christmas when I flew over to see him to spend the holidays with him and his family, but he kind of procrastinated on getting the ring (well, he also wasn't sure on what to get and got a bit overwhelmed I think..) and I still have some obligations here anyway that would've made it a big hassle for me to leave Europe for good in 2016. So we're shooting for an engagement end of this year, when I'm flying over again for 6 weeks to yet again spend the holidays. Then hopefully we'll start the paperwork process when I return in January, and will hopefully marry summer 2017.

In terms of ring I'm very particular in what I like, so I found this forum researching (he's adamant that he wants me to pick a ring *I* want), but I think I'll tell him to go make his own account and ask the community for help since people seem to be really helpful and nice and there's no way whatever research I can do in a couple of months can match the experience some people here have!

So it's waiting time! We haven't booked a flight yet but we will before the end of May, and we're looking to fly me over about a week before thanksgiving. As previously mentioned, LDRs really reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally suck and he and I are going to be stuck on opposite ends of the world until November. It's really a bit depressing... we were going to meet up during summer but for some reason summer flights to and from the US got hideously expensive some time in January (almost twice as much as what we payed last Nov when we booked 2 months in advance) so we decided to tough it out and put whatever money had been allocated for that trip towards our future. Plus it's my mum's 60th birthday this year and I honestly really should be around for that, lol!

SO and I met about 2 1/2 years ago in the glamorous world of online gaming. We're both competitive cocky bastards so we immediately clicked, and despite neither of us looking for a relationship at all we were dating within a week and talking spending the rest of our lives together within 3 weeks. We had both had healthy long term relationships before, but this instant connection we had kind of hit us really hard, and we've inseparable ever since. Despite having to deal with a literal hole in our lives for what will probably end up being 3 1/2 to 4 years we both feel that we're worth it and can't wait for this to end and finally freaking be together.

So yeah, still lots of waiting ahead... :wall:
 

lmcriss

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jan 29, 2016
Messages
159
Hi and welcome Mesma! :wavey:

Glad to see you on the board! How on earth have you made it this far?! I can't imagine doing long distance like you have! Congratulations on your successful LDR!!! How long did you talk online before you met? What are you looking for in a ring? What do you think your wedding will be like? That's awesome that you have such a specific timeline! I know there are a few girls on here (myself included) who know it's coming but not when and it's very frustrating!
 

Mesma

Rough_Rock
Joined
Apr 16, 2016
Messages
6
lmcriss|1460866107|4020293 said:
Hi and welcome Mesma! :wavey:

Glad to see you on the board! How on earth have you made it this far?! I can't imagine doing long distance like you have! Congratulations on your successful LDR!!! How long did you talk online before you met? What are you looking for in a ring? What do you think your wedding will be like? That's awesome that you have such a specific timeline! I know there are a few girls on here (myself included) who know it's coming but not when and it's very frustrating!
Hi and thanks for the warm welcome!

Oh god, I don't know haha... I had a LDR before that lasted 5 years and it was really awful. But at least I worked at that point and so did my Ex, so we managed to see each other two to three times a year for 6-8 weeks each. So essentially we'd spend half the year together. It was still hard enough! But this time??? We're both really determined to tough it out because this really does feel very special, but it's hard to know that it'll be more than half a year until we see each other again. We do talk every day for at least 4-5 hours on skype, take lots of photos of really mundane things... just little things that help us feel like we actually share our lives. The hardest part, aside from the obvious lack of closeness, hugs, ect, is the inability to do stuff together. We both really like going out socially as well as being active and traveling, but even small stuff like going grocery shopping together is something that you don't really appreciate until you can't have it anymore. I really don't think I would've been up for another LDR if it hadn't been for SO being very adamant about his feelings and how he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me right from the beginning - apparently I'm the first (non family member) he's ever told he loved them, and I'm also the first he's ever "officially" introduced to the family. So all in all... it's really hard every day, but I really feel this is worth it!
We started talking in about mid-September online and met up mid-December, despite having limited financial means at the time. It was all just kind of crazy heh..

