Home Inoperable cancer - is it always bad?

[janinegirly]

FIL has been told he has inoperable cancer. I am hearing this through DH, so I dont know how it was exactly phrased but is it always an awful thing? I''m hoping not. He is in late 70''s so maybe it''s better to live with it then have a horrible operation? Or does it depend where the cancer is? For example my grandfather has prostate cancer and has been living with it.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

I''m sorry to hear the news.

I think it depends on what type of cancer it is. Is it aggressive or slow growing, is it one that will metastasize to other areas of the body, etc.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

First, I''m so sorry to hear the news. How is your DH taking it?

My mother has inoperable cancer. She has had the maximum doseage of radiation and unfortunately her cancer no longer forms tumors, it''s in her soft tissue, but there is no longer any way to isolate it surgically. In any case, my mother has lived with her cancer for a very long time and monitors her levels every six months to see how much it has grown. Her type of cancer is persistent, but not exactly aggressive, nor is it fast-growing. In the past several years, it has grown at a very slow pace and this year didn''t grow at all. Obviously the fear is that it will start growing more quickly or spread, however we have been lucky so far. While I must admit that knowing that her body is at the mercy of her cancer can be very frustrating, she is doing everything she can to stay physically and mentally strong and is a "fighter". Having inoperable cancer is certainly hard for everybody involved, but now I know that it isn''t necessarily a death sentence.

 

[janinegirly]

Welll we just found out so kind of still sinking in. The FIL has had other conditions so his health hasn't been great for sometime, but this is the first time the diagnosis has been kind of bleak. It is in the pancreas. They are not saying pancreatic cancer so I'm a bit confused, maybe there are diff versions. I guess we will learn more today in terms of how it works but I just got a bit confused when they said inoperable--as in does it mean it's hopeless or manageable?

Thanks NEL for sharing, that's what I was curious about. So people can live with it--and hopefully the doctor can share more details on this form of cancer and the prognosis in terms of time. Because if it's slow to grow/spread, then technically in your late 70's it may be fine to live with it since you aren't expecting to live for decades more,etc.

 

[jewelz617]

I''m sorry to hear this news. Cancer is never "good" in any way, but there are cases where it does not spread quickly, or can be managed (even eliminated, but rarely) with proper diet and medication.

I know a woman who had cancer and she has lived for 10 years with it. In fact if I recall, her cancer went into remission 3 years go. She''s very fatigued and it''s taken a LOT out of her, but she managed it mainly on diet. I''m not saying this is always recommended, just that for her it has not in any way meant a death sentence.

 

[D&T]

I''m so sorry that you are going through this and my prayers are with you and your family. My step MIL has an uncle that has cancer and he is in late 70s as well. He basically said that he could go through treatment and be in a lot of pain or just go through life and enjoy it without much pain right now even though he will eventually die because of the cancer. So he opted to live his life without treatments since he has led a full and happy life up until now. He does not regret his decision and he''s still a happy man.

 

[janinegirly]

ok, thanks everyone. I did some reading and i think it''s probably not so great when it''s in the pancreas. There are things they can do to stall things but doesn''t sound so great. I do not think chemo will be an option as it''s just too grueling at that age and in his already precarious health condition (even before this news). I just hope the doctor explains more, it''s too much unknown to have to read all the various studies on the internet. I think if it''s months it will be a difficult road for all of us. If it''s years, honestly, that would be great since even a few years is a long time at that age and especially with cancer.

 

[icekid]

Janine- So sorry to hear about your FIL! Unless they found a primary cancer elsewhere, I would probably guess this is most likely pancreatic cancer. Pancreatic cancer, in general, has a very poor prognosis in general unfortunately. If they''re unable to operate, it is probably fairly advanced or they may believe that his other health problems would not lead to a good outcome (in combination with what would be a very serious surgery). Perhaps you and/or hubby could accompany him to his doctor''s appointment? Sometimes it is very difficult to absorb everything the doctors are saying about such a serious problem.

