Insert rant here.

[4ever]

It sounds to me like quite a few LIW are having a really bad bout of LIW-itise over the holiday period.

Feel free to vent it all out here- no judgement for psychotic episodes , breakdowns, jealousy or any other behaviour not quite on par with our regular, sane, selves.

 

[kagordo4]

I'm totally non violent and I'm ready to punch a freaking wall. That's all. : )

 

[4ever]

Kagordo, I know the feeling. Any particular thing grinding your gears?


You know it really pisses me off that somthing stupid like waiting for a man to sort his sh*t out and get aound to what he's gonna do eventually anyway messes with my emotions so much. He's the one who brang up engagement, insisted we start looking at rings, bought one ages ago...and still hasn't just done it.

 

[FuturePsyD]

I knew the proposal wasn't going to take place over the holidays, I know he hasn't saved up enough for the ring, yada yada BUT, I am still feeling super frustrated and beyond annoyed that months keep passing by and still no proposal.

The holiday proposals and all those darn romantic commercials with the guys proposing on beaches and mountains,etc haven't helped matters one bit. It had gotten to the point that when the commercials came on HE would grab the remote and change it and give me a sheepish, embarrassed look, like "i'm sorry the girl in the commercial isn't you."

I know finances are the issue in my case, and he wants to give me my dream ring, so my best friend says its my own fault I'm not engaged yet. Maybe so, but I kinda feel like I deserve the ring I want after 5.5 years.

 

[FuturePsyD]

Kagordo, I know the feeling. Any particular thing grinding your gears?


You know it really pisses me off that somthing stupid like waiting for a man to sort his sh*t out and get aound to what he's gonna do eventually anyway messes with my emotions so much. He's the one who brang up engagement, insisted we start looking at rings, bought one ages ago...and still hasn't just done it.

I hate that it messes with my emotions so much as well. I was never this bad until this past year, so I know that I am in full blown LIWitis mode. What do you think is the hold up with your SO? How long has he had the ring? I'm sorry that must be so hard waiting when you know that the ring is all set to go and be put on your finger.

 

[captainmcgee]

yes I completely need to rant!

With celebrity engagements and some friends of ours as well it is at the forefront of my mind. We are always away at the moment in a romantic place with so many perfect opportunities and the ring is with us.

Sometimes he tells me that he wouldn't have gotten the ring so early if it wasn't the fact the dollar is strong and that makes me a little upset because then I feel like he isn't ready.... it's so hard.

I just don't understand men.....why delay the inevitable... you have the ring, there are no constraints. He won't do a big elaborate proposal or anything super romantic he will probably just saying you are allowed to wear it now so it is not as if he has to plan or organise something. I just don't get it.....ahhhhh

It really really affected my mood yesterday. I was down and a bit upset and annoyed. I am not really sure why I let it get to me. It is not as if I am unsure of his love for me or his intentions for the future but I wonder why delay it?

 

[AdanaEsq]

My rant is posted in the small talk thread. More bull basically. We went back to Tiffany the Thursday before Christmas, I tried on a new double halo pave e-ring they haven't even posted on the website yet. I loved it but would want to make a few changes here and there. Any way he's just annoying me lately because he really seems not ready and the reasons he gives make no real sense like he wants to travel more. Why he can't travel with me I don't get. We have plans to travel already. Our cruise is in less than 2 weeks. I don't know what's up but I really am feeling like giving up because it's just too ridiculous for me. While on the trip we'll officially hit a year and half. Not a really long time at all but he annoys me when he tries to say oh he's hooked on me and he loves me so much but basically has no plans to make any type of commitment to me for a long time.

 

[4ever]

I know finances are the issue in my case, and he wants to give me my dream ring, so my best friend says its my own fault I'm not engaged yet. Maybe so, but I kinda feel like I deserve the ring I want after 5.5 years.

Yep, I'm with you, after 5.5 years you may as well wait a little longer to get the ring you really want. I Know we all want the guy more than the rock etc etc BUT, if you have to wear it for the rest of your life, yeah, it's pretty important.