As for the ring... gosh I'm not sure yet. Engagement rings aren't as important where I come from as women don't typically wear them once they're married, but I'm going to keep wearing mine once I'm married, at least when it's appropriate to do so. That said though, I don't really care for the sentimental engagement value diamonds have, since that's not something I've known all my life either, so it probably won't be a diamond ring. I want something that's elegant and precious, yet not too obviously flashy and "big", so I'm currently looking at Alexandrites. If I can't find a stone I like I'll also look into iolite sunstones because how freaking amazing looking are they! I've always loved space and the stars, so the idea of wearing a starry sky on my finger really appeals to me.
The wedding... well, I used to work as an event manager so I already have all sorts of ideas in that regard. First and foremost, I don't want us to into debt over it and I don't want my mum (dad passed when I was little) to spend an arm and a leg either, so again, budget. SO has a huge extended family all of whom he loves dearly and would love to invite. They're all happy people that like things to be simple and heartfelt. My family is really small, but sophisticated and frankly a bit snobby, so we'll have to find something that everyone will be pleased with. I imagine we have a few headaches ahead of us, but nothing that can't be tackled!

As for the timeline... yes, I do feel that's a relief. I've been in a situation where I thought I was going to get married before (the aforementioned ex), but he kept finding reasons why it wasn't a good idea at that time (according to him), and after hearing excuse after excuse for several years it just really got to me after a while. Please just make sure you don't make the same mistake I made and get stuck in that kind of situation until you get really hurt. Hopeful anticipation is fun, and so is waiting for that perfect moment, but I think my ex was one of those guys that'll never be ready I think (he was 41 when we broke it off..).

I'd be really curious to know how involved you are in picking our ring? On the one hand I really want something from SO's heart, but he knows I'm really picky with most things and even though I would love anything he got me, he wants to make sure I actually love it.

I'm also dying to know if there's any American engagement etiquette I should be aware of? I really don't want to offend his family in any way, they've been so very lovely to me! And obviously I don't want to offend my SO either, but he's obviously very aware of any cultural differences and language-barrier issues we might have. Still, over here engagements are usually both people kind of talking about marriage and agreeing that it should happen, and then the guy goes out and gets some sort of ring (can be a joke ring, but it's usually something pretty but not super expensive) and the couple have a nice dinner and that's it.
 

lmcriss

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jan 29, 2016
Messages
159
Mesma|1460924961|4020518 said:
lmcriss|1460866107|4020293 said:
Hi and welcome Mesma! :wavey:

Glad to see you on the board! How on earth have you made it this far?! I can't imagine doing long distance like you have! Congratulations on your successful LDR!!! How long did you talk online before you met? What are you looking for in a ring? What do you think your wedding will be like? That's awesome that you have such a specific timeline! I know there are a few girls on here (myself included) who know it's coming but not when and it's very frustrating!
Hi and thanks for the warm welcome!

Oh god, I don't know haha... I had a LDR before that lasted 5 years and it was really awful. But at least I worked at that point and so did my Ex, so we managed to see each other two to three times a year for 6-8 weeks each. So essentially we'd spend half the year together. It was still hard enough! But this time??? We're both really determined to tough it out because this really does feel very special, but it's hard to know that it'll be more than half a year until we see each other again. We do talk every day for at least 4-5 hours on skype, take lots of photos of really mundane things... just little things that help us feel like we actually share our lives. The hardest part, aside from the obvious lack of closeness, hugs, ect, is the inability to do stuff together. We both really like going out socially as well as being active and traveling, but even small stuff like going grocery shopping together is something that you don't really appreciate until you can't have it anymore. I really don't think I would've been up for another LDR if it hadn't been for SO being very adamant about his feelings and how he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me right from the beginning - apparently I'm the first (non family member) he's ever told he loved them, and I'm also the first he's ever "officially" introduced to the family. So all in all... it's really hard every day, but I really feel this is worth it!
We started talking in about mid-September online and met up mid-December, despite having limited financial means at the time. It was all just kind of crazy heh..