 

[janinegirly]

Date: 4/6/2010 11:19:57 AM
Author: icekid
Janine- So sorry to hear about your FIL! Unless they found a primary cancer elsewhere, I would probably guess this is most likely pancreatic cancer. Pancreatic cancer, in general, has a very poor prognosis in general unfortunately. If they're unable to operate, it is probably fairly advanced or they may believe that his other health problems would not lead to a good outcome (in combination with what would be a very serious surgery). Perhaps you and/or hubby could accompany him to his doctor's appointment? Sometimes it is very difficult to absorb everything the doctors are saying about such a serious problem.

Oh DH and entire family are at hospital round the clock so certainly fielding the news before FIL (to try to understand and communicate it to him as positively as is possible). He does have a primary cancer that has been managed for 10 years. So I guess maybe it's related to that, I'm really unsure. No one has said "pancreatic cancer" yet. It is inoperable due to its location and I'm guessing combined with age factor.

 

[Dreamer_D]

My grandfather had inoperable cancer (metasticized melanoma that later went to his lungs and brain) and lived with it for four years. It was not bad in the sense that he lived four years, but it was still fatal. I suppose that eventually such cancers do win the battle, but it can be a long time coming. Depends on the type, and a whole lot of luck I think. My granfather was not supposed to live six months once diagnosed.

ETA And I am very sorry for this news and what your family is going to face in the coming months. It is very hard when the headof the family is ill. I hope you all weather this storm as best you can. My grandfather was also not a candidate for chemo, though he did have radiation on a lung tumor a few times. The hardest thing for the patient in these situations seems to be not being able to do anything. My grandfather became very full of despair and gave up entirely on life, despite living for 2 years beyond the "end date" he was given. I hope your FIL is more resilient. It broke my heart when my grandfather just gave up on his life.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 4/6/2010 10:11:11 AM
Author:janinegirly
FIL has been told he has inoperable cancer. I am hearing this through DH, so I dont know how it was exactly phrased but is it always an awful thing? I'm hoping not. He is in late 70's so maybe it's better to live with it then have a horrible operation? Or does it depend where the cancer is? For example my grandfather has prostate cancer and has been living with it.

Sorry about your FIL

My dad had cancer that was suppose to be operable, but it was decided that he not go throught it (bone marrow transplant) because he was became so sick too quickly and it was thought that if surgery was done, he probably wouldn't survive. Turned out he didn't live anyway (died before the time the surgery would have been planned). Who knows. Everyone is different. Oh, and he was only 36 when he died. At 70, putting a person through a "horrible operation" may not be worth the risk. It's all about making the person's quality of life the best it can be for the remaining time.

ETA - my friend's dad had operable surgery and elected to have it done. He was gutted (literally) and lived for 10 years. His quality of life was diminished and he was in a lot of pain and toward the end, was entirely depended on high doses of pain killers.

Hugs to your family.

 

[curlygirl]

janine, I''m so sorry to hear this news. I''m not a doctor and have no first hand experience but I just wanted to send some positive thoughts to you and your family.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 4/6/2010 2:03:38 PM
Author: curlygirl
janine, I''m so sorry to hear this news. I''m not a doctor and have no first hand experience but I just wanted to send some positive thoughts to you and your family.

Ditto. Hugs and positive thoughts your way.

 

[janinegirly]

mc, tgal&curly: thanks, I appreciate it. I'm trying to stay distracted but really this affects DH more than me. I hope I know the right things to say,etc. He is not very expressive and neither am I (at least not with things like this). Biggest struggle is unknown. Months, years? It's a big difference.

 

[somethingshiny]

More thoughts and prayers for your family. I don''t have anything constructive to offer but wanted to give you (((hugs))).

 

[snlee]

Date: 4/6/2010 2:05:05 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 4/6/2010 2:03:38 PM
Author: curlygirl

janine, I''m so sorry to hear this news. I''m not a doctor and have no first hand experience but I just wanted to send some positive thoughts to you and your family.

Ditto. Hugs and positive thoughts your way.

Thritto. Sending positive thoughts to you and your family.

 

[lili]

Date: 4/6/2010 5:20:35 PM
Author: snlee

Date: 4/6/2010 2:05:05 PM

Author: TravelingGal

Date: 4/6/2010 2:03:38 PM

Author: curlygirl


janine, I''m so sorry to hear this news. I''m not a doctor and have no first hand experience but I just wanted to send some positive thoughts to you and your family.