FuturePsyD, I've been in Full blown LIW mode since the 2nd of October when we officially ticked everything off the pre-engagment list. And since I'm still waiting for the proposal (and he's had the ring for almost 2 years now-no joke, 2 years people!) I think I have earn't the right to be a LIW Psycho when nessesary. I think he's trying to plan somthing epic, which is nice of him but I want my epic proposal NOW!

Mif, I totally get where your coming from ATM, somthimes there's just nothing you can do or rationally tell yourself, it just gets to you, and that's fine, your entitled to feel crappy about it cuz it is crappy. I agree, men can be very frustrating, but mostly ignorant of the way their "waiting for the right time" makes us feel. The right time dosn't always magically present itself, and even when it does, sometimes they're too dense to notice it. Men, MAKE the right moment, don't wait for it to just happen!

*sigh* Rant over.

 

[captainmcgee]

Wow 4ever, don't know how you are keeping sane- 2 years and you know he has the ring must be sooo hard. You'll see me in 2 years probably and he won't have used my ring yet either. I find it is so difficult to keep under control and not mention anything or ask why haha!


I have to have a daily peek at the ring to satisfy me well at least keep me sane.

 

[4ever]

I used to do the ring peak, and the ring try on, every few weeks when BF wasn't home.....But the ring peak is bad! Whenever you think he might do it you'll peak and then it will still be there and you'll get bummed out because he's not gonna do it. After the anniversary "incident" BF took the ring and hid it somewhere I don't know about. I have ring withdrawl.

 

[MayFlowers]

Well I mostly posted my rant in the How many of your friends are engaged thread. Like I said there, I am just really ticked that this girl I used to work with got engaged recently. She is only 18 and her FI is 20. She had told me only a few months ago that marriage was a very scary thought for her. She said that she didn't even want to think about it at this point in her life, which I totally respected. Now they are engaged. I just completely feel like they aren't taking marriage seriously at all. They have been in a LDR most of the time they have been together and while it is completely not my place to judge someone else's relationship, I just feel like they are playing house. I guess I think back to when I was 18, which is when me and BF first started dating, and I think about how none of the important "marriage topics" like kids, where to live, when to have kids, finances, etc. hadn't even come up yet because we were too young to be thinking about that and making those big decisions.

I guess it makes me even more mad because me and BF have been taking our time with everything. We want to make sure that this is the right thing for both of us because we realize what a huge commitment marriage is.

We have also pretty much decided on a summer 2012 wedding and I'm just ready to get engaged so I can get to planning already!! BF has said he will use his tax refund along with what he has already saved to get the ring, but he wants to make sure it is still a surprise. So who really knows when he will propose!

 

[UnluckyTwin]

I know finances are the issue in my case, and he wants to give me my dream ring, so my best friend says its my own fault I'm not engaged yet. Maybe so, but I kinda feel like I deserve the ring I want after 5.5 years.

Yep, I'm with you, after 5.5 years you may as well wait a little longer to get the ring you really want. I Know we all want the guy more than the rock etc etc BUT, if you have to wear it for the rest of your life, yeah, it's pretty important.

FuturePsyD, I've been in Full blown LIW mode since the 2nd of October when we officially ticked everything off the pre-engagment list. And since I'm still waiting for the proposal (and he's had the ring for almost 2 years now-no joke, 2 years people!) I think I have earn't the right to be a LIW Psycho when nessesary. I think he's trying to plan somthing epic, which is nice of him but I want my epic proposal NOW!

Mif, I totally get where your coming from ATM, somthimes there's just nothing you can do or rationally tell yourself, it just gets to you, and that's fine, your entitled to feel crappy about it cuz it is crappy. I agree, men can be very frustrating, but mostly ignorant of the way their "waiting for the right time" makes us feel. The right time dosn't always magically present itself, and even when it does, sometimes they're too dense to notice it. Men, MAKE the right moment, don't wait for it to just happen!

*sigh* Rant over.