As for the ring... gosh I'm not sure yet. Engagement rings aren't as important where I come from as women don't typically wear them once they're married, but I'm going to keep wearing mine once I'm married, at least when it's appropriate to do so. That said though, I don't really care for the sentimental engagement value diamonds have, since that's not something I've known all my life either, so it probably won't be a diamond ring. I want something that's elegant and precious, yet not too obviously flashy and "big", so I'm currently looking at Alexandrites. If I can't find a stone I like I'll also look into iolite sunstones because how freaking amazing looking are they! I've always loved space and the stars, so the idea of wearing a starry sky on my finger really appeals to me.
The wedding... well, I used to work as an event manager so I already have all sorts of ideas in that regard. First and foremost, I don't want us to into debt over it and I don't want my mum (dad passed when I was little) to spend an arm and a leg either, so again, budget. SO has a huge extended family all of whom he loves dearly and would love to invite. They're all happy people that like things to be simple and heartfelt. My family is really small, but sophisticated and frankly a bit snobby, so we'll have to find something that everyone will be pleased with. I imagine we have a few headaches ahead of us, but nothing that can't be tackled!

As for the timeline... yes, I do feel that's a relief. I've been in a situation where I thought I was going to get married before (the aforementioned ex), but he kept finding reasons why it wasn't a good idea at that time (according to him), and after hearing excuse after excuse for several years it just really got to me after a while. Please just make sure you don't make the same mistake I made and get stuck in that kind of situation until you get really hurt. Hopeful anticipation is fun, and so is waiting for that perfect moment, but I think my ex was one of those guys that'll never be ready I think (he was 41 when we broke it off..).

I'd be really curious to know how involved you are in picking our ring? On the one hand I really want something from SO's heart, but he knows I'm really picky with most things and even though I would love anything he got me, he wants to make sure I actually love it.

I'm also dying to know if there's any American engagement etiquette I should be aware of? I really don't want to offend his family in any way, they've been so very lovely to me! And obviously I don't want to offend my SO either, but he's obviously very aware of any cultural differences and language-barrier issues we might have. Still, over here engagements are usually both people kind of talking about marriage and agreeing that it should happen, and then the guy goes out and gets some sort of ring (can be a joke ring, but it's usually something pretty but not super expensive) and the couple have a nice dinner and that's it.
Hi Mesma!

Sorry I didn't write back right away! I've been trying to kind of stay off the boards because I get so antsy when I'm on them :razz: Your relationship sounds fantastic :D I'm so happy for you both! What was it like meeting him for the first time in person? I met my BF online too (though we only lived about 100 miles apart at the time) It's funny what you'll do that's kind of extreme that doesn't seem that extreme when it comes to being with one that you love :love: :halo: Don't worry, I wrote my post out of complete hormonal frustration (any maybe a little extra pressure from my family). I know that he's planning something soon and he won't string me along.

Anyway... to answer your questions... TRADITIONAL U.S. engagements are pretty straightforward. Usually the man goes to the woman's father (or mother in your case) and asks for the daughter's hand in marriage. This is all unbeknownst to the daughter. Then he goes to a jewelry store, picks out a ring and sometime later, he proposes to her on one knee and presents her with the diamond engagement ring he picked out. They are engaged long enough to plan a wedding and live happily ever after.

This is the VERY traditional scenario. Most engagements are a lot less traditional than that and there really isn't any special etiquette especially on the woman's part. It's pretty much whatever works for the couple :D Don't worry about social faux pas, he loves you and anything really major, he'll warn you about.

My BF is pretty traditional and has been kind of weirded out that I've wanted to be so involved in the whole ring process. But hey, I'm a gem student and I'm picky about things like that to boot. So I've been a lot more involved than he'd like me to be but I'm the one who's going to be wearing it for the rest of forever :D I know that my BF DOES want to be involved in the ring's creation and wants a piece of him to be a part of it too, so I think it might be a little different than I'm expecting, but that's just where his part comes in. I LOVE your idea for an Alexandrite ring! It sounds beautiful and very different from anyone else's... I would be cautious about the iolite sunstone though... It's very beautiful, but not very tough, so care should be taken when wearing it in a piece of jewelry like a ring http://www.gia.edu/iolite-care-cleaning...

Also, if a traditional engagement ring isn't your cup of tea, why not just do wedding bands? unless the engagement ring is really important to him? that way could have beautiful "galaxy" earrings or a pendant and won't have to worry about smacking them off of a counter or something ;-) Hope you're doing well!! :D
 
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