Ditto. Hugs and positive thoughts your way.

Thritto. Sending positive thoughts to you and your family.

Quadritto!

 

[iluvcarats]

I am really sorry to hear your bad news JG. Hugs, prayers and positive going out to you and your family.

 

[OUpearlgirl]

I am so sorry for your terrible news. Prayers are outgoing for you and your family.

 

[PumpkinPie]

I am sorry to hear this news Janine - such a heartbreaking situation to be in. My husbands grandfather has had cancer for many years, but it is prostate - I have always heard that pancreatic cancer can be more aggressive. You and your family will be in my thoughts.

 

[TooPatient]

Date: 4/6/2010 2:26:08 PM
Author: janinegirly
mc, tgal&curly: thanks, I appreciate it. I''m trying to stay distracted but really this affects DH more than me. I hope I know the right things to say,etc. He is not very expressive and neither am I (at least not with things like this). Biggest struggle is unknown. Months, years? It''s a big difference.

My grandmother died of cancer 6 years ago (this May). My thoughts are with you and your family.

Everyone is different. Listen to him. Watch his cues. He may need someone to cry with or listen to his fears or he may need someone to just treat him like a normal person -- talk about the grandkids, sports, holiday plans, etc.

Just try to stay relaxed and flexible around him. He''ll let you know what he needs. If you are relaxed he''ll be able to relax a bit too (and this is very good for his physical & mental health).



What I learned (and some things I wish I learned sooner):

Spend time together as a family - not just on holidays and birthdays. Make time to have dinner together, watch a game, play cards, or go fishing.

NEVER leave anything un-said. There is so much that I put off to say until "tomorrow" but tomorrow never came. I have to live with that and it still hurts.

The little things are the most important -- take 5 minutes out of your day to call, send a cute/funny card just because, stop by with a yummy treat to share because you were in the area, just sit and sip coffee together.

 

[mrssalvo]

janine, I''m so sorry. my uncle had inoperable pancreatic cancer. it''s a nasty disease. He lived for a little over a year after the diagnosis which from what I understand is on the long side. he was only 43 and left behind 2 young children. It was just devastating. hugs and prayers to you and your family.

 

[jas]

Janine, I am so sorry. You and your family are in my thoughts.

 

[ChinaCat]

Janine- My thoughts are with you, your DH and C. Hope you all find some peace and comfort during this time.

 

[bebe]

Date: 4/7/2010 1:20:10 PM
Author: TooPatient

Date: 4/6/2010 2:26:08 PM

Author: janinegirly

mc, tgal&curly: thanks, I appreciate it. I''m trying to stay distracted but really this affects DH more than me. I hope I know the right things to say,etc. He is not very expressive and neither am I (at least not with things like this). Biggest struggle is unknown. Months, years? It''s a big difference.

My grandmother died of cancer 6 years ago (this May). My thoughts are with you and your family.


Everyone is different. Listen to him. Watch his cues. He may need someone to cry with or listen to his fears or he may need someone to just treat him like a normal person -- talk about the grandkids, sports, holiday plans, etc.


Just try to stay relaxed and flexible around him. He''ll let you know what he needs. If you are relaxed he''ll be able to relax a bit too (and this is very good for his physical & mental health).




What I learned (and some things I wish I learned sooner):


Spend time together as a family - not just on holidays and birthdays. Make time to have dinner together, watch a game, play cards, or go fishing.


NEVER leave anything un-said. There is so much that I put off to say until ''tomorrow'' but tomorrow never came. I have to live with that and it still hurts.


The little things are the most important -- take 5 minutes out of your day to call, send a cute/funny card just because, stop by with a yummy treat to share because you were in the area, just sit and sip coffee together.

What TooPatient said - it brings tears to my eyes.

 

[oddoneout]

I can''t give an medical opinion. I do want to say I''m very sorry for the news. I have had people close to me battle cancer and it is difficult.

 

[Kaleigh]

Janine,
So sorry to hear this news. My husband''s business partner lost his battle with pancreatic cancer. He fought a tough battle, but the cancer won. Sending prayers to you, your husband and your FIL.