Except for the fact that he's hidden the ring in a new spot, if I were you, I'd just go get the damn ring, put it on my own finger, and say, "Look, dude, we're engaged and I'm going to start planning this wedding. You can be a part of it or leave." Two years is ridiculous! If you've both agreed to marry each other--and it sounds like you have--then he has no right to hold up the timeline like this! He's not the only person involved here! Sheesh!!

Hope you don't mind me ranting for you--I just think you're so incredibly patient and this guy should realize he has a saint on his hands! It will probably be one of the most exciting days in LIW ever when he finally gets to it.

 

[kagordo4]

You know it really pisses me off that somthing stupid like waiting for a man to sort his sh*t out and get aound to what he's gonna do eventually anyway messes with my emotions so much. He's the one who brang up engagement, insisted we start looking at rings, bought one ages ago...and still hasn't just done it.

This. You hit the nail on the head. It's like stop bringing it up if you aren't going to do it. I don't nag, quesiton, or bring it up period. So why set bull sh*t timelines for yourself and then let self created timeline pass with NO freaking word even. Not even a "hey... I'm sorry just not yet but one day!" Nothing. Then a few weeks later "Kerry, I am GOING to propose by the end of the Year." etc and so forth.

 

[4ever]

Except for the fact that he's hidden the ring in a new spot, if I were you, I'd just go get the damn ring, put it on my own finger, and say, "Look, dude, we're engaged and I'm going to start planning this wedding. You can be a part of it or leave." Two years is ridiculous! If you've both agreed to marry each other--and it sounds like you have--then he has no right to hold up the timeline like this! He's not the only person involved here! Sheesh!!

Hope you don't mind me ranting for you--I just think you're so incredibly patient and this guy should realize he has a saint on his hands! It will probably be one of the most exciting days in LIW ever when he finally gets to it.

I've totally fantasised about going and finding the ring, putting it on and being like "We're engaged now, deal with it!".

To be fair to him, after we got the ring our situation changed quite a bit and I asked him not to propose untill we were completly independant of my parents and had our own place and stable jobs etc, which has been the cace since October. However, considering I've been waiting so long for us to have our own place and so on, I'm very frustrated he didn't just do it right away once we got our own place.

I have told him this, and I have had conversations with him about how making me wait (IMO unnessesarily) really hurts me etc etc, but I get the impression that because it's been so long comming he has formed a very specific idea of how he wants the enagment to go and is fairly deturmined that he do it his way.

He has till the end of Jan to do it his own way in his own merry time with me not saying a thing before I flip out and we have another very serious talk about what the eff he is waiting for, and is he trying to turn me into a psycho.

 

[kateydid05]

I posted a little bit about my rant in the other thread as well but I'll elaborate.

Up until recently I've happily floated along not really worried about an engagement. I'm 25, he's 27 and we've been together for over 6 years. He just started a new fulltime job (and a part time job) and I'm working fulltime and in grad school (finished in August, whoo!) He wants to pay down his debts before buying a ring and I totally understand that. In our circle of friends I rarely talk about getting married because planning it sounds like a hassle (hello destination!) I still feel that way but the engagement aspect has begun eating away at me. I feel somewhat stuck (we both do--we want a house, a dog, blah blah blah) but things are naturally progressing in that direction so that's fine.

In the beginning of December, my cousin (who is more like my sister) got engaged. She recently became officially divorced and started dating someone else. I think they have been together less than a year. While I am thrilled for her because she deserves all the happiness in the world, of course I got slightly jealous but for different reasons. She wants a destination wedding of some sort too. For years that is all I would mention and I am concerned that the family I would want to come to my wedding the most, may not be able to afford it because my cousin is their daughter and she obviously comes first. I don't think I'd be able to pay for them myself but I could try. They haven't set a date yet but of course it bugs me a little bit. I think that my family would come to mine if it kills them but it's still in the back of my mind. I did not think she would get engaged so soon.

On Christmas Eve, my boyfriends younger sister got engaged. She's been dating her boyfriend for awhile. That began the barrage of questions to me and my boyfriend. His mom kept asking "well where's Kateydid's ring?" or his grandmother would go on about how we are living in sin. My cousins (same family as the recently engaged cousin) are more like my sisters that cousins and are asking if I think it'll be this year or if we have we talked about it or what's the hold up. A friend of the family kept telling me that it's time now and he needs to sh*t or get off the pot. She was joking of course but the undertone was obvious. Friends are getting that way too. Part of me feels like they are starting to wonder what's wrong. I know they are excited for me and can't wait for that but in a way they are rushing me and I'm getting upset. I just say to everyone that we are trying to save some money first and get our finances in order. When my boyfriend gets asked those questions, he feels bad. He says it makes him feel like he's a bad provider (couldn't be farther from the truth--he's wonderful)...pride thing I guess. So it's hard on both of us and I'm glad we can communicate about it.

We've had some progress in the ring department that makes me think it'll be sometime this year. I want to tread lightly because I don't want to push him or make him feel bad since he's getting hit from all angles. I know that we are doing what is best for us but every so often things like that eat away at me until I shake myself out of it.

When I read back over this post it does not seem as bad as I make it out to be. I realize that it is other people infiltrating my head, haha. Since the holidays have passed I am sure I will start feeling better. Oh well!

 

[vintagelover229]

4ever:

I can feel your pain! My SO hasn't had the ring 2 years, but he has had it 9 months or so. However I have no right to complain because I have no doubt that on our one year anniversary we will probably get engaged. We haven't been dating that long, although we've both known from day 1 (and have had all the talks right away, and have spent the last 9 months living together so we didn't have to be in a LDR- international). It's still hard because at times he'll be like...I was going to let you wear your ring out today (when we were going to meet up with his friends). I said to him...ummm do you want people to think we're engaged (his friends) because that's what it's going to do. He realizes how silly it is and says, yeah...your right. He also used to sometimes let me wear it, but I found I had the same issues as you did. It made me MORE focused on an engagement and upset because he'd let me wear it in the house but not in public. I was like...well if you KNOW we are going to get married doesn't that mean we're engaged? Didn't work, lol. I finally told him I don't want to see it/hear it/etc until he puts that bugger on my finger and I'm not removing it.


2 years is a LONG time though. Is there anything in particular that you can think of that may be holding it up? Like does he want to have a house or anything first?

HUGS!

 

[Seattle SC]

I don't even know how any of you could stay sane with the ring in the house for any decent amount of time! I would go mad waiting over 2 years and would probably flip out and ask my SO if there's a good return policy on that ring because I'd be through waiting! The holiday's didn't really make me upset for the lack of an engagement, I've been annoyed about it for a while. There's not much activity in the saving department (hoping that's currently changing) but part of me keep looking at bigger rocks the longer I wait. The other part of me says I'd say yes to a damn ring pop at this point as well. The worst part is I feel that I'm obviously ready but it seems like he isn't. We've had talks and he's insisted that he is and he's wanted time to get settled and put together (keep in mind I'm 28, he's 34...so it's not like he has a school/living with mom excuse) but I feel like we could be in our 60's before we're totally secure! Here's hoping things change after the end of March since his younger sister's getting married then..to a guy she's been dating for less time than myself and SO have..

 

[4ever]

2 years is a LONG time though. Is there anything in particular that you can think of that may be holding it up? Like does he want to have a house or anything first?

HUGS!

My big thing is wanting to be independant of my parents before we got engaged. When we bought the ring we both thought that we would be gettting our own place pretty soon and BF would support me through the end of Uni untill I finnished and got a job and could contribute. And then the recession got it's hooks in over here (he had justed moved over from the UK to live with me- our story is a bit of a long, international saga) and he wasn't able to find a job, let alone one he wasn't stupidly overqualified for so we lived at my parents house. He eventually got a job, not one that paid anything like what he'd get in the UK but that was fine, but we still couldn't afford our own place so BF payed borad at my parents untill I finnished uni. Then when I finnished uni it took me flipping ages to find a full time job aswell then it took another 3 months to find the right house......and so we here I am, ready and waiting impatently since the first peice of furnature hit the floor on October 2nd.

 

[vintagelover229]

Oh I see!


Well, international relationships are pretty common around the PS parts aren't they! I'm in one as well and I'm not able to get a job until after we are married and file for my PR card. It's great that your SO could get a job at all (not sure how difficult that was, I know international jobs are hard to find). At least your in your own place now and the things that were holding it up have come to pass. He's probably waiting until he plans something super special because you've waited so long and you've come though so much, he probably just wants to WOW you away. I know it's hard now, but I have no doubt it's going to be worth it for you.

Something that helped me with my LIW was when someone told me that I've already started my life with my SO. I only get to be his GF for a short while and I get to be his wife forever, so I'm trying hard to enjoy the GF stage while it lasts!

HUGS!

 

[SweetPea-<3]

Whoever my BF is working with on my custom ring is taking too damn long! (I think it's Leon! He won't tell me though. He's been working with this person since October.) I couldn't take it anymore over the holidays, so I asked BF if we can start wedding planning anyway. BF said he doesn't mind getting started, which is good, but it bugs me that it had to come to this. I want to make it official already!

 

[MBKRH]

........... A friend of the family kept telling me that it's time now and he needs to sh*t or get off the pot. She was joking of course but the undertone was obvious.

You took the words right out of my mouth. A few of my coworkers (both guys, ages 22 and 24) say the same thing about my SO. It is so frustrating, because that's exactly how I feel, but I obviously can't say that to SO! Well, maybe I could say it in a joking manner......... but that's not my style.



It's been six years now, and my patience is worn paper thin. I am just about at the end of my pitiful rope, wondering what I should do. I think he thinks that I want a short engagement. He has mentioned in the past that his own stability comes first, which I can admire, but he only works part time right now. I know jobs are scarce (especially since he only has a HS diploma, no college), but I don't see how he talks about being financially stable and doesn't try harder to find permanent work. Maybe I'm being too judgmental.

I just don't know what to think anymore. I love him dearly, but I'm frustrated. I just want him to prove he is committed to me. I don't want to be strung along.

Now that the holidays are over, I feel a tiny bit better. That is, at least until Valentine's Day gets closer.

 

[captainmcgee]

I'm having a really difficult time today. My SO said he wanted for us to go for a walk and then having a picnic together tomorrow. It's the first time in 2 weeks wwe will have time alone. I thought to myself this might be it but then he decides to book in an afternoon tennis match with his mum cause he's worried about her. This is causing me to be left alone for the afternoon and evening due to the rest of my family being away all day tomorrow. Pretty sad and disappointed now. Not sure what to do........

 

[glitterprincess]

I'm totally non violent and I'm ready to punch a freaking wall. That's all. : )

LMAO! I just laughed out loud to your post and the bf asked what I was laughing at but I couldn't tell him as he doesn't know about PS and the LIW's!!

I feel the same way!!

 

[kagordo4]

I'm totally non violent and I'm ready to punch a freaking wall. That's all. : )

LMAO! I just laughed out loud to your post and the bf asked what I was laughing at but I couldn't tell him as he doesn't know about PS and the LIW's!!

I feel the same way!!

Haha, well I'm glad you laughed. Looking back I did too. I can't believe I wrote that. Hmmph Men.

 

[monarch64]

Can I just say (being a recent LIW) that things don't change much as far as waiting? We've been trying to buy a house for the past 4-5 months, and I've been gently mentioning to him that houses just don't sit and wait...I fell in love with one and he wanted to wait on it. So we waited. We looked at a million other houses. We kept coming back to the one that I (and he) loved. We drove back to it last weekend, sat on the damn front porch swing together, kissed, had a romantic moment, and agreed to put in an offer. He met with our realtor the next day, and was told that there was another offer pending. Dreams crushed.

Thank you for letting me vent here, I didn't want to bring this up anywhere else on PS. The dramz doesn't necessarily end once you have that ring, I guess. Gah!!!!

 

[monarch64]

Also, to everyone who has posted here about their family or his family asking about why you're not already engaged: PLEASE do not let that effect your relationship or the timing of your engagement! Those people who are outside of your relationship, who are so concerned with whether you are engaged, are only asking as far as their own best interests, and not yours or your future intended's! It is NOT COOL or RIGHT to impose upon someone else your beliefs or your wishes. It is up to the couple as far as timing. Sorry...I've spoken with a harsh tongue here before and I vowed to never do so again. I wish you all great happiness.

 

[should i be here]

Ugh, I think I've suffered my first real bout of LIWitis. I've just been so cranky about why he hasn't proposed yet, I just want to plan a damn wedding already. And not because I'm a wedding girl, but I just like picking out stuff/shopping. Maybe I should get a hobby. I guess I'm just so bored at work, I need a project, and this is the only thing I can think of? I know, I'm a brat.

 

[Glitz]

I'm probably going to sound like a total brat right about now, but whatever

I feel like everything in my life is going perfectly, I have my dream job, SO has an amazing job that makes great money, we just bought our first house together and have been happily living in it for a month already and we're in a great relationship and have been for the last 5.5 years. I can't help but feel like a demanding little brat when I bring up the fact that I would really like to be engaged/married in the near future. He says it's obviously coming but that he's just "slow with things" (his words). What also burns me is when he drops thousands of dollars on his toys, snowmobiles, sea-doos, surround sound ... I get it, it's his money and he buys these things for the both of us to enjoy yada yada yada, but seriously that could have been my e-ring! I think he's dragging his feet because he feels that he's to young, he's 24 and I'm 26. There's not much I can do about that but wait for him to get older I guess. There have been 3 engagements over the holidays, and we've been together longer than all of them, same with 4 out of 5 of the weddings we attended over the last 2 years. I don't even know why this is bothering me, I don't want to have a huge wedding and I hate being the centre of attention. I should just sit back and enjoy everything, since nothing is really going to change when we're married, but why can't I get over this hump?!?!

 

[briolette]

but seriously that could have been my e-ring!

Oh I hear you! In my situation, it's not even big toys, they're just a bunch of knick knacks, nice wines, whatever that cumulatively could add up to my ring.

My issue is that he was the one who brought up engagement. He's the one who mentioned wanting to go look for a ring...that it's time to get married. I wanted him to be more financially stable first and he agreed that should be top priority and yet, I don't really see him putting the efforts to really save. I love him to pieces but we are so different when it comes to money. He's very much about being in the moment and enjoying it.

Over time, this is wearing on me. I know he loves me and demonstrates commitment in so many other ways, but I'm just annoyed that he would bring up a ring, announce his intended marriage to his parents, ask my parents for permission but then drag his feet on a ring/proposal (and mine is only a few hundred dollars. To help him financially, I chose something very affordable...)

I feel like an impatient brat at times too.

 

[MayFlowers]

I have another rant....

I just finished my first week of full time student teaching and I absolutely love it! I'm so happy. The issue is that even though I have been super busy, I still cannot stop thinking about me and BF finally getting married. Anyways, like I said before, BF is very close to being able to afford my ring and told me whenever he got his tax refund he would propose. Well, I got the check from my extra scholarship money yesterday and I had been browsing diamonds on BGD's website and a few other places and found a few I would love to get. So, I mentioned to BF that if he would be willing, I would be more than happy to purchase the ring (or even just the diamond) and he could pay me back. Much like HopeDream and her FI did. BF wasn't offended but thought it would be terribly unromantic and vetoed the idea. BF then said, "Well I figured I would do it sometime around April."

I immediately started tearing up. He asked what was wrong of course and I said that I thought he was going to do it in February when he got his return and I feel like he just keeps pushing it further and further away. He reminded me that April isn't that far away and he just wants to make sure that he is absolutely financially ready because he doesn't want to clean out his savings for a ring, which I totally agree with. But, I know he will have the money once he gets his tax return and I feel like all we have been waiting for is for him to have the money. So, once he has it, he should go ahead and propose and not make me wait two extra months, right? It's just so frustrating!!

The only positive from all this is that I know he has been thinking about it and planning for it. So, I know his wheels are turning and that it will be here somewhat soon. And a little part of me is so hoping that he said that to throw me off and he will surprise me in February. It's just been pretty difficult lately and I feel like it is going to take forever for April to get